The Relationship Myths That Are Holding Us Back

The Relationship Myths That Are Holding Us Back

The Relationship Myths That Are Holding Us Back

[00:00:00] The cost in the end of silence, as I mentioned already,

Eric: is more than we often take into consideration when we speak our need out loud. Those that genuinely do care or genuinely are invested in the relationship. Lean in. Yeah. Uh, and those that don’t go, whoa, uh, I wasn’t ready for this, or, I don’t want this, I,

Kate: I can’t clearly articulate what I wanna say.

I might say something I’ll regret. I’m angry, but you say, I do want to talk about this. And I think that is the postponing. It’s not the avoiding.

Wendy: A lot of times we think that being in a relationship, um, means never feeling lonely. And I have felt some of my loneliest moments, um, while technically not alone.

Welcome back to the Living Richly Podcast, the podcast all about living your best life and reaching your full potential. And. Today we’ve got a good one. Uh, whether you are married, divorced, dating, maybe all three, maybe not. [00:01:00] Uh, or just trying to figure it out. There’s so much noise around what all of this should, looks like showing up.

Mm-hmm. Um, you know, as your best. Um, but also. Really calling out the relationship, miss that kind of mess us up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, uh, help us, or not help us, but the opposite, um, yeah. Hinder us, you know, make us exactly. Hinder us. Uh, you know, make us question, Hey, are we like doing all of this right? Or like, how can I show up as my best self?

Eric: Yeah.

Wendy: Um, and when we hear the word relationship, ’cause that can be a, a, a scary word, what’s the first thing that comes to mind and why? Let’s just get right into it.

Eric: Yeah.

I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Uh, for, for, for me it’s ownership actually. Yeah. The word that, um, um, that, that comes up for me. ’cause I think, uh, there’s nothing like relationships to expose your shit, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like, uh, I think they are the perfect. Um, uh, forum to grow, [00:02:00] to develop, to evolve. But if we’re not willing to own our own stuff and do the work, uh, uh, we end up bleeding all over the people that are trying to love us.

Kate: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I think of the word work, which is like, feels really dark, but like it is Strong relationships take work. It takes that, you know. Communication. It takes the time that you invest into it and it’s, it’s work. And I, but I don’t mean work in like a negative sense. It’s like you get to work on it, you get to build something with somebody, but it is that commitment to do it together.

Eric: Well, the commitment is the, would be the word that I would think of. And it does tie in with what you’re saying, Kate, about work. Uh, this idea that, uh, again, it doesn’t just happen. A good relationship, whether that’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, totally a relationship with family. In all of those things.

If you are not putting in the effort, uh, to make them what you want those relationships to be, then you’re gonna get, you know, you’re gonna get the commitment that you put into it, you’re [00:03:00] gonna get that back. So yeah, the more you put into it, the more you get to, uh, do that, the more you’re going to experience wonderful relationships.

Totally. Yeah.

Wendy: I could at its core. Relationship is essentially two people in whatever capacity, like what you mentioned, but it’s how two people connect, whether it’s physically, emotionally, mentally, um, and it is work. It is, yeah. A lot of people kind of show up and think like, oh, like now I’m, you know, I found the person, or I found like, but.

It is work along the way to nurture that and to continue to have that relationship evolve so that Totally, it doesn’t

go stale. Yeah. I, I think a lot of people like are in like take romantic relationships, are just in love with the being in love. Yeah. Like they’re in love with this No. This false notion of romance.

Hey, I’m. I think I’m a pretty romantic guy and I, I love all of that stuff. Uh, but I think there’s a lot of bullshit that comes outta Hollywood, that comes out on social media. Yeah, yeah. That glamorizes relationships in a way that, uh, creates a disconnect between, [00:04:00] uh, what they are and how, what we think they should be.

Yeah. Um, and I think, uh, the conversation today is about just busting some of those myths and helping people really get grounded in what it actually looks like. Yeah. Well said. And speaking

Wendy: of the bullshit and the myth, um. What’s one relationship myth that maybe you used to believe? Um, and was there a point when you started to question it?

Eric: Mm, great question. For me, it goes right to what we just talked about. I think the, the myth was that it would be, that it’s easy. Mm-hmm. That when you, you know, again, that we, we hear the idea that, oh, everything is just. Comes so natural. Yeah. It’s just so, and, and in any relationship that you can just kind of cruise along, you can kinda hit cruise control and go, great.

Now everything should work fine. There’ll never be any hiccups. There’ll be never any issues. And then suddenly there’s conflict and you right away go, this isn’t easy anymore. It can’t be, maybe it’s not. Yeah. Yeah. And so people jet at the first totally, you know, sign of conflict. They, they hit the door because Yeah.

Wow. It’s supposed to be [00:05:00] easy. It’s not easy then it must not be real. Right? So that’s the myth that I think probably the top one that I think of. Yeah.

Kate: Yeah. I relate to that one. My mine is just this like really false notion that my partner should be able to be like a psychic mind reader and understand what I’m thinking.

And thank God I am, I know it’s worked really well. Um, but yeah, that, that must be really easy. We don’t listen. Oh,

Eric: I got nothing. I got nothing.

Kate: For those of us listening, there you go. You didn’t get that. It’s because you

Eric: need to do that. Oh yeah. I didn’t.

Kate: But yeah, for me that was the biggest one where it’s like, I’m just expecting, and I would say in a romance, well, I wouldn’t, it’s in every relationship.

It’s even at work, like just. Holding someone to an expectation to know what I need without expressing what I need. And it, it’s, it’s still hard for me today to express what I need, but, but I no longer will sit there and put blame on someone else for not magically being able to read my mind. Yeah. Yeah.

That’s

really good. Uh, for me it’s, uh, that if you love someone and pour [00:06:00] yourself into them, that they’ll have your back no matter what. Um, I, I used to believe that shared history means shared loyalty. Um, and I’ve poured myself into others throughout the course of my life while they were quietly sharpening a knife in the background, right?

And, uh, uh, so I learned that, that the, the level of commitment is not always, um, equal and perhaps isn’t meant to be, but to assume that it is, uh, sets you up for a lot of disappointment. And what, what, uh, got me to stop believing that, getting blindsided. Like repeatedly on that front.

Wendy: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think for me, one of the myths is a lot of times we think that being in a relationship, um, means never feeling lonely.

And I have felt some of my loneliest moments, um, while technically not alone. Mm-hmm. And I think that, you know, I think it’s. You need to make sure that you’re taking care of you and feeling and filling your cup before you can show up fully in any relationship or any, um, [00:07:00] capacity. So. Going, if we kind of dig into this a little bit deeper in breaking down the myths.

Yeah. Um, let’s take a look at some of the big myths Yeah. Uh, that, um, comes to relationships and, and how those can maybe keep us from, um, living richly. So, uh, the first one, I think we can all relate to this one. If they loved me, they would just know what

Kate: I Right. What I need. Yeah,

Wendy: yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I, that

Kate: was just that because that was my top

Wendy: one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so why do, why do we think that that particular belief gets so many of us

Kate: stuck? I think it’s, I’m going right in because it’s, it’s my biggest one. I think it comes down to like fear of vulnerability. Mm. And I think for asking for what you need and that person potentially not.

Giving you what you need is then tied to your self worth. Yeah. So if you ask for it and they don’t give it to you, you’re not worthy of it. And I think that’s a vicious loop with that one. I think it’s scary sometimes to sit down and say, Hey, what I need from you in this moment [00:08:00] is like a hug or. What I need is space right now.

’cause you, you get so worried about hurting the other person or they’re not gonna show up the way you want. I think it’s just like this. You’re scared, right? Yeah. At the, at the core of it, you

Eric: remember the, uh, there was the movie, uh, what Women Want.

Kate: Yes.

Eric: Uh, and, and Right. And that played, that played that.

Kind of made fun of that myth. Yeah. Uh, to, to like the nth degree where, you know, the Mel Gibson character is, you know, able to read, uh, my, and, and at first they’re enamored and their women are like, oh my God, this guy, he was a good guy. Yeah,

yeah,

sure. And, but, but it, and it was, it was a huge hit. And, you know, and of course at the end, they.

A lot of women started to think it was creepy that he, that he and I think careful what you wish for. Right, right, right. In those relationships when people could read your mind Yeah. It’d be like, oh, maybe I don’t want them always reading mind. Yeah. I don’t think you do.

I, I think the mind reading one, honestly, it, um, it actually feeds, I think why it gets so much traction to your question.

Um, I think part of it is that it [00:09:00] feeds ego and it feeds entitlement. Mm. Um, and actually lets us off the hook of doing the hard work. We hide behind this notion of romance, that if someone really loves me, they’ll be able to know exactly what I need exactly when I need it. Mm-hmm. And again, it’s this false notion that is actually a sign of emotional immaturity.

Yeah. And emotional laziness. Yeah. It takes work to build up the muscle to say, this is what I need right now and this is what’s so for me. And when you do that, when you show up in your truth and you show up honestly, then your partner, your friends, whoever, because this can apply across a multitude of different types of relationships.

Um, all of a sudden now they can respond to what is the truth. Yeah. They’re not responding to some assumption. They’re not responding to some guesswork. Um, listen, the old saying, when we assume. Anything we make an ass out of you and me, I think applies so well, uh, to this relationship Myth. When is the last time guessing, uh, you know, helped [00:10:00] you build a, a solid relationship?

Well, and seriously,

Eric: it’s, it’s interesting. I, I was thinking of this as you were, as you were saying, that, uh, we all have the opportunity to do speaking. We all do public speaking. One of the most common, uh, or top requested. Uh, uh, talks that I’m asked to come and present on is how to have difficult conversations.

Mm-hmm. And at the, at, at the heart of that is pe We don’t like to have difficult, that must be hard. It is. Uh, we don’t like, we don’t like to have difficult conversations. No. Right. And so this feeds into I wouldn’t have to have a difficult conversation if you could just read my mind. Exactly. And, and so we avoid having difficult conversations.

We want the easy button that. That just allows people to figure it out. If you really cared about me, you would take the effort and time to figure out. Yeah. Without me having to say anything. We literally

are shifting the responsibility of our emotional growth and maturity onto the other person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, so saying, you need to do the work, not me.

Wendy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So if we think about kind of, you know, in our lives, what has. What does this particular [00:11:00] myth cost us personally? Because I know for me, like it has cost me, um, my inner peace, the what if game. Mm-hmm. Um, now a lot of that is like all of it is my responsibility, my ownership, but I know for me that’s, that’s what it’s cost me.

What about you guys?

Yeah, for me, I’d say like, uh, intimacy connection, years of feeling like unseen. Uh, unheard. But the reality is like I wasn’t giving a pe people really a chance to see me or to hear me because I wasn’t speaking my truth, right? I, uh, again, could speak truth for others. I’ve shared this many times on the show, defending others, standing up for others, but being able to say, this is what I need in this moment.

This is how I’m feeling. That was really, really difficult for me.

Kate: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, mine’s the same on that. It’s just that you don’t get that connection when you’re not willing to be vulnerable like that and ask for what you need. Very similar.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Wendy: What about moments? Um, you know, [00:12:00] anybody have any examples on specific moments when you finally spoke your needs out loud, uh, and maybe what changed as a result?

Kate: Uh, yeah, I can jump in. I think, um, in the last few years, for me, less romantically, more on friendships, it’s just been like showing up authentically and just speaking my truth and, and just being like, here’s where I’m at, here’s what I need, and that’s caused a lot of ripples and some of my friendships.

And so figuring that out and navigating that, I feel better. I feel centered. I know it’s my truth. This is what I want, but it’s definitely caused. Friction. Yeah. And what would’ve been I could have coasted. Mm-hmm. I could have not said anything. Yeah. Yeah. I could have kept showing up the way I did, but it wasn’t, I was feeling uneasy, even physically in my body.

So I was like, no, this is wrong. This is not my truth. So speaking up isn’t always easy. It’s not always easy to say, here’s what I need. Oh, right. And it might come with a consequence that you [00:13:00] don’t. Love at first.

Eric: Right, right. Yeah.

Kate: But I, but I think the value of that is what comes on. The other side of that is it can strengthen those friendships because there, there, there is a more, I don’t know what the word is, there’s just like a stronger connection because there, it’s more authentic because you’re speaking your truth.

Eric: The right relationships lean in.

Kate: Yeah.

Eric: Right. When, when we speak the truth, when we speak our need out loud. Yeah. Those that genuinely do care or genuinely are invested in the relationship. Lean in.

All: Yeah.

Eric: Uh, and those that don’t go, whoa, uh, I wasn’t ready for this, or I don’t want this. Totally. Yeah. Uh, and so it in many ways when we learn our voice and begin to speak it and to share our needs with the people that are in our circle, um.

It brings some truth and reality to who really is in this? Like who should be in this circle?

Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, for me, it, uh, a big conversation. You’ll remember this early 2023 with my two business partners, uh, about [00:14:00] some things that I had been silent about for too long, and it was costing me tremendously about reward and, uh, recognition within the business for, uh, contributions made, whatever the case may be.

And those were difficult conversations. Mm-hmm. Um. And, you know, uh, fast forward about two and a half years later, um, one of my business partners and friends is still at the table and the other is not. Um, and I think we talk often about the price of having the tough conversation. Yeah. There is a tremendous cost to silence that we often don’t take into consideration.

We don’t consider the suffering, the, the loneliness, the uh, the disconnection, the lack of intimacy that. You know, the intimacy that’s lost when we don’t speak up and we don’t have those conversations, we’re more focused on, oh, they’re gonna be uncomfortable or, or this might fracture the relationship. And part of me is, I get it.

I’ve been there. And, and that was a, a big example, um, for me, uh, a big lesson learned. But [00:15:00] let’s remember that when we don’t share our truth, when we don’t say what’s so. People are connecting to a false version of us or a made up version, either that we’ve put forward as, as we all do to, to kind of put our best foot forward.

But it’s not necessarily who we really are. They’ve made up a story about who we are. And so the connection, if the connection is bought based on falsehood or misinformation, how can that ever really go? The distance? Mm-hmm.

Eric: Yeah. But

when you start to then bring some truth into that mm-hmm. In a loving way, not truth about them, truth about you, what’s your truth?

And what do you need and who are you? Well, and

Kate: you, you evolve. Yeah. Like I, people evolve and they change and they morph.

Eric: Yeah.

Kate: And so relationships that you know are old relationships that you’ve had for years are going to ebb and flow. And the, the power of those true, strong relationships is allowing.

Your person who, whether that’s a friend or your partner or your [00:16:00] kids even is to it. It will ebb and flow. It’s not always this high, high, high. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that’s part of like, you know, people having hard conversations sometimes is like, well, I. I’m, I’m in a different place right now. Yeah. And you’re used to me over here and you’re used to me dancing this way and I’m, I’m now, I’ve changed the dance.

Wait, man. I’m doing the jig over here.

Eric: Oh,

that I’ve gotta see. Yeah. Yeah, we all do. We’re gonna

be recording that

later. Releasing it on the living richly. The jig will never happen. Kate does. Kate does the dozen jig, Kate.

You know,

jig of life. But I think it is, uh, it’s interesting. We talk, we say to our kids often, uh, when they’re in public school or high school, and maybe they’re, you know, they’re, they, they feel like the odd person out or they’re having a fight with their friends.

Like the reality is, we know this from experience, is that most of those kids that you’re hanging out with in high school. Your 10 years from, you know, you might not even make it through college. Still connected to them. Yeah. Like the reality is, your circle [00:17:00] changes. That’s true. Even as adults. Yeah. Our circles change based on the season we’re in and what we’re about.

Some relationships continue through that. Yeah. Those changes. And some don’t. And that’s not a good or bad. It, it just, it it’s a, it is, yeah. It’s a reality. Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy: Yeah. I, I really loved what you said around just the example of, you know, um. I’m growing and I’m changing, and I’m not the same person because for people that say, oh, you’ve changed.

But I have changed. Yeah. Be, you know, and I think it’s so unfair to put on ourselves that we have to be the same person in order to please somebody else.

Eric: Yes.

Wendy: And, and I feel, you know, if, if we’re staying silent about whatever, or not evolving, it’s like weeds in a garden that just keep, you know, festering and festering and festering.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hundred percent. And I think just to kind of wrap up this myth, ’cause it is a big one. Um, what truth, um, kind of [00:18:00] shapes us in how we communicate in our relationships now? Mm. Maybe compared to years ago.

Eric: I, I think for me the, the truth is clarity is kindness. Mm. Uh, that when we, when we do, and let’s use the example that you mentioned a moment ago, um, that was difficult.

It was difficult for you to say and share what you were feeling. Uh, I remember the, the emotion that was there. I know that the emotion, I reacted with some emotion. Uh, there was, there was tension in the discussion, which was healthy tension, but it was good. Yeah. Um, and there was. There was, you know, me getting clarity on some things, you giving clarity and providing it, and I think at the end of the day what that did was it allowed us to say, okay, so this is how Eric is showing up now.

This is how I want to show up now. Do they still align? In my case, I. Think you were talking about me, about the guy’s still at the table. Well, I, well,

it’s not me. The,

uh, it’s

not

Wendy. [00:19:00] It’s not me. The, lemme, lemme connect those dots. Yes, Rob. I’m not the bright guy. Yeah. The No. But being able to say, okay, here’s our, here’s our new alignment.

Yeah, I’m good. And, and so I think there’s some real kindness to others when you give, here’s who I am and now I have a choice to make. Is, am I okay with who that is? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And now we can move forward with it.

Yeah. For me it’s uh, it’s um, if I don’t say it, I can’t resent you for not knowing it.

Right. Uh, silence may feel safer. Um, but, uh, the cost in the end of silence, as I’ve mentioned already, is more than we often take into consideration.

Kate: Yeah. And I think for me it’s like I now assume not the worst, but the best. Yeah. That the people who love me. Are gonna show up for me when I ask for what I need.

So I go in with a, the positive versus the negative lens.

Wendy: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. Let’s jump into, uh, another [00:20:00] myth. Um, we’ve heard this one before. Never go to bed angry.

Eric: Oh God. Every wedding speech. Yeah. This one

Wendy: is in all of the wedding speeches. Um, but is it actually good advice? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

And have we tried this and did it? Help Or did it hurt?

Eric: I haven’t slept in five days.

Well, because he’s still angry. Rob is raging over here raging.

Five day rage. That’s a bender. That’s a, that’s a, that’s a full on bender. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I, well, I think, uh, I, I’ve heard this one. So many times, and I think it, it’s complete bullshit. Yeah. Um, I, I think the principle, uh, behind it is, is sound, uh, but people, uh, fail on the execution of it.

Mm-hmm. Um, listen, if it’s 10 o’clock at night and you’re having a disagreement with your partner, um, a sharp disagreement, you’re both tired. It’s been a long day. Yeah. [00:21:00] Um, if it’s a bigger issue, chances are you will not resolve that in a, in a productive fashion before you go to bed choosing to not to go to bed angry.

You might still be going to bed emotional triggered, angry, upset, but it’s that ability to hit the pause button, uh, as a couple and say, Hey, I don’t think right now is probably a good time for us to have this conversation. What do you think? What if we revisit this tomorrow and if we had a chance to sleep on it?

Um, and we’re both a bit. More rested and, and and centered, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

Wendy: yeah. Um, if we think about what the difference is between postponing conflict and avoiding it, um, because I think, you know, for me, postponing has a deadline, um, where I’m not avoiding it, but I know we’re postponing either a conversation with a kind of deadline in terms of, so let’s not discuss it now.

Mm-hmm. But let’s revisit it. Um, you know, whenever and so. How do you know which is which? And how do you kind of tie that [00:22:00] into I, I think you

Kate: talk about it. Yeah. I think it’s, you know, to say like, Hey, I need a minute. Yeah. Like, I just, like, I’m not, I, I can’t clearly articulate what I wanna say. I might say something I’ll regret.

I’m angry, I. But you say, I do want to talk about this. Yeah. And I think that is the postponing. It’s not the avoiding. Yeah. And, but I think you need to communicate, and what we talk about all the time is like, okay, we know the foundation is solid. We’re just, we’re not agreeing right now. Yeah. And we’re not seeing eye to eye.

And actually it’s not even seeing eye eye, we’re just not communicating. Right. Like we’re, we’re failing at the communication piece. So I need a minute. You need a minute. And I think the whole saying of like going to like, don’t go to bed angry. It’s. Whether you’re going to bed or whether you’re having the same disagreement in the morning.

It just like if you argue at 6:00 AM and you need four hours to go clear your head and come back, everyone’s like, well, that’s fine.

Eric: Yeah. Apparently at night

Kate: everyone’s like, well, don’t go to bed angry. I’m like, what’s the difference? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Again, I think, uh, silence, uh, or avoidance is silence often, [00:23:00] uh, comes with a smile, right?

Um, and the reality is if you’re, if you’re afraid to have the conversation, like literally afraid, and you’re avoiding then that it’s already controlling you, right? Postponement, like agreed upon postponement, right? And I think, I think this is probably one of the guiding principles. Uh, any couple will benefit from is to say at any point, whether it’s late at night or even in, in the middle of the day, it doesn’t matter about timing.

At any point in time anybody can hit, we agree that somebody can hit the pause button and say, I am about, I’m probably gonna say some things I’m gonna regret later. I. I need a minute, like you said. Yeah. Can we take a break and revisit this tonight or later today? Yeah, but it’s an agreement. It’s a conversation.

Postponement is a plan. It’s a strategy. It’s not an avoidance

Eric: tax. Yeah, I agree. And I think, I love what you said that. Uh, if, if, if couples in particular for this one, if couples wait to try to figure out those strategies, you know, when to the con Yeah. So the, those are great conversations to have. [00:24:00] Um, when everything is going well, what are the guiding principles we’re going to use when it comes to relationships.

Mm-hmm. Right. When it comes to conversations. Uh, and I think the more you do that and you’re proactive. With, uh, you’re able to then do the, the, the, the postponing versus the

avoiding another wedding one you hear a lot right, is, uh, one, don’t go to bed angry. The other one is, uh, never yell. In the house unless the house is on fire or something like that.

Right. I’m paraphrasing. I’m like, actually, if you’ve got a good strategy around the former Yeah. You probably won’t even use hundred percent. Yeah. Because again, what think of when, uh, you any, I think of when I’ve gotten really emotional and I’m emotionally compromised, I’m angry, I’m hurt. Yeah. Whatever the case may be.

I am not thinking straight. Right. I mean, the brain research shows us your, your your, the lower brain functions have literally hijacked Yeah. Your higher thinking capacity. Yeah. Is that what Totally. So do you wanna really beat, uh, um, trying to settle a [00:25:00] difficult issue while you’re all emotional and in fight or flight?

Yeah. Uh, like hit the fucking boss button and back, we talked back at it later. Talk

Eric: about anxiety makes you stupid. Right. Hundred percent. Stupid. Yeah. And be right. So you’re That’s so absolutely right on, is that if you don’t have this figured out before the conflict happens, you will act stupid. Yeah. You will act irrational.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that

Wendy: language emotionally compromised. I’m gonna use that.

Eric: You can use it against Rob. You can say, Rob, you appear to be tremendously emotionally compromised.

Wendy: I could also use it to my benefit and say. I could use a cheese platter right now because I’m emotionally. I think that that’s another compromise.

I think it’s another that you’re talking about.

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Wendy: Let’s talk a little bit about, I know we spoke kind of just high level, but boundaries or rhythms that have helped us navigate conflict better in our relationships.

And I think part of it is you get to a certain stage in life. ’cause a lot of this is practice. Mm-hmm. When you’re in your twenties, when you’re in your thirties, a lot of it is practice in terms of then when you, when you’re getting older to learn how to learn from your mistakes, learn how to show up better.

Um, for me, one of the, the. I dunno if you call it a boundary, but more, I guess what what makes me feel just in terms of rhythm is reassurance with no cryptic texts. So like I, you know, we need to talk. No, I’m not saying you’ve done this, but I’m saying like we’ve all gotten,

Eric: boy, it sounds like it’s a recent example.

Oh,

Wendy: but do ear do

Eric: tell.

Wendy: I’m feeling emotionally compromised right now, [00:27:00] but we’ve all gotten the messages of. Um, you know, oh, whatever, what’s wrong? Um, nothing but we’ll talk later. Well, for me, that now I’m gonna stew about that in my, in my mind 100% all the time. You know? Uh, and so I think it’s, you know, how do we, I guess what I’m trying to say is what examples have you kind of, in your, uh, life have found where you’re feeling more of a rhythm?

That’s

a great question.

Wendy: That’s a really long-winded question.

Well, you gave a, you, you gave it question, then you gave a personal example. Right. So I think that, I’m sorry, I’m still

Kate: not clear. What’s the question? I just Kidding, kidding. What are your boundaries? What are your boundaries? Yeah,

Eric: yeah.

Kate: Well, for me it is what we just talked about.

It’s like Eric and I early on, and that was. That took us a while to figure that one out. But I like, I need to put a pin in things ’cause I get nothing good happens for me when I’m really flustered. Yeah. I can’t, I You talk about the anxious, like I’m not communicating, I say stuff out of like pain [00:28:00] and hurt and all the stuff, so I need to put a pin in the conversation for me that is just like that, but, and I need to know that I can put a pin in it and that he’s, and he’s.

Good knowing that me putting a pin in it isn’t because I don’t like, I’m not like, my runners aren’t on and I’m not out the door. I just need a minute to, yeah. To calm down. But I think what’s, what is hard for your partner, or it’s hard for me too, is sometimes sitting in the discomfort while your partner is taking a minute is really hard.

So if you’re sitting in that discomfort, you almost wanna be like, Hey, can we talk now? Can we talk now? Can we talk now? Because you’re uncomfortable and you wanna fix it.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah.

Kate: And so allowing that space on both sides, I think is, for me, that’s just the biggest one. And I’m a

Eric: natural for. Like, I am a fixer.

Yeah. I think it’s a guy thing. I know a robotic guy thing. Oh yeah, I know. You know, I want step in. You have to move. Yeah. And it’s like, I wanna solve it. I gonna figure this out. So even when you know it, there are times, let’s say there’s, it’s not a conflict that between Wendy and I, but it’s, [00:29:00] she’s dealing with something and I can feel the, the tension of it.

I do wanna step in and, and learning to, I think it was, I think it was you sharing this about something Eric did that I now use as a practice as well, is what do you need from me right now? Yeah. How can I help? Yeah. And that, that’s a rhythm that allows these, you know, okay, so what do you need from me right now in order to now.

Uh, support that, but you’re right, it’s difficult to, to, to truly love and care for someone is able is, is when you are able to give them that space or that time or whatever it is they need in that moment and not try to rush it. Uh, just ’cause you want it solved.

Kate: Yeah. We recently, I’ll share this and we can ask Steve to cut it out.

Don’t care. But we, yeah, we were, oh, new Town. No, we were at the cottage and we just, we had like a hard conversation and, and we were leaving that day. So all of a sudden we had to clean the cottage and we had to pack up and we, we didn’t resolve it and we couldn’t, neither one of us was really able to [00:30:00] resolve it.

And then we got in the Jeep to go home and we didn’t talk. It was a quiet drive. Eric and I talk like 24 7 and we just sat, we sat in the Jeep and I’m like. Is he gonna say something? And he was like, are you gonna say something? But we didn’t, we just sat in silence, uncomfortable silence, and we got home.

And then we both were just, we had like a very healthy, normal conversation, gave each other a hug and it wasn’t this big, huge thing. But that is, that is sitting in the discomfort. That is like, knowing we’re fine, but like, we’re both uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. In this moment.

And, and as much as that. That silence was weird for us.

Yeah. Uh, and it was prolonged. ’cause it’s a long drive from the cottage. It it’s two hours, it’s two hour drive. Um, it it, I think having it tried in the moment to force some kind of resolution and I think that’s the problem. Yeah. I think we, we are secure attachment says. Okay. This doesn’t feel great, but we’re good.

Yeah. Fundamentally we’re good. We’re just trying to navigate this. And, um, couple things I would say is to add to the, you know, what can [00:31:00] I, what do you need from me? How can I help? I’m, I’m learning to use the language more and more. What do you need from me right now? Do you need to be hugged? Do you need to be heard?

Do you need to be helped? Yeah. Um, do you need all three? Which, what do you need? So don’t assume you know what your partner needs in those moments. Ask. And the other is, can we please, for Christ’s sake not use technology to try to have these difficult conversations engaging? And I’ve done it and I’ve made the mistake.

Sometimes I think it’s gonna be easier for me to communicate my thoughts if I write them down and you know, 99% of the time. Yeah, I may get my point across, but it’s misunderstood ’cause it’s one dimensional communication, it’s missing the texture and often, you know, a lot of the back and forth is nothing but passive aggressive behavior and we’re just making things worse.

Uh, rather than send a cryptic text saying, Hey, we need to talk. Um, wait till you get home and say, Hey. We need to talk and when it’s appropriate to have the [00:32:00] conversation. Right. I just think otherwise you’re kind of asking for trouble. Yeah.

Wendy: Well, and with technology these days, like, you know, I, I see it with even my daughters.

It’s become the easy way to communicate, uh, instead of having face-to-face conversations. Yeah. Because you can hide behind. Social media you can hide behind, um, texts. So yeah, like,

oh my God, we’re becoming keyboard warriors in our own relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we are where we will say things over technology that we might never say, uh, face to face.

Mm-hmm. Because our filters would kick in. Say you can’t. Say that, uh, or, you know, probably not wise to say that. Uh, yeah, I’m concerned about where we’re gonna be, uh, where this generation will be because it’s, it’s not just an easy, it’s a lazy way to communicate, and we’re not learning to read nuance.

We’re not learning to pay attention to our partner’s cues. And, uh, again, we’re, we are reading body language. Don’t just assume though, ask the question, but now when we’re hiding behind our phones or hiding behind a keyboard, wow.

Wendy: Yeah, exactly. We [00:33:00] can’t see it. It’s

dangerous.

Wendy: Let’s jump into the third myth, maybe bonus points for anyone who knows where this came from, but the,

uh, the myth You complete me. You, I hate completely me. Show me the money.

That’s right.

Eric: Yeah. I prefer that quote

to the, you complete me. Fucking Jerry McGuire has, has fucked with relationships at movie and that scene as heart. Like pulls on the heartstrings and it is a complete, it’s probably one of the biggest bullshit romance lies.

Wendy: It’s, but everybody’s gonna wanna watch the movie now. I feel like everyone

Kate: watch movie starts completing in action, right? Yeah. But it is, it’s total. So from my lens, it’s total bullshit. That’s, that’s how I feel about it. I feel that when. You complete yourself. Yes. So two people who are whole, come together and are in a relationship.

It doesn’t mean that that person doesn’t enhance your experience or can help you grow [00:34:00] or help you, but they don’t completely, you’re not like incomplete without this other person. Yeah. And I think if you start feeling incomplete because you’re not in a relationship or you don’t, to me that’s. I, I, I just think it, it sets up these expectations somehow that you’re not whole if you’re not in a relationship.

And I, I just, for me, I just, it, it, yeah. Drives me a little bonky this time. And, and I

Eric: think for, like, for me, I’m. I wrestle with it. Only from, I get it from a romantic side. Yeah. Right. And, and there’s so many things that we say that if we took them literal, uh, literally, right? Like they’re just, you know, uh, my heart explodes every time you walk in a room.

Well, that’s not a good thing. So I’ve never used that one. Is that

one, does he use that one on you?

Eric: Yeah. Oh, it is? Does that make you emotionally compromised? Uh, I light up, right? Like, like, like I light up. What? You gotta smoke a joint every time I gotta, I gotta, I gotta light up because you came in the room, but [00:35:00] No, but like, so that’s different.

It’s gonna blow off. So, so when you don’t take it, literally I get the heart batal. Yeah. But you know, when, when the romantic person, whoever, you know, the, the script writer wrote that as a romantic line. I get that, you know, there might be some people that might say, guys take a chill pill. Like it’s, it doesn’t mean it literally, the problem is, is that most people, when they see this stuff said in Hollywood and in poems and stories and books, they do take it literal.

Yeah. And they go out of that and say, okay, now I have to find somebody to complete me. No.

Yeah,

you can’t, you’ll never will do that. And it’s like, that’s where the myth comes in, is when you actually think that you need that. You complete yourself. You are wholly you. And when you show up in another relationship, then you are still wholly you and that person is not doing anything to change who you are.

Yeah. They’re enhancing the experience of what you’re, yeah.

Kate: And I wanna add too, it’s not just like romantic, like in that setting It [00:36:00] was, but it’s the same with like your kids. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you pour so much of you into your kids that you’ve lost who you are, that’s not healthy either. That’s such a gut point either.

No. ’cause at one point they leave.

Kate: That’s right. And

you’ve got nothing. So if you’re not identity whole

Kate: again, coming back to that. Yeah.

Yeah. I think this one is especially insidious though. ’cause I, I agree with you that Yeah, totally. You know, my heart explodes when you walk into the room. You take my breath away.

Those are romantic expressions of, Hey, listen, like you really, like, I really love you and I love spending time with you. This one though is, is really insidious because go back to most religious. Uh, wedding ceremonies and they quote, uh, the book of Genesis where it talks about God creating eve for Adam and the two became one.

Yeah. Right, right. And they use this phrase in wedding ceremonies around the world, the two shall become one. And I’m always like, that math doesn’t make sense. You’ve got one complete individual, a second complete [00:37:00] individual. We’re not two halves. This is not. This is not, uh, what do we call that? Fractions?

Uh, right. This is like, but there’s this sense of I won’t be whole, um, until I’m in the relationship with the right person. And, um, and, and then we put all this pressure on somebody else to meet needs that we’re supposed to meet. Like, listen, like when, uh. I get that you enhance me. Doesn’t sound as romantic as you complete me.

I get it. Like I, I you enhance me. You know, I could, anyway, I, I just got a side eye from the producer. I’m gonna, I pretend I didn’t hear that one. Steven. Just keep going. Um, but there’s, again, it’s this notion of. Happiness is an inside job. Yeah. No one can make you happy. They can add to your happiness, but it, you, you’ve gotta do the work to love yourself first.

Um, and then, uh, you bring a, a, a, a whole self to your relationships.

Wendy: Yeah. And this. This kind of is a great segue into, so thanks for that, Eric. You’re [00:38:00] welcome. It

was fully planned. No, I kind of stumbled onto it.

Wendy: No. Uh, but when do we, do you have a specific example or a specific moment when you realized that someone else couldn’t fill the gaps inside you?

Divorce.

Eric: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kate: Yep.

Eric: Right.

Kate: Well, it’s like finally on my own, I have to figure it out. Like there’s no other way, right? Like there’s, there’s no, there’s no one else there. I have to do the work and I have to figure out, figure it out how to, how to love on myself enough. So I also, I know there’s relationship with self, which is also a big piece, and that whole curve for me was learning how to.

Know who I am and quite frankly, get to know myself again. Yeah. And build my own relationship with myself. And that for me was like, I had no one, like there was no like. Gotta figure it out, like, gotta raise three kids, gotta find a house, gotta get it. Like all that stuff. Gotta juggle it all, gotta figure all that out.

And that’s when I realized I need to figure out who I am so that I [00:39:00] can then in time, hopefully attract someone who I wanna. Be with, but I didn’t know who I was, so how can I do that? So for me, I think the divorce was probably,

Wendy: I think I’m like right with you there in the divorce, and then I’ll shifts a little bit and, um, uh, also my layoff from my job.

Mm-hmm. Like even though that, like, that, that’s a work relationship. Yeah. It’s a huge part of, um. You know, our lives. But, but a hundred percent. But that really helped me fill a gap. I didn’t see it at the time. All I could think was, fuck, I have like stuff to pay. I just bought a new house two weeks before I got my layoff.

Um, but it helped me fill a gap, um, that. Allowed me to be able to pursue what I wanted. Yeah. And, and I don’t know, I, I don’t wanna say, I don’t think, I don’t know if I would’ve done that, had that not happened. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think for me is, there’s not really a specific moment, it’s more of a process.

Uh, but I do know when it really like landed pretty solidly for me, which was the spring of [00:40:00] 2022. Uh, I’ve talked about it on the show. That was kind of like my, what I call my second great awakening when for, for the reset for me was. Fundamentally my relationship with myself moving from that place of deep self-loathing that I carried for most of my life, uh, to radical self-acceptance.

Right? And, uh, again, every time I talk about it, I remember that version of myself, but it now feels it’s not that long ago. We’re talking three plus years, but it feels like a different person in a different lifetime, in a different universe. Yeah. Uh, but it was that resetting of the relationship with me.

Wendy: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um. L let’s, uh, kind of shift gears and go right into the fourth, uh, myth. Uh, just wanna be conscious of time and, um, we could probably talk about hundreds and hundreds of myths. Yeah, there’s a lot of them. Yeah. I think these four have been really good. Uh, myth number four, love means never having to say your story.

Um, that’s funny when you say it out loud. I know, right? I was actually thinking that like, as I was like, look, it was like, that’s a little weird. But it’s

Eric: true. People actually believe [00:41:00] that.

Wendy: Yeah. And, and. Let’s kind of talk a little bit about what happens when people believe that and what’s the truth like in our experience that we’ve learned from it.

It. Yeah. I, I, I think if you don’t ever say you’re sorry, you end up with like a mountain of resentment. Yeah. That the rug can’t hold and cover like it. Right. Like, uh, um, uh, being sorry. Like real love always will require repair along the way. Yeah. Uh, because to your point you mentioned earlier, we evolve, we change, things are shifting.

What we thought worked for in a season of our lives doesn’t, and we’re gonna misread that cue. We’re not gonna. Pick up on the needs of our partner. We’re gonna sometimes be insensitive or not show up the way we want to. And does that mean it’s not real love? Again, there’s this notion that real love is almost like nirvana.

Whatever Nirvana is like it’s this, it’s this weird image of this land of perfection where everything’s okay all the time and it’s all rainbows and butterflies. Like it’s [00:42:00] not like that. Real love is a commitment. Be beyond the feeling of love. Yeah, again, the, I love being in love. You hear people say that all the time.

What they’re talking about there is the dopamine hit, that the strong dopamine, uh, uh, hits that people, uh, experience in the early parts of a relationship. Over time that does taper off and now you’re into the commitment and love as an action. Love as a choice, love as a commitment to one another. And of course, still the spark.

You gotta work on the spark and you we’re gonna work on the attraction and, um, you know, it’s not an issue for us. So I, I’m glad I’m. Grateful for that. Hopefully you just brought that up on the rare, no, sorry. Sorry. Okay. I digress. Uh, but again, this whole notion that real love doesn’t require saying you’re sorry, like, man, give your head a shake.

Eric: Like sense. My, I remember early into, uh, uh, my first marriage with, uh, my kid’s mom and uh, uh, she made a comment one time about how her mom and dad, how her dad [00:43:00] has never. In, at that point, 25 years of marriage. Never said sorry. And she goes, because he is never done anything he needed to say sorry for.

Mm-hmm. And at the time I thought, oh, I guess I’ll do that. That lasted about a week. Right. And then I did something I needed to say, sorry. So. So I don’t know how he mastered that. If, if that was, and of course, I, I realize now is that that’s bullshit. That he’s probably done many things and whether he chose to or not and whether he even ever did I don’t.

Yeah, right. Like, just ’cause her perception. I wonder it’s like

think of the former generation though. Yeah. The generation before they didn’t like, apologize. That’s a good point. Wonder they weren’t as present to things. Like we didn’t talk about any They didn’t talk. Right. They didn’t talk. Yeah. So of course you don’t need to.

Apologize, you’re not talking. Yeah. Like you’re not bringing up the tough

Eric: stuff that maybe would require repair. Yeah. And I, you know, that’s a great point. ’cause I think as for us, uh, and this generation, we can, we shit on a lot, a lot of times we shit on the generations as they come. This generation is certainly when it comes to being in tune with emotion or [00:44:00] wanting to be emotionally connected with the people that they are in relationship with, whether romantically, friends, work, whatever.

It does require, there are going to be so many more situations where you show up that you do that Apolo apology is needed. And I think when you don’t apologize, those who avoid that, you mentioned about the rug and it being I, I see it as a ticking time bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And eventually that explodes.

You know, I used to be, I’m somebody, you don’t see me get angry very often. I get angry, but I don’t visibly show anger. And when I do in my. Past? I don’t, not anymore. I’ve learned how to express it. Do you turn red or green? Uh oh, I turn red, but I, I explode. Like I, you know, as a teenager in that, like, I would literally, that’s, that’s the saying.

See, red and I would do really stupid things because I would lose control. Mm-hmm. Uh, whereas. You know, I’ve learned how to now, you know, allow anger to flow through and, and express it the right way. The same as, uh, [00:45:00] being able to say sorry. But I know if, if somebody’s continually shitting on me and not apologizing at some point I go, I’m done.

Yeah. ’cause ’cause it’s a ticking time bomb. Yeah. Yeah.

Kate: And I think it’s taking accountability. Mm-hmm. Like there’s something. In time. I’m kind of freeing when you say I’m sorry. Like if I’m flipping it the other way around, like that means I’ve done some work. If I can sit there and be like. Oh, I really like, that was shitty.

Like what I did was not great. Or how I said that was not great. Mm-hmm. And own it and take accountability and then apologize to the person. You really wanna apologize ’cause you’re not, you don’t like the way you showed up. Right. Or what you said. Yeah. Yeah. I think there’s power in that too. Mm-hmm.

Because it’s you recognizing that. Owning that you didn’t show up the way you would’ve liked. And there’s something about that. So

Eric: I I have a, and it’s okay, baby, I forgive you. Oh, I, I have a, I have a question. I don’t forgive you. I’ve a question that fits into this. I’m, I’m gonna go completely off script here, but, uh, oh, no, [00:46:00] this, this, well, this fits into this.

Because I know sometimes, you know, Wendy will often will be like, you know, Hey, I’m really sorry for that. And I’ll say, no sorry. Required. Yeah, no apology required. Like there was, it’s interesting because perhaps there’s a, even in that, there’s a little bit of sometimes your, your. Disallowing the apology.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, yeah.

Thoughts like, ’cause I think it’s a good thing to say sometimes, Hey, no apology needed in that I’m saying is that I wasn’t hurt or offended or what you did didn’t bother me as the way you’re perceiving it to. Um, but there might be something in that around expanding on that, around how we respond when somebody does apologize.

Well, that was a big aha for me again. Uh, two, three years ago, uh, I used to apologize for everything. Almost apologize for being me. Apologize for showing up, being alive. I’m sorry. Taking it. Sorry for apologizing. Yeah, I’m sorry for apologizing. Yeah. Like, uh, and uh, we talked about on a previous show, uh, Canadians, we have that as a cultural sort of tick almost, right?

We say sorry for everything. I think it is really healthy to, uh, [00:47:00] for me. Look, when we’re talking, this whole concept of, uh, saying you’re sorry. Again, the major shift for me was stopped. I stopped apologizing for all kinds of things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, and truly focused on owning my shit and that I will apologize for, but not owning somebody else’s.

Mm-hmm. But I do think, uh, a lot of folks apologize for things that don’t require that. Um, and so I often will respond, uh, um, you know, an apology saying your sorry is for when you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong here. But if a person is genuinely apologizing for something that they perceive to have done wrong or have done wrong, then that would be inappropriate to say to them.

’cause to your point, you are preventing them from taking a step that’s part of their healing and growth. Yeah. You may not think it’s really serious, but if, and, and with a partner, you’ve got the opportunity to explore that, to even say, oh, you know, Kate, actually, I, I didn’t. Feel that required as story.

Help me understand, and then, oh, and then you’re able to, right. You’re able to explore. Just don’t make the assumption. But I think there’s a [00:48:00] lot of things that are easy to just to say, like you’re kind of just apologizing for nothing. Yeah. Um, that’s not required, right.

Wendy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and we’re talking a lot about kind of ownership.

What has. Or, or how do you personally be able to handle being wrong and, and what has that done? I’ve had lots of practice. That one’s easy. What has it done for your relationship?

Eric: I should have let you finish. So it’s, I couldn’t help. I’m like, how do I know? Fuck, I’ve been practicing being wrong my whole life.

Wendy: Yeah. But I think that’s a great, I think that’s honestly a great example because going back to what I had said earlier, right? You, we, we spent decades kind of. Fucking everything up and, and thinking that we know what we’re doing. And, and a lot of it is experience. Yeah. It’s life experience and it’s practice.

Right. To your point,

it’s practice. It’s practice. It’s a, again, it’s how you define failure. Uh, we talked about this on a show we did a little while back on the fear of both success and failure. Mm-hmm. [00:49:00] And it’s, it’s this notion of redefining failure, redefining what a mistake means if you’re paying attention.

It doesn’t mean you’re gonna pay attention all the time, doesn’t mean you’re gonna learn from every misstep. I just don’t think that’s realistic. Uh, but if you are committed to ev evolving, if you’re committed to learning and growing, then every mistake is part of the process. Don’t go out there and make them on purpose, right?

Like, don’t, don’t fuck up on purpose. But when you do, uh, and in, in, when you do in a relationship. It’s experience you’ve just practiced and learned, oh, that didn’t work so well. So what do we learn from that and how do we want to handle something like that differently moving forward? Right. Yeah.

Eric: Well, and, and I think what you said a few minutes ago too around, um, you know, when you, uh, knowing what to, when to apologize and when not to the things.

So I, again, I. Own who I am. Somebody says to me, well, you’re really pissing me off. Doesn’t necessarily warrant an apology. Right? It might be, well, that’s on on you. That’s, that’s for you to fix your, I’m [00:50:00] ultimately not responsible for how you feel. Right. Exactly. That’s on you. So I, and that is such a freeing, it makes it actually easier to apologize when you get comfortable with that truth.

Right. Right. Uh, because now when you’re apologizing, you’re apologizing because you genuinely own the action.

Dude, the most liberating moment is when I finally gave up, I resigned. Being the general manager of the universe, it’s a miserable job when you’re taking. Ownership of other people’s actions, emotions, feelings.

And I’m carrying that as though it’s my responsibility. It’s not. And to be in a place now, not to swing to a place of being uncaring and cynical and cold, not at all. I still care, but I’m also much more aware these days of, oh, that’s not mine, to figure out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh, their emotions around this are theirs to sort out, my responsibility to them is to show up in truth, to show up, understanding, trying to.

Work things out, but ultimately, if they choose a certain course of action, a certain way of feeling, a certain way of thinking. [00:51:00] That’s not up to me. No, well, that’s not my responsibility.

Kate: It’s, it’s about not feeling the need to keep the peace all the time. Right. Right. Yeah. It’s like finally, it’s not like you’re going to war, but you’re just like, Hey, not my job.

Right. To make sure this relationship is, is peaceful. Right. That’s not my job. My job is to own my emotions. Yours to own yours. And then we come to the table, we communicate, but it’s, it’s when you can let go of that need to like Yeah. And that’s

Wendy: a huge sign of growth and self. Yeah. Alright guys, so in our last couple of minutes here, let’s just flip the script really quickly.

We’ve. We’ve talked about the myths that kind of mess us up, um, really quickly. Maybe some of the truths that have reshaped the way that we show up in relationships. So maybe what’s one quick truth, um, about relationships that has changed everything for you? And I’ll go first. Sometimes walking away is the most loving thing that you can do for yourself.

A hundred percent. Whether it’s a intimate relationship, I’m walkway, right? Whether. Please don’t, ’cause we’re not quite done yet. Oh, we’re not done. It’d be a awkward, I’ll wait until break. That would really emo But what’s [00:52:00] one, uh, one quick truth for you guys

that’s so good. Walking away is so important.

Kate: I, I think, um, and people may disagree with this, but I think you are just.

There are certain people you’re more compatible with than others, and I think sometimes trying to force like what round peg, square hole, whatever that is, that Right. Um, is not the right thing to do. And I think it’s okay sometimes to be like, oh, okay, I’m far more compatible over here than I am over here.

I think sometimes we wanna make this work so badly even though it’s not good or healthy for us. Yeah. Some people just aren’t going to be. Good in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about the other person. Yeah. But you might not be good together. Yeah,

that’s right. It might not fit. I think for me it’s, uh, you’re not meant to lose yourself in love if any relationship costs you, you, yeah.

That’s not love. It’s literally a hostage situation. Right. Um, you must show up. You must aim to show up, uh, as a hundred percent you, and that’s, that’s. [00:53:00] Big goal. Uh, but wherever you have to compromise who you are to stay in relationship with someone. That’s not healthy. Yeah, not healthy. And I would

Eric: go, just to tie into that, it, it really is this notion of if you are in any relation, the greatest gift that you can give to any relationship is your authentic self.

Mm-hmm. A hundred percent. You show up and if there then isn’t combat compatible. Yeah. Great. You’ve learned they walking away, all of these things require you being true to who you are. Yeah. So if

Wendy: we think 20 years ago, kind of where we were. What would you like one sentence, one or two words, what’s one thing you would kinda look in the mirror and whisper to yourself or screen to yourself?

Like, like going back 20 years? Yeah. Yeah. I was trying

Wendy: to do the math.

Yeah.

Wendy: That’s got, I’d say

just love yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Love yourself. Yeah. Put your, put yourself first. 100. I I i Ditto di Yeah.

Wendy: For me it would be, um. Uh, don’t dim your light. Mm. Just because it’s shining in someone else’s eyes. Yeah. And I remember having a conversation with my stepdaughter, [00:54:00] um, around some stuff she was going through and I remember us talking specifically about that.

Don’t dim, don’t dim your light. Just because someone else feels like it’s, uh, it’s, uh, shining bright. Final round. Wrap up. This has been such an amazing conversation. So as we wrap up practical work, ’cause some of our listeners are like, this is great, like you’ve talked about the miss and, uh, what’s, um.

What’s one intentional thing that someone could do today, uh, to strengthen a relationship, uh, that matters to them in any capacity in their life? Yeah. Go. Yeah. Ask for what you need.

Kate: Yeah. So don’t assume that the, your person knows. Just, just ask for what you need. I’d say

apologize first. Even if your apology is just about how you reacted.

Um, don’t wait for the other person to come to you. Don’t own what is not yours to own, but take that first step.

Eric: Yeah. Stays a thing.

Is what

Eric: I was. Right. Say that thing, whether it’s hard, whether whatever it is, just say it, uh, and, and communicate. Express it. Love it. Love

Wendy: it. This was a phenomenal really conversation and, uh, great job, [00:55:00] honey.

I just, uh, yeah. Well, I, I love the fact that we can just be, uh, vulnerable and open, and I know for all of our listeners out there, they, they love that this is a safe place. Mm-hmm. That we share kind of what we’re going through, and that, uh, they’re also able to mm-hmm. To put into their life as well. So, uh, of course share the love, like, share, um, help us get the word out because when you’re living richly, you really are taking your life to that next level.

Don’t forget to follow us on all of our social media platforms. There’s so much great stuff. Living Richly Nation, that Facebook group. My goodness, it has blown up. Yeah. And there, if you’re looking to align yourself or you’re at a stage in your life where you really just wanna walk. The path where you just feel so aligned and you’ve got the right circle, definitely make sure that you go and, uh, check that out and make sure that you, uh, uh, absorb all of the great information in there as well as the community.

Until then, continue living your best [00:56:00] life.