Redefining Happiness – Wendy’s Courageous Journey to Authenticity

Redefining Happiness

Rob Dale:

It’s easy to follow the common path, but to chart your own course is a different story. You’ll be inspired today as you hear the courage of an individual who did exactly that. Stay tuned. That’s next.

Eric Deschamps:

Hi, and welcome to the Living Ritchie podcast. It’s great to have you back this week. We’re here together. We’ve been sharing a number of stories over the last several weeks. And, I’m really excited that, Kate and Wendy are now regular features on the show. Regular cohost with us. So good to have you here.

Rob Dale:

Brings the class of the show up, like, 16 notches.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I think our viewership and listenership went up, like, significantly since you guys joined bringing your — For sure.

Rob Dale:

— for sure. Sure. That was

Wendy Dodds:

the whole plan. Yeah.

Rob Dale:

Right. Right.

Eric Deschamps:

I mean, the show was tanking and we needed help. So thank you ladies for joining us. On last week’s episode, we got to hear Kate’s story, such a story of great courage, refusing to settle. And this week, we are so fortunate to hear Wendy’s story. And and Wendy, we’ve had the opportunity to know each other over the last little while. And, I am so looking forward to this conversation It’s it’s your story. It’s your journey. Where would you like to start?

Wendy Dodds:

Well, from the beginning, You know, I, was born and raised in Ottawa, born into a wonderful family. My parents are still together. They just celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary. Oh, wow. So, my brother and I, we had a a wonderful upbringing. Average middle class family. My mom stayed home with us and and raised my brother and I. We went on family vacations. We did all of the the wonderful things together. I then did all of these checkbox things that we’re supposed to do. I often high school. I went to college right after. Didn’t really know what I wanted to study in because who knows what you’re supposed to do when you’re seventeen.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right. It’s a lot of pressure. Right?

Rob Dale:

A

Wendy Dodds:

lot of pressure. Yeah. But I went in and I studied hotel restaurant management. Right after high school, completed my diploma. And it was actually the last program in my course, which was a human resources program on the business side. That’s how I ended up in the, in the HR space.

Eric Deschamps:

Wow.

Wendy Dodds:

Spent the next, 17, almost 18 years, on the corporate side in human resources and Really and truly loved what I did. I I loved being able to help people. I loved being able to support people. I loved being able to problem solve and provide that advice and counsel. And

Eric Deschamps:

And helping people. Is it always been because, I mean, I from from the minute I met you. I mean, you are that person. You you help. You support. You you wanna bring out the best in people. Was that always kinda part of your your your the way that you’re wired?

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. I feel so so my dad is a teacher. He’s a university professor. And it was interesting hearing his journey now that I’m older, I understand it a little more, and how he wished that he had, taught full time.

Rob Dale:

And

Wendy Dodds:

he didn’t. It was always a part time thing, but I always followed in his footsteps around just being able to teach people, help people. So I always had a desire to do that. But I also had a burning desire to do something on my own and not for anybody else.

Rob Dale:

You know, when I I’m so grateful right out of the gate on the episode that Wendy didn’t start her story by just saying, you know, what Kate said.

Kate Beere:

We’re we’re trying something new.

Rob Dale:

We’re

Eric Deschamps:

trying something new this week. We’re gonna track something comp and now for something completely different.

Rob Dale:

Right? If if if you’ve listened to some of the other episodes where where Kate Wendy are both thought, that’s often what one of them will say is is whatever the other person has said, they’re like, oh, there there’s so much alignment. Now there is some commonalities to your original stories. And it is interesting because when you mention your dad and, your dad willing to help, of course, have the privilege of meeting your parents amazing, wonderful people have no doubt that they’re watching and listening to this episode. And I see so much of both your mom and dad. Your your mom’s independence and you know, kind of just wet ready to go there and get get out there and experience things and then your dad’s compassion and just his desired. How your his or your your dad’s a hugger Right? First time I met him, he’s hugging me. And I’m like, who is this girl with that? He’s a hugger, and it’s just and it’s such a wonderful to see that that upbringing that you had and some great parents.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. Yeah. So, I I did always have that desire to want to to do something. And I always felt like I was a little bit different from everybody else, and that’s kinda, you know, where my next journey came, when I ended up leaving the HR space. In between that time, got married, had kids. Met my husband at the time when I was nineteen, so I was quite young. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

Check more boxes.

Wendy Dodds:

Check more boxes. Right? That’s, you know, if if, you know, when I was growing up, if you, you know, went to school and you found your your partner. You had your kids. You bought your house. You were doing great. Your, like, society was like, they’ve got their shit together. But on the inside, I felt like even though I was doing all of the things, I always felt like there was something saying. And, if it makes anybody feel better, like, wow. She’s got her shit together now. I maybe I will one day too. I still don’t have it all together, but I feel like I’m kinda and you said it wonderful in in, your episode k one foot in front of the other. You’re just taking one micro step at a time. Yeah. So all that to say, my HR came to an end when, I was unexpectedly laid off. And that was very It’s something that I still remember to this day because anybody that I know who has lost their job I I have so much compassion around that because it’s the most awful feeling in the world.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. I was the person that was the one doing that role in HR, and now I was on the other side of the table. So kind of fast forward to that. I was presented the option of here’s your severance package. Or we can offer you a comparable position. And I was one of the few ones that took the severance package and went to go and do my own thing. Yeah.

Rob Dale:

And and this was significant because if I remember and you sharing the story, you had just bought another house Right? And and there’s so much that was going on in your life and to make that decision to not take that other role. And to jump in, there must have been a challenge. It certainly would have been challenging for others.

Wendy Dodds:

It was. I still remember getting my layoff paper 2 weeks after my husband at the time, and I had bought our dream home out in the country.

Rob Dale:

Wow. Wow.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. So it was very much a, you know, what do I do? Now I knew in my heart that there was just so much more I wanted to do. I was also not in a great place physically and mentally at that time. It was very much overweight, obese. Struggled with disordered eating, struggled significantly with anxiety. But we just didn’t talk about it. And when I say we, I guess society, didn’t really talk about it that much because it was just something that it’s life and you just deal with it. And You figure it out along the way, but, I distinctly remember mornings where I I would struggle getting out of bed and I’d be sitting in a corner in my bedroom just crying because I just oh my god. I gotta get the kids ready for for school and daycare and all the things. And and then I’ve gotta do all of these things at work, and I just felt myself continuing to slip further and further and further into this dark hole. And I just I You know, I just didn’t know

Kate Beere:

how to get out of it. I think it’s, like, I think it’s so good we’re talking about it because I think, you know, at that time. Like, we talk a lot more about mental health today, thankfully, but, like, I remember those moments of, of feeling so anxious and not know it. It didn’t have a name back then, really. Like, what is this feeling? And why do I feel this way? And had postpartum, but didn’t know. And it wasn’t diagnosed till later. And, like, so I think it’s so important that we talk about, you know, how that shows up because even though we are talking more about mental health, we still don’t talk about it nearly enough. So it’s important to have those conversations and to know that we don’t always have a word for it. We don’t always know, like, to your point, you’re like, is it anxiety? Is it depression? Is it how what is it? But it’s you just know you’re not. Feeling. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. And and I think to your point talking about it, I mean, We all have kids. Yeah. And so I’m very vocal now about my story and hopes that, you know, when my kids are having those struggles, which one of them is right now, that it’s okay to talk about it, and it’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to be not okay sometimes where, you know, you can lower your expectations on what you think your standard should be.

Eric Deschamps:

And I think that’s so powerful. And it’s part of what part of why we launched the show. The the the literature podcast is all about being real raw authentic. And even though it’s, I I too am grateful that we’re now talking more about mental health issues and and, publicly, when it comes to speaking out about your own story, I think a lot of us are still so guarded because we talk about mental health issues or challenges as somebody else’s problem. And, and yet it it strikes me as I are we’re just getting into your story. You’re just starting to share. We just not long what told your story and you you were so gracious just opening up both of you are. What strikes me is just how fragile our public image is, and yet that is what we protect. That is what we project on social media is all the highlights and all the gloss and all the glitter and the happy moments and yet how many people listening right now. Watching right now can relate to already just a few things that you’ve said about your story and they’re going, shit. That’s me. Fuck. It’s exactly where I’m at right now. Right? And yet we’re not talking

Rob Dale:

about this. And and just to add to that because I think this is so is such an important thing to do before we get into more of this story is is that notion. I remember, and we’ve talked about this. We’re, you know, we’re 40 44 episodes into this show, and we will say we it is 44. I’m positive it’s 44.

Eric Deschamps:

I was positive it’s 40 before we started this show.

Rob Dale:

And we’ve admitted, we’ve acknowledged that the 2 hardest episodes to record were when we did our stories back in episode.

Eric Deschamps:

Taken really hard to listen to.

Rob Dale:

Yes. In episode 3 in 4. And I do remember. And, again, because and the reason I’m I’m emphasizing this is because we can often listen and go, and we hear this all the time. It’s so refreshing to hear, you know, originally, again, before the ladies joined us, these two guys sharing their emotions, everything like that. I remember visibly seeing you and you were shaking it wasn’t. Right before we started the record. Remember, we’re we’re acknowledging our motion.

Eric Deschamps:

Picks or it didn’t happen?

Rob Dale:

I will probably have them on it.

Eric Deschamps:

Don’t Steve’s like, I have video.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. We did. But you were shaking. And and because of because this is so difficult, and and that’s why it’s so —

Eric Deschamps:

It takes so wonderful.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. And and for for us to do this. So, anyway, we’ve we’ve highlighted this, but I want you to jump back into your story because it’s so good that you’re doing this is encouraging that Yeah.

Kate Beere:

I love you guys.

Rob Dale:

Steve’s like, no, no, no, no, no. Steve.

Eric Deschamps:

Steve. Okay. Now we can now we can do.

Wendy Dodds:

He’s still here.

Rob Dale:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

So I made that shift from the corporate space to the, fitness space. And, sometimes people will ask me, like, why fitness? And it just became evident to me, and I had already right before my layoff, I hit and this was back in 2014, I had already started to Find that balance between not playing the victim and taking ownership

Rob Dale:

—

Wendy Dodds:

Wow. — for my decisions, my thoughts, instead of, but I’m like this because of this. And I this is not my fault because of this, and and really start to shift my energy into places that mattered.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

And that that that that’s how I started that transformation for myself physically, mentally, emotionally. And a lot of times people say, like, what was that? Like, what was the moment? And I shared on whatever rep is, so I’m not even gonna keep track

Eric Deschamps:

of this. Only rock gets the numbers right. I could never get the numbers right.

Wendy Dodds:

But when I got stuck in slide. Now for me, that was a very tangible moment where I just almost saw my life flash before my eyes and thought I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t not be here to see my kids grow up and not be there for their, you know, for my grandkids and and so on. But From the mental perspective, it was a shit ton of inner work.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

And There’s no clear path and that I when I have this conversation with people when I’m coaching them right now, there’s no black or white you know, this is the road that you take, and these are all the beautiful things that you’re gonna see along the way. There’s speed bumps and there’s roadblocks and there’s you know, flat tires and there’s there’s all of the things and you just have to keep trudging. That’s why I did. Just keep trudging through the dark. And knowing that at some point, I would start to see some of the light. And I didn’t I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. Like, I didn’t know, you know, I I had none of this mapped out. Now my husband at the time, he was really supportive when I left that corporate world to pursue my dreams in this at the beginning. And so when I started working on myself, I remember having this kind. I still had no job, but I ventured into the network marketing space. Again, just that passion for helping and serving people, but I really wanted to put a twist on how can I show up for people and create impact Knowing that my impact will then eventually become a byproduct of the income? Hopefully, I’ll be able to make Yeah. The network marketing space has such a stigma, and we’ve all received those messages, you know, around, hey.

Eric Deschamps:

I get recruited all the time.

Wendy Dodds:

Right. And so I really wanted to work hard at how can I just show up as my authentic self to really truly help people? Yeah. And so I spent several years doing that, and I still have that business to this day. I also ventured into teaching fitness, and I remember one of my friends who was looking for fitness instructors. We were having coffee one day, and she literally said, I’m looking for a cycling instructor. Do you wanna come and teach? And I’m like, I think I’ve done one spin class in my life, and my ass was sore for the next 2 weeks after, but, sure, I’d love to come to the area. And I remember walking into that studio and everybody knew everybody else. I didn’t even have the right shoes. I knew nothing. And it was almost like going back into kindergarten when or starting a brand new school and for I kept thinking, what am I doing here?

Eric Deschamps:

But, you know, that that just just that story of walking into that room and feeling like, what am I doing here? Am I, like, I I don’t wanna be I wanna be anywhere be here. That’s the fear that we’ve talked about so many times. Right? You you’ve mentioned just a moment ago too, like, you stopped blaming. Right? It sounds to me like you stopped what you reached a point in your life where you stopped waiting. You stopped blaming, and you started creating the life that you wanted one moment, one step, one decision at a time, and even choosing to go into that studio that day, was one of those micro moments of courage that that was an important part of the journey.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. Yeah. It was and I still remember to day, I still remember driving there. I still remember, you know, walking into the into the studio for the first time and seeing everybody talk and they’re all in groups and, you know, and I was like, But it turned out to be the most wonderful experience in my life, and I spent, 8 years without organization teaching some of the best fitness classes and meeting some of the best people while still on my own journey while having my network marketing business and and feeling like this is where I’m supposed to be. This is where I’m supposed to be helping people inspiring people, but not in a scripted way, just helping people with what I’ve gone through in life to where I am right now.

Rob Dale:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

And it’s interesting because not everybody came along with me in that journey.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right?

Wendy Dodds:

A lot of people didn’t. A lot of people didn’t. And it was a testament to how badly I wanted this. And the testament to stop seeking approval from everybody else to just continue forging ahead and recognizing that Some people are not gonna come along and some people are, and I need to be okay with that. And I I feel like We spend so much time seeking approval and validation from so many people that if we don’t have their approval or validation, well, then there must be something wrong with us. We must not be going down the right path.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Well, fundamentally, I believe it’s one of the primary re like, one of the primary reasons, but one of the I probably put in the top 3 why people don’t forge out and follow their hearts.

Wendy Dodds:

Yep.

Eric Deschamps:

For fear that, their friends, their family aren’t going to be okay with it. And, as important as community is in the living richly journey, I I think, again, I I it’s early in the show I talked about our our our problem with necessary endings. We we we are afraid that our community will shift if we follow our own heart. Community will always be an important part of the journey, but I think the makeup of that community changes over time. Totally. Because, who, you know, those people that supported you up until now may not be able to follow you, or see it the same way. And often, even the people closest to us, the out of a desire to protect and keep us safe, we’ll often hold us back.

Rob Dale:

So so you you leave the HR, you leave the corporate world, you enter into the fitness world, you’re you’re gonna get the know, wonderful company that you’re working for. Happy Lee ever after.

Wendy Dodds:

Happily ever after. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

No story. Thanks.

Wendy Dodds:

Thanks, Steve. Got it. No. I it was interesting how so many people close to me, especially friends, suddenly became very distant, when I started on my own personal journey It was almost like and I think we’ve all been in that situation before where we’re trying to better ourselves in some aspect, and there’s always somebody in our life that either makes comments or their actions that really just stems from jealousy or just the fact that you’re working at improving yourself and they can’t.

Eric Deschamps:

You’re very active, encouraged, threatens, Yeah. They’re

Rob Dale:

—

Eric Deschamps:

Yes. — settling for average or mediocrity. So I I think it’s normal that when somebody starts to I think Canada were notorious for this, right, why we don’t have many national heroes. Why? Because we don’t let them rise. And I think oftentimes, that’s happening in our relationships. People feel threatened when someone starts to worthy

Kate Beere:

percent comfortable. You you they’re uncomfortable because of something you’ve done. You haven’t made them uncomfortable. Yeah. But they feel uncomfortable. And so it’s really easy for them to point that back at you and to make, hey. Well, how could you if this is on you? And it’s like

Rob Dale:

—

Kate Beere:

Yep. And I’m just living my life over here. How you feel about me living my life, that’s on you. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

Right. I’ve learned really quickly through journaling through, you know, mourning as per, intention. Thank you.

Rob Dale:

I got your bill. I I thought you

Eric Deschamps:

were gonna say morning aspirin.

Wendy Dodds:

Ask for some time. But really having a morning routine, and it’s something I’ve worked a lot on with my clients is having that morning routine

Eric Deschamps:

in — How you start your day?

Rob Dale:

—

Wendy Dodds:

how you start your day how you run your day. And that was really one of the only ways that I was gonna be able to continue to forge ahead and also recognizing that people are not, like, I had to be okay with people not understanding. I had to be okay with not having anybody understand because it was my journey.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

And that includes close family members as well. You know, people told me I was batshit crazy to leave the corporate world and and all of the things, but I just became so invested. I just felt like I had such a purpose on this earth that I just had to give back, and I I could never put it into words. And even sometimes I still struggle, but I just know that I’m here to help and support people. So fell in love with all of that, built wonderful organic relationships in my business. And then I had a life changing accident in 2018. Anyways, I won’t get into too many details around it, but it was We had a significant storm in the Ottawa area, and, I was struck in the back of a head. At the back of my head, with an object. And and I still don’t remember anything about the accident. But it was such a pivotal moment in my life because My husband at the time found me unconscious. Ambulance came to pick me up at the same time that my Children were coming back from their grandmothers. And my oldest daughter to those to this day still says, like, I can still hear. I can’t remember anything, but I can still hear them screaming. And I remember being in the ambulance, And I remember coming too briefly. And I remember, like, I can see the paramedic, like, right up in front of me, and I remember saying, Please don’t let me die. Like, my kids need me. And it was just and then I don’t remember anything, and I spent quite a long time in the neuro unit in at the Civic Hospital and just shout out for any doctors or nurses that are listening to this because they are just a wonderful gift from above because they did so much for me. But the aftereffects of that were just such a pivotal moment in my life on how I went from not thinking I was going to survive with this with the extensive injuries that I had to even that the the trauma unit in the hospital saying she’s gonna be in here for a very long time to stepping back on stage and doing what I loved 3 months later. And I I you know, overcame that, but the PTSD surrounding it that I still struggle with to this day when I hear an ambulance or I see an ambulance or I see leaves blowing because the storm is about to happen. And so that’s something I’m still trying to work through myself, but that was a huge pivotal moment in my life.

Rob Dale:

And it affects it affects you and, you know, you talk about, you know, your girls and hearing them when the accident happened. And and, of course, I can see this to this day is when there’s a a a major storm or the wind is blowing or whatever, you get texts from the girls, checking in on you, seeing if you’re okay, like, they’re and and which tells me that it’s it triggers something for them as well. Right? The the the moment they the old wind bad wind. Oh, oh, mom, there’s immediate connection now. So oftentimes we and we forget this is the trauma that we go through how it impacts those around us as well. And you talk you talk often about that.

Wendy Dodds:

Yes. Yeah. And I had already been on my journey of taking better care of myself. And when I say that, it wasn’t all about losing weight. Of course, I lost weight. I competed in fitness back in in 2015 as well. So I was already in a state of I was healthy, and I still remember the neurosurgeon at the hospital saying, I don’t know what it is you do. But I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I’ve never seen somebody heal as quickly as you have. Wow. And that just became a testament to in my wellness business. And on the fitness side, when I’m coaching people around, you know, we don’t we don’t have to do this kind of morphs into the the get to mindset. We don’t have to do all, you know, we don’t have to eat well. We don’t have to take our vitamins. We don’t have to a walk every day. We don’t have to do all those things, but we get to do those things because one day, you just you never really know how impactful that can be in your life. And, that was that was a huge pivot. And even though I was already healthy, it was just a testament to this is why I do what I do. Because I need people to understand that it’s always those small little things, those daily habits that you do every day that can literally save your life. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

It makes such a difference. So so the big accident life life changing moment for you in 2018, and then 3 years later, there would be another significant shift for you.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. COVID hit And then, you know, we all kinda sort of sum more successfully than others than others, got through COVID. COVID was difficult for my family. It was especially difficult on my oldest daughter. And we’ve heard how youth have struggled significantly somewhere than others with the impacts of COVID. She was one of the ones that was hit really, really hard and to this day is is still trying to rebuild. I found it very difficult as well because working in the fitness space, that a lot of industries were hit really hard. But — Yeah.

Rob Dale:

—

Wendy Dodds:

I found it.

Eric Deschamps:

You guys read ground 0 on that one.

Wendy Dodds:

You know, and and it was almost becoming shameful to me that here I am at 40, whatever I was, forty two years old, and I’m on unemployment because I’ve lost my job yet again. So part of that ego side of me was like, had you stayed in the corporate world? Right. Right. And so those script started to go through my head again. And then in, you know, we kinda stumbled our way through COVID. And then in 2021, I made the decision to leave my marriage. And that was in my heart. I knew what I needed to do for me because I was not happy anymore, but it was the most difficult decision and conversation I’ve ever had to have because nobody wants to hurt people. But it became

Eric Deschamps:

this on your episode. Right?

Kate Beere:

It’s the exact the feel and you’re hurting the people that are closest to you. Yes. Like, these are the people that are, like, you know, you have these intimate relationships and I’m now causing harm. And for someone, you know, just hearing your backstory on how much, you know, how much your desire or to help people is so ingrained into the core of who you are. It’s even harder.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

Right. Yeah. It was a decision that I made personally because I was growing on a very different path. And with my my girls being older, they were old enough to understand but not really understand and you use this language, in your episode, breaking up the family unit because there was an enormous amount of guilts. There was an enormous amount of shame, but I just knew it wasn’t fair to him. For me to stay, and it wasn’t fair to me.

Eric Deschamps:

And — But it it isn’t amazing. Even when you know deep down, it’s the right thing to do. Right, that you need to do this for you, that you need to do it for others that staying in the current configuration just to keep that box checked is not that just won’t cut it anymore. The amount of fear, second guessing, doubt, those decisions are never made. And again, why courage is so important that in spite of being probably scared shitless, you made that decision anyway to because you knew this the way forward requires me to take this leap of faith.

Kate Beere:

Mhmm.

Wendy Dodds:

Yep. And and it was it was, like I said, the hardest conversation. And then, tied for 1st place would be the conversation with my kids.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

And just the enormous shame around mom’s made this decision and mom’s breaking up the family unit. And the fear of rebuilding on my own. And not asking for help around that.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. Really. Ditto Ditto. Yeah.

Rob Dale:

There’s the middle. Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

But it it became so clear to me as I was rebuilding and and I I received messages often from people who were going through something similar around how did you do it? How did you make the decision? I don’t know where to start and similar to starting anything in life, your career, all of that kind of stuff, you just it’s one foot in front of the other. And there was a lot of dark nights crying. There’s a lot of, again, just shame and guilt around. I knew I did the right thing, but it became so abundantly clear to me that so many people end up staying because it’s a hell of a lot easier than leaving. Right. What would the — It is so much easier day.

Eric Deschamps:

We say that, but the reality is, like, when you think of the pain of being unhappy, the pain of not being the not feeling like you’re even in your the the right skin because you’re living some life that’s not really your own so many people we talk about how people will avoid short term discomfort. But what they end up with is long term dysfunction the pain of change is significant, and it takes tremendous courage, but the pain of staying in, that that unhappiness is even greater. And yet it’s a death by a 1000 cuts. Right? It’s a daily loss himself over and over and over again, and it often requires us to create some upheaval.

Kate Beere:

And and we’re taught that the, we’re taught that a marriage when it doesn’t work is a failure. And I remember when I when I left, I, a buddy of mine who I’d met in France. At the same time, I met my ex. So he he knew the whole story and how we got together. And it was 17 years we were together and he sent me a message after he heard and he’s like, Congratulations on 17 great years or 17 years, whatever he said. And I remember being like, oh, it’s such a different, like, shit. And I was like, We did a great thing for 17 years. That’s it’s okay, necessary endings. You know, some things just end, and I I think the the stigma associated with a marriage falling apart is what did you do to fuck it up? And it’s like, that’s not really how it go. Yes.

Wendy Dodds:

Especially when a length of time. Like, I was married for 20 years so that the shock from friends, from my family, from so many people, from my kids, was exactly that, like, so, like, what happened to fuck it up. Like, and there wasn’t one specific moment. We had just continued to grow apart, and I needed to be okay with navigating this on my own. Yeah. And I remember telling my girls You may never understand, and that’s okay. But one day, you’re gonna be faced with a decision where you’re going to hurt people to to make the decision that makes you happy. And I hope whatever that is that you always remember the conversation that I’m having you with you right now where if you’re making that decision and you think I’m gonna hurt mom or she’s whatever, that you follow your heart and you do what feels right for you because I can’t make that decision for you. Just like nobody could make that decision for me. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

We’re we’re often so afraid of causing harm. And you even use that word when you talked about making your decision to leave. And it’s so critical that we, reminder. So I know for me, it’s been so up. I need to continue to be part of overcoming some of the, regret that I still have over some stuff that happened in my past and some of the areas that I have found it most difficult to forgive myself is where I feel that I cause harm. And the the there is a difference between hurting people and harming people. And I think we often use the word harm

Rob Dale:

— Yeah. —

Eric Deschamps:

what the the decision hurts other people,

Wendy Dodds:

but

Eric Deschamps:

it’s not actually causing true harm when in at the end of the day, no one’s happy. Right. Right? I think a lot of folks, like, when they say the stats, you know, where it’s it’s it’s pushing upwards of 55 to 58 percent of marriages end up in divorce. I’m like, and, yeah, what and what’s the other percentage in terms of unhappiness. Right? But I think people stay again. Stuck. We’re not advocating. You just pick up and leave. That’s not what we’re saying.

Wendy Dodds:

Right.

Eric Deschamps:

But I think there’s this notion of, that it’s not a failure to acknowledge that this is not working anymore.

Wendy Dodds:

Right.

Eric Deschamps:

And and that there can be, I mean, listening to both your stories. Right? Like, the the ability to reinvent yourself.

Rob Dale:

Right.

Eric Deschamps:

Right? It wasn’t easy.

Wendy Dodds:

No. And it almost felt like I was restarting again after my my physical and mental journey in 2014, 2015, I felt like I was on this path again of having to rebuild everything. And It wasn’t easier this stretch by any means, but I had a foundation that I had already worked on. Where I knew I needed to take the steps, and I knew I needed to do the things that I didn’t wanna do in order to get to the places I want it to be.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

And so there was no road map or blueprint. Like, I didn’t have this all mapped out or figured out. I literally stumbled through this. No easy button through a lot of tears, through a lot of self doubt, through a lot of you know, binge episodes where I just, wallowed in my own misery and then pulled my shit together and, again, stopped playing that victim card and just kept trudging forward, you know, one step at a time. The struggle of feeling alone, the struggle of losing friends, and there were some very close friends in my life that were very hurt by my decision to leave my marriage because we were a couple friends together.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Wendy Dodds:

And a lot of people did.

Eric Deschamps:

That’s a thing. Isn’t it? It’s such a thing. Like,

Wendy Dodds:

It’s a big thing. And then trying to rebuild and balance everything, trying to put a positive spin on this for my girls. I got my own place and then trying to make it a happy, loving family home, which they never felt like was their home.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Wendy Dodds:

And that was nobody’s fault that was just very much a fact. So I remember balancing, you know, almost trying to overcompensate as a mom, what else can I do? How can I make them happy? Because I’ve already made them miserable by breaking up my family So how can I make them happy to wanna come and stay with me? Yeah. And, they would come and stay with me. And it was more out of obligation. And I remember overhearing a conversation that My oldest daughter was having with her therapist at the time saying and we’ve talked about this, so it’s not like she doesn’t know this.

Eric Deschamps:

She’s finding a first time right here.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. You heard that?

Wendy Dodds:

Saying we have so much more fun at Dodd’s place. We hate going. And that’s and and I overheard that. And in my mind, I was like, Wendy walk away. She’s having a conversation with her therapist, even though I said, don’t have it in the basement because I can still hear you upstairs, but those words was like a knife in my heart. It’s not like I didn’t want them to have fun at their dads. Of course, I did, but to hear them say, we hate going to mom’s place every week. Was like a knife in my and I remember just balling. And so I talked to my girls about it. And I said, like, as hard as this is, I’m crying because I’m upset. If you are not happy, I need to understand this, and I need to we need to navigate through this together. So that was a very rocky road of me wanting to have them when, you know, and it’s I’m sure it’s similar for dads, but as moms, when you don’t have your kids all the time, it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. And because Well,

Eric Deschamps:

I can really relate to that one because I had one of my

Rob Dale:

my

Eric Deschamps:

kids do something, like, reach a point where she made a decision to go live full time with her mom. And that it I can I can I remember the the that the, like, knife in the heart? That wasn’t the intent

Wendy Dodds:

No.

Eric Deschamps:

She did that because that’s what she needed to do. That was, but the feelings of failure as a dad that,

Wendy Dodds:

100%.

Eric Deschamps:

Like, parent guilt.

Wendy Dodds:

Oh, it’s thing. It’s huge. It’s huge.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Significantly.

Wendy Dodds:

And that was the decision that they made was to go and live with their dad. And I remember my youngest daughter crying as she said it. And I said, and I was crying too. And I said, but I I want you to be happy. I want you to feel like I’m I’m your mom. I still need a place in your life. But if this is the decision that is the best for you right now, then I support that.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

But I remember sitting on that bedroom floor And at that point, I had just started dating Rob and I had just met. We didn’t really know each other that well. What we did, but, I mean,

Rob Dale:

not No. Not —

Wendy Dodds:

You know?

Rob Dale:

And — He knew each other’s going to the gym, but —

Wendy Dodds:

Right. And I just, he came he So they had left and we went for a walk and I was just a massive

Rob Dale:

—

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Rob Dale:

—

Wendy Dodds:

emotions around it because, you know, I’m not gonna see my kids I’m gonna see them even less than how do I hang on to

Rob Dale:

that? Yeah. And when I think of courage, that is one of those moments that defines what courage is for me. Because here you are as a mom, basically, you’re you’re giving your children permission to not see you. Right. You’re you’re releasing them. You’re, you know, the you’re you’re releasing them to do what they need to do even though everything in you was wanting to grab them and say, no. You can’t go. You can’t go. Yeah. You were being so incredibly unselfish in that moment by doing that by releasing that with such an act of love and courage, but incredibly difficult tonight.

Wendy Dodds:

Well, and it’s interesting you say that, because I did have some people say like, well, why why don’t you just force them to stay, like, on the schedule that you have right now? And that just didn’t feel like the right thing to do for me. Now they’re also not five years old. Maybe that would have been different if they were younger.

Rob Dale:

Right. Yes.

Wendy Dodds:

But I wanted to be able to support them in their decisions. And then learning how to navigate around that. Learning how to continue to still support them. That’s the choice that they made. How do I still stay connected to them as their mom? Without smothering them, and how do I be consistent with that where no matter what’s thrown at me, I’m always consistent in, you know, texting them every night, you know, good night. Yeah. I love you, you know, all of that kind of stuff. And being there to support them, and still be engaged in what’s happening in their life. Because as teenagers, they start to do all the you know, we don’t know everything that goes on.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. So they move beyond teenage years. Right. You’re lucky if you can get dinner

Wendy Dodds:

with them.

Kate Beere:

And then it

Wendy Dodds:

was entering a new relationship. Like, when I started dating again and then Robin, I started dating entering that new relationship And the optics of everything around that, which everything happens for a reason ended up working out better than I could have ever imagined. But I think I need to give myself a little bit of credit even as hard as we are in ourselves sometimes that I I think I did a good job at introducing it in a way that felt right for everybody. Yeah. And introducing it in a way where it was very clear that this wasn’t a replacement, but and for them to be able to see how happy I am. And all of the things that I wanna do because I’ve chosen this path and and and that’s the road that I’ve decided to stop.

Kate Beere:

The the language you use around Claude yourself. It’s the one thing we don’t do. We we fault ourselves consistently, constantly. Right? Oh, I did I didn’t do this right. I did that wrong. We we we don’t often ever give ourselves that, like, pat on the back. We don’t often say, like, you did this. And and it’s so important as women in particular who can really cut themselves up as moms in that in that mom guilt space, to say, no. I I did a good thing. I’m proud of myself, and that language is so so hard.

Wendy Dodds:

It is so hard, and our mind listens to everything we tell it. And so it’s that muscle of just practicing all of those statements and those sentiments, that, you know, I hope to be able to share with other people, my kids, you know, that kinda stuff.

Eric Deschamps:

So here you are, you’ve you’ve you’ve made these courageous decisions one after another to recreate yourself as done over time. But And and throughout, you you talk about the work that you did internally, not just getting into shape physically, which is critical, but also, tons of work. What are some of the major lessons that you have learned as we prepare to wrap up the show today, that you’d want listeners to really zero in on if they’re in that place, which so many people are, of unhappiness or boredom or I’m just checking boxes in my supposed life. What words of wisdom would you share with our listeners to help them take those micro steps for

Wendy Dodds:

me. And it’s interesting how you word that because when I’m coaching my clients, with the real life, we talk about this a lot. I think as humans and especially women, we feel like we need to have this this map this road map and this blueprint on, like, how everything’s gonna go. Like, for all the moms listening out there who’ve given birth, it’s almost like writing a birth. A birth plan and you have all of these wonderful, you know, everything’s written down step 1 to 10, how it’s gonna happen, then it doesn’t happen like that.

Eric Deschamps:

Having been there three times It never goes according to plan. According to

Rob Dale:

the plan.

Wendy Dodds:

But, really understanding that the only way to go from good to great is to stumble and fall and pick yourself up. And for all of my journey around changing careers, all of the the personal struggles I’ve gone through, my wellness, my anxiety, raising kids, my separation, all of that kind of stuff. Trusting that I will jump and trusting that at some point My wings will open up and I will fly and I will not crash and die at the bottom. I may get bruised, but

Rob Dale:

—

Eric Deschamps:

We hope the parachute will open. Yeah.

Rob Dale:

We hope.

Wendy Dodds:

But I I I put some humor around that because a lot of people will say, well, how do I just make the decision? Nobody can make the decision for you. You know, we we get so caught up in this all or nothing mentality. And I’ve used this analogy before when you get a flat tire, You don’t say fuck it and slash the other 3. You deal with the 1 flat tire and continue on your journey. So the speed bumps, all of the things. And you have to be okay with getting messy and you have to be okay with looking silly and you have to be okay with people talking shit behind your back. You have to be okay with that because if you’re not, you’ll never continue to move forward. Right. And and so my my best piece of advice is start with something small. Start with something small and really get crystal clear on what’s important to you. And a lot of times, we can’t figure that out for ourselves. A lot of times, we need somebody to help us with that. Yeah. Wow.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. So good. So good. Wendy, thank you so much, for being so open, so transparent sharing your story today. So many people I I I I know are listening to the show and and listening to this episode. And we hope that you will take that one little step. Because of today’s story, or listen to Kate’s story the week before, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, if you’re stuck, you don’t have to stay stuck. Stuck is an illusion, and you’re never stuck as you think you are. There is a better way forward if you’ll just go after it. We Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. We’re so glad you’ve joined us. We do encourage you as we do every week, to, like, share, subscribe, So you don’t miss any episodes. So much more good great content coming your way to help you on your living richly journey. To find out more about Wendy, you can go to the the real life with Wendy.com. Is that correct?

Wendy Dodds:

The real life dotca.

Eric Deschamps:

The real life dotca. I was so close. So close. Real life dotca. Thankfully Steve will fix that in post edit aid. And the website will be right below my face right now as we’re talking, if he follows his normal his normal pattern of behavior.

Rob Dale:

Wow. That’s alright. Wow. We’re done. We have just doubled Steve’s work on the conclusion of this episode. Thank you so much for joining us for continuing on this journey. We hope that you’ll join us again next week

.