The Comparison Trap – How to Stop Letting Other People’s Wins Drain Your Peace

The Comparison Trap – How to Stop Letting Other People’s Wins Drain Your Peace

The Comparison Trap

Eric: [00:00:00] To look at somebody else’s life, whether it’s on social media or whether it’s somebody that you work with or someone that you admire. Um, we all compare the, the difference, the real question is, do you let it coach you or

All: does it crush you? Everyone loves to share their successes Yeah. On social media, and it’s in our face and.

Every day, all the time,

Kate: all this stuff that you’re supposed to do to be a good mom. And I just remember like many, many moments feeling so shitty about myself ’cause I’m like, you’re not doing enough, you’re not a good enough mom. And

Wendy: all of that comparison almost kept me from. Finding a career that I love.

Eric: Hi, and welcome to the Living Richly podcast. We’re so glad that you’ve joined us again this week on what is gonna be a phenomenal conversation on the comparison game. And how to protect your peace against the deadly trap of comparing yourself to others. And one of the questions we’re gonna be asking today is, what if [00:01:00] comparing yourself to others could actually be of benefit to you and not just a Joys dealer?

So guys, so great to be back in studio together. It’s been a while. Yeah, it’s been a while, right? Where the four of us are together. Uh, so, so glad to be here. Uh, let me kick it off with the first question. I’m gonna throw this your way, Kate. Uh, why do we treat someone else’s high, uh, high. Sorry. Highlight reel.

Yeah, I’m very, that’s a hard, hard word. Highlight. Re highlight. Reel. Reel as proof that our behind the scenes game isn’t enough.

Kate: Because we forget it’s a highlight reel. Like I think like at the end of the day, like I think of it this way, if I’m having a shitty day or I’m in like a bad head space and I’m already not feeling great about myself, like maybe I didn’t get to the laundry or I didn’t get that thing in at work, or something happened and I’m, I’m already got the negative self-talk running through my brain.

If I go on social, let’s say, and I’m in someone’s highlight reel, who’s leg. Folded their laundry and then their closet is beautiful and like they’re getting that promotion at work, right? I’m comparing and [00:02:00] I ultimately am comparing their high to my low. So I think what happens is when you’re in that state of like, I don’t already feel good.

When I see the highlight reel, it’s even harder because you feel even it, it just like echoes that. Inner dialogue, especially

Wendy: if they wash their whites in their dark separately. I don’t sometimes, ’cause I don’t have time for that. Who has time for that? Wendy? Time for that. Yeah. But I love what you say because that highlight reel sometimes we see it as that’s their report card.

It’s not their report card. It’s just a glimpse into their show. And we often forget that, especially when we start going through that scrolling game. Just bringing social media since you. I’d mentioned that was a, a good example.

All: Well, and, and social media comparison has been around since the beginning of time.

Right. I mean, we’ve always been doing that, but in this day and age of social media, and we forget that it’s still relatively young. Mm-hmm. Like it’s only been in the last 10, 15 years that there has been the opportunity to be tracking [00:03:00] every single thing Rob said,

Eric: relatively young,

All: relatively young.

Eric: Yeah.

For your age.

All: Yes.

Rob: Well, you’re not diagnosed checking anyway. Back in my day I had to get a carrier pigeon too. Lemme know what the Joneses were doing.

All: You know? The reality was, but that, that was the case is there was so much that people did that we were never aware of. Yeah, yeah. And so there wasn’t the opportunity today, of course.

As you mentioned, everyone loves to share their successes. Yeah. On social media, and it’s in our face every day, all the time. Our kids don’t know handle how to handle it, but even we are not yet equipped Totally. To understand, to truly understand. We know logically that, uh, it’s just the highlights. It’s.

Where’s all their, we know that logically, but if we’re not in a place where we’re processing things, uh, logically, if we’re emotional tired, whatever, we immediately go to the emotion [00:04:00] around it and we compare.

Eric: Yeah. I, I mean, the reality is everybody compares themselves to others. I think it’s pretty human.

Yeah. Uh, to look at somebody else’s life, whether it’s on social media. Or whether it’s somebody that you work with or someone that you admire, um, we all compare the, the difference. The real question is, do you let it coach you or does it crush you? Mm. Uh, and for me, the, the challenge has often been that the comparison game plays into my not enough script, right?

I’m just not enough. Mm. Uh, not good enough. I’m not successful enough. I haven’t pushed, I haven’t tried hard enough. Um, and it just really, really feeds into that. And I find myself comparing my raw demo to other people’s studio. Single. Right. Yeah. And it’s just not a fair comparison. And I don’t know, uh, we’re seeing a lot of this right now.

We just hosted a webinar, uh, on how to use AI to help you with your marketing on the Rhapsody side with a bunch of business owners. And we were talking about how there is. So much fake stuff out there now, um, take, take the highlight reels and the focus on social that we [00:05:00] were talking about, that people just put their best foot forward.

But it’s not a true picture. There’s not enough behind the scenes footage. ’cause I think if you saw behind the scenes footage of the same person with the highlight reel, you’d have a much more realistic picture. And now AI is creating all this content. It used to be that you had to. Like, be good at writing and whatever.

Mm-hmm. And now anybody and their dog, I mean like Loki’s posting now. Yeah. He type something. My dog is,

All: yeah. I, I love, I love following

Eric: Loki. He’s great. Loki’s my favorite. He’s far more interesting than I am. Really is. But my point is the content is, is is robotic. It’s, it’s not connected. And so more and more on, uh, when we think of the online world where we spend so much of our time, it’s artificial, it’s fake, it’s not real.

And I think people are actually longing for. Uh, like real human connection. 100%.

All: And to go along with that, not only is the, the, the content, the, the writing not necessarily real. Now the pictures aren’t real. So now we’re even compar comparing ourselves to, we see somebody [00:06:00] on a cruise or doing something, and the photo could be AI generated where they’re, they’re actually sitting in their basement eating a bag of chips.

Right. And, and they’re not doing anything. I saw, saw one of you the other day, you look pretty buff. Yeah, I’m just. And, and in that picture I was sitting, um, in my basement eating a bag of chips

Eric: chat. GPT just edited the chips out. Made you look like a thousand bucks. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I’m, I’m curious, uh, what are some stories or examples like where the comparison game really fucked you over?

Kate: Mm. When I was like younger, I’ll go. Way back in my time, Rob, when Facebook first came out, good morning when I was a young mom and Facebook was relatively new, like I still posted in the third person. Like that’s how bad Yeah. I go back to old post. I know. Wow. Wow. Okay. I

Eric: remember the nineties.

Kate: Uh, but I remember as a, there’s a lot of pressure when you’re a new mom and, and just you wanna get it all right.

And I, it’s hard enough going to moms groups and everyone’s got like the latest. Stuff and the [00:07:00] strollers, but then you start seeing it online and then you start seeing videos of women making sandwiches with stars and like all this stuff that you’re supposed to do to be a good mom. And I just remember like many, many moments feeling so shitty about myself ’cause I’m like, you’re not doing enough.

You’re not a good enough mom. You don’t have the $10,000 stroller, which nobody needs. No, you don’t have all the gadgets and stuff. Yeah. And, and that comparison game as a mom, it wasn’t about. Am I showing, am I being a good, like actual emotional support for my kid? It was like, do I have all the shit that my kid needs?

And I think like that was really eyeopening for me, where all of a sudden it wasn’t just at these moms groups in person, it had creeped into my day, like it was now in, in my, in my social feed. And it was, it was hitting me more often, not just an hour. You know, on a Wednesday now it’s like daily in my face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right.

Wendy: I think for me it was when I left the, like the biggest gut punch [00:08:00] for me was when I left my HR career, moved into the fitness and coaching space in a very saturated market. No experience, didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew that I was supposed to be doing something different.

And all of that comparison almost kept me from finding a career that I love because the inner chatter. Is sometimes so much easier to listen to than. Just putting one foot forward in front of the other and following your path.

Eric: The wisdom of Star Wars. Right. Um, ganja who said there’s always a bigger fish.

Thank you Eric. There’s always a bigger fish, right? Like we’re, we’re and, and so we often feel like we’re falling short. For me it was like long before I even had a fully formed brain. ’cause I start leadership. Uh, I’ve been in leadership role since the age of 17. Pushed to the front of the room. I said this before, long before I was ready.

And back in those days there was really. Mentoring was not a thing. Uh, leadership development was really not a thing. It was about how you appear at the front of the room, especially in the space that I came from. And the measurement of [00:09:00] success was how many butts are in the seat and on Sunday morning and how big is the offering?

Mm-hmm. How big is your budget? And so I, I was, I learned to compare myself very early on, like early twenties, uh, to people that had been at this for, it wasn’t really a fair comparison. When I look back here, I was just starting out and I’m comparing myself. To people that have been in leadership roles in that space for decades, and they have much larger churches and bigger budgets and more butts in the seat.

And what am I feeling? I’m behind. Look at how f I’m, I’m not successful. I’m a failure. And I still remember this particular trip. Um, uh, some we didn’t. Have much money back then. And a family helped me take my family to uh, um, Florida and we took ’em to Disney World. So they supported us to do that. And here we are, sitting by the pool and I was, I was, I felt so far behind now I’ve always been an avid reader.

Yes. Um, and, but here I am in Florida with my kids and I remember the afternoon I’m sitting there reading this leadership book, but not reading it because I’m feeling like, oh, I’ve got a bit of time and I just wanna learn. [00:10:00] No, I felt behind and here I am instead of enjoying myself with my family, I’m, I’m, I’m literally, um, uh, measuring myself even on vacation.

Trying to catch up and make up that deficit and that fucked up measuring stick followed me for years, years and years and years.

All: Yeah. For so. I’m gonna be v real vulnerable because it’s interesting that this was something that hit me just recently again, and I didn’t think it was an area that I struggle with anymore.

I don’t struggle with the comparison game when it comes to people I don’t know.

Yeah.

All: Um, and it was interesting, and I’m kind of, I joke in in our notes about how I, you know, kind of debated whether I could show up for the episode because for me it came out of a conversation you and I had, and it was around talking about some of our achievements and things like that.

And I remember when that first came my way, my first reaction was to compare.

Mm.

All: And right away I went into [00:11:00] this place of. I’m not like, uh, all of the, I, I don’t show, I’m not worthy. Mm-hmm. I, it’s all right. And I remember reaching out to Sherry and saying, I need to meet with you because I’ve got something here that I want to figure out.

Mm-hmm. And I want to carry this on my own. And I shared that story and I said, here’s what I wanna be clear. Eric’s done nothing wrong. He’s complete like this is, I re, I’m so. L I’m so aware that what I’m doing right now is nothing on him. It’s 100% on how I’m, why am I showing up like this? And she really did help me to start to go, okay, what’s deeper?

What’s the deeper comparison thing that you’re doing here? Uh, and I, you know, and, and, and, and I’ll use, let’s go deep on that ’cause it was a gut punch. You are so phenomenal with. And you’ve done it many times about, you know, us and how we show up and everything like that, and you’re so celebrate what I do and everything like that.

Uh, and that’s what I said to Sherry. I said, this is so me. [00:12:00] Why is this? I said, ’cause it doesn’t, it’s no one else can this do with other than the people closest to me. Yeah. I can celebrate their success, but then I also compare myself to the ones that are closer. Mm-hmm. They’re the only ones that it impacts are the people that really matter to me.

And so, yeah, this one I was like, oh, I don’t wanna talk about this today. I don’t want, I don’t wanna go into this. Because it, I’m still meeting with Sherry to work through why am I feeling inadequate and not just owning how I show up, and why am I comparing myself to the guy that I have the most respect for?

Yeah. Wow. Right.

Kate: Wow. And that’s, that’s a journey. Like that’s a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. And that’s discovery and learning and that’s like a, a big one. And sometimes I love that you share that. ’cause I think sometimes it’s like, it’s easy to just point blame versus actually taking accountability and having a self-awareness to be like, no, this is mine.

All: A hundred percent.

Kate: Yeah. Yeah. It’s,

All: it’s a hundred percent me. And so, but that is, and that’s why I think this is such a powerful topic. Yeah. Because we can be in a place where we’re living richly. [00:13:00] Mm. Yeah. We’re living our best life where. Everything around like my life is so incredibly amazing. Yeah. Wendy and I are just everything that we’re experiencing in life together and yet that script or those stories can just creep in when we’re not paying attention.

Oh, we still go. This is a journey. Yeah. I still,

Rob: another link. We still have work. Yeah. Another

All: layer. Pop has layers.

Eric: Oh, here we go. Going Star Wars. I had to court track. Uh, no, I love that you shared that. Yeah. I love your, the vulnerability behind that. And I know we had some big conversations, um, around that.

Um, I, I think as it we’re gonna talk more about how it shows up in our close relationship, the comparison trap, because I think it really does, and I know for me the closer to home it gets the greater the impact. Yeah. Right. Like it totally, it, it, uh, uh, to your point, a complete stranger. For me, it shows up like in my professional space where I do compare myself often to people that I don’t know is that [00:14:00] they’re in my space, right?

They’re in the coaching space, they’re in the leadership development space, they’re in the business coaching space, and so I’m, I’m, I’m reaching out to learn and observe what others are doing, but sometimes then find myself, I’m not a great coach and look at. Right. And then in, in my personal relationships.

Um, but one of the angles that we want to e uh, explore today is that comparison is often framed. We’ve been talking about the negative side, the dark side of it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But there is actually, um, there is like sit and jedi here, there is light side, dark side.

All: You’re like using every I’m today. You’re like,

Eric: I feel like I haven’t been behind the mic in a, a long time, and I’m gonna use every fucking analogy I can in this one

show

Eric: every Star War, every Star Wars analogy.

We’ve got, this is the way. There we go. I just did it again. Alright. Anyway. Um, comparison is not always bad. It can fuel growth. Uh, it can really help us go to the next level. So I’m curious, when has comparing yourself to others helped you in that way?

Kate: Yeah, [00:15:00] it fuels for me, it’s like it can fuel healthy competition.

It can be a motivator sometimes, like it’s not always a bad thing when you see someone else succeed who maybe is like not been successful, that can motivate you. Right? So I use Mike, the situation from a Jersey shore because that’s. Favorite to go to, but if Mike the situation can frigging do what he’s done and is now helping people in recovery and has a wonderful life and seeing where he came from, to me, that’s just an example that motivates me.

And maybe that’s less of a comparison game, but it is like, you’re like, okay, but if that person who’s doing really great came from here, there’s something about that for me that like sparked something in me to be like, okay, I got this. I can do like it. It fuels me. A little bit.

All: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I think a hundred percent for me it’s in the gym is is a place and, and you’re right.

Uh, it’s funny that we dismiss that as comparison even though it still is comparison or we, we play it down when it [00:16:00] versus the negative. ’cause it’s inspiring when we compare ourselves to the situations others are going through. It’s inspiring. I know we do this with Da David Goggins. Well, neither one of us is David Goggins.

Nor has his mindset or anything like that. The guy’s a freak. He wouldn’t, he’s just be Yeah. No, it’s, it’s an intense, but we laugh because one of the, there’s a, a, a meme that goes around of him running and he’s being interviewed by somebody and he, and, and he, you know, is he’s, he screams back into the mic, I’m back motherfucker.

Right. What he’s doing after he says he’s back from an injury and he is running, and we do it all the time. When we’re out, we go for a run together. Wait, give it to us one more time. Yeah.

Rob: I’m back. Motherfucker.

All: Yeah. And, and, uh, that was worthy of a repeat a hundred Fred. Uh, but, but I know even in the gym, like I will in, in a, in an orange theory class, we’ll compare myself.

To the other guys. Uh, now we have leaderboards where you actually see that. And I remember just recently we got a new staff member, young punk, you know, 25-year-old know-it-all. You know [00:17:00] J because he is younger, he is a punk. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

of course.

All: Young punk know it all. And, uh, and we’re doing the competition and I’m like, here’s what I’m gonna do on the rower.

You’re gonna do what I, and I beat ’em by like. Like almost 300 meters or 400 meters in this time thing. Good job. Oldman, even D was, yeah. Well, but there was a, that sense of that fucking a, exactly. And I, you know, and I may, I’ve, and I still let him know, I still remind him two weeks later, well, you, you’ve earned, you’ve earned the right to ribbon now for, oh, they go, of course.

But I think there is that it, it motivates and inspires.

Yeah.

All: Same way as, and I’ll use this, and I know that I’m talking a lot here, so I’ll, I’ll, uh, but I, I, I mentioned before the second ago about the negative of the comparison. Yeah. The same as the positive. There’s no one in my. Profession in world who inspires me more than you.

And when I’m sometimes sitting back and going, ah, I don’t know if I can do this, it’s, yeah, you know what, I see Eric, he can do this or he’s done that and it, and it fires me up [00:18:00] to to do it as well. So it’s a healthy comparison even when it’s not healthy. Yeah. Yeah.

Eric: Love that. Love that. What about you?

Wendy: Oh, just listening to what you’re like, you know, you guys have your business relationship, but um, the amount of times that he says just like what a brother you are to him is just, yeah, I just wanted to put that between us.

Don’t

Rob: fucking those things. Sorry. Ed’s gonna get

Wendy: like

Rob: nos, whatever.

Wendy: No, all I’ll just add is I think you can. If you let that spark fuel you instead of, um, pull you back mm-hmm. From a comparison perspective, it, it can be very painful. Mm-hmm. Well said, well said.

Eric: For me, it, it really inspires me or coaches me, like comparison really, uh, it fuels me up when it points to a rep I can control, and by that I mean something I can actually do that’s based on, it’s grounded, it’s based on my values.

It’s not some kind of Methodist enthusiasm to just cover up my [00:19:00] anxiety and my need to like, hold everything together, if that makes sense. Right. Um, uh, recently I developed a little thing that, a couple things that I’m using to check in with myself because I’ve began getting really present. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting around this whole control piece.

And by control here, I don’t mean like controlling others. It’s more like that tight grip on our lives as a way to manage the fear and manage the anxiety that we, we often feel. And I’m using this, this little thing called what’s, what’s true? What’s good, what’s next? What’s true, what’s good, what’s next?

And so when I find the comparison game beginning to point me in the wrong direction, I can say what’s true here. An example would be I’m doing meaningful work with my clients. That’s leading to great impact. That’s what’s true, what’s good. Uh, actually, one of my clients applied. Uh, some of the principles from one of our conversations and the very next week landed nearly $25,000 of new work.

Huge, right? Uh, what’s next? Uh, I’m gonna record that in my impact journal, and I might post about it on social media as a way of just [00:20:00] highlighting the win, uh, and then move on. So it’s a way for to, for me to reset. But an even better one. I posted about that this week. The fit model, right? Yeah. It’s a little, the am I fit right now and fit is, uh, what’s, what am I feeling?

Um, am I feeling fear or am I feeling freedom right now? If I’m feeling fear, I’m probably being motivated by the wrong thing. Mm-hmm. Um, the I is what’s my internal state? Um, you know, how does this feel in my body? Do I feel energized? Do I feel tight, rigid, and, and right? Like just that tightness in the body is a good single for me.

And the T is what’s the trajectory? Mm-hmm. Where is this leading me? Is it leading me again to something that feels energizing? Uh, or it does it feel like again, uh, something that is taking from me. And even after I do the activity, even after I do the thing, I still feel all the wrong feels, right? Mm-hmm.

What I love,

All: what I love about all of that, the power of reflection in those moments, right? Mm-hmm. And we talk about it so often and, and the comparison game. Mm-hmm. It’s such a healthy place. I screen grab something that [00:21:00] our, our colleague Steve had posted, uh, on social, he’s a, he’s a big fan of the Sedona Method.

Uh, and, and even that fits into this ’cause it’s just reflection, right? It’s what am I feeling right now? I I, I captured it here, but could I let this go? Would I let this go? And when will I let this go? Mm-hmm. Is the Sedona method, right? It’s this idea. Begin. Say that again. Could I let this go? Um, would I let this go?

And when will I let this go? Yeah, I’ve heard, I

Eric: haven’t heard that in some time. I need to revisit that love. Like

All: Well, that’s why I screen grab because I thought I gotta study that. Yeah. But I love you’re the king of, of acronyms that what I’m, and uh, you a hundred percent everyone knows that it’s right there.

I’m the PA Yeah, it’s, it’s, uh, the ca

No way.

All: You set me up. I did. I love you, man. You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Yeah. No, I, I love the, it just, again, I would encourage what I took from what you said, whether you, I think it’s [00:22:00] brilliant to use an acronym like fit. Uh, it’s such an easy way to remember it. It’s the reflection before you react, take a moment to reflect on what’s going on here, what’s happening, so that you can now process it, right.

Eric: If, if nothing else. Getting present to what’s the energy?

All: Yeah,

Eric: like what is the energy? Is it confident, purposeful, grounded? This is me living my best life. This is me exercising my gifts deliberately. Is it that energy or is it I’m behind? I’m not good enough, I gotta catch up. I’m frantic and I’m just trying to get control and get on top of shit.

Just getting present to that energy I think is massively good. Yeah. You

Kate: just like pausing and just being aware that you have. You feel any kind of way about, for a lot of people it’s the start. I think a lot of people don’t even know it’s C, like it’s not conscious. I think when they see it, they’re like, they’re like, you either like you’re going to shit all over.

Wow, they have this, oh, they can do it this way, [00:23:00] blah. And you cut and they’re not even aware of it. I think sometimes just like maybe get present and pause to that. Like that you’re even having a reaction to something and then even, even you, can you even call it comparison? They might be even one step behind that.

Yeah.

Eric: Yeah, so I mean obviously again, the angle we’re exploring is where, what are the positive benefits? But I’m curious, when does it crush your piece? When does comparing yourself to others crush your piece the most? Where does it show up the most for you?

Kate: When and I are having a telepathic. Right. I saw that how you could almost, I could almost see the thoughts

Eric: being exchanged across the table.

Right. I haven’t, haven’t

Wendy: been together in a while, so I know, uh, a hundred percent for me, it’s when I haven’t carved time out for me. Mm-hmm. When I’m not putting myself first, when I’m pouring more into everybody else. Pouring more into my studios, pouring more into my work, not taking the time to get enough sleep, not eating well, and then it just becomes a cycle.

So that always, always, always leads into self-destruction for me. Yeah. [00:24:00] Yeah.

Kate: Yeah. I don’t know that I would’ve labeled it that way, but it’s interesting ’cause I, I think it’s when I am low. Hmm. So it’s just when, and maybe it’s a result of all those things you just said, Wendy, but it is for me, when I’m in a negative head space.

So if all I’m already in that, and I, I talked about this at the beginning, but if I’m already in that head space and that voice has already got its story going and its script going, if I see anything out there in the world that reinforces that message, yeah. Then for me it’s just, that’s when comparison is like, it’s not good.

Yeah.

Kate: That is not a positive. That is not a motivator. That is another voice in my head telling me I’m shitty. I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. Yeah.

All: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I, I think very similar. It’s, it as, as what both of you have said, it’s, my energy is low and I’m not focused on myself. I, the thought that came to mind is it’s when I’m anxious.

Mm. Right? Yeah. And you go

All: back to the 2, 4, 2 model of anxiety. And we won’t take time to go through the whole thing, but when we’re anxious, we act stupid. Yeah. [00:25:00] And, and so when I’m anxious, I compare and then have stupid reactive. Thoughts or ideas

Eric: based on that? Yeah. And that the model there isn’t that you’re unintelligent, is that No, it’s just the, the greater, the anxiety that you’re feeling and what you guys described are all things that lead to greater anxiety when we stop taking care of ourselves.

Yeah. Uh, we stop putting ourselves first. Um, we’re not filling the tanks, so we’re, we’re, we’re vulnerable, right? Yeah. We’re vulnerable and so anxiety can get the better of us, and in those moments, the values that we. Whole dear The principles that usually guide us. Yeah. The logical thinking that can help us reset.

It’s like we, when we say you get stupid, it’s like you can’t access it or you struggle to access the stuff that normally you can access quite readily. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, a better reframe of the question actually now that I’m thinking about it was ’cause I asked a question and when is it crushed your piece?

You’re, uh, it’s more when have you allowed it to crush your piece? Yeah. Yeah. ’cause actually nothing. Um, what was it, uh, Sherry that. Told us a while back. Right. And, and I remember [00:26:00] challenging her when she first said it, is that you have never had an emotion Yeah. That you did not create. Yeah. And I remember going, fuck you.

That’s not true. Yeah. And then as we explore, I’m like, oh, it’s true. Right. No one can actually make me feel Yeah. Anything. It’s what I choose, uh, to feel. And, uh, for me, where it showed up, uh, in the last year significantly, we, we’ve talked about it, it was a big time of growth in the business. Um, uh, uh, we were getting some coaching from an outside organization.

Yeah. And, uh, I really applied myself big time to take our marketing for RSO to the next level and, uh, kind of re uh, position ourselves in the marketplace, right? Uh, in a fresh, new way. And, and certainly made tremendous progress there. But in that space, feeling very behind, feeling very insecure, surrounded by people that were way better.

And again, I started to

All: perceived.

Eric: Perceived. Yeah. Perceived. Yeah, because I’ll, I’ll get to that later in the story. Uh, uh, um, on another question. Yeah. But perceived, uh, to be way down the road and far, far more [00:27:00] successful. Um, and I was telling myself all the bullshit stories, right? Well, the business needs me right now.

And, and so I wasn’t working out as much. I was neglecting my mornings. Uh, for me, I was, uh, because it was marketing that I was learning, I was on, I actually hadn’t been on social all that much before then I was on it, but nowhere near now. Like, I was on it now, and now I’m checking every post to see if it’s how many likes it’s getting and, uh Right.

I’m seeing how it’s performing. Oh, it’s not performing as well. Here I am, like sometimes five 30 in the morning and I’m checking stats like a mofo like, what the fuck am I doing at five 30 in the morning? Comparing my, but that’s where, that’s where I ended up. Right. Mm-hmm. And so I had to do a serious reset.

I actually, uh, did an exercise, uh, a series of reflected exercises, um, on resetting my relationship with social, uh, about two months ago. And it’s been a, a game changer. And actually, uh, I’m happy to share in the show notes some of the questions that one might use to That’s great. To start to re That’s great.

If you’re finding yourself there. It’s not hard to find yourself there. I [00:28:00] never thought I would find myself there, but I was like, you, you, you, I remember you telling me like you’re on your phone all the time.

Kate: Yeah. So

Eric: thankfully that’s not the case anymore.

Kate: No. And I give you kudos for like hearing that like feedback and that message is like, ’cause it’s not easy to say to someone you’re close to like, Hey, like can you put your phone down for a minute?

I wanna have a conversation. And you always were super respectful if I said anything. But I think what was so great for you is you were like. I have an unhealthy relationship. Mm-hmm. With it. And, and your shift has been your, like your, because you don’t wanna be up at five 30 on your phone. No.

Eric: It’s not

Kate: serving

Eric: you.

No, I’m up at five 30, but I want to be doing more productive things than being on my phone and doom scrolling. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, guys, what is the line like if, if we, if, if not, if we believe, I think what’s been stated here is that there’s a dark side. To, uh, comparing yourself to others. It can also be a tremendous motivator for growth and advancement and evolution.

[00:29:00] So it’s got a, it’s got a light side. Yeah. Uh, it’s got a good side, but how do you tell the difference? What’s the line between inspiration and self-destruction?

All: Well, I know for me, all. I’ll quote the good old book that we used to study all the time, an old Jewish book. There’s an old Jewish book that talks about words of life and words of death and Book of Proverbs.

Yes, exactly. And I’ve always, that’s, that has always been something that I, I pay attention to and I I, in conversations in how what I receive from people are, are these words of life? Is this life giving or is this death? Giving. Mm-hmm. Serving death. And so for me, even when it comes to, to comparison, when I’m comparing, am I feeling life out of that?

Or am I feeling death and am I feeling death, I move away from it as quickly as I can, or I begin to, to work through why, uh, if I’m feeling life, I can lean into it. And so, you know, I I, people talk all the time about doom scrolling. Um, one of the things I’ve done on, even on Instagram is almost [00:30:00] most of that stuff.

Gone. My Twitter X, whatever you want to call it today, deleted it from my phone because you couldn’t, I couldn’t scroll it without, everything was death. Mm-hmm. Uh, now, uh, I’ve got so much more just life and I can sit there and laugh and pain in the ass to the kids and everything like that because I’m always now co I’ve, I learned how to copy and link to a text message, an Instagram.

Oh, an Instagram reel. ’cause, ’cause what showed me one day. So now I’m always, but it’s all fun, dude. It’s why I blocked you. All my devices. You blocked me.

But that’ll preach.

Rob: Silenced you. That’ll preach, brother. I love that.

All: Silenced you. I didn’t you. No.

Eric: You like, it’s like the illusion that you. Still following me and be like, no, I don’t wanna see your shit in my feed. Yeah.

Wendy: I think inspiration, like the right inspiration can absolutely inspire growth, but the obsession can fuel that shame and [00:31:00] really important that you start to work on yourself where you learn and you understand the difference.

Yeah,

Kate: and I think to add to what, what he said is when you’re. In inspiration and it turns to not being healthy, you often don’t see it. So what can start as a motivator in comparison, I don’t know, let’s just say to get healthy and you’re comparing and it’s great, but then it becomes like. Obsessive and dark and can lead to unhealthy relationships with food.

Like it can turn very quickly and I think often when we’re in it, we don’t always see it. And that’s where you need community and that’s where you need people around you to be able to hold you. Accountable.

Eric: Yeah. Love that. Um, for me, uh, crossing the line, uh, looks like I, I go from evaluating my work and what I could learn and do better to judging my worth.

Um, am I good enough?

Yeah.

Eric: Uh, who am I? Right. Uh, ’cause again, from a [00:32:00] work perspective, what I’m trying to do more and more now is if I see someone in my. He who’s in our space, like in the coaching space, and I like what they’re doing well. Again, instead of going down the rabbit trail of I’m behind, I’m not good enough, I’m not successful enough.

I mean, again, reality would tell me the difference, right? Like we have a very successful coaching business and we of course. Have great impact with the leaders that we serve. And we get that feedback all the time. But those in those moments. So what I’m trying to do now is, uh, rather than start doom scrolling and, and, and shaming myself, um, is to say, what, what can I learn from this?

What’s the, the one lesson, right? So learn the lesson, ship it, and then put the phone down. Alright? So, so use it to coach me. Uh, if it’s at that’s the right moment, sometimes it’s not the right moment. I don’t wanna be coached at 8:00 PM at night. You know, I want to relax. My day’s winding down. But, um, again, if I’m judging my worth instead of evaluating my work, that’s definitely, um, the line for me.

Um, curious, who’s [00:33:00] someone you used to compare yourself to and what did you later learn about their behind the scenes?

Kate: So many people, like so many. I like when that, when I read that question I was like, I, there’s lots of people along the way. I think for me, one story that stood out, ’cause it was like the first time I think I really understood like there’s smoke and mirrors and what you think is real isn’t.

And it, I was young in my career. And uh, I was at the gym all the time. There was a gym in the office and this woman used to always come in the gym. We came, whatever gym buddies we go for, runs, all that stuff. So we talk about her life, obviously talk about work, and I just thought she had the most perfect life.

Like she’s stunning, she’s beautiful, she’s healthy, she’s got great kids, she’s got this great marriage. Everyone loves her at work. And I’m like, okay, this is someone I admire. And then like. Sure enough, the more you spend more time with someone, it’s, and then one day she just came in and she’s like, yeah, my, my husband just like, he left me for this younger woman and I don’t like, and so her whole world [00:34:00] just had completely crumbled.

And I said, I never would’ve known anything was wrong in your marriage. And she’s like, yeah, well, it’s not the thing. Like no one talks about it. And I remember just like. It just hit me like a ton of bricks probably. ’cause I was young, but I, I just had this illusion and almost she was up on this pedestal.

Yeah. That wasn’t real. Right. It was my version of, and then when it all came crashing down, it’s like, not in a mean way, but part of me was like, oh, thank God, because I can’t live up to that. Like, part of me, I didn’t want her to have any pain, but there was part of me that was sort of like, okay, maybe this isn’t Yeah.

Real. Yeah.

All: Hmm. Yeah. I know for me, there, there was somebody in, in, in my world that, again, it was some incredibly, uh, appeared to be an incredibly smart individual, used all the right words, knew how to, you know, knew how to say things, knew how, how to, and connect to people, knew how to interact. Uh, and I remember there oftentimes I’d be like.

Fuck if I could. I, I just wish I was half as smart as they are. Mm-hmm. I wish I could just talk the way they [00:35:00] did or the way they connect to people is so powerful. Uh, until I got behind the curtain and, and I suddenly saw that, uh, the wizard was not exactly as they appeared, and even in interacting with people that had those relationships with this individual, um, would see all of a sudden, oh, there’s no substance to this.

And, and it was a, it was a, a big eye opener as I say. Started to see it. Uh, and then it got to a point where it’s just like expected, but it was, it was a big, suddenly you realize, oh, people can have a great exterior image. Mm-hmm. External image, uh, you get behind the curtain and, and it changes a lot. It’s a different

Eric: reality.

Yeah. Yeah. For me, it’s that coaching organization that the most recent one that we were connected with. Again, I would say our business benefited tremendously. Sure. For the time that we were connected, we learned so much and even Rhapsody is a much stronger business now, hundred percent now than it was even a year ago.

But I remember, and I’ve already [00:36:00] said it so I’ll keep this short, but I felt behind and the comparing myself and the imposter syndrome and all of this until I came to see that some of what I perceived to be their wins came with trade-offs I would never choose. Yeah. Um, and I think it helped me understand that, um, when I’m comparing myself to someone else or when any one of us is doing that, if you wouldn’t trade their whole life for yours, right?

Um, right. Like ask yourself, would I trade my whole life for what they have? Um, again, what I realized is there was a lot of what was part of that world and that space that wasn’t in aligned, in alignment with our values, wasn’t aligned with who I am. Um, that, uh, promised a lot, delivered very little, and we’re the opposite of that.

We, like, we’re so fanatical about delivering like dense value for our clients, but it was a great experience. I’m still glad we went through it. Uh, but I think it’s that, it’s, it’s uh, it’s just getting crystal clear on, um, again, the whole notion of. The behind the scene footage [00:37:00] is there, you’re, you may not be seeing it.

Yeah. Uh, but don’t take that face value, um, image, uh, as, as, as truth. Yeah. Right. Um, let’s, let’s keep going here. Uh, I, I’m curious about, we, we often do this, uh, this thing where we all, we always compare up. Right. Someone more successful, someone further down the road, uh, but never or rarely sideways. Um, why do we never compare ourselves to the people who’d love to have?

What we already have,

All: I, I, for, for the same reason why we struggle with, uh, gratitude. Everyone knows that, um, gratitude is a practice that will help you live a more full life. Yeah. Everyone says it. Yeah, but people don’t practice. It’s why we need, uh, things like get to mindset. We’re coming up

Eric: on, uh, just to, we’re coming up on, on, on a year, a year.

Kate: Daily [00:38:00] Gly, daily

Eric: gratitude in our shared journal. We keep, yeah. And there’s short entries in every day, whether we do daily or we do it every few days and catch up and reflect. Right? Yeah. And congrats. I

All: love that. And, and very few do that. Agreed. And so as a result, they say, oh, I, I know, I, I, I, you know, gratitude.

Yeah, yeah. Obviously, right? Like that’s, thank you. Yeah. And yet they don’t, and, and yet they don’t truly take the time to be gratitude in the same way.

Yeah.

All: We know. That there are those who are not as fortunate as us or, but we dismiss it and we, we choose not to do it because we’re just quick to go. Yeah, yeah.

We know it. Yeah. Thank you. Right. But we don’t actually take the time to recognize and go, oh, wait a minute here. Mm. Yeah. We’re very fortunate. We just had this conversation not that long ago. We were planning one of our trips or doing something and, and as we got talking, we even said like, we are so grateful.

Hmm. That we are in a, a place and a time that there [00:39:00] are a lot of people who would not be able to do, uh, the things that we get to do. Hmm.

Kate: Yeah. And it’s huge. I think the getting present thing, like the gratitude part is we rarely pause and. Truly appreciate what we have around us. Yeah. And, and when you do that, I think what happens, and the comparison up game we could say all day is, society has taught us we need more.

It’s, you know, it’s never enough. You need the better house, you need all the stuff. But when you truly pause, like even when you just did and get grateful to what you have, it’s also a reminder that someone else is looking at your life wanting what you

have. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Kate: And when you can do that, it kind of can stop you from that.

Up comparison game, like you don’t have the big house and it’s often around stuff. Let’s be honest. Yeah. C Yeah.

Wendy: Gratitude truly does live in the sideways view. Yeah. I think we’re so conditioned to look to, um, compare up because our brains are so wired to look at what we don’t have instead of what we do have.

Eric: 100%.

Wendy: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah. I couldn’t [00:40:00] agree more. Uh, uh, I, I reflected a lot on this question, and, and I think, again, getting to the point of, uh, you said it, we, uh, often are f following Again. We, we talk about this theme on the show all the time where we’re following the blueprint. That somehow has been handed down to us by family society.

It’s the shoulds and, uh, musts and have tos, right that, uh, we, we chase checking those boxes that we learned in life, that we sh we ought to be checking these boxes only to check ’em and go. Is that it? Yeah. That’s supposed to be happy now and we’re not. Right. And um, I got present the other day. I’m like, as I was reflecting on this show and particularly this question, uh, who would like what I have now fuck my 18-year-old self with?

Yeah. Yeah. I think my 18-year-old self would be amazed. To say, wow, good job, right? Yeah. Uh, look at the life you’ve built. Uh, I’ve got clients that sometimes I compare their level of material success and financial success and size of business. It’s easy to do that when you’re, uh, we work with some, I mean, one, one of my clients, they’re like a billion dollar [00:41:00] company, and, uh, it’s easy to compare.

Um, that actually I don’t compare. It’s so out of sync with who I am, right? It doesn’t, but sometimes, but I’m like, I know a lot of them who look to me and say, but look at the level of freedom you have. Uh, you want to take. You know, Friday afternoon or Friday off, you can, like you, I see you out. We were just talking about it at the a, a recent foundry dinner.

And one of the leaders was like, like, I see you out on your kayak, or I see you out doing shit. And he’s like, I’m like, I can’t stop. I if I feel like if I stop, it’s all gonna fall apart. I said, well, I said, dude, that’s part of the work. That’s part of the work. Right. Or folks that have said, I would love to have the kind of impact you guys are having Yeah.

With the podcast and the work that you do. So I think it, that’s not, those aren’t brags. It’s more about just getting present to Yeah. Uh, yeah, it’s okay. I might look at somebody and what they have and I could say, well, I’m falling short. Or I could say, well, do I even want that? Yeah. Um, and what do I have currently that I’m celebrating?

Uh, and I think that’s what gratitude really anchors you into, right?

Kate: Yeah. It anchors you into everything that you have. It’s so easy to take [00:42:00] for granted what you have. Yeah. And when you practice gratitude to be like, oh yeah, my life is great. That’s not practicing gratitude. It is like. It’s anger. I always say this, but it’s head and heart.

You have to really be like. Wow. Like to your point, like I’m living on values like take Friday off, whatever that looks like for you. But you have to feel it. If you don’t feel it, you’re just saying words that don’t mean anything. And to truly practice gratitude is that it’s hard. Yeah. For a lot of people, because they.

Don’t want to feel it or it’s hard for them to feel it.

Eric: Yeah, 100%. We, we said we’d circle back to this question. We touched on it earlier, and you kind of cracked that open when you got really vulnerable at the beginning of the show about not even wanting to show up for this episode, uh, ’cause of what you’re currently working through.

But how does comparison creep into our closest relationships, siblings, spouses, friends, that kind of thing? Hmm.

Wendy: Well I will be very vulnerable here. Uh, I think [00:43:00] comparison sneaks in everywhere for me, especially over the last year. And, and it can certainly take you down a path or paths that can, um. Really rob you of the joy.

Mm. Speaking of Rob, um, I will use my example of comparing myself on how to run three brick and mortar businesses. Mm-hmm. And I compare myself to Rob, who’s not in the business like I am, but. He’s my partner. He’s my sounding board, and I feel like he always, always knows the answers. He always is just very calm and collected and just very, just his business acumen.

Is just so up there. And I often, and I’ll say to him as well, I’m like, fuck me. Like, why don’t, why don’t I know this? Like, why can’t I understand financials like you do? Like why can’t I? And you know, he’ll say, but Wendy, like you’re comparing yourself to. I’ve been doing this for so long.

Yeah, yeah.

Wendy: [00:44:00] Um, but I feel that creeping in and then I feel myself getting frustrated and I don’t take it out on him.

At least I don’t think I do.

No.

Rob: Or not admitted to this show. There’s been enough

All: vulnerability today

Rob: doing an episode on things. I wish that.

Wendy: But I don’t, but use that as an example because it, it starts to, and I have to catch myself. It starts to take away the joy of what I’m doing because I feel like I should know so much more than I.

Do, and I don’t celebrate where I am and how far I’ve come. So I’m grateful that he reminds me of that. But I still hate that. You know more than me.

Eric: But you, so that’s such a, I mean, I can so relate to that frustration where you’re, someone triggers that in you, right? For whatever reason. Yeah. And, uh, a phrase that I’ve been using more and more to remind myself is different race, different lane.

Mm. Different race. That’s a great one. It’s not fair to compare myself to someone who’s been doing this far longer. Yeah. I’m exactly where I need to [00:45:00] be and the things that are frustrating me. Okay. Well maybe that’s something I need to lean into. Maybe that’s something I can learn. Uh, right. But I, I, I, yeah.

I wish I that happened more of the time. I’m still, most of the time like,

All: like why is that? Needs to be different. And, and if I can go to, ’cause I’m gonna contradict myself now in saying that, well, what, where, where, as I said earlier, where, where I struggle with comparison, comparison the most is with those closest to me.

It’s also where I don’t struggle with it because I also know the rest of the story.

Right?

All: Yeah. And, and so for example, like if I might, and this is why I go back to when does it happen, it’s when I’m anxious, when I’m tired, when all these things are happening because in the. Regular day to day. I’m not sitting there sitting comparing myself to you because one, I know one the work that you are putting in, I know the energy and the effort.

I also know the struggles. ’cause you’re very vulnerable and open and we have great conversations. I know [00:46:00] what you wrestle with that your insecurities. And so those closest to me were, I don’t have insecurities. No, sorry. What you used to have. What the fuck? Yeah. Those of you did you just throw me under the bus right under, yeah.

Yeah.

All: Yeah, the many, many, many insecurities, uh, I feel like I’ve got tired trends face them. Uh, but I think that, so for those closest to me, what I, I think. When I struggle with the comparison, it’s ’cause I, I don’t want to disappoint. And so now I want to show up and I want to be so look, hey, look, I’m bringing, you know, talk about value and all of that stuff.

Um, but also with the people closest to me, I know, I know what they’re wrestling with and the struggles that they’re going through. So it’s, it’s a mix and that’s why it comes back to where I own it so much that it’s on me because it’s all in what I’m going through in that moment, is how I respond. Yeah.

Yeah. Love that.

Kate: I don’t have much to add. I honestly, I think truly for me though, when in the close [00:47:00] relationships, if I start getting into comparison, it’s, it’s my work. It’s what you said, Rob. Yeah. Like there’s something, it’s, it’s bringing something up in me and like, why is that bothering me? Like, asking the question like, what is it about this for me?

’cause it’s not about what the other person’s doing. It’s something in me where I have an insecurity or I didn’t get to something. And that for me, it’s. It’s, it, it’s doing the work to kind of, again, peel back the layers of that infamous onion. We keep peeling back.

Eric: Yeah. Yeah. For me, it, um, a comparison creeps into my close relationships when I forget we’re on the same team.

Mm. Uh, great. A great example actually was when, uh, the both of you joined the podcast. Uh, we were probably episodes. 25, 35, around that, right around the thirties or high twenties when you guys joined the show. And it was so exciting. You guys brought such a great energy and a great perspective. And I remember, uh, as we were posting our short form content, our social media stuff, uh, [00:48:00] many times your stuff performing way better than mine.

And I think I remember saying to yo po, that’s it. I’m just gonna stop posting. What’s the point? And like I get a little salty little kid in my corner sucking my thumb and, and, and being, but it was funny. Then I’m like, but what am I doing? This is ridiculous. Like, uh, uh, we’re on the same team. We’re all moving the, the ball in the field here.

Um, and then something that literally just. This conversation just surfaced it. I didn’t come prepared to say this, but I look back on. So divorce twice, married, twice, divorced twice. Um, I surrounded, I in my closest relationships, I don’t know if I did this deliberately or if it was subconscious. I, uh, partnered up with people who needed to be rescued, um, people who needed to be helped.

Um, and I think in some. Weird twisted way that made me feel better about me.

Mm-hmm.

Eric: Um, it made me like, I, I, I feel like I’ve got the, and this is gonna sound wrong, I feel like I’ve got the upper hand [00:49:00] here, but not in, um, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. 100. Like I feel like I’m the one that’s got it more together and I’m helping guide and, and now I’m finally in a relationship with someone who, uh,

Kate: I don’t need you at all.

Wow. Wow, boys. Well, you sent me, uh, you

Eric: sent me, um, there’s, there’s a dagger in my back. Could you just pull that out? Thank you. I think that one yours. You sent me.

Kate: You did?

Eric: I did. Said to him. Okay. Coming down the home stretch. Um, let’s shift to strategies here. Um, uh, ’cause like what are some guardrails that you use?

So I’m skipping ahead a bit here, guys. Um, mm-hmm. What are some guardrails that you use to protect your peace when it comes to the comparison game? You know, some great strategies that we can share with, um, the nation.

Wendy: Yeah. So I guess it could tie into comparison, it could tie into protecting my peace, protecting my boundaries.

But, uh, I don’t wear my watch on Sundays. Mm. Um, I use do not disturb very [00:50:00] strategically on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On my phone. Uh, the other weekend I turned my phone off very early Saturday morning and didn’t turn it back on until Sunday night. Amazing. Yeah. And put it in my drawer and I just, so, uh, and that’s.

That’s like a forced, um, um, habit or forced routine that I’m trying to, um, encompass because I just feel like it robs me of things mm-hmm.

Kate: That

Wendy: don’t need to be robbed from. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. It’s

Kate: tri like for me, triaging social, so unfollowing. Mm-hmm. Not. Not where you’ve gone Rob, but like unfollowing stuff that doesn’t serve me.

Yeah. So anytime I watch it, I’m not feeling good. Yeah. Or it’s just, I, I’m like, no, like this is not fueling me. It’s actually draining me. So why, why am I watching this? Yeah. It’s not serving me.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh,

Kate: I think that for me has been like a really. A really big one because what you consume right, is you are what you eat.

Exactly. So I think that’s a, and that’s an easy one for people and they like you have permission to go, it’s your social. Yeah. Like you can [00:51:00] unfollow people. Don’t be afraid of like unfollowing someone. ’cause you’re gonna hurt their feelings. It’s your boundary, it’s your social feed. You get to curate it however you want.

Mm-hmm.

All: Nine times outta 10. They don’t even know that

Kate: 100%. They don’t notice

All: they’re, you’re so not on their radar that they don’t even realize it until down the road. They’re go, oh, you know, I guess they’ve unfollowed me. Or so. Exactly. Right. Like, it’s Exactly, so I, I, yeah, I think that’s an, an easy one.

Controlling the devices. I love, you’ve talked about it on some socials about an app. That you’re using, I’ll talk about that you’re still using. Yeah, and I, I think that there’s some things that you can do to control that. I, I’ll go back to the reflection. We talked about this a few minutes ago. Mm. Uh, the more, uh, here’s what I know, the more I am engaging in a reflection practice mm-hmm.

The less I struggle with things like comparison or any, or any of this other stuff, because I’m able to take the time. To pro, to proactively think through something rather than reacting. Yeah, I love

Eric: that. I love taking control, again, not just of your [00:52:00] phone, but of your thinking, your mind, uh, your mind. And that is so, so crucial.

Uh, for me, the Freedom App has been, uh, I’ve talked about it before, but, uh, on July 21st, this year, as part of resetting my relationship with social media, um, I enabled a feature on it. That once it kicks in. Um, and I have it set right now that, and have for months now. Yeah. That at 9:00 PM every night until 8:00 AM the next morning.

All my social apps are inaccessible. My emails inaccessible, my Slack notifications are, are, I can’t even, I can’t even check them. Like the, and this is true on all my devices ’cause it syncs on my phone, on my computer, on my laptop. Like all of it, uh, is synced. Um, and I can’t. And, and so once it kicks in.

There’s no turning it off once a week. I can overwrite it if, uh, if I’m up early and I’ve got some client stuff that I need to do in prep for something. And so I use that moment very strategically ’cause I can only do that every seven days. And I’ll tell you I got my life back. [00:53:00] Uh, no more scrolling my phone late at night, um, un until I fall asleep.

No more early morning doom scrolling. So now I’m back to, uh, getting up early. I’m exercising more. I’m back to my reflection in the morning, my reading, uh, my gratitude practice. Um, and when I say I got my life back, I got my life back. I highly recommend it. We’ll put links to it. We’ll put the link to it in the show notes.

There’s other apps that, that

All: it’s about setting the boundaries. Yeah, yeah. Setting your own boundaries. Yeah. We’re so afraid to do that. Sometimes, like I’m sure some people are listening to you say that and the, the, the anxiety around Oh, yeah. 100%. Like, I, I can’t look at it. Yeah. Like, right, like the, the panic of, of, of the idea, well, is there, is there an override, is there a password I could enter to override it?

Right. Like, yeah. Because, and that’s, that’s probably an indication that you need to do

Eric: it well. So I had it where I could just overwrite it all the time, and guess what I was doing? Overriding it every single time it kicked in, right? ’cause I could, it was too easy. I’ll say this one more thing, and then we’re gonna go to a [00:54:00] lightning round, sort of your final words.

But I, I want to get this in on the show, one of the mo other very significant parts of resetting my relationship with social media and ending the comparison tr. Uh, for me was creating an impact ledger. It’s part of my journal. Some call it an accomplishment list. Um, and, and, and this is how I describe it, right?

In the impact ledger. So just bear with me. I’m just gonna read a very short piece. This is about real people and real outcomes. This isn’t a scoreboard. It’s a record of lived impact moments where the work that I do actually moved a person, a team, or a business forward. I capture these, so I stay anchored.

In reality, when the social media algorithm tries to tell me a smaller story, I’m collecting evidence of change, not applause. I use this file to stay grounded, make better choices, and remember why my work matters, especially in low metric moments. The entries collected are for calibration and gratitude, not validation.

My worth isn’t on trial. My impact is under observation. Progress over [00:55:00] popularity. Substance over noise, love, and I’ll tell you, love it. Love, um, love. I started collecting. So now when someone texts me about something I said or did that impacted them, I just grab a screenshot, throw it in the impact ledger.

When someone sends me an email, I do the same. And in those moments where I’m feeling behind, all I have to do is open up that file and go, I’m not fucking behind. I love it. Right? Like, again, challenging the stories that we tell ourselves. Okay, guys, uh, before we wrap up, this has been an amazing conversation.

Yeah. Lightning round, final words. You wanna leave with the nation?

All: Hey, the pressures embrace, embrace the reflection. Mm. And, and if you’ve, if you’ve gotten out of that habit or you’ve never started it, get back to and focus in on taking time to reflect. Whether it’s a ledger like you’re just shared, what is that?

It’s a reflection. And having that opportunity to think through what’s going on in the moment is probably going to do more for you than anything else to [00:56:00] get out of the comparison game. Love that.

Wendy: Mm. I would say there’s absolutely zero comparison between the sun and the moon because they both shine when it’s their time.

Eric: Yeah. They shine differently too. Don’t, and they shine differently. Yeah. Love that. Love that.

Kate: I think I just say, you’re human and you’re going to compare yourself, but you get to choose how you react to that comparison.

Eric: Mm. Love that folks. Here’s the truth. Comparison will always show up. You can either let it crush you or you can let it fuel you.

We hope that today’s conversation. Is gonna help you do more of the latter. Before we sign off today, if you found value in this episode, please share it out. There’s other people that could benefit from the message and make sure to do two things. One, visit our website@livingrichly.me where you can find all the show notes and episodes that we’ve done in the past, including this one.

Um, and you can also find, uh, information about our Facebook group, uh, where we have close to a thousand members at this stage. Mm-hmm. All people on a journey similar to yours. Who are trying to live their best life. And if you are a business owner or entrepreneur watching this [00:57:00] show, make sure to visit rhapsody strategies.com.

That’s our coaching website where you can find out how to scale your business and take it to the next level without losing your soul. So make sure to check out both those websites and until next time, get out there and live your best life.