In this transformative episode of the Living Richly Podcast, Eric and Rob sit down with Steve Osmond, a true testament to resilience and reinvention. Once at the height of success, Steve faced a rapid fall from grace. Hear how he reinvented himself and rebuilt his life, setting a shining example for anyone feeling stuck or needing a fresh start. Dive deep into the world of personal transformation and draw inspiration from Steve’s compelling journey of self-redemption.
Key Concepts from Episode 30: Defining and Designing Your Authentic Life with Steve Osmond
In episode 30 of The Living Richly Podcast, the hosts Eric Deschamps and Rob Dale welcome guest Steve Osmond, who shares his experiences and insights on finding and living his own personal legend.
Steve begins the conversation by reflecting on his life and experiences, sharing how he started his pastoral work after training in Ontario but was raised with a narrow and intense religious ideology that caused fear, shame, and heavy burdens. He explains how he coped with his fears through humour and playfulness, which led to his personal core values of adventure, playfulness, and belonging.
Steve shares that he went through major drops in his life, particularly at 45 when he faced his worst fear, ultimately unlocking something within himself. He talks about his experience in a religious group where he was promised happiness if he became more passionate and committed to their ideology, but he eventually realized that he was following someone else’s story instead of creating his own path. Steve emphasizes the importance of having people in your life whom you can talk to about your goals and aspirations, and he suggests finding a guide or mentor to help you along the journey of self-discovery and transformation.
The hosts and Steve discuss how the universe often presents new opportunities, but some people, like Steve, need multiple invitations before recognizing the path they are meant to take. They also explore the concept of imposed identity, where individuals feel pressure to conform to certain expectations from their parents, society, or personal experiences such as bullying and abuse. Steve shares his personal experience with imposed identity and how it led to his greatest fear of not being accepted or loved.
The conversation continues with a focus on finding and pursuing one’s personal legend. Steve recommends a book that explores spirituality, philosophy, and grittiness, which helped him discover and create his personal legend. He discusses how he wants to be remembered based on his values, beliefs, and deepest relationships, and his pursuit of his personal legend brings him joy despite setbacks and painful moments.
Steve also talks about the importance of belonging and having a tribe to reflect on and bounce ideas off of. During a challenging time of leaving the family business, Steve received love and support from his family, including living with his parents. He also sought help from a therapist, built new friendships, and met someone who had a positive impact on his life. Steve considers his work colleagues and Rhapsody tribe as part of his new tribe and vital to having real conversations, learning, and discovering truth.
Throughout the episode, Steve emphasizes the significance of facing imposed identity and the challenge of discovering one’s personal legend. He encourages listeners to take the next step forward and work towards a preferred future for themselves and their family. The podcast aims to explore how Steve made significant changes in his life after feeling a sense of doubt and not living according to his true self. Overall, the discussion provides valuable insights and resources to help listeners navigate their own journey towards living richly.
In summary, episode 30 of The Living Richly Podcast with guest Steve Osmond offers a thought-provoking conversation on finding and living one’s personal legend. Through Steve’s personal experiences and insights, listeners are encouraged to face their own imposed identities, pursue their own personal legend, and find their own tribe to support them along the way. The episode provides valuable tools and resources to help listeners navigate their own journey towards living richly.
Episode 30 Transcript
Defining and Designing Your Authentic Life with Steve Osmond
Eric Deschamps [00:00:01]:
From rising star to fallen star, get ready to be inspired by an incredible story about reinventing yourself and rebuilding your life. That’s up next on today’s show.
Rob Dale [00:00:17]:
Hi, and welcome to the living richly podcast. My name is Rob Dale, and I’m here with my great friend Eric deshamp, and I’m so excited because I have another great friend who is a guest on the show.
Eric Deschamps [00:00:29]:
Going to be an amazing show today.
Rob Dale [00:00:30]:
It is going to be wonderful. Steve Osmond is our guest today and is going to be joining us from Calgary, Ontario. Calgary, Alberta.
Eric Deschamps [00:00:40]:
All the Alberta just unsubscribed from the show.
Rob Dale [00:00:44]:
That’s right. Of any problem I could connect the Calgary people with. Steve, please apologize to all the Albertans out there.
Eric Deschamps [00:00:52]:
We’re so sorry.
Rob Dale [00:00:54]:
But it’s great to have Steve Osman with us. Steve Osman is a coach with rhapsody strategies, which we are tied into as well.
Eric Deschamps [00:01:03]:
You say that like we’re not part of it.
Rob Dale [00:01:06]:
We should check rhapsody strategies, which is a major sponsor of the living richly podcast. No, he is a coach at rhapsody strategies. And actually, somebody there’s very few people today that are in my circle of relationships that I could say that I’ve known longer than you, because you and I go back quite a long time too long. Steve, you would be somebody that I would have known even longer than I’ve known you, eric, steve and I would have met the fall of 1986.
Eric Deschamps [00:01:45]:
Rob Dale [00:01:47]:
Yeah. The fall of 1986 at eastern pentecostal bible college in Peterborough, Ontario. Steve was the RA the resident assistant at the school. In my first year of school, or maybe it was my second year of school, steve was the resident assistant at the college, and he was one of those resident assistants who broke every single rule that the resident assistants were supposed to follow.
Steve Osmond [00:02:18]:
And actually, I did not make it to the end of the year. I was fired as the resident assistant because I broke too many rules.
Rob Dale [00:02:27]:
Yeah, you did.
Eric Deschamps [00:02:28]:
And kind of set a pattern for your life.
Rob Dale [00:02:30]:
And I was going to say you have been a rule breaker ever since in both a positive and negative way. So it is great to have you, Steve, as a guest. You have been one of the people right from the beginning. We knew that eventually we would have you here. You are one of the best communicators that I have ever met. Someone who I can sit and listen to. When you do a lot of public speaking and when you have that opportunity, you are somebody that I always find I have AHA moments. And I think our guests are in for a real treat today as they have an opportunity to hear a little bit about yourself as well. Maybe let’s just start with you sharing a little bit of who you are, a bit of your story. I know that I kind of messed things up there with the calgary, Ontario. But you did live in Ontario for a lot of years, but you weren’t even born in Ontario. You are a good Newfoundland boy.
Steve Osmond [00:03:29]:
I am. I was born in the glorious year of 1966, june the fourth, coming right up soon to my birthday here. And I’ll be hitting 57 years of age, or as I like to call myself, a 57 Chevy. And I’m anticipating a great 57th year. Yeah, I’m a Newfoundlander born and raised there. Really feel a strong connection to that community, that tribe, that province. Whenever I return there and breathe the salt air, something inside me says, oh, yeah, this is the origin story here, the newfie the new Finlander, and all of the beautiful attributes that come from the people of that province. I was born into a large family. There’s five kids in our family of which I’m the oldest male of an older sister, and then some younger siblings. And my father and mother served as pastors, as ministers in Newfoundland in some really small communities, places that you might not even have ever heard of. Carbonier and Cornerbrook, and then also spent quite a bit of time in St. John’s, Newfoundland. So that Newfoundland identity was really strong as a kid and then a pastor’s kid identity was really strong.
Eric Deschamps [00:05:07]:
And there’s zero pressure around there, around that is there zero pressure around being a pastor’s kid.
Steve Osmond [00:05:14]:
Right. And in particular, as I’ve listened to Living Richly, I know that your regular listeners are familiar with the fact that my spiritual formation and background is similar to yours in terms of evangelical fundamentalist pentecostal background, which is really a really intense expression of religion. It’s kind of the best of the best Marine Corps. We’re the most intense, most spiritual, most pure, most devoted. We outshine all the other Christians with our intense passion.
Eric Deschamps [00:05:55]:
We like to think we do.
Steve Osmond [00:05:57]:
Yeah, exactly. That’s the message we’re told. So that was really a strong idea that shaped my early years.
Rob Dale [00:06:09]:
Yeah. So now you moved to Ontario and then, of course, headed off to Bible college. And I remember when you were in school, you were kind of the class clown. If you were, you were the guy that was always kind of in the middle of everything and doing all kinds of zany things, and everybody wanted to hang out with you because you were that guy. And yet you talk, and we’ve heard you share this. Of course, we know your story a lot from our own conversations, even in those days of the growing up, kind of taking on different personas or identities based on the situations you were in. Maybe let’s start with unpacking a bit of your story from that idea of identity and how you came to the point of where you maybe are today. But before we get there, what were some of the experiences, the scripts, the things that went through your mind around identity with all of these different shifts, moves and everything else that took place.
Steve Osmond [00:07:16]:
Yeah, I love reflecting on that question. So I started in St. John’s, went to Ontario to get trained, started my pastoral work in Ottawa, actually just outside of Ottawa. I’m a little hamlet of Kinburn, Ontario, and then from there went to Calgary, where I’ve been most of my adult life and had three kids and now some grandkids. Definitely my early years were impacted by a strong ideology, religious ideology, that came not only with a set of beliefs of what to believe, but also came with a real intense how to believe and how to act and how to think. And it wasn’t a real broad minded approach to life and spirituality. It was really narrow. And the belief system said the more narrow it was, the more wonderful it should be, which is the complete opposite of reality. So I was raised in that and it was very intense. And I think Rob, as you mentioned, the class clown part, the playfulness, I think as I look back, that was a way to escape some of that intensity. That was a way to avoid some of the real negative and strong emotions that I was feeling as a kid. A lot of fear, a lot of shame, just a lot of heavy burdens that I felt. And a great way, a great pressure release valve was just the laugh and I just did it constantly. It’s nice that I was good at it because there’s nothing worse than a guy telling jokes who’s terrible at it. Like you, Rob. Oh, sorry, did I say that aloud? I was thinking it.
Rob Dale [00:09:24]:
I mean, I thought that was a perfect example of somebody who tells jokes who’s not good at it. Well done.
Steve Osmond [00:09:35]:
As I got older and I began to realize that was really a defense mechanism, in some ways healthy, because it brought a lot of joy and a lot of laughter and it helped me survive. So that survival is good. But as I got older, I realized a lot of that stuff was me avoiding real issues. And a lot of that stuff was pleasing just to please others, make people happy, relieve the tension. And so in the middle of all of that, I really didn’t develop my own voice to say I like this or I don’t like that, or I agree with this or I don’t agree with that. Speaking up, finding my own voice in my own way rather than do that, I just made a joke out of everything, which again, worked great as a young person. But as I moved into adulthood and had to live my life and decide how I wanted to live, a lot of those stronger character muscles and values muscles didn’t get developed right.
Eric Deschamps [00:10:40]:
Steve, when did you start? Because you went on very early on in your career, truly rising star, you rose quickly through the ranks to ultimately be known in the world of especially working with young people in sort of that world. You were really, really well known and very popular and very accomplished. When did you begin to get present, like, really present to this notion of I’m not really being myself here. I’m kind of living according to other people’s expectations. When did that start to show up for you?
Steve Osmond [00:11:19]:
Way too late. Way too late. We’re talking 40s, mid 40s. When you have an identity imposed on you and then you don’t push back against it, you just become an avoider and a pleaser. It really gets ingrained so that you can’t even see the forest for the trees. It’s just who you are. It’s the water I was swimming in. And it’s really complicated, isn’t it, guys? Because I was experiencing incredible success, and I was experiencing incredible affirmation and rich relationships and incredible experiences that are still deeply treasured in my life today. But while that was happening, all those positive things, and that made it more confusing because I was doing so well. But eventually I had this nine awareness that something wasn’t right. This is not really me. I’m late 30s, early 40s, still pleasing, still avoiding, still doing the dance, still doing what I needed to do to be that person that’s accepted. And it was some very dark times in my 40s when I began to realize something’s not right here. A lot of that stuff that was serving me well as a younger person no longer is serving me for our listeners to understand.
Rob Dale [00:13:01]:
When Steve says that he was really seeing a lot of success, I can remember being at a national conference with him. Steve had just been elected by his peers, by all these other ministers to the national board that set the strategy for the entire denomination. I mean, one of, like, a dozen people across Canada that was a part of that. I just gone under the provincial board, the same, similar thing. So the growth and the rise to success within that culture was massive. And again, just so people understand that, but as you mentioned, something hit. And maybe let’s just talk a little bit about what was that? How did that show up? What were some of the things that started to happen where that uneasiness, that sense that something’s not right? Maybe talk to us a little bit about that.
Steve Osmond [00:13:57]:
Yeah. The first sign that something wasn’t right was the belief in my head and what I was told, that if I just got deeper into the ideology, the particular religious expression that I was in, the idea was that if I got deeper and deeper and deeper and more committed and more passionate, then I would become happier. And the reason why you’re not happy, Steve, is that you’re not deep enough into it. You need to actually spend more time in the spiritual disciplines. You need to be more committed. And it was the carrot at the end of the stick that was just always there. Pray more, do this more. So again, being a pleaser, I was like, oh yeah, I can do that. I can be the guy that goes further than anybody else and believes more strongly than anybody else, and I can do that. But the care was never it was just never there. There was always that sense of, I don’t quite measure up. I don’t quite reach it. It’s just not there. And I suppose the sign was unhappiness. That doesn’t sound very deep, but it’s just this thing that was supposed to be joyful and fulfilling. I mean, there were moments it’s complicated. I don’t want to throw it all out because there were moments of great joy and great experiences in that life. I had three wonderful kids and made incredible friends, had a wonderful marriage, and there were a lot of good things happening. But deep inside, I just knew this isn’t me. This is something that it’s kind of like the family business. I took on the family business thinking I’d be happy, and I realized that I certainly wasn’t. And then there were some belief systems that really began to crumble, and I began to ask some questions that I really wasn’t supposed to ask. Do I actually believe this? Is this something that I think I should be a part of? In particular, there was a moment where I was on the CBC. The CBC had a television show, I believe it was called Trading Places, where different people from different lifestyles would live in each other’s world. So somebody would travel and live in somebody’s home or in their workplace for a week, and then vice versa. And CBC came and did a show in our church. And one of the people that was going to be Trading Places was a gay pastor in Vancouver who was going to come and live around with one of our parishioners, who was really a strong right wing, conservative voice opposing a lot of the gay marriage and all those kinds of things. So I found myself as a host for this gay pastor. And of course, my background was very old fashioned and very narrow. And as I talked to this gay pastor and I knew what the scripts were, of the things I was supposed to say about his lifestyle and his choices, I knew what I was supposed to say, but I couldn’t say any of them because I didn’t believe them. And I realized that, man, this is just one example of how I’m just following the script. I’ve been wallpapered into somebody else’s story and I don’t even believe that story. And of course, that was a difficult time to discover that because I had CBC cameras in my face. So I thought, everybody’s going to see this. All of my overseers and leaders, how do I say, of course, because I’m an avoider and a pleaser. I probably crack some jokes and made my way through it. But afterwards, there was a great sense of, oh, boy, there’s probably a whole laundry list of things that I’m just following the path that set for me instead of creating my own path.
Eric Deschamps [00:18:11]:
Yeah, it’s so powerful. Steven the three of us share a very similar background and sort of different versions of a similar story. And we get that many of our listeners don’t come from the church world, aren’t religious in that sense of the word. But so many of the leaders that we work with, I think, and people that we work with, I think, would echo the fact that, hey, I’ve been living somebody else’s version of my life for most of my adult life and I bought into. If I just work harder and if I just try harder, and if I was just better at this whole life thing, then I’d be in a different place. So I think the context for the three of us may have been very unique, but I think the message or the story is one that all too many people are familiar with. We’ve talked on the show about how it’s amazing how the universe comes knocking on our door over and over and over again. And yet often I know I’ve said this to you guys, and you often push back on me, but in some ways, when the universe invites me to something new, I’m a bit of a slow learner, and it takes a few invitations before I respond. And the thing that has been probably the most transformational for me have been moments of great pain, moments of suffering that have created a shift in my life. So here you were, right at the top of your game. The foundation is beginning to crack. You’re doubting the very things that possibly you’re saying from the front of the room. You’ve got this nagging, haunting sense that you’re not living according to your true self. What happens then? What was the beginning of making some significant changes that brought to where you are today?
Steve Osmond [00:19:57]:
Yeah, definitely. That imposed identity. As you mentioned. Eric for me, it’s the church world, but for somebody else, it could be their parent, or their parent is a lawyer, and they expect them to be a lawyer. Or it could be, this is our family tradition. We expect you to follow our family tradition. Or it might be an identity that was imposed in a cruel way through bullying or abuse. So our identity gets wrapped up in that. So it’s a universal story, even though mine may have a specific little niche to it, but it’s the human experience. And when we get to that point where we ask the question, is what I’m believing mine is the way that I’m living, is that me or is that someone else’s? That’s a terrifying moment. At least it was for me, because now you begin to question everything, and usually there isn’t a framework of making that change from who I thought I was and what was imposed on me to this new brand new adventure. And there’s a lot of fear there that has to be faced. If I was to say chapter one in my life was imposed identity, chapter two in my life was facing my greatest fear. And as that pleaser avoider. My greatest fear was, will I be accepted? Will I be loved? Will I have people that will still care about me? Will I be able to make a living? My whole identity was in my career. And if I was going to leave that, how would I make a living? How would I provide for my family? I suppose Eric, the biggest challenge was that my whole life was wrapped up in this. My income, my career, my family, my friends, my social world, my skill set. Everything was really hyper focused in one area, and to look beyond that was just staring into a void where I couldn’t see a way out. And so again, I did for a while avoided longer. I said, Well, I don’t know what to do, so I’ll just keep playing the game longer and longer until it reached a breaking point. And that breaking point was not neat and packaged. It was messy. It was messy, messy, messy ended up in my marriage ending, leaving my career under less than desirable circumstances. Some of my reputation took a hit as I was turning my back on a certain way of living and now forging forward. And so when that transition really began to happen in a practical way, it got messy. Without a lot of support and good friends, I’m not sure I would have made it, but I would say, maybe messy is the only way. But I still can’t recommend it because it’s so hateful.
Eric Deschamps [00:23:12]:
I love that you raise the whole issue of fear because fear holds us back in so many different ways. And I think what is, again, our stories, our three stories are very similar. And I can certainly relate when you say, like, listen, my whole life, this impacted every aspect of it. I just like a big hearty. Like, oh, I felt that because I could so remember what that was like. But this fear bit, when we start to get present, we’ve talked on the show often about how the vast majority of people basically live the same day 20,000 times and call that a life. They’re kind of stuck on a repeat. They’ve got the same playlist on repeat.
Steve Osmond [00:23:53]:
Going over and over.
Eric Deschamps [00:23:54]:
It’s like Groundhog Day. Every day we’re plugged into the Matrix, and part of living richly is waking the fuck up and realizing there’s mortal life than what we’ve been living. And that living by these shoulds, musts and have tos is a terrible way to live. But here’s the truth. When you first wake up and you start doing that reflective work, you start coming face to face with it. It’s going to suck for a while. It’s not fun.
Steve Osmond [00:24:21]:
Eric Deschamps [00:24:21]:
It’s scary because this is all you’ve ever known.
Rob Dale [00:24:26]:
Well, if I could jump in as well, because we’re going to get to the other side. And what it’s like for you now and the experience, and again, you’re right. We’ve all very similar in that messiness. And this is what keeps people from making the change that they need to make, is because they’re afraid of the messiness. And so we’re trying to be very real here, that the messiness can be messy. It’s very scary. What were some of the scripts that those initial scripts in the episode that I tell my story, I talk about some of the scripts that I had immediately that I wasn’t I might as well just end it. I remember thinking those thoughts. What was the point of going on that my kids would be better off if I was gone? That people that were just reacting so negatively to my decisions that probably the best thing I could do is jump when I was living on a balcony. What were some of the scripts that were going through your mind early on, those early days of after the mess began that were impacting you again? Before we get to the sunrises again, what was it like in the desert?
Steve Osmond [00:25:34]:
So the line of my life is like this. Everything is going good, and then there’s a big drop. And that was at around 45. And then things settled a little bit. And then when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, it dropped again. Before that journey to transcendence or the sun rising or a new identity, there was a lot of earth shattering moments and pain. But I was aware there was a statement that I learned at one of the conferences that I attended that, Steve, you will never find out who you really are until you face your worst fear. And as an avoid or pleaser person, that was such a daunting truth that I knew I needed to lean into instead of avoid, that if I could face my worst fear, something would be unlocked. Something would be opened. For some of your listeners, facing their worst fear may not be as daunting as it was for me, but for me, certainly, that was a real key moment for me. And so, specifically, Rob, to your question, my script was, if I’m not this, then I’m a nobody. So I’ll just cease to be important. I’ll cease to have value. I’ll cease to have significance. I’ll be a nobody. But here in this imposed identity, I’ve got all the acclamation and affirmation, but I’ll be a nobody. I’ll have no community. I’ll be alone. I’ve got to stick with it here, because if I change, if I leave, if I transform into a different type of human, I won’t have any community. And then maybe the worst part of my emotion or script was, I wouldn’t have any meaning. There’d be no meaning to my life because of the religious aspect, that the purpose of life is to be on this mission for God and all that. And if I, if I left that, then what? What meaning would I have? So no big deal, guys. Just identity my community, my purpose in life. Just a couple of little things.
Eric Deschamps [00:27:56]:
A couple of little things along the way, right? Well, and we just not that long ago had Kelly Flanagan on the show and that was an amazing episode. An author that has impacted all of our lives in a pretty significant way. The book called Lovable where he talks about those three basic human needs, right. Worthiness, belonging, purpose. And here you felt like you were.
Rob Dale [00:28:19]:
Going to lose all three.
Eric Deschamps [00:28:20]:
I mean, that’s pretty significant. Talk about a scary place to be when you think about I know that where I just came from and where I’ve been all this time isn’t serving me well. That’s not even who I am. And yet it’s giving me a bunch of things that I want and a bunch of things it’s checking a bunch of boxes for me. But fundamentally I can’t do that anymore. But as I look to other options, it’s pretty damn scary because I’m going to be losing really a lot of things that hold tremendous value to me. What was that process like? Because you’ve made the shift, right? You’ve made an incredible shift with your life and have reinvented yourself. You have rebuilt your life and as far as I could tell, are living an authentic life true to who you are. What was that journey like? Talk to us about that.
Steve Osmond [00:29:16]:
I am so proud of myself. Not in terms of full of myself, but I am so pleased that surprised that looking back now, I can say I made it through there. I survived. I’m still here. But was able to do the difficult work of reinventing a career for myself, establish a new community, which still includes some of the folks from the previous, but mostly a brand new community. And then also a really beautiful, clear sense of purpose and meaning that ironically, is in some ways a full circle. I was raised that the greatest expression of a human is to serve and to help others succeed. While that may not be a full, complete picture of what it means to be fully alive, it’s certainly an important one. And now the work that I find myself in, I’m able to do that. So there is a real sense of full circle and joy with a continued limp that I experience from the pain and trauma of my past as well. I would say there’s three things, Eric, that were my North Star as I navigated the really messy part of my life into the reinvention or the rejuvenation. The first was some work that I did with a coach while I was still pastoring. His name is Dave Coop. We all know the guy. I’ll give a shout out to Dave. He’s a phenomenal coach, and he did work with me around my personal core values or my essential values, and they are adventure and playfulness and belonging. I know you’ve heard me say those three things ad nauseam over the years. I love it when everything was stripped away. So I no longer was pastoring. I was now no longer in my marriage. I had lost most of my friends, some of my reputation. I was struggling to reinvent my career, and I didn’t have a lot left. It was stripped down, like, okay, all these props are gone. All this scaffolding is gone. It’s just me twisting in the wind here. Who am I? Who am I? Without all that stuff, who am I? And I’m so grateful I did that work with Dave because I came back and said, okay, here’s a really good place to start. These are the three things that I value most in the world and in my life. It’s the three things that inform my belief about the world, about myself, and about others. And I began to use those three values again belonging and adventure and playfulness and began to use that as a fountainhead to move towards, okay, this is who I am. This is how I’m wired. This is my infinite game. The finite game was my career and where I was living and what I was doing. That was my finite game. But my infinite game is who I’ll always be, no matter what I’m doing, no matter who’s my friend, no matter what my life is like. This is my North Star.
Rob Dale [00:32:53]:
Steve, you’re going to share three things, but I want to just jump in just because I don’t want to miss the reality of this again. You talked about it coming full circle. This is what I love about the living richly kind of movement that we’re talking about. This isn’t always about completely transforming or denying who you were. Kind of you’re growing up. In some ways, living richly is going back to that childhood you talked about at the very opening of this episode. That how you would kind of COVID the stress. And everything else was playful. And I remember when you shared that, my first thought was, there’s one of his values. So the value of playfulness was showing up in all these other ways. But as you used the word, I think you even said is, you are compensating for all of the other stuff that was going on. But who we are has always been there, and it’s about coming back and rediscovering and finding it again, and boom, here they come out in your values today.
Eric Deschamps [00:33:57]:
I absolutely love that because I think when we talk about mining the past to find the anchor points for both the present and the future, some people, I think it’s about rehashing. The past or reliving their pain or regretting past mistakes. And no, it’s more about reclaiming your past, redeeming the pain, recycling every mistake, everything that went wrong with your life, because in the seeds of all of that are such great potential. And I love how you focused in on value, Steve, because just on last week’s show with Anastasia, she made one of the most powerful statements. She goes, you just got to figure out what really matters for you and do that and then protect it. And I thought that was absolutely brilliant. You talked about three things. So the first piece was values. Where did you go from there?
Steve Osmond [00:34:50]:
Okay, so then it has to be one of my values is a belonging. So I can’t do this in a silo by myself. To go away on a retreat and figure out my life the way I’m wired, I need to talk and reflect and hear back and bounce ideas and also feel the warmth of a tribe. So I needed to define that. So the first thing is to give real props to my family, my siblings, my mom and dad. It was a very challenging time for them because the son was leaving the family business. But there was still lots of love and support in practical ways, including going back to live with my mom and dad for a while because at that point in my life, I had nowhere to go. And I still remember my mom getting up early and making me bacon and eggs and pancakes and orange juice. And it was such a weird feeling, Rob, to be back with mom and dad, but still that was still that sense of safety and belonging. But then there was new people, and I went to a therapist who was really helpful. I began to build new friendships. I met an incredible woman, Crystal Baker, who I often tell her, I say, Crystal, you saved my life, because she just came and loved me and cared about me. It was just a game changer in my life. And then, Eric, as you know, it wasn’t too a couple of years, maybe or less than a year after I left pastoring that you gave me a phone call and you asked your dangerous question that has disrupted so many lives, have you ever considered coaching? And I had. And then we began to journey together. And I know we are work colleagues, but for me, it’s also part of my new tribe, the people that I can have real conversations with, the people that I can learn with and discover truth and what’s proven. My Rhapsody clan, my Rhapsody tribe is a really big part of my life as well. So that’s the second one. And the third one, you can tell I’m an ex preacher. I can go on and on.
Eric Deschamps [00:37:37]:
He’s going to close this. He’s going to close this with a polman and altar call.
Steve Osmond [00:37:41]:
Yeah. And we’re going to pass the offering plate as well. So the third one was really about will I strengthen my imagination so we’re hardwired for anxiety. Human beings were hardwired for anxiety. I listened to Living Richly a few episodes ago about the two four two, what happens when we’re anxious. So I had a lot of anxiety in my life, and I managed to find ways through distance, humor, distanced me from the anxiety. So I had to realize I need to strengthen my imagination because I was hardwired for anxiety. I visualized anxiety. What could go wrong? And I needed to strengthen my imagination to begin to visualize possibility. What could happen, what are the opportunities? What if I tried this? What if I took a step and that really connected back to facing my fears and no longer avoiding or pleasing, but being my own champion and claiming my own greatness and believing that what needed to be done could be done and I could do it. The last thing I’ll say on this is I came up with a mantra out of a great book that I read. The book is called It Takes What it Takes by Trevor Moad. And the mantra basically is this is hit the next shot. Just hit the next shot. Like a golfer or a basketball player. Don’t be visualizing anxiety. What if I missed the shot? What if this goes wrong? What about the next shot after that? Just Steve visualize possibility. Do what you know what you are good at. Stay in the zone and hit that next shot. Keep moving forward, day by day, hour by hour, function by function, tactic by tactic, and keep moving that golf ball down the fairway. So when I start to feel overwhelmed again or fearful again, I just say, oh, loud Steve, hit the next shot. Just take that next shot. And you’re going to keep moving towards that preferred future that you’re building for yourself and for your family.
Eric Deschamps [00:39:58]:
I absolutely love that because we spend so much time and energy regretting our past and stressing out about the future that we’re not showing up right now. And hit the next shot. It’s just about be here. Be here now and do the best you can in this moment. And if it doesn’t work out, then just hit the next one. Like keep going, right? This whole notion of being present, you talk about books that have influenced you. I know The Alchemist is another book that has influenced you deeply. And there’s this notion, I remember you first raising this language with us in a teen conversation at Rhapsody about personal legend. And I remember that just resonating with me so deeply that I read the book, I think that weekend, after you recommend it, talk to us about personal legend and how that’s applied to you.
Steve Osmond [00:40:46]:
Wow, that book was such a good companion and is such a good companion on my journey. It’s got just the right amount of spirituality and philosophy, but real grittiness as well about what it means to create and find your own personal legend. Not to repeat, but definitely, I was living someone else’s legend. Steve, this is how we want your story to be. Do this, go do that, and we’ll be happy with you. And again, I wasn’t happy, and so I decided, okay, what is Steve Osman’s personal legend? Sometimes that feels like a little bit of a strong language. My personal legend or my legacy? What is my legacy? What do I want people to say about me after my story is done? When my story is done, at the end of it all, that’s all we get. We get a eulogy, which is a story. Here’s his story. And we get a 20 minutes eulogy, and then everybody’s going to go back to the gym and eat sandwiches and talk about the weather, but for 20 minutes, they’re going to say, this is what Steve Osmond was. Now, that’s my focus. I don’t focus it on a way to say, what’s my grandiose story that checks some boxes of what culture says success is? That’s not what I mean. What I mean is from my values, from my beliefs, in my deepest relationships, how do I want to be remembered? What do I want to be known for? And pursuing that is so joyful. It doesn’t mean there aren’t setbacks and pitfalls and painful moments. But I feel like I’m on a path now to say, okay, this is my life. I’m not living somebody else’s life or some ideology. I’m living my life. If I do great, I do great. If I don’t do so great. But at least I’m living my life and finding my own personal legend. And it’s an adventure for sure.
Eric Deschamps [00:42:59]:
So powerful, Steve. And again, I can testify, having known you for so long that I’ve never seen you happier, I’ve never seen you more comfortable in your own skin and so thrilled that you’re on this path and pursuing it with all your heart. As we prepare to wrap up the show for today to two audiences, our general audience that’s tuning in and that person who is living somebody else’s life or living as an extra in someone else’s story as opposed to their own. What word of encouragement or advice would you have for them? And then for the leaders that are listening? We work with those leaders each and every day, and they’re living the story of the family business and not their own. And perhaps the word of advice and encouragement is the same for both audiences. But what would you say to those two groups of people in our closing moments for the show today?
Steve Osmond [00:43:54]:
Yeah, I don’t want to just say some cliche. It’s a messy journey, and I think from my perspective, the most important thing is to have people in your life that you can talk about. What could be, not my life. Is bad. Maybe we need people to talk and be miserable together. Sure, fine. But get someone in your life that says, here’s what could be, and start turning all of that anxiety and all of those swirling thoughts and who am I and what should I be? If you can find a guide, whether it’s an informal guide of a wise friend or mentor or a really good therapist or a coach, kind of like a sherpa, get a sherpa that will help you climb that mountain, that mountain of transformation, that mountain of transcendence. Maybe you’ve hit bottom or things are really messy. You don’t need to go on that journey alone. In some ways, you do. It’s your personal journey. You’re the one taking the step. You’re the one that’s stumbling and falling and scraping your knee or getting concussed along the way. But it doesn’t have to be. You be the only person you can have that guide with you along the way. So probably that’s my advice for both groups of people, Eric, is whether you’re a listener in the Living Richly family here, or you are a business leader or a business owner, getting that support you need, that’s such a beautiful word. Do you have enough support, the right kind of support in your life to get you to your mountaintop, to your legacy, to your legend? Because having that support can make all the difference.
Rob Dale [00:45:54]:
So good. Steve really do appreciate you taking the time to be with us today. This has been absolutely I knew this would be a wonderful conversation with you, and I have no doubt that there will be many more conversations with you that definitely be able to have you back on at a later date. We’ve had the opportunity for you to tell your story, but I think you could get into even some of the conversations that we have around Living Richly. You’d be wonderful to include in those. And so I do want to just say thank you so much for taking the time to be a part of the show and part of this episode. For those of you that are listening, boy, there might have been individuals, whether yourself, and you’re taking going, I’m learning so much here for myself. But there might have been others that you’re listening to thinking, boy, they’re at that point of making that leap into the darkness, into the messiness. This may be just the episode that you want to share out, maybe put some comments into it and invite other people onto this journey. Great opportunity to do that. We want to encourage you to like and to share, to comment all of the things, whether you’re listening to it on one of the podcast channels or at the YouTube channel. But take some time to just be able to be connected so that you don’t miss further episodes and be able to, again, connect people to the community.
Eric Deschamps [00:47:19]:
And don’t forget to subscribe that way you won’t miss any upcoming episodes. We are dropping episodes every single week. We’ve got some real exciting episodes coming up, including Jim Harrington who will be talking to us more about anxiety and the two x four x two model. You can also go to our website, Livingrichly Me ActAct, and on there you’re going to find some great resources. It’ll point you to all the episodes, all the show notes. We’ll include the reference to the books that you mentioned today. Steve, on today’s episode, Steve will put those in the show notes as well. You can also find out about coaching opportunities that we’re now providing for folks who are saying, listen, I could use some support to climbing that mountain of transformation. And so you can find out more about that there that’s Livingrichly MEACT, thank.
Rob Dale [00:48:09]:
You so much for taking the time to be a part of this episode, for being on this journey with us. Until next time. Again, I’m Rob with Eric and with our great guest, Steve Osman. See you next time.