From Darkness to Light: Lorie Casselman’s Path to Personal Transformation

From Darkness to Light: Lorie Casselman’s Path to Personal Transformation

Lori:
I did have the belief system that I wasn’t going to see my 33rd birthday. I don’t like how it makes me. I don’t like who I am with alcohol in my system Yeah. Because it’s never just one. I will admit that my first time learning to use my prosthetic was a really hard time. I struggled with that. I was just angry, I think, more at the change, but there’s always, always going to be a cheering section as I go wherever I go. And they’re on the sidelines.

Lori:
Right? And they’re all of the influential people that are with me today.

Wendy Dodds:
Welcome to the Living Rich Lee podcast. We are super excited to be here today, and joining us, Lori Castleman. Lori, thank you so much for coming out and joining us today. You have had quite a remarkable journey, and I’m super excited, or we’re super excited, for our listeners to hear your story. So welcome.

Lori:
Hi. Thank you very much for inviting me here.

Wendy Dodds:
Always a pleasure. We’re gonna get into your story. Lots of stuff to talk about, but, you know, a story of alcoholism, toxic relationships, mental health issues, freak accident, You’ve had a lot going on. So if we talk a little bit about just to kinda dive into, you know, early life, you know, challenges, things like that, share a little bit about your early life, what that was like, the challenges you faced as a teenager.

Lori:
I remember experiencing heartbreak at a really young age, and I I I think I had started around 14, but 15 was a really big turning point for myself. And I was falsely accused of doing drugs when I didn’t, and it very much sent me into a downward spiral. It, it reminds me of, like, when I look back, I was just chasing an escape Mhmm. Really and truthfully, because I didn’t know how to regulate myself or was even taught how to regulate myself. So I just chased that escape where somebody once told me to smoke a joint, you’ll feel better. Drink the drink the beer, you’ll feel better, kinds of things, and I just fell into that.

Rob Dale:
Lot of a lot of people, right, in those in those, certainly those teen years where you’re still I mean, your own brain’s developing. You’re not fully into thinking like an adult even though all of us when we’re 15 think we know more than our parents and know more than adults. Right? But we’re still all that formation is happening, and then to to have adults accuse you of something that you didn’t do, it aspires you into doing those very things that they accused you of, and that’s setting a real trajectory for the next number of years for you.

Lori:
Yeah. It was I look back at it, and I’m just, like, ashamed a little, maybe, but I think I’ve accepted it better than what I thought I could have done then. Mhmm. Like, I do a lot of journaling and I write 2 parts of myself. So it’s part of, like, a DBT, so dialectical behavior therapy, and it’s in a form of internal family systems. So there’s parts of us, and I speak to a lot of my broken parts, or I will speak to my inner critic. I’ve went from hosting my pity party to celebrating.

Rob Dale:
Nice.

Wendy Dodds:
I love it. And we we’ve talked about the victim mindset often that it’s easy to fall into that trap and always, it can be easy to think, you know, poor me. Look at all the things that are happening to me instead of celebrating, like, these things have happened for a reason, and we just think you’ve done just such a remarkable job at transitioning that mindset into where you are today, which I love. You talked a little bit about just kinda like that downward spiral and and when you were falsely accused. If we if we talk about, you know, what that turning point looked like, what do you think, Laurie, were the key moments or the realizations that, you know, you found yourself landing on, to help you start making those changes?

Lori:
In my younger years, when I was 20, I actually lost my license due to drinking and driving. I was coming home from a hockey practice, and I was 5 minutes from home, but it was that point where, since I didn’t have a license, I decided to do something with myself and I went to school. I went to Kempe College for a horticulture technician program, and that’s where I from the age of 22, 23 on, that I stayed in the landscaping industry.

Rob Dale:
Was that when you went to college the moment where you also said, okay. I gotta put aside this stuff, the partying and all of that, or was that still happening as you went into the the horticultural program?

Lori:
It was still happening as I was going into the horticultural program, but at the it was the beginning of my 3rd semester, and I was, with my then boyfriend. He was so distorted and intoxicated. And it was at that point that I decided I was quit I’m not drinking. Like, fuck this. Yeah. I’m getting good grades, and I’m gonna party afterwards. And I didn’t get a chance to party because I was pregnant. So I, finished my 4th semester pregnant as a whale, but it was a really good experience because I actually got my grades up, and I put my grades to I get I, graduated with a 78 average, and there was only 6 people in our class.

Lori:
And I was the only one who became a mom, and I was also the only one who didn’t graduate with honors. So now that I’m back in school, my goal is to graduate with honors.

Wendy Dodds:
Aw. I love that.

Rob Dale:
I love that. I love yeah. Exactly. Going back, setting those goals, saying, okay. Now I’m gonna achieve those things that I didn’t achieve at that point. Again, that’s the taking control of them. The overcomer mindset is that one that says, I’m not gonna be defined by what other people have said. I’m gonna I’m gonna keep keep control of this.

Lori:
Yeah. My past does not define me. That’s for sure.

Wendy Dodds:
Oh, I love that. Now you mentioned, being pregnant, and that kind of morphs beautifully into, motherhood and relationships, stuff that we’ve talked about often here. When Kate and I have done shows, we’ve, you know, spoken a lot from a female lens around, you know, motherhood and relationships. You face severe, postpartum depression and and a toxic relationship, which which you’ve, been open with. How did becoming a mom, influence your decisions and mindset?

Lori:
To be honest, I’m not sure if they did at that point because I was trapped. Like, I was trying to take control of a situation that you couldn’t take control of. You can’t control somebody else’s indulgences or their lying or their choices.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. So you’re in you’re right. It it’s you can’t. You can only control how we show up in any situation. Right? But you’re dealing with in those early years, you know, to elaborate a little bit, in in a in a a toxic relationship, an unhealthy relationship. You’re battling with even just being now a new mom and, you know, like a lot of women, postpartum, depression and working through all that. What was that what was that journey like in those moments? Like, what was going through your head during that time?

Lori:
What’s coming to mind right now is the last few months of, the relationship. I was pregnant or I had just had my son, Isaac, and this is when the severe like, the it was the most severe part of the relationship these last 8 months where it was very physical, very verbally abusive. Yeah. And it wasn’t just him. I adapted to his behavior as well, and I myself became a monster.

Wendy Dodds:
What do you think ultimately gave you strength to be able to leave that? And we ask that because, you know, we know we have listeners that are likely in situations that you’ve been in and are probably thinking like, I wanna be like her. I wanna have the strength to be able to, you know, become my own person and to stand up and and, you know, do what I wanna do and live my own life. What message would you have around that?

Lori:
I wasn’t the one to leave the relationship. My best friend apprehended us out of it.

Rob Dale:
Oh, what do you mean by that?

Lori:
Because there was an incident where he was threatening to cause bodily harm, and I was like, he’s got my daughter. And so she helped me get my daughter back with the help of the OPP. Then we were into a woman’s shelter, MAISO Interlude, and that that, organization is very helpful for women and children coming out of domestic, situations. You wouldn’t know the shelter was a shelter by the looks of it from the outside. Yeah. Yeah. So that was really great. I felt safe there.

Lori:
They had a lot of programs for us to go into. I did 2 of them. There was pattern changing and, path to self discovery, or or 2 that because I was in that shelter, they said, hey. Why don’t we try this? And I did get some, counseling and some therapy from them as well.

Wendy Dodds:
I was gonna say, like, is that, you know, was that what they provided? Or did you have a choice of different programs, or were you were they, you know, here are the programs we have. We think that this would be helpful for you. Yeah. Okay.

Lori:
Yeah. There is social workers and everything that do work at a shelter who can help you through any financial or, sorry, legal process that you may have to face if you have to go to court for any custody battles or if you just need somebody to talk to. That was I had somebody there to talk to a lot who just helped it just helped to have somebody sit and listen.

Rob Dale:
What would you say to if there’s we we know this is that there are, just the stats alone tell us that there are going to be some women listening to this, podcast who are in an abusive relationship, whether it’s physical or emotional. Right? We know that they are there and that they are struggling and fearful, maybe feeling like there’s no hope, feeling like there’s no way out. What would be your message to those women that are listening, that are dealing with that specific issue?

Lori:
To remember that love with it is within, that nobody else can save us but ourselves. And what saved me was divine female energy.

Rob Dale:
I love that.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that. Yeah. And it sounds like you had a great oh, I should I shouldn’t assume. But when you said I think it was your best friend that had so it sounds like you had some support and circle of friends.

Lori:
At that time, I did. I I had 3. Three friends. Yeah. And they’re still my 3 friends today.

Wendy Dodds:
That was gonna be my next question because sometimes friendships and relationships change and evolve, depending on the situations or the experiences that we’re going through. Like, I remember when I went through my divorce, you know, I lost a bunch of friends. I remember when I transitioned my career from, you know, one thing to another thing, and I lost a bunch of friends. But I also had new friends that came in who were with me at that particular point. So my my question was, like, are you know, how did your relationships, your friendships change, or maybe they’re they’re the same or stronger?

Lori:
2, for sure, definitely stronger. One has I’ve reconnected with one of my childhood best friends, which was she was friends with my or excuse me. We were friends, and then we kinda drifted apart because of the toxicity, but now we’re back. She’s my best friend. I talk to her every day too. So I can also say that I’m starting to learn those new friendships now and the people that I enjoy hanging out with because we have real conversations. The conversation doesn’t relate about gossip, but we’re like, it they’re conversations that allow you to think.

Rob Dale:
Isn’t it isn’t it amazing when you get when you finally find those people? You know, I talk about it often that one of the things that enriches my life is community is a core value of mine. And so surrounding myself with people who are life giving, who are not afraid of having those deeper life meaning conversations, right, rather than just sitting around talking about whoever’s not there or, you know, talking about whatever’s going on in, you know, Hollywood or whatever the whatever it is, I’m so grateful that the the core people that we have, you know, chosen to have in our lives, as our close friends are all people who check-in with us, who ask the deeper questions, right, who dive in, and aren’t afraid to have those, heavier conversations, those, the it’s such a wonderful place to be when you finally find those people.

Lori:
I think it’s one of the things that I that I really am grateful for because of struggling with my own mental health. Now that I can reflect back, like, it’s one of it makes me grateful that I stayed.

Rob Dale:
Right. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that. I love that.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
You know, we talked a little bit about the alcoholism and and kind of that that that journey. Maybe we can expand on that. You know, you’ve had a complex relationship with alcohol. You’ve, you know, you’ve you’ve we’ve talked about it

Lori:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
A little bit. I feel like in anything in life, there’s always that final straw, whether it’s leaving a relationship, whether it’s changing jobs, whether it’s, you know, you know, what you’ve gone through with alcoholism. What would you say was that if you think back on that experience, what was that final straw that led you to give it up and to truly commit to changing your life for the better and for the good?

Lori:
I was 31, and I woke up with an extremely hang like, bad hangover. And it was my birthday, and I could hardly I could only piece parts of the day together. And I remember one specific aspect of it where I was so intoxicated, I got up and I left the house. Patrick was there with the kids, but I had just went over to the neighbor’s house and whatnot. And that was as fun as I remember it to being. It reminded me that this is how I was treated before, and I don’t want to do that now. Yeah. I mean,

Rob Dale:
you’re going back.

Lori:
Yeah. Patrick means a lot to me, and he’s been with me through a lot of the hard parts since 2017. So it’s been it’s all I wanna do is work together and not fall back into those things, like those places where he first met me.

Wendy Dodds:
Mhmm.

Lori:
He doesn’t deserve to have that. I don’t deserve. My kids don’t deserve to have that that lifestyle, that kind of stuff in their house.

Rob Dale:
What are what are some of the things that you do to to protect? Like, are there some kind of what are your strategies to stay sober

Wendy Dodds:
Or rituals.

Rob Dale:
Or rituals that you some of the ones that you might use to to to continue to commit to sobriety?

Lori:
I don’t like how it makes me. I don’t like who I am with alcohol in my system

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
Because it’s never just one. I am somebody that if I get the taste of it, I want to get slashed. And I just can’t do that. I can’t do that to myself. I can’t do that to my kids anymore.

Wendy Dodds:
What kinds of things have you embraced to be able to, you know, to commit to that sobriety and recognize who you are today.

Lori:
I don’t hang out with those people anymore.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. That’s such a big part of it. Right? The community. That’s and it’s a scary as fuck to say, I’m gonna walk away from these relationships that in many ways, it’s all I’ve known, and yet I know those relationships are not serving me well

Wendy Dodds:
Mhmm.

Rob Dale:
And to and to make that step. So kudos to you that you’ve done it, but that is a challenging thing to do. You know, we talk about it in everything. If you want to, if you are ready to shift your life into more purpose and meaning, if you’re ready to live out the full, you know, the authentic you, it is going to require a shifting of of community, of the people that you that you invest your your time and and allow, allow, them to invest into your into your time.

Lori:
I used to think it was a really lonely place, and then I understood what solitude meant.

Wendy Dodds:
And a lot of people are afraid of solitude. And I was just gonna say, like, when you decided I’m not hanging out with those people anymore, guaranteed that there’s listeners here that are like, I wanna make that same decision, but I’m too afraid of being alone, of solitude. So, like, when you made that decision, I’m not hanging out with those people anymore. Like, how did that look?

Lori:
I dipped in and dipped out kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. I would be like, oh, right. Nope.

Rob Dale:
Well, that’s right. I’m not connected. Yeah. This is

Lori:
why. Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
But I think that’s I think that’s I love that transparency around that because I think some people will think it’s an all or nothing thing, and I think some people become very fearful of what are people gonna think of me, what whatever the reason is if I if I just completely cut people out. So I love that transparency around, you know, dipping in and out as a way for you to Remind myself why. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And did you ever have people question you on that journey? Because women, especially, oh, how come you’re not hanging out with us anymore? How come you’re not, you know, partying with us anymore?

Rob Dale:
Too good for us? Yep.

Lori:
Yeah. I’ve I heard those, and it wasn’t the case. It was just I couldn’t indulge in that lifestyle.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. So and it sounds like you felt, and correct me if I’m wrong, confident enough or strong enough or still building that strength to hold firm to that and have your, what you truly wanted as being more important than what other people thought

Lori:
of you? I I had a one friend, particularly. Her name was Sarah, and she was one of my biggest supports when I came to, having that person to, like, talk to, she understands what alcoholism is. She lived it in her home, and she now doesn’t like, she understands it, but she also recognizes how alcoholism can destroy a family and such. She lost her dad to alcoholism, and I think knowing that about her helped me understand that, you know, grievance is hard because when we step away from those friends, we do grieve them. But or maybe we grieve that old part of that lifestyle that we would just wanna, like, get back to into or that I don’t know what part about us it is that just is like, no.

Wendy Dodds:
But it is a grief, though.

Rob Dale:
But it is a grief.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. It is absolutely a grief.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. We had Don Lechants on the on the he did 2 episodes with us, and he’s a grief specialist here in Ottawa. And I so appreciate it when he defined grief as any loss. It’s not just a death, but it’s any loss, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, a friendship, loss of what you know?

Lori:
Loss of a a

Rob Dale:
limb. A loss of a limb, which we’re gonna get into in a second. Right? All of those things are grief, and so let’s go there. I think, you know, as I listen to you, you again, all this stuff you were going through, it was like the universe was setting you up and getting you ready to face what most of us can’t relate to, in an incredibly, you you know, traumatic event. So you’re you’re you’re working in lawn care. You’re you’re working landscaping. You’re you’re you’re kinda getting your life back on track. And what happens?

Lori:
It was around 11 o’clock when we showed up to the customer’s house, and I got I was listening to the book Universe Has My Your Back by Gabby Bernstein. And, I was doing the back part of the property right along the edge of the embankment, and as I was coming up the hill, a bug flew under my hat and it fell onto my seat. And, my mower was malfunctioning, and I had jumped off, but it didn’t shut off. The mower, would rotate on its own. And so this is what was happening as I was pulled down the embankment with it. The right wheel took me here. The one wheel of the machine was on my left foot and the other wheel on the front right of it, I do believe was caught on the tree that we were beside. So I had my phone that day, and I was able to call for help.

Lori:
Like, it was a 2 minute and 36 second call at 11:18.

Rob Dale:
And that’s where you called another one of the workers who was nearby at least to get over there and shut the machine off and but the damage had been done.

Lori:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a I was close to losing those legs. Thankfully, I we did not because I do have a large laceration on the back of my left leg. So

Rob Dale:
Fascinating to me. And and and, again, for those of you that are that are watching, you know, you brought the book. You were listening to the the audio version of of this book, but you you know, this this book, the universe has your back. I mean, you are literally taking in this notion of, hey. You know, the universe we often say, one of our favorite phrases that, here at Living Richly is the universe conspires with us. Right? And so the universe has got your back. The universe is conspiring with you, and then literally as you’re listening to those words, the accident happens. Your leg is cut.

Rob Dale:
The the amputee the, you know, the it has to be amputated, and now suddenly you’re trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do having gone through this incredible accident.

Lori:
How do I function as a robot?

Rob Dale:
How do I function as a robot? Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Well, even and even in those moments of, I mean, having had an accident myself, you know, not to the extent that you’ve had Please

Lori:
do not minimize your accident. Yes. Thank you.

Wendy Dodds:
Thank you. But, I know that it still goes through my mind often, and PTSD is a very real thing. And, you know, as you were going through this experience, I remember as I was going through my experience once I finally came to all of these thoughts going through my head, would you like to share some of those thoughts as you were on the phone calling for help, you know, those thoughts going through your mind?

Lori:
Screaming bloody murder.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Immediately after the accident.

Lori:
On the phone, just, Barry, you need to come shut the mower off.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
And I was like, help me. Like, I mean, bloody murder screaming, help. Once the mower shut off, I remember just handing my phone over to my boss, and I just went limp. Like, it was the thoughts that were going through my head were breathe in, breathe out. Right. Breathe in. Yeah. Breathe out.

Lori:
And that’s it. I didn’t know. Like, nothing else was going through my head. I had a very few pan like, screaming where I was freaking out after. There was only 2 of those. And the second one came whenever the paramedic actually voiced what she would what they were dealing with. We have a partial amputation. And I remember then freaking out entirely because I didn’t know.

Lori:
Yeah. My eyes were shut. I still have no idea what I looked like, what my injury looked like.

Rob Dale:
So you hear those words. You hear that that, attendant say, we have a partial amputation. What’s what’s going through your mind at that point when you realize, they’re talking about me?

Lori:
Oh, I think I was just, oh my god. Yeah. Because I didn’t know. I honestly had no idea if I I knew that I had my left foot because the mower had to be lifted off of it. And I remember screaming that they were gonna break my foot and Mhmm. All I was all I heard was, I’m so sorry, Lori. I’m so sorry.

Wendy Dodds:
And I remember, I remember the video that you sent me when you were in the hospital, and you I don’t know how soon it was after the accident. I I think it was about a week or so after the accident. And, you know, just hearing you talk about your recovery, and already starting to shift your perspective on life and what that was gonna look like for you.

Lori:
I wonder if that was because The help of Ketamine?

Rob Dale:
Right. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Let’s go with that. Yep.

Lori:
A little psychedelic. But, I think it was that that I was given a reminder, I think, that, you know, the unit the universe just did have my back because I was only just moving into more of a spiritual belief system at the time because I was still very resistant to any kind of belief system because they didn’t work.

Rob Dale:
Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It didn’t work until they do work. Yeah. That’s right.

Wendy Dodds:
But that’s such a fair statement to say because there’s many people that are like, not a believer that because it doesn’t work or, but a lot, it, a lot of times it’s just because we’re not open to it.

Lori:
I have heard it. I’m an I love meditating. And if I hear somebody tell me that they don’t like to meditate or they can’t meditate, I get curious what barriers are they experiencing because our natural flow state is calm. Like, think of, like, a canoe floating down the river. Everything is happy.

Wendy Dodds:
It’s a great analogy.

Rob Dale:
I I wanna I wanna just because I so appreciated what you did just a moment ago, and you’ve talked about this. Certainly, it’s part of your your story. When you when, you know, when Wendy kind of minimized her accident a second ago and you caught you right away jumped in and were you know, don’t don’t minimize it, and it it the natural tendency we do have is that comparative. I remember when when, when my daughter died. I had a daughter who died at 7 months old, and I remember, for years, I would when I was working with people who would lose a child, I would almost minimize my experience going, well, Yeah. My daughter died at 7. I can’t imagine losing a child who’s 16, whose personality is formed and everything like that because at 7 years old or 7 months old, she’s still becoming her personality is really just you know, she’s still just a baby at that point. I mean, she poops and and, you know, sleeps and laughs and cries, and that’s about it.

Rob Dale:
Right? But I couldn’t you know, and I would compare. And, one of the the steps for healing for me was to stop the comparative game of saying, well, this is this, but it could have been this. Right? What was your experience like for for for you with the comparative kind of tragedy compare tragedies kind of thing?

Lori:
I don’t like it. I never I used to use it. Yeah. Okay. But now I’m like, it can’t be worse because right now, it may be a really, really bad time

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
And we don’t know it. And I don’t know. It’s not nice to invalidate somebody else.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm. It it’s not just invalidating someone else. We often invalidate ourselves.

Lori:
Yeah. That’s the

Rob Dale:
And and I just I I it it I see it all the time where somebody will be or somebody will say, you know, well, I I shouldn’t feel bad about this because other people have it a lot worse. Well, no. Get rid of the shoulds. Right? Just the reality is you are feeling bad about your situation, and who cares, what somebody else is going through or not going through in relation to that determining how you are feeling about your situation. Right? But we do that all the time. We can be so hard on ourselves as well as on others by doing well, you know, at least you’re not you know, at least you didn’t lose your whole leg or at least you, you know, at least you’re able to walk or what. Right? It’s such a ridiculous thing.

Lori:
Change how you wake up

Rob Dale:
at the morning. Change anything, and yet we like to do that all the time. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
So so we’re about 2 years now, past the accident.

Lori:
We will be celebrating 2 years in 10 days.

Rob Dale:
In 10

Wendy Dodds:
days. So let’s talk a little bit about that mindset journey that you’ve been on over the last 2 years. Talk a little bit about I know you’ve shared it publicly on your social media around the journey of learning to walk again, the journey of, you know, doing simple things, learning how to, embrace life again in this new way. Talk a little bit about that, and maybe a few things on how you’ve learned to adapt.

Lori:
I’ve I’ve I’m learning. It’s a mind over matter situation because our minds are so powerful and how powerful our inner critic can be and stop us in our tracks. One of the things that make made me the most sad after the accident was that I couldn’t move fast enough when my child hurt themselves. Like, when he my son fell off his bike on a on gravel. And if you remember back to being kids, that always hurt. Yeah. Getting a little bit of road rash, and I couldn’t go help him for the first time. And I sat there, and he’s crying, and his my daughter is taking care of him, and she’s been a solid superhero.

Lori:
And I sat there, and I cried.

Rob Dale:
He’s crying. You’re crying. Every time. Everybody could. Everybody’s crying. Yeah. Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Talk a little bit about what it was like, or the experience and maybe the support that you received in learning to walk again and learning to be, fitted for your leg, your foot, all of that kind of stuff. Because for a lot of people, they don’t they don’t know that process. They they see the pictures, they hear the stories, but they don’t they don’t know what that’s like learning how to walk again. Walk us through a little bit about that journey.

Lori:
I’m thinking of the first time I put my leg on. So I didn’t have the same suspension system that I do have now, but I remember walking in the bars and I remember being like, this is it. Like, this is it. We’re we’re back to doing it. And it was just it was there. I was like, can I run yet?

Rob Dale:
Right. Like,

Lori:
can I go run yet? And Dan’s like, no. Yeah. No. But I think, learning to walk, Sarah at my physiotherapist at the time at the rehab center, she was such an incredible support too. Like, she always showed up with a smile, and she was, like, gearing me up, ready to go. You ready to do this?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah.

Lori:
Okay. Let’s go. I will admit that my first time learning to use my prosthetic was a really hard time. I struggled with that. I was just angry, I think, more at the change

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah.

Lori:
That I had to ensure. There was no going back. There was no sitting in a wheelchair and crying about it. There’s I didn’t allow myself to keep falling into that because I wanted to. I wanted to keep going back because, fuck, it’s hard some days. And a lot

Wendy Dodds:
of it ties into our mindset and our outlook on how we are choosing our actions, choosing our words, choosing our thoughts, things like that. So,

Lori:
yeah, our thoughts are one of the biggest things that I was able to recognize and then get a hold of it. Yeah. But I have to admit my therapist that I was recently seeing, we are now done our sessions, she, for the first time in my life, said, Laurie, you need to regulate your nervous system.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Lori:
And I’ve been with a lot of people in this, journey. Yeah. And not one not once did somebody say, Laurie, your nervous system’s out of whack. If we focus on this, you’ll be able to show up better. And I think it was because of that Mhmm. That helped me also shift to where I am today. Because I never had somebody tell me, Laurie, it’s your nervous system that’s going all wonky on you. You’re not really, like, super anxious all the time, or you’re not super depressive all the time.

Rob Dale:
That’s such so much truth to that. Right? And it’s recognizing we have the power within us to regulate all of that. And and sometimes for some people, it’s through medication. For others, it’s about rewiring the brain to really set the tone for how you’re going to show up, what you’re going to allow to yourself to experience. All of that is within us to control.

Lori:
Absolutely.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
It also took other women sharing their journey and their own mindsets that allowed me to see or, like, have a different perception that it wasn’t just the same belief system that you needed to always have. Like, there are multiple ways to get to one destination.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I love that, and I love being that that the I think the more that message comes out that there are multiple ways and that there’s no right or wrong. There’s lots of different ways, but if you’re open to that, it allows you to just be more crystal clear on what your end destination is Yeah. Which I love.

Lori:
Yeah. Talk oh, no. Go ahead. I was gonna say back to the analogy of the canoe Mhmm. Where I always I now if I find myself getting too close to the shoreline when I’m in the In your canoe. Paddling in my canoe, then I know that I’m going to fight or flight mode or fight or flight mode. And then once I go out of that mode, I’m into, like, freeze mode.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
And then it’s like the deer in the headlights mode. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s been a really great change in myself to recognize those aspects Yeah. And to keep the analogy of canoeing in my brain because there’s always going to be a new stream to go down. There’s always going to be the rapids that you might face. You might have to, portage. Is that what it’s called? Yep.

Lori:
But there’s always always going to be a cheering section as I go wherever I go. And they’re on the sidelines. Right? And they’re all of the influential people that are with me today.

Wendy Dodds:
I love the canoe analogy because I think it’s such a powerful tool or an anchor. And when people have have specific tools and anchors, it allows them to when they’re having those days or those moments, which we always will because that’s just fucking life.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Wendy Dodds:
But to have that analogy or that tool to recenter and reground yourself, I just think is so helpful. Because I was gonna ask what tools like, if you were to think about 2 or 3 tools that you have in your toolbox that you’ve been able to use over the past couple years, I can see the canoe as definitely Yeah. One.

Rob Dale:
I

Lori:
was gonna say, I’m in a positive psychology class, and we just had a mindfulness, module that we had to cover. And from there, we had the 5 senses where the 5 things you can see, the 4 things you can touch, the 3 things you can hear, the 2 things you can smell, and the one thing you can taste. And so it just even for those 10 minutes, it kinda just brings you back. Yeah. So I think one of the biggest things too is that women aren’t always taught these tools. Mhmm. Like, sometimes we’re only taught them in books.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Lori:
But sometimes we can take all of this knowledge and try to understand it, but we might not understand it until somebody shows us how.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. You mentioned books as well, and and I love that you brought, the universe has your back. You also mentioned, Untamed, like Yes. By Glennon Doyle, and I think you and I had some conversation around that. How have those books helped shape your personal growth and development?

Lori:
One thing I can take from Glennon Doyle out of Untamed is we can do hard things, And I think that’s just that. We can do hard things, and the hard things look different to every single person. Yes. Yep. And carrying that compassion, I think that’s one thing that she taught me as well is about just honing into your compassion and what you are what you feel you’re meant to be.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I love that. And now looking towards the future, you’re here. We finally got to meet you in person. You’ve got some exciting plans, Laurie, including becoming a social service worker, creating a safe space for women.

Lori:
I think I’m I shouldn’t just keep it to women because men need help too.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Lori:
I firmly believe that men were taught that vulnerability is weak, and they need to know that it’s okay to have a safe place to cry because they’re not wimps for crying. Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. It’s so much of and Eric and I are doing a lot around mindful masculinity, and that is the message about, you know, really changing the narrative of what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. Kelly Flanagan, when he was on, just not that long ago, he he talks about how when we cut off that part, we’re basically telling men and and women to be half of the of the human experience. Right? So if a man is never vulnerable, never feels their emotions, never, then they’re cutting off half of the human experience. And just as women, if they’re never being strong and stoic and all that, they’re cutting off half the Mhmm. Human experience that why not we allow both men and women to experience the entire human experience. Right?

Wendy Dodds:
Yep. I love that. If you take a look at where you see your life in the next 5 years and all of the things and the exciting things that you’re doing right now and how you’re just growing and and emerging and and really just creating just a wonderful place for so many people to be able to share your journey, but learn from your journey and use you as a source of information. What would you say would be 1 or 2 things that you’re hoping to achieve in the next 5 years?

Lori:
So my own personal thing is, since I love flowers and I use horticulture therapy for my own mental health, I wanna have a flower stand. I’d love to just to have some fresh cut flowers for people. But, I wanna graduate with a higher than 80 average.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Lori:
And I I wanna train for hockey. Like, I really wanna play sledge hockey. Yeah. But I’m facing a barrier when it comes to it because we have to come in here to the city to play, and I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that commitment.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Lori:
I’ve only just started driving earlier again this year. So How did that feel, getting behind the wheel again for the first time? I think the it was nerve wracking. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nerve wracking. Yeah. My most glorious moment was after my water leg was complete, and I was able to shower for the first time standing up. Wow.

Lori:
You know how glorious water feels running down your body?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. All of those things that we do daily, but we just you take for granted until you don’t have it anymore.

Lori:
Yeah. No longer need a bench to shower. Like, that was the most exciting thing.

Rob Dale:
That. Yeah. I know we’re almost out of time here, so last question for you. What does living richly mean for you?

Lori:
I have thought about this question. And to be honest, I’d I’m not entirely sure yet because I’m only just starting to live. I I did have the belief system that I wasn’t going to see my 33rd birthday. And now that I look back, I’m wondering if internally I knew that at 33, life that struggle, that all of that past that is over. Maybe I knew internally that at 33, it was gonna be over, but I considered it death Yeah. Instead of rebirth.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Oh, that’s such a powerful, powerful statement, and I know we can’t wait to follow your Living Richly journey over the next, few years as you continue to rebuild, regrow, and do all kinds of amazing things. Laurie, it was an absolute pleasure

Rob Dale:
This was great.

Wendy Dodds:
Having you on the show today. We hope you enjoyed this episode as much as we did and, resonated with some of Laurie’s, incredible words and her story. As always, to help get this message out, like, share, subscribe, you know, we are able to, do, share, talk about, and experience altogether. Don’t forget to visit our website at livingrichly.me. Lots of stuff going on there. You can also join our free Facebook group as well, the Living Richley Nation. That is blowing up with so much stuff going on in there. And the most important thing about that is finding those like minded, people, and community, which is what we, which is what we live for.

Wendy Dodds:
Mhmm. You can also sign up for the 15 day life vision challenge. That is also a free challenge that has really been able to help people identify things like their core values, help them really get clear on what it is that they want, also clear on what they don’t want. And then, of course, you’ll be able to link arms with like minded people in the journey. As always, continue living your best life.

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