Lessons on Leadership with Sophie Parisien

Lessons in Leadership with Sophie Parisien

Sophie Parisien [00:00:00]:
A lot of it is instinctually developed an instinct for knowing what’s the priority and what’s not. So it really is about going with what’s most urgent, what’s most, and what’s the biggest bang for your buck. Well, the fear factor is there. So the fear and and just the anxiety is there, and it’s not normal. Our central nervous system is not made to constantly be on edge and to feel like everything is an emergency. Change is uncomfortable.

Eric Deschamps [00:00:22]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:00:22]:
And that’s okay.

Eric Deschamps [00:00:23]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:00:23]:
That’s okay. Like, life is supposed to be uncomfortable. I don’t know who sold us

Kate Beere [00:00:28]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:00:28]:
The story that there’s not They supposed to be bumps and bumps along the way. But Yeah. Parents should prepare their kids to say, most life is not a linear thing. It is about challenges. You’re gonna fall down. You’re gonna get your ass kicked. You’re gonna get back up. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:00:42]:
Right? And and don’t be scared of that. Like, actually expect it.

Eric Deschamps [00:00:52]:
And welcome to the Living Richland podcast. It’s so great to have you back. Welcome you back to the Living Richland Nation. Really excited about this week’s show. We have Sophie Perries Yang, a great friend and client of ours. Welcome to the show. Welcome.

Sophie Parisien [00:01:05]:
Thank you for having me.

Eric Deschamps [00:01:06]:
Yes. Sophie, you’re like a seasoned business leader. I’ve told you this. I’ve told your team this. You’re and I’ve told my team this, so you’re probably one of the most sophisticated leaders that I’ve had the opportunity to work with over the years. Need to work with over the years. Mhmm. And, you’ve quite, an an amazing work history and career, started in health care, running, an emergency department.

Eric Deschamps [00:01:25]:
Wow. We often talk about, like, leaders were not saving lives. Yeah. You actually were in many ways. Right? We couldn’t believe it. And now are running a A local law firm, great law firm, Secat Gidbo, that I have the privilege of serving as well. Mhmm. Over and over in my work with your team, they talk about the impact act of your leadership on their lives and the influence that you’ve had on them, and, of course, also a wife, mother of 3 teenagers, including twins.

Sophie Parisien [00:01:50]:
Right?

Eric Deschamps [00:01:51]:
I mean, an amazing amazing, background, and I can’t wait to get into this conversation with you. And so let’s jump right in.

Sophie Parisien [00:01:59]:
There.

Eric Deschamps [00:01:59]:
As a seasoned leader, I I I’m fascinated by the question or your answer to this question, what does leadership mean to you?

Sophie Parisien [00:02:07]:
That’s is not management. It’s got nothing to do with it. It’s really just being there for the team and for people to be able to unfold into their best self, and really kinda setting the stage so that people, can reach their goals and can really be the best versions of themselves. So I’m really you know, I believe in servant leadership Yeah. Leadership. So being there for them Yeah. And really kinda setting things up for them. Sure, challenging as well because some people are, you know, are have fears, and I I don’t know why some people are well, there’s a lot of people that are very afraid.

Sophie Parisien [00:02:47]:
It’s kind of our society now. Yeah. So kinda taking away some of the fears and helping people be courageous and and trying new things, I think, is what I see leadership easy.

Eric Deschamps [00:02:56]:
Yeah. I love that. I love the servant leadership plans. I know that that’s who you are and the empowering other people. It’s very different than the style of leadership that we see, in a lot of the business world where it’s more top down.

Kate Beere [00:03:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I’m I’m curious because Eric’s talked about you a lot in a very positive light. So I’m super excited to have you here. But I’m I’m really curious to know a bit of your journey around sort of what led you into, you know, health care, and then sort of what transitioned you into law. Pretty different spectrums. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:03:29]:
Well, I we’ll probably get into, you know, my early years kinda thing, but I was born and raised in Ottawa, went to French, French schools, and so French, Catholic and French Canadian family. Not very religious. So when I say Catholic, my parents weren’t, but they came from an upbringing. Right?

Eric Deschamps [00:03:45]:
It’s cultural. Right?

Sophie Parisien [00:03:46]:
Yeah. Cultural. Yeah. Yeah. And, they divorced when I was age 7. So we’ll talk about a little bit about about that impact a bit later. But just generally, when I graduated in grade 13. We had to do grade 13 in those days.

Sophie Parisien [00:03:58]:
Yeah. I remember. All of my friends were kinda going to university and just doing a BA or doing something, and they’d figure it out later.

Eric Deschamps [00:04:04]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:04:12]:
Know, I had to pay my own way to university, so I thought I’ll take a year off, and I’ll figure out what I wanna do. I have no idea what I wanna do. Yeah. And during that time, I got sick. I got sick, was traveling and and, got sick, came back, was hospitalized with a severe kidney infection, double kidney infection for a couple of weeks. And I was 20, I believe, by then, 19 or 20, and was in the hospital for 2 weeks sharing a room with 3 other patients at a time with health care, what, you know, the way it was kind of thing. And and to say I had the best patient experience would be a lie. I I felt, very, powerless in my own.

Sophie Parisien [00:04:49]:
And it was kind of the first time in my life where I was like, hello. I’m a human being. You know? Like and, you know, the doctors and the teams and the residents would come and talk down to you kind of thing. Wow. And funny story is, one time I was, there was visitors. I would get visitors, and 1 guy I was dating at Red Lobster at the time. Yeah. He came to visit me.

Sophie Parisien [00:05:07]:
And, the best friend ever at

Eric Deschamps [00:05:09]:
Red Lobster.

Sophie Parisien [00:05:10]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love A lot of my friends I have my Red Lobster crew. Hey, crew. Awesome. And, but

Eric Deschamps [00:05:16]:
Red Lobster, if you’d like to sponsor the show, we’re wide open.

Sophie Parisien [00:05:20]:
Most I love Red Lobster. I got never got sick of it. Worked there for 8 years. But he was visiting me, and the nurse came in at the end of her shift. She said, hey, sweetie. In front of him. Oh, hi. It’s 3:30.

Sophie Parisien [00:05:30]:
I just need to know, have you had a bowel movement today in front of I’m 20. And she’s like, I need it for my chart, and I’m like, oh, god. Like, mortified, I turned all red. I’m like, yeah. Yeah. I did. Yeah. And then she’s like, was it solid, or was it soft? And I was like, are you effing fitting me right now?

Kate Beere [00:05:45]:
Like Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:05:46]:
And so, anyway, I I went to bed that night going, I’m gonna go into nursing, and I’m not gonna treat people like that. I’m gonna, like, treat them as where they’re at and meet them where they’re at

Kate Beere [00:05:56]:
and try

Sophie Parisien [00:05:56]:
and tweak things. Of course, we have processes to follow. Yeah. So I knew fairly quickly that I wanted to go into nursing. Yes. To help people.

Eric Deschamps [00:06:03]:
Yeah. To make a difference.

Sophie Parisien [00:06:05]:
To make a difference at a one off, but more at a macro level as well. I wanted to kinda change some ways, some more fashion way.

Eric Deschamps [00:06:11]:
I I absolutely they love that because we just recently had on the show, Nazeem Ahmed Nazeem Ahmed, who’s a a great friend client as well. He’s in the tech space, right, and, is working on a 2nd start up. And and we had Steve Cody

Sophie Parisien [00:06:25]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:06:26]:
Who’s a serial entrepreneur here locally, Cody Party. There’s just so many businesses that, he’s launched here locally. And what was fascinating, 2 very different stories, but but very similar to what you just said. Really? They found themselves in a situation where they saw a need. Yeah. They saw a gaping hole in the system or something not being addressed, and that’s what and I think in essence, That’s what leadership is. I think a lot of folks see the same issues and just turn a blind eye, or I guess it’s just the way it is.

Sophie Parisien [00:06:52]:
It’s true.

Eric Deschamps [00:06:53]:
But leadership often is, How do I change it? That’s bad.

Sophie Parisien [00:06:55]:
I didn’t

Eric Deschamps [00:06:55]:
know that about

Kate Beere [00:06:56]:
the store capacity. It’s funny because we do that all the time. We’re probably the worst. We urgent to wait Wakefield for a nice relaxing weekend.

Eric Deschamps [00:07:03]:
It was.

Kate Beere [00:07:04]:
And we’re waiting at a restaurant to get in, and we’re like, god. So inefficient. But but constantly, like, they just did this, and you

Eric Deschamps [00:07:11]:
most turn it

Sophie Parisien [00:07:11]:
off once you see it. Once you see it my parents raised me like that. There was there was always a no negative talk kind of thing in the house, internal dialogue, don’t talk to yourself badly kinda thing. But also, don’t just complain and not do anything. Yeah. 1 is the anything about it, then shut up. Yeah. You know? You can’t talk about it.

Sophie Parisien [00:07:28]:
Yeah. Most otherwise, do something about it. Right. So it was kind of innate in me. My parents both have strong leadership capabilities, and both my brother and I Yeah. Are are like that too. We just see the change, and it’s like and when you turn it on, honestly, you can’t turn it off. Like, you really can’t Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:07:43]:
See inefficiencies in the lineups at Horton.

Kate Beere [00:07:45]:
100% of the

Sophie Parisien [00:07:46]:
kind of things he just can’t.

Eric Deschamps [00:07:47]:
Yeah. It’s part of the curse of being a business coach is for me as and a leadership coach is

Sophie Parisien [00:07:51]:
go there and do you want me

Eric Deschamps [00:07:52]:
to I can help you.

Sophie Parisien [00:07:55]:
I literally had to tell side note, tell my husband a few years ago because I do the finances and other stuff, but I said, I am not talking to Rogers or Bell ever again.

Kate Beere [00:08:04]:
Most I

Sophie Parisien [00:08:04]:
guess, unless

Sophie Parisien [00:08:05]:
I become their CEO and go

Sophie Parisien [00:08:07]:
and change the way they do things, I can’t spend any more minutes of my life.

Eric Deschamps [00:08:10]:
Well well, there’s maybe a future career path for you. Most So so you chose health care.

Sophie Parisien [00:08:15]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:08:16]:
Right? And talk to us about that. I mean, you would end up eventually, before you made the shift That landed you where you are now, you were running an emergency department, which I can only

Sophie Parisien [00:08:26]:
imagine partially. Part of my like, that was only for 4 years. I was in health care for 20 5 years. Oh, wow. And if there’s parents out there that are not sure what their kids wanna do or themselves, if there’s people out there that aren’t sure, health care is a wonderful field. The the what’s good about nursing specifically is it’s very versatile. So you get bored with 1 field, you switch to another. And I’m the kind of person that likes to experience different things, and you still have your degree there.

Sophie Parisien [00:08:49]:
So I did a lot of things. I started, you know, beginning of life, labor and delivery was where I did my, my 1st few years.

Eric Deschamps [00:08:55]:
Wow.

Sophie Parisien [00:08:55]:
Loved. That was amazing. And then I was a manager for palliative care, I saw people at the end of life as well. Worked in cancer care, worked in many different chronic So, I mean, I I have to I

Eric Deschamps [00:09:05]:
I don’t want me to interrupt you, but

Sophie Parisien [00:09:06]:
No.

Kate Beere [00:09:06]:
No. No.

Eric Deschamps [00:09:07]:
So Being there when life begins and being there with when life ends.

Sophie Parisien [00:09:12]:
It’s a privilege.

Eric Deschamps [00:09:13]:
Privilege. Yeah. Absolutely. I’ve been there well, I’ve been there when my were born, and I remember all 3 of them. Yeah. I was present during their birth and cried like a baby all 3 times because it’s so overwhelming. And I I’ve been at people’s bedside they’re transitioning in my former life. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:09:26]:
And I love that privilege, honor.

Sophie Parisien [00:09:27]:
100%. Yeah. People are at their most vulnerable during those times. So it’s it’s you get to see the true essence of of human beings, and that’s my passion is is figuring out what make people tick and who they are and their story. And and so when you’re that vulnerable state pain or Yeah. Or just lovely kind of moments. Yeah. You kind of all this fluff goes away.

Sophie Parisien [00:09:50]:
So health care is like that. You just every single day you get perspective on life and death, and life is too short. And so I don’t need reminders of that ever. It’s just always there to to know that there’s people that are worse off than you. There’s people that are going through the worst day of their life kind of thing. And I might be at work. And to me, I’ve done this 10,000 times. I don’t know how many times I told my nurses this in the emergency department because sometimes you I get complaints in my job as director there.

Eric Deschamps [00:10:14]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:10:15]:
And they you know, they’d see a 150, a 100 200 client patients a day. And for them, it was like triage, and they do the typical asking the questions. And, yes, they know that there are people sicker than that person. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Person is their 1st time, and it may be the worst day in their life. And so they have to have an experience that somebody is listening to them and Scott them.

Sophie Parisien [00:10:34]:
Wow. So

Kate Beere [00:10:34]:
Wow. So how what’s, like, making decisions like in You know, like Eric said it at the beginning where, you know, I I’m in marketing, and so we always would say, like, you know, if we don’t hit our deadline, you know, no one’s gonna die. And it’s a common like, and it’s horrible. A lot too. Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:10:50]:
It

Sophie Parisien [00:10:50]:
says liver dust. Are you bleeding her on fire?

Eric Deschamps [00:10:53]:
Okay. So we’re glad. Most Are you bleeding or on fire? Oh my god.

Sophie Parisien [00:10:58]:
In that one. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:10:58]:
I’m stealing that one

Kate Beere [00:10:59]:
for sure. But, you know, that’s the reality is that’s not the case. But for you in that role, maybe walk us through what does decision making look like in that setting? Because I imagine the pressure there is is intense.

Sophie Parisien [00:11:12]:
Yeah, in in health care generally. Like, health care professionals are under a huge amount of of stress, particularly doctors and nurses, but also other health care professionals that are in that in that field. And so a lot of it is instinctual. You develop an instinct for knowing what’s a priority and what’s not. Triage is term the emergency department uses, obviously, but you use that in many aspects of of health care. So it really is about going with what’s most urgent, what’s most, and what’s the biggest bang for your buck. Not in marketing necessarily, but how many people am I gonna impact, or what is this decision gonna yeah, what domino effects is it gonna have? I might if I do this one thing for this 1 patient, what impact will it have to all the others or vice versa? If I don’t act now on this, what message am I giving to the team and to our to other patients?

Eric Deschamps [00:11:59]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:12:00]:
So it’s a lot about, you know, thinking quickly, prioritizing what’s, what’s got the most value, the highest reward Yeah. And the lowest risk. Obviously, mitigating risks is a really big part of the job for any leaders, but also but particularly risks in health care are like I forgot. Sometimes.

Eric Deschamps [00:12:19]:
For a 100%. And, overwhelm we talk about overwhelm. So many people, struggle with with living life in a state of almost constant overwhelmed. Like, being overwhelmed with life, the decisions that need to be made, the responsibilities, and, you know, that you talked about the triage thing.

Sophie Parisien [00:12:35]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:12:36]:
I I think very few people know or have, have have developed the skill to triage. So everything feels 100%. How do you like, I we were talking earlier just in getting ready for the show. You talk well, for me, leadership in life, in business, in my It’s all the same. Right? So can you tell talk to us about what triaging in life looks like for you?

Sophie Parisien [00:13:05]:
Yeah. I think it’s just about I don’t know if you’ve heard of the book, The Subtle Art of Giving a Fuck. Yeah. That kind of when I read it, it kinda summarized how I think and feel. I was like, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. You know, there’s only so many things you can care about, and it’s not that so many fucks too.

Sophie Parisien [00:13:25]:
Haven’t read it. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not about not actually giving a fuck. It’s about choosing the fucks you’re gonna give. Yeah. Well, I’m sure. Of it.

Sophie Parisien [00:13:31]:
You know, I think there’s a cup that actually exists. Yeah. It does.

Kate Beere [00:13:33]:
I’m sure.

Sophie Parisien [00:13:35]:
About, you know, that you’re overloading my cup of fucks.

Eric Deschamps [00:13:37]:
We we we need to get them for the show.

Sophie Parisien [00:13:39]:
Yeah. But just the concept is just simply choose what really matters to you, align with your values, and really own those and give a fuck about those. Right. But let go of the other stuff. Like, you can have opinion on everything. I get many people sometimes ask me, like, what do you think of this? I don’t know. I don’t have an opinion on that. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:13:56]:
It’s not one of those things that I care about that much. Tell me more about it. I’m open. You know? Yeah. And, so sometimes when people come in and I’m like, oh, come into my office or whatever, and and it’s like, okay. Let’s just take a moment here. Hey. Is it life or death? Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:14:11]:
Anybody gonna die? You’re bleeding or on fire? The law firm it’s only money. Like, it’s Right. It’s not even real money. It’s like wires and stuff like that. You know? So let’s just deal with with this. And then sometimes that puts things in perspective. Wow. But oftentimes, there’s things behind that.

Sophie Parisien [00:14:25]:
Like, there’s we live in a in a in a life right now, our journey right now together, where the constant well, the fear factor is there. So the fear and and just the anxiety is there, and it’s not normal. Our central nervous system is not made to constantly be on edge and to feel like everything is an emergency. Fire flight. Yeah. Completely always bombarded with things, like, yeah, the digital, you know, aspects of it. So it it’s just really about perspective, putting people and going, okay. Let’s we can get this done.

Sophie Parisien [00:14:56]:
You know? Every I have an assigned in my office that says, and my kids know this about me. Everything is figureoutable. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Literally, everything is figure

Kate Beere [00:15:05]:
And I love just being able to say, I don’t have an opinion on that. I love that because there’s times where you’re just like, you can give 1, but you really don’t have one. So, Dehiva, how are

Sophie Parisien [00:15:13]:
you gonna make it up?

Kate Beere [00:15:14]:
Right. Exactly. I just feel like I don’t have one

Eric Deschamps [00:15:17]:
Don’t we feel that pressure, though? Let’s taste it. Right? In leadership, as parents, Yeah. As spouses, whatever

Sophie Parisien [00:15:23]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:15:23]:
We feel this pressure to always have an answer, or an opinion on everything. Yeah. And I think it’s learning to again, when we talk about, Well, how many fucks do I have

Sophie Parisien [00:15:32]:
to give? Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:15:33]:
Sometimes it’s okay to say, I actually don’t have an a formed opinion on this. Just And

Kate Beere [00:15:37]:
I don’t and I don’t need to. Yeah. I wanna circle back because we kinda jumped. We started health care. What we kinda skipped over what brought you a lot, and you’ll see we’re hearing the other one. So,

Sophie Parisien [00:15:47]:
opportunity, really. Yeah. I I worked in health care, like I said, for 25 years. It’s a wonderful field. But in Canada, as you know, health care is attached to the provincial political system. So that’s who controls the bucks. Yeah. And every 4 years, there’s an election.

Sophie Parisien [00:16:01]:
And every 4 years, it flips. And the power the the party in power wants to make their stamp on things. So they switch things up, which is really not helpful for health care providers or, so it was really I was getting very tired of putting a lot of energy into developing things that were meaningful to patients and to and to doctors and nurses that needed it. And then, you know, all of a sudden, flip of government said, oh, no. We’re taking money away from that. Yeah. So it’s it’s exhausting when you know where you wanna go, but you have you’re stuck in red tape. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:16:32]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:16:32]:
So, a headhunter called me and, one of your clients. Yeah. And, I was like, well, they’re creating a position as COO in a law firm. I’m like, you know I’m a nurse. Right? Yeah. Right. I just have to say that 3 4 times in the conversation? You know, I’m a nurse. I go, yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:16:49]:
They they particularly do not want a lawyer leading. They want someone with leadership experience. They want to do financial management to HR, those kind of things. Yeah. And, you know, health care is very similar to the legal legal field. You don’t think about it at first, but people go to a lawyer when they’re in a vulnerable state. When you’re getting divorced, you’re buying a house that could be good or bad kinda thing. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:17:08]:
You’re selling your business. You know? You’re you’re suing someone. There’s a bunch of different things. You’re developing your will. So you’re talk talking about death. So there’s a lot of life and death in marriage, and it’s very similar, in that aspect. So it took me a while to make the decision. I analyzed a lot, talked to my family and friends about it, weighed all the pros and cons.

Eric Deschamps [00:17:26]:
That’s the

Sophie Parisien [00:17:26]:
way my brain works. Right? Wrote them down. Yeah. Yeah. And then took the opportunity.

Eric Deschamps [00:17:31]:
Wow. So after after you triage that decision, and and and weigh the pros and cons and jumped in, what were some of the biggest challenges you faced in the transition Yeah. And how did you overcome?

Sophie Parisien [00:17:44]:
I think I was prepared for them in advance. I’m just not being a content expert about the legal field. You know? Right. But I don’t believe leaders need to know need to know the subject. I’ll say it helps later. Like, I’ve been there for 4 or 5 years now. I can’t remember. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:17:59]:
But, so I’ve become more familiar with it. But certainly that’s a discomfort. But most and I like being uncomfortable. I I I need that in my in my life. I need a bit of discomfort once in a while to grow. And so I was ready for it. I you know, you have to find your people to know who were the content experts and who am I gonna go to. So I I spent my 1st week there meeting with everybody 1 on 1 and just asking questions and listening.

Sophie Parisien [00:18:24]:
And so I that really helped. But definitely, I’m not gonna lie. It’s it’s uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Right. And that’s okay.

Eric Deschamps [00:18:30]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:18:31]:
That’s okay. Like, life is supposed to be uncomfortable. I don’t know who sold us Right. The story that there’s not They supposed to be bumps and bumps and bumps along the way. But Yeah. Parents should prepare their kids to say, life is not a linear thing. It is about challenges. You’re gonna fall down.

Sophie Parisien [00:18:47]:
You’re gonna get your ass kicked. You’re gonna get back up.

Kate Beere [00:18:49]:
Yeah. Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:18:50]:
And don’t be scared of that. Like, actually expect it.

Kate Beere [00:18:52]:
Well exactly. So because you spoke of of parenthood. I’m curious. Like, for you, how does your leadership style you like, we talked about how personal and business are are all one. But you you know, parenting and leading, it’s they’re they are for you, they’re all saying for me. So talk to me about something. I was like, oh,

Sophie Parisien [00:19:14]:
I need adult day care. Urgent. And they know I’m joking, but yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:19:17]:
Adult daycare. Yeah. So many great one liners. Like, I got are you on fire, or what is it your are you wait. Are you burning Burning or bleeding.

Sophie Parisien [00:19:25]:
Bleeding or on fire. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:19:26]:
Bleeding or on fire. And now adult day care.

Sophie Parisien [00:19:28]:
Yeah. Great definition. Because I’ve had a patient come in on fire. So Oh, most K. That’s it. That’ll be enough. Leading is not something bad, isn’t it? But, it’s the same. It’s about supporting each other.

Sophie Parisien [00:19:40]:
It’s about setting the stage for people and not imposing yourself on other people, but letting them, like, literally unfold into who they’re supposed to be. Yeah. We all come with our own, like, stamp of who we are, our own temperament, our own. It’s not my job as a parent to mold my child to my way based on my is, you know, who are they? Let me figure them out. Being curious about what’s in there and giving them permission to Yeah. Trust themselves, to screw up, to fall and get back up and to you know, we do that in skating with kids. You’re gonna fall down, get back up. I’m never skating again.

Sophie Parisien [00:20:19]:
Yeah. I remember one of my twins saying that I mean, laughing in the background going, you’re gonna get up again. And, you know, she laughs about that now. But it’s the same thing with everything is if you don’t give them permission Yeah. To be who they are, they’re gonna feel like they’re so there’s this kind of perception of parents and of leadership Yeah. That’s not necessarily a a school of thought that I that I believe in

Eric Deschamps [00:20:41]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:20:42]:
Which is kind of the hierarchy of of I’m the parent, you’re the child, or I’m the leader, and you’re the employee. To me, it’s more flat. Most we’re just we have to meet the table. We all have a different role. And, yes, we have to guide kids when they’re little. Yeah. For sure. But after a while, you need to step back.

Eric Deschamps [00:20:56]:
Yeah. Otherwise, they don’t develop. Right. So I love that because the again, I think there’s a lot of leaders. And, again, I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ve worked with, now thousands of leaders in hundreds of organizations. And one of the biggest challenges for a leader is when when they reach a stage when you’re working with a younger leader or a a a less

Sophie Parisien [00:21:25]:
need to feed them and address them and Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:21:26]:
Where a lot of leaders struggle, where a lot of parents struggle is what now in that little one or that employee is coming into their own. A leader feels insecure about that, can feel all kinds of things about that, and try to impose it’s supposed to look like this or try Live vicariously through their kids. But what I hear you saying is that it’s all about

Sophie Parisien [00:21:46]:
figuring out happy once they figure it out. Yeah. Once they figure it out, I step back. Yeah. It’s like, I’ve you I now know you can do it, and you’re gonna do it. Yeah. Hey. It’s gonna make my life a lot easier because I’m delicate.

Sophie Parisien [00:21:56]:
Yeah. B, I got other stuff to do. Right. You know? And how are you gonna get better at it if you don’t do it? Yeah. Because I can do it. It shouldn’t yes. It takes more time to coach someone. Yes.

Sophie Parisien [00:22:05]:
It takes more time 100%. To to pass the information through, whether it’s at work or with parents. But it’s Yeah. It’s totally worth it. Everybody wants to grow and and become Yeah. Good at something and staying flat and not allowing people to grow in the workplace is why people leave.

Kate Beere [00:22:20]:
Yeah. I love your approach. I think for me in that workspace, I’m I’m good. Like, I’m really happy. Like, you will like, when I see someone on my team thrive, I am like, that’s my happiest moment and go fly with my kids. I’m a I’m a little like, I’m not like, my son right now is away in New York City. It’s his 1st road trip with his friends. He’s flying home on his own.

Kate Beere [00:22:41]:
16. And I’m like, why is he not texting me? Like, I am very,

Sophie Parisien [00:22:44]:
like normal.

Kate Beere [00:22:45]:
Still the mom. Yeah. He’s he’s there.

Sophie Parisien [00:22:47]:
And so But you’re practicing it. Exactly. Aware of it. Yeah. Practicing it. Like, see, like, we talk about practicing law or practicing medicine or practicing yoga. Yeah. Well, we it’s like practicing life.

Sophie Parisien [00:22:58]:
You know? Like, we’re practicing, and we’re not gonna get it right the 1st time. We haven’t been a mother of a 16 year old that’s going on a trip the 1st time before. And he’s my oldest, so he’s not the

Eric Deschamps [00:23:07]:
1st time.

Sophie Parisien [00:23:07]:
Know how to yeah, so you’re gonna screw up, and you’re not gonna get it right. And No. If you overstep and goes, mom, then you just apologize, you know, to prepare and whatever. So Totally. It’s a journey. Most It’s not life or death. Nobody’s gonna die. He’s not

Eric Deschamps [00:23:19]:
Nobody’s on fire, not yet. Yeah. She’s not.

Sophie Parisien [00:23:23]:
That’s my feared. That’s my period. Okay. I know. Because, of course, we go there. I send memes to my kids. Yeah. Like, I think I heard somebody talk about this on the podcast.

Sophie Parisien [00:23:31]:
When they don’t answer their phone, this is what I’m imagining, and it’s that meme of them on the side of the side. It is. There’s

Eric Deschamps [00:23:36]:
literally That was you.

Sophie Parisien [00:23:37]:
It was me. Yeah. It was me. Yeah. It’s me too. You know? Like, I mean, I’ve talked myself through it.

Kate Beere [00:23:42]:
You know? Yeah. 100%.

Sophie Parisien [00:23:43]:
Don’t be really quiet.

Eric Deschamps [00:23:44]:
I I’m reminded of the saying, you know, when it comes to anything in life, when it comes to becoming your best self, succeeding in your career, Whether it’s getting healthy and making some changes, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Right?

Kate Beere [00:23:58]:
Like, you

Sophie Parisien [00:23:58]:
you have to

Eric Deschamps [00:23:59]:
embrace the discomfort.

Sophie Parisien [00:24:00]:
Don’t be so afraid. Be courageous. Like, be brave. There’s no reason not to be. Honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? Like, I always go to, okay, what’s the worst that can happen. Right. Hey. I’m not gonna get the job.

Sophie Parisien [00:24:11]:
I’ll get fired, or, you know, I’ll hurt myself. Right. Whatever. It’s still not a failure. It’s an it’s a learning opportunity to go, okay. That wasn’t for me. Yeah. Get back up and and just move forward.

Sophie Parisien [00:24:21]:
Keep going. As long as there’s movement forward and you’re kinda progressing in life Yeah. Then, you know, to me, that’s living richly.

Eric Deschamps [00:24:28]:
Yeah. Yeah. Brene Brown talks about

Sophie Parisien [00:24:30]:
She does talk.

Eric Deschamps [00:24:31]:
She says something about, you you can you can either choose comfort or you can choose courage, but you can’t have both.

Sophie Parisien [00:24:38]:
Yeah. And I

Eric Deschamps [00:24:38]:
and she said choose courage. Right?

Sophie Parisien [00:24:40]:
Always.

Eric Deschamps [00:24:40]:
Choose courage. People are so afraid. And, I think with, I mean, I’m interesting to see your lens on this. You led, your team through COVID. Yeah. And that was a Fear, a hesitation in people. People seem more fragile now Yeah. Than at any time that I can remember.

Eric Deschamps [00:25:07]:
I don’t know if that’s been your experience and how you’ve How you’re addressing that? Or

Sophie Parisien [00:25:11]:
Yeah. I mean, it’s it makes sense when you think about it. We were placed in a in a state of fear for, you know, years. And, like, literally, you could kill your grandparents if you were sick around them. You know? That’s a lot to put on children, anybody. Not Yeah. Anybody. So can see how that state of a constant, you know, alertness Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:25:30]:
And the crash afterwards. So there’s, like, a crash afterwards. So, yeah, I’ve seen a lot of mental health and anxiety and and burnouts, and people just kind of you know, we’re kinda holding it in for a while, and then they just couldn’t anymore. Yep. And I think just normalizing that, talking about it, and just and just acknowledging the fact that, you know, it’s okay, and you’ll get through it kinda thing. And just giving people the tools to do that as well and self care, and

Eric Deschamps [00:25:55]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:25:55]:
Everything that goes along with it. And if people need to change whether it’s jobs or patterns in their life, then they should. You know? So just talking about it. A lot of my job is talking Yeah. In in my office.

Eric Deschamps [00:26:05]:
Great. Creating that space. Right? It’s

Sophie Parisien [00:26:07]:
a it’s a big

Eric Deschamps [00:26:08]:
I mean, this is part of a big part of what Prompted us to do this show. Yeah. Here we are now 63 episodes in. We just celebrated our 1st anniversary on December 27th of the show. Thank you. It it’s creating a safe space to talk about difficult issues

Sophie Parisien [00:26:24]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:26:25]:
And giving people tools and resources to actually address it, fun. Yeah. Which is what you’re doing day to day. I would imagine both at home with your kids and your family and in the workplace.

Kate Beere [00:26:34]:
Yeah. And I know, like, For me in COVID, you talked about nervous system. I think, like, everyone was just we’re all just vibrating. Right? And now we’re starting to come down. I think the comedown is even harder. I think people are a bit lost, confused. Yeah. Do I have to go work 9 to 5 in an office? Can I work remotely? I wanna go be on a beach.

Kate Beere [00:26:55]:
Do I have a soft?

Sophie Parisien [00:26:56]:
Do I need to test lunch? Right? For a mask? Do I go in? Do I stay home?

Kate Beere [00:26:59]:
Like What do I right. So that it’s up here. So self care is so important. We talk a lot about it on the podcast. We actually just our previous episode was on self reflection. For from your perspective, how important is that for you in in your life, and what does it look like?

Sophie Parisien [00:27:15]:
Yeah. I I wouldn’t be able to be who I am without it, for sure.

Kate Beere [00:27:19]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:27:20]:
It looks different in different type times of my life, I think. Yeah. It really does. Sometimes it’s just time to myself, and 2 minutes of silence or whatever or or whatever works for me at the time, exercise. But generally, self care for me is, doing, and I I really, like, acknowledge my parents for giving me this permission when I was young. Don’t do what you don’t wanna do. Yeah. Do more of what you wanna do.

Sophie Parisien [00:27:49]:
That’s amazing. A lot of people waste a lot of their energy on doing things for other people Mhmm. That they don’t wanna do or doing things because of obligation? Don’t do it. Yeah. And I tell my kids, blame it on me. Tell them I don’t want I don’t you don’t want me doing it because they’re like, oh, I really don’t feel like doing that. Well, then don’t do it. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:28:04]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:28:04]:
Because that drains us a lot of times. And I think you’ve talked about it on the podcast. Mhmm. Sometimes when we feel drained or tired or we feel like our battery is low, it’s because we’re not doing enough of the stuff that juices us that that excites us. Yeah. So, and and honestly, if you’re in a bad mood, doing something for someone else most puts you in a good mood. So me, like, just even going to work or talking to my kids and doing something for them and just a little act of kindness that will put will help that fills my cup too. But sometimes I just need to not talk to people for a few days.

Eric Deschamps [00:28:35]:
I I’m out of I’m out of fucks.

Sophie Parisien [00:28:38]:
Yeah. Yeah. And I have awesome friends who know me and who understand that if I say, nope. I don’t feel like going to the concert. They know it’s because I I I don’t need that in my life right now. And what I need is either something else or whatever, and, you know, they don’t judge me for it. And I don’t, like, another thing I think we have is that FOMO, you know, fear of missing out.

Eric Deschamps [00:28:56]:
Oh, yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:28:56]:
Yeah. Oh, my friends are gonna do this. Yeah. Yeah. But what do you need right now? Yeah. And if I need to go to the gym or, self care also to me is pushing myself to do more, like, learning. Like, during COVID, I learned how to play golf and, pickleball and afterwards and stuff like that and did more cycling. And so pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, I think Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:29:15]:
Again, it’s contagious. The more you do it, you can’t stop doing it. Right. Right. So sometimes people have that fear, and I see them being held, and I’m like, just try it. Like, you don’t have to commit to it for life. Just try it.

Eric Deschamps [00:29:26]:
Yeah. I talk about this actually with I I, with my leaders all the time because I remember, at a younger stage, I’ve talked about my journey. I’ve talked about, like, it took me 3 burnouts to slow learner sometimes. Right? I it takes me a while

Sophie Parisien [00:29:38]:
to that, but you’re not a

Eric Deschamps [00:29:39]:
but it well, sometimes, on some fronts, I feel like I have because it took me a while, but people would keep telling me, You know, Deshaun, get a hobby. Like, you need to get a hobby. Like, you have to and I was much younger leader. I was way too invested just in work. I wasn’t investing enough in other areas of my life. But I remember every time if I I was at a place if if 1 more person tells me to get a hobby, I’m gonna murder them. Like, I’m good. Right? Because I felt that I needed to figure out what that hobby be and almost commit to it and, like, everything else in my life, then give a 100% to it.

Eric Deschamps [00:30:09]:
Perfectly. Do it perfectly. It’s like I’m getting married before I even got just started dating.

Sophie Parisien [00:30:12]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:30:12]:
And so now when I’m working with my leaders, I’ll encourage them to say, you do need to have some meaning outside of work. Because if that’s the only way you define yourself, that’s not healthy. Right? You need to have some pursuits that really fill your cup outside of that. But don’t don’t feel like you need to commit to anything. Exactly. Experiment. Try different things. Right? Try pickleball.

Eric Deschamps [00:30:33]:
Try learning golf.

Sophie Parisien [00:30:34]:
You suck. You know? Even if

Eric Deschamps [00:30:34]:
you suck. I mean, the one talking about

Sophie Parisien [00:30:36]:
sports was just generally Yeah. That perfectionism is dangerous, you know. I’ve always, like I aim for excellence is what I am for. 90% is good Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:30:45]:
I’ve seen that time and

Sophie Parisien [00:30:47]:
time again with you. I I do not I will that 10% will kill me. I I’d like it. I mean, I I know what perfection looks like, but I will always be okay with excellence. And I want you know? That’s why I tell my kids or my staff is it doesn’t have to be perfect. Yeah. We will never get it perfect. Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:31:02]:
Yeah. And, you know, you have to. An excellent is good enough. 90% is good enough.

Eric Deschamps [00:31:06]:
You know? Yeah. Yeah. So good. Perfectionism and people pleasing, I think, are 2 very destructive forces.

Sophie Parisien [00:31:11]:
People doing their and I don’t know where that comes from. Maybe some of it is upbringing. But just doing you know, feeling like we’re having to please other people and not realizing this is our journey. Like, this is our journey. We’re only here. Yeah. And again, health care helps me with that knowing that most there’s a beginning. There’s an end.

Sophie Parisien [00:31:28]:
Yeah. And Yeah. Your journey is your yours. It’s not like, my kid’s journey is not mine.

Eric Deschamps [00:31:33]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:31:33]:
It’s theirs, and you have to do stuff with it. You know, otherwise, you just exist. And I can tell you people that I’ve seen on their deathbed, you know, when we talk about that. Yeah. A lot of them, that was the regret. And I wish I would have done more. I wish I would have of of tried more things. I would wish I wouldn’t have worked at the same job for 30 years for my pension.

Sophie Parisien [00:31:50]:
You know? I remember that when I was looking at leaving health care. I was like, do I stay at my job for my pension? Hell, no.

Eric Deschamps [00:31:56]:
Right. Like Right.

Kate Beere [00:31:57]:
No. But it’s amazing how many people do. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:31:59]:
If you

Sophie Parisien [00:31:59]:
don’t I mean, if you love your job, great. But if you need a change and you know an instinct But that’s that’s it.

Kate Beere [00:32:04]:
But the amount of people that Stay stuck because they feel you know, the golden handcuffs, we hear it all the time, but, like, feel stuck because of something like that. And you and I have talked, and you’ve talked about so many of those Conversations at end of life where people’s regrets aren’t it’s it’s never about stuff or money or things. It’s about people or do I wish I had taken more risks or, like, jumped out of that plane. I was just spending more time with the people I love, and that’s really you know, when you get present to that today, not at the at the end is when you can start truly living Absolutely. That life.

Eric Deschamps [00:32:35]:
Yeah. Well, it was the Henry David Thoreau who said, most men, most people, I would change it nowadays. Most people go to the grave with the song still in them. Right? They never live

Sophie Parisien [00:32:45]:
up to their full potential. Song, but my husband is a songwriter, and he writes beautiful songs, and I cannot.

Eric Deschamps [00:32:52]:
Right. But I I I never heard, at someone’s deathbed, I wish I would have worked harder. No. Yeah. I never heard those words. Right?

Sophie Parisien [00:32:59]:
I mean, it depends depends what their work is. Right? Some people’s work like health care, I do find it or people people that are in helping professions, legal as as well. If you’re connecting with people, it’s it’s very similar to what those people are saying is I wish I connected with my loved ones. Schindler’s List.

Eric Deschamps [00:33:15]:
Yeah. At the very end, if I had sold my car, I could’ve saved so many more.

Sophie Parisien [00:33:19]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:33:20]:
So I think in that context, I think when you’re right. When you when your work, when you’re blessed to be in a line of work that feels like a mission and a Pause.

Sophie Parisien [00:33:28]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:33:29]:
Right? But the very few people

Sophie Parisien [00:33:30]:
Yeah. It’s very so they they have the but but I I wouldn’t want the message to be if you don’t have a close family or, you know, loved ones, and you work in tech, for example, and you’re you’re working with computers all day. Not not to say there’s not people on the other end, but you know what I mean? It’s not Yeah. Yeah. That there’s not ways to con other ways to connect. Most you know, it doesn’t so as long as you find those ways, because that’s what we’re we’re here for. Yeah. Is we’re you know, we focus a lot on doing, we’re we’re not human doings.

Sophie Parisien [00:33:56]:
We’re human beings. You know? So being in the moment and being with people and connecting with people, it’s fascinating. And it’s awesome, like, how different we all are, but how alike we are. Yeah. It’s super cool. I love it.

Eric Deschamps [00:34:07]:
Yeah. It’s powerful. Yeah. You’re you’re a mother of 3 teenage girls.

Sophie Parisien [00:34:11]:
Not teenagers anymore.

Eric Deschamps [00:34:12]:
That’s right. You’ve got kids mid.

Sophie Parisien [00:34:14]:
Well, I guess 18 is still there’s gonna be 19.

Eric Deschamps [00:34:16]:
Yeah. Right. So they’re

Sophie Parisien [00:34:16]:
you’re 23 year old.

Eric Deschamps [00:34:17]:
And a 23 year old. Yeah. What what, when when you think of your life philosophy, your leadership lens on on the world, clearly, you had some some, great lessons passed on to you from your parents

Sophie Parisien [00:34:31]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:34:32]:
That have led to who you are today. What are the like, if if there were 1 or 2 things that above all else, you wanna make sure you impart to them, what would those be?

Sophie Parisien [00:34:41]:
Well, just because I I don’t wanna forget the parts about my parents. I wanna give you 2 a gift because it’s a verbal gift. But Yeah. My parents got divorced when I was 7 years old, and they had they got married really young. My my mom was 19. My dad was 24. Mhmm. My dad was the seminary.

Sophie Parisien [00:34:58]:
My mom was at a convent. It was like, get out of the I wanna get out of the house. I don’t wanna go back to that kind of thing. And, you know, they grew together for a while, and then we’re married for 10 years and and divorced. So I can honestly say that their divorce was the best thing that happened to me. So do not feel guilty. Mhmm. I hear you guys sometimes on the podcast Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:35:17]:
Regrets, and I have those kind of things. Yeah. Honest to goodness, I wouldn’t be the person I am today with the divorce. I love that. Because most and they you know, it started hard. It started hard. That’s what developed this whole resilience is of falling down and getting back up, seeing them do it. You know? Having setting the stage for seeing them go into a deep depression and me having to support them, but also seeing them get back up and me going, wow.

Sophie Parisien [00:35:41]:
Good for you Right. Kinda thing. And just and living their true life and saying, you know, this didn’t work, but it doesn’t mean other things can’t work. Right. Right. So I I that Yeah. Defined me. And I think, you know, I think it was doctor Phil who said kids would rather be from a broken home than to live live in a broken home.

Sophie Parisien [00:35:59]:
Yep. It’s very true. You know? Like, if you’re you don’t see your parents happy, I’ve had friends who’s like, I was one of the only ones whose parents were divorced when I was young because it wasn’t It wasn’t the moment. Yeah. Seventies, you know. So so I’ve always felt kind of outside, and I would watch other families, I we had our own dynamic separately. We had our own I I developed my own relationship with my mom and with my my dad and my brother, and I got a lot closer, and I took care of him. So, you know, the the whole to and, yes, it helped develop mediation in me and compassion and seeing my parents go through really rough times at the beginning.

Sophie Parisien [00:36:32]:
Yeah. But, honestly, it’s what I hope my kids see as well is that we will go through different we’ll crash. Like, we’ll we’ll get our ass kicked. Get back up. It’s it doesn’t mean the end. You know? It’s not the end of the world. Right. Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:36:47]:
Really is there for a reason. Yeah. Human beings, what I’ve seen in health care and and in my job there too, but just generally with people. We’re really tough. Like, we can handle a lot. The things I’ve seen in health care, what people imagine. Can handle Yeah. And still thrive.

Sophie Parisien [00:37:02]:
Like, not just survive, but, like, thrive. Yeah. So, you know, I think that’s the messaging is just try different things, push yourself a little bit, don’t get stuck in in the comfort.

Eric Deschamps [00:37:13]:
You’re stronger than you think.

Sophie Parisien [00:37:15]:
For, yeah. Don’t do this. Be courageous. You are stronger than you think. Yeah.

Kate Beere [00:37:18]:
Most Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:37:18]:
Yeah. Don’t overthink. I think this generation is because of, I don’t know, the anxiety that’s created with social media and everything. That overthinking is paralyzing. Like, it’s just paralyzing. So don’t overthink. Go with your gut. Follow your trust your instinct.

Eric Deschamps [00:37:34]:
Yeah. Well, I

Sophie Parisien [00:37:35]:
thought

Kate Beere [00:37:35]:
Is is there, like, you know, a failure or setback for you that, you know, kind of

Sophie Parisien [00:37:43]:
made an impression or something that you really learned or or grew from? I I can’t think of one big, you know, I’m words matter. You know? So to me, failures are not failures. Setbacks is a good one or or just a of course, I’ve had many. I’m sure I have a terrible memory, so I don’t have one memory. I’ve had many, but I just kinda turn the page once. Sometimes people will remind me, remember when this happened?

Kate Beere [00:38:04]:
I’ll be

Sophie Parisien [00:38:04]:
like, oh, yeah. That happened. That sucked. You know? And I’ve honestly forgotten it. You know? So I can’t think of that many, setbacks, but I’ve had, you know, I’ve had some along the way for sure. I Yeah. Failed a class in nursing school and put me back a whole year where I was like, okay. Maybe I need to follow certain rules and not just be always breaking stuff.

Sophie Parisien [00:38:25]:
I need to show up to class. So and so you’ll learn from that and go, okay. I need to tweak my ways even though sometimes I like to challenge. I screwed up as as as a nurse with a patient, like, just not listening and really being too by the book about the processes. Do doing exactly what I said can do. Right. Because you do it. Sometimes you get caught in the system and in the day to day, and we’re busy, and you don’t Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:38:48]:
Here. And even though you hear and your instincts tell you this patient needs me to do this, well, the assistant tells me to do that. You know? And then later on, I’m like, I should just listen to my gut. You know?

Eric Deschamps [00:38:57]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:38:58]:
So I have quite a few of those things where

Eric Deschamps [00:39:00]:
I go, I

Sophie Parisien [00:39:00]:
could’ve done that better.

Kate Beere [00:39:01]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:39:01]:
And, to me, they’re all learning lessons. They’re all lessons about okay.

Kate Beere [00:39:06]:
Yeah. 100%. I love what you talk about listening to your gut because I think we don’t do it enough.

Sophie Parisien [00:39:10]:
No. We don’t.

Eric Deschamps [00:39:11]:
We hear it.

Kate Beere [00:39:12]:
We hear it. Yeah. We feel it, And We we go by the book. Yeah. Like, we just we we’re so used to that’s our programming. It’s what we know. But that gut fire. Then I, I always say to my kid, you know like, my kids, you know you know in your stomach how you’re feeling.

Sophie Parisien [00:39:28]:
Some people do, but I am so surprised at how many people haven’t developed that. That either haven’t been given permission to when they were young Yeah. Yeah. Hasn’t been instilled in them. Or because oftentimes, that’s my question to staff or whatever. What what is your gut telling you? Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:39:42]:
Honestly, I’ve had They don’t

Eric Deschamps [00:39:44]:
they’re feeling it. They don’t know how to they don’t know how to interpret

Sophie Parisien [00:39:46]:
what’s happening. Will always just say, I need you to make the decision for me.

Eric Deschamps [00:39:49]:
Right. Wow.

Sophie Parisien [00:39:50]:
Decision for you. We’re gonna bounce ideas off for you, but for you to listen to your gut. And some people are like, I don’t know. Yeah. Because they they’ve always only thought with their head. You know? We have heart, gut, most Yeah. Ahead, and we need to combine all of those at different times. So I think giving you know, to answer your question about the kids, getting them to Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:40:09]:
To to kinda grow that part of them. Yeah. To really go your instinct tells you. And I I see my kids do it already, and I’m so proud of them for it. Sometimes I’ll be like, my god told me not to do this or whatever, and I I did it or whatever. And I’m like, oh, I’m proud of you.

Eric Deschamps [00:40:21]:
Good to you. Yeah. There’s a there’s a a, a whole body of work, Keegan and Leahy, their immunity to change model, and they talk about adult development, you know, how we, Physically and emotionally and mentally develop naturally from infancy till about the age of mid twenties. Right? That’s gonna happen. That growth At all those levels happens without our our effort is just natural. Mhmm. And and it used to be the thought was that your mental capacity the age you’re mid by mid twenties, you’re done. That’s it.

Eric Deschamps [00:40:52]:
Now it’s just about learning how to use the gear you have and use it more effectively, But you’re not gonna get better gear. Well, they’ve completely debunked now. All this brain science of the last Yeah. 10, 15 years has shown no. Actually, a brain development can continue right till the day you You pass if you are active, but what’s interesting is they talk about this. Most of the population, 70% of the population Never grow beyond what they’ve got by the age of their mid twenties. They call that the socialized brain.

Sophie Parisien [00:41:19]:
That’s sad.

Eric Deschamps [00:41:19]:
It’s very sad. Right? They they never think for themselves. They don’t learn to assert who they are. They don’t learn what do I care about, what do I wanna do. And so to your point, they’re fearful Yeah. Whenever they’re in a situation that calls for them to assert themselves, think for themselves, Express themselves, make a big decision. Yeah. They’re gonna fall back to, well, how do I belong? How do I fit in? Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:41:44]:
How do I not stick my neck out?

Sophie Parisien [00:41:46]:
Do I not how do I not get hurt? Yeah.

Kate Beere [00:41:48]:
Like, a lot of

Sophie Parisien [00:41:48]:
people are afraid to get hurt. It’s a percent. But you have to get hurt. It’s like it’s like when people when their dog passes away. Yeah. And, you know, they’re like, I’m never getting a dog again. That was too painful. Okay.

Sophie Parisien [00:41:57]:
But you had 14 years of fantastic experiences with your dog. You have to have the hurts to be able to get the Exactly. The, you know, the joys. And that’s that again is life. You know? Is and but I think some people either were not taught that or they were sold like a bad bill of rights. You know? Like, this life is gonna be perfect, and life is fair and everything, and that’s just not true. You know? So I think managing expectations is a big one too. Do not have expectations about certain things.

Eric Deschamps [00:42:23]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:42:24]:
I remember when I met my husband, he come he has a completely different, childhood than than I did. But he would just expect everybody to do the same things as him, and he would get really angry

Sophie Parisien [00:42:34]:
and really frustrated. And I’d be like,

Sophie Parisien [00:42:36]:
dude, why do you care that the person didn’t hold the door for you or whatever? Why do you expect them to? Yeah. If they do, it’s a nice surprise. He’s like, because I would. K. But why expectations are not a good thing. Like, just expect nothing. In that way, everything’s a happy surprise.

Eric Deschamps [00:42:49]:
Right. Right.

Kate Beere [00:42:50]:
I love that. Yeah. We, Eric and I talk a lot about future and where we’re going. For you, I’m curious to know, you know, just your journey

Sophie Parisien [00:42:59]:
and where you are now, if You’re looking forward, future, and and living a rich life.

Kate Beere [00:43:04]:
What does that look like for you?

Sophie Parisien [00:43:07]:
I’m not really a planner long term. I’m more of a In the moment. Opportunities that come up. But I would hope that I’m not gonna stop that. And, like, that if something comes up that seems interesting Yeah. And that I’ll go for it, you know, and then I’ll try it. And, thing Yeah. And then I’ll go for it, you know, and then I’ll try it.

Sophie Parisien [00:43:20]:
And, whether it’s, you know, in my quiet time, whether it’s my family time or at work, I don’t plan on stopping, like, not working for a while. My mom is 70 how old am I? 73, and she still works. Still a professor at a university. She retired from teaching at the age of 50 and went, what the heck am I gonna do? So for 2 years, I think she did nothing, and then she started teaching. She said, I’m gonna teach forever. And they her students love her, and she’s making a difference still, and she’s still passionate about it. And she’s the youngest of her friends because it keeps her engaged. So I just wanna just continue do it.

Sophie Parisien [00:43:54]:
Going with the flow kind of thing, but at the same time, you know, there’s still some strategy in that. You know? You place yourself in in in areas where opportunities can present themselves.

Eric Deschamps [00:44:04]:
Right. Right. Right. It’s like what’s what’s the saying that luck is where preparation meets opportunity? Is that how that goes? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So making sure that you’re in motion.

Eric Deschamps [00:44:14]:
And, again, going back to we’ve talked a lot about fear on the show today, and I think it’s most Was it, was it Oprah Winfrey that said we we we do things out of either love or fear? That’s it.

Sophie Parisien [00:44:25]:
Yeah.

Eric Deschamps [00:44:25]:
Whether love or fear. And so many of us are trapped in fear. And, certainly, your message today and what you’re sharing, resonating with folks that are watching. Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:44:35]:
Be afraid. Don’t be frank.

Eric Deschamps [00:44:37]:
Yeah. Yeah. Core message.

Sophie Parisien [00:44:38]:
That big of a deal. Yeah. You’re most likely gonna not gonna catch on fire or start glitching. Unless you put don’t put yourself in that situation. Right. Right.

Eric Deschamps [00:44:46]:
That’s not a most whatever. As we prepare to wrap up, today’s episode, reflections on change. Like, when you look back, most on your your life story, if you had the option to go back and give your younger self some advice, Something to do differently or something to lean into even more deliberately. What advice would you give your younger self?

Sophie Parisien [00:45:12]:
Maybe just, like, go for it. Enjoy the ride. Mhmm. Obviously, don’t be afraid, and don’t fall into the pattern of like, don’t be afraid to challenge certain patterns. I think when I was young and being a woman, you experience, you know, some discrimination and some things in in your life. And you when you’re younger, you just kinda what even though your gut is telling you something, you just kinda walk away from it.

Eric Deschamps [00:45:36]:
Yeah.

Sophie Parisien [00:45:36]:
But don’t be afraid to speak up kind of thing for for the for people who are and to just say, no. No. Like, that’s not okay kind of thing. Obviously, we’re it’s a different time now. I think in my younger days, I probably just stepped away from things just because I didn’t wanna do the hard thing. And I think doing the hard thing, that would be my my big thing to my to my and to my kids. Do the hard thing. Have the uncomfortable conversations.

Sophie Parisien [00:46:01]:
They are essential. Yeah. And, actually, they will serve you. They will create better connections with people. Like, after the hard conversation Yeah. You you just delve into a new layer of a of a relationship or Right. A conversation or it opens up a bunch of things. And so many people will do everything they can to avoid the hard conversations.

Eric Deschamps [00:46:22]:
Right.

Sophie Parisien [00:46:22]:
And, really, it’s just have it. Like, do the hard thing. You need to sit down and have the conversation or say what you’re feeling. I I don’t know how many times I see people going around. I’m like, time out. Can we just sit down and talk? Yeah. Yeah. And we talk, and it’s all settled, and I don’t know how long.

Sophie Parisien [00:46:35]:
And even if it’s like, you’re making me feel like this. Okay. Well, let’s talk about that.

Kate Beere [00:46:39]:
It’s amazing once you have the uncomfortable conversation. Like, we we have so much bent up anxiety around it, and it builds and builds and builds. And then you if you don’t actually have the conversation, it stays with you. And the second you have that conversation, you’re like, oh, Like, I wish I had just done this early.

Sophie Parisien [00:46:54]:
We waste so much energy. Vaccination. Right? Yeah. That thing is wing wing wing. And once you’re actually like, that only took me 10 minutes. I’m thinking about it for through 30 days or whatever. You know? Right.

Kate Beere [00:47:02]:
Right. Amazing.

Eric Deschamps [00:47:03]:
It’s, again, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 100%. Do the hard thing. That’s how you become stronger.

Kate Beere [00:47:08]:
Yeah. Right to your point.

Sophie Parisien [00:47:10]:
And resilient. You know? That’s how you bounce back from stuff. And I would say to apologize and forgive and repair.

Eric Deschamps [00:47:18]:
Let go.

Sophie Parisien [00:47:18]:
You know? Like, just don’t dwell. If you screw up, just say, oh my god. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Like, release apologizing. But don’t say, you know but if you would’ve done that differently, I wouldn’t have done that because that’s not a real apology.

Eric Deschamps [00:47:29]:
No. Anytime the word but is usually an apology, it becomes, like, never became in front of it. Right?

Sophie Parisien [00:47:33]:
Yeah. Like, it’s too short to hold on to to conversations and things that don’t matter.

Kate Beere [00:47:38]:
Yeah. So as we wrap up the show, we have 1 final question we always, like, to end with. It’s an easy one to wear. What does living richly mean to you?

Sophie Parisien [00:47:53]:
I think it’s just means, taking the journey and discovering who you who you are completely Mhmm. And really, you know, pushing yourself and growing growing, constantly growing. Mhmm. And, you know, and I don’t mean that in a stressful way. Like, some people are like, oh, what’s wrong I had a friend once tell me, what’s wrong with just being? You know, like, just stay staying, and I was like, what? You don’t wanna learn new things? You don’t wanna do that kind of thing? Right. But but I get that. Like, there’s seasons that we need to just chill. You know? And I went through a really hard near last year, artist of my entire life.

Sophie Parisien [00:48:28]:
Yeah. And I don’t think I grew. Obviously, I grew in a different way, but I didn’t purposely go out and do some, you know, self reflection and stuff like that. I just kinda survived. Yeah. And that’s okay. I don’t mean all the time, but generally living richly, I think, is doing more of what you you love and and pushing yourself to figure out what that is. Love that.

Eric Deschamps [00:48:47]:
Thank you so much for being

Sophie Parisien [00:48:49]:
on the show. Yeah. Sophie. Thanks.

Eric Deschamps [00:48:50]:
I had, already so much respect for you, and now hearing more of your story, that’s just gone up Oh,

Sophie Parisien [00:48:56]:
that’s

Eric Deschamps [00:48:56]:
several notches. Ditto.

Sophie Parisien [00:48:58]:
I really enjoy the podcast. It’s really I kinda put it on in the morning when I’m getting ready, and I Oh, we love to hear that. It’s self care. That’s self care.

Eric Deschamps [00:49:05]:
No. Well, thank you.

Kate Beere [00:49:06]:
Thank you.

Eric Deschamps [00:49:06]:
I thank you for being here. To our listeners, thank you for joining us today. We we hope you’ve enjoyed the conversation. I know many of you, will be inspired and have been inspired, by Sophie’s story. As we always encourage you to do, help us get the message out. If the you’re enjoying the show and it’s of help to you, then like, share, Scribe, as Wendy likes to say, sharing is caring. So help us get the word out. And make sure to visit our website, living richly dot me, living rich most dot me, the it’ll be there on your screen.

Eric Deschamps [00:49:36]:
Easy to see. 2 big things you’re gonna find on the website. 1 is how to join our new Facebook group. This is a private group that’s just been bloating on Facebook. There’s member only content on there. You get to unpack and see previews of things that are coming, and it’s been amazing to watch the community forming there, and you can also sign up for our upcoming 15 day life vision challenge, most designed to help you kinda get clear on who you are and what you wanna do with your life. So folks, visit the website, share, like, and Scribe, once again, thanks for tuning in. And until we see you next week, get out there and live your best life.