Relationship Realities: Love, Loneliness, and Loyalty

Relationship Realities: Love, Loneliness, and Loyalty

Matthew Rippeyoung:
We all have all the parts on the inside. Mhmm. And so being able to use all the crayons in the coloring books makes the art better. We just we need to be in touch with who we are. If we know who we are Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
If we

Matthew Rippeyoung:
know what we actually want and what we actually need, Being needy isn’t a problem. It’s the human fucking condition.

Rob Dale:
Hi, and welcome to the Living Rich Leaf podcast. We’re so glad that you’ve joined us again today. We’re really excited about today’s episode. Episode. We’re gonna be talking again about showing up authentically. Mhmm. And I can’t think of anyone who has really demonstrated and worked through and taken some lessons in that more than our guest today. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Matthew Rippeyoung, we are gonna share a bit of your story and your journey, throughout our conversation today, but you have a incredible story of discovering how, and you know, figuring out your own true identity, your own authenticity, journeying from being a married man with a with a couple of kids, to coming to a point of really owning and and and, finding your true self, your queer self, and what does that look like? And we’re gonna talk about a bunch of that kinda stuff. You and I have known each other for years now. You are one of my favorite people. Absolutely. To have you here.

Rob Dale:
So so for me, when he walked into the studio today, I feel like look. I feel like we know you. I feel like I know you just from our interactions. Yeah. You’ve been a big supporter of the show from day 1. You’re the 2nd therapist we’ve ever had on the show. So, you know, very skilled therapist that helps people overcome all kinds of stuff, but I’m so looking forward to the conversation today.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You are like, fan of the bow tie.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
He wore the bow tie. And he

Matthew Rippeyoung:
and he wore the bow tie. Mister bow tie is here with us today.

Rob Dale:
This is so on brand.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You’re like fan number we are like the our number one fan.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I think I might be, to be honest. Like, I remember when, when the first episodes were dropping, I think they dropped over, like, the holidays.

Rob Dale:
So That’s right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. So there was, like, 6 episodes. So, you know, while I’m at the gym or while I’m walking the dogs, I’m like, okay. Well, like, I’ll give this a listen. And when you started with, like, 2 ex preachers and a farmer, I was like, oh, I don’t know how this is gonna go.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
This this could be really bad. Well, I was like I was,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
you know, girding my because I really like you.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. I like you. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And I was like, oh, am I gonna have to send an email Yeah. Or something? But it’s been so good. Like, I mean, the thing that I like about it so much is that, you know, it’s I mean, I like with, you know, Wendy and and Kate on now too. It’s it’s good dynamics, but I feel like there’s a lot of good gender messages that come out of this, which is important for people to hear.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Well, we’re gonna get into a lot of that. You’re a psychologist, you know, working as a as a therapist here in in Ottawa. With your own team. Right? With your own team. You’ve got Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Can I yeah? You’ve

Matthew Rippeyoung:
got a great firm, and, we’ll even maybe talk a little bit of that journey of of you figuring that out. But we’re gonna turn the tables. Wait.

Rob Dale:
We’re the therapists.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
We’re the therapists now, buddy,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
and you’re gonna be sitting in

Matthew Rippeyoung:
the couch. Get comfortable. Get comfortable. I’m gonna just I’m gonna ease into this for you. I don’t want you to feel like Start soft. Start. Yes. Yep.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Start soft. So Yeah. So here’s my first question for you. Okay? I want you to you’ve shared with me, and, again, because I know your story. Your story is incredible about growing up with a family that really with a lot of unique challenges. What was it like to realize early on that you weren’t the center of the universe due to your family dynamics?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, so as it turns out as it turns out that it’s been helpful in ways that might sound surprising to people. Like, I’m not one of these, like, oh, everything happens for a reason. Everything happens and we look for a reason after.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Yeah. So true.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But, yeah. I was I mean, go the psychologist who’s like, you know, so before I was born but before I was born, my older brother actually acquired a disability as an infant. And so, and, you know, my mom struggled with a lot of mood stuff of her own. Like, she liked little kids, didn’t love babies, probably would have been diagnosed with postpartum, you know, if she’d had the baby today. Point. Yeah. Yeah. In the seventies, they didn’t talk so much about it.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. So, so, yeah, so I grew up kind of always learning, like, oh, I need to project it. Like, I need to foresee foresee the problems coming so I can support or so I can help. And I got really good at it. Like and I mean, that was one of the things that I think my family appreciated the most about me was that I was easy. Like, that, you know, I was a helper. I was I was always willing to run and get something for my brother or to to, you know, try to help him in some way or another, which, you know, is is great, but then also it leaves you with this sense of, yeah, I’m, like, I’m not the center of the universe. And when I was in university and studying, you know, socialization and and human dynamics and stuff.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was, like, oh, the North American white male grows up thinking they’re the center of the

Matthew Rippeyoung:
wait. Wait a second. Where did

Rob Dale:
that come from? I missed

Matthew Rippeyoung:
out. But being the North American white male, also, like, the other thing is there’s lots of protective factors

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
In and around that will kind of look after you. Yeah. So I got to have kind of both experiences of knowing what it’s like to to to not be the center of the universe, but then also getting some of the advantages of, you know, being a white guy in the eighties nineties. Right. Right.

Rob Dale:
Right. And and your experience, I mean, again, because of what you do for a living. Right? Your experience with big t trauma, in others and in your own journey. And in dealing with, the language around this, I’m curious. I I really wanna understand it. The being entirely too much, but woefully not enough. Right? How did your experience with trauma, your, you know, moving through life and that script shape your life philosophy, your leadership philosophy, even what you

Matthew Rippeyoung:
do for living and helping others? Yeah. So, like, by the time I was 11, I’d already lived through a couple of big t traumas, or, you know, adverse childhood events as sometimes called in the trauma research. Yeah. And, my family knew about them and were really not prepared because I was the easy one. Right? So, and it was the eighties. Like, we didn’t talk about things.

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And so even though

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I knew that they knew and they knew

Matthew Rippeyoung:
that I knew that they knew, like, I mean, my mom was never gonna get on board with that. And my dad is, like, I mean, he’s he was very sweet, but, you know, conflict averse.

Rob Dale:
Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Everything’s nice. And so the takeaway message was, like, oh, like, your stuff is too freaking much. Yeah. And, you know, what the way I internalized it at the time was if I were enough, someone would have helped. Someone would have done something. Yeah. So it’s this simultaneously, like, I’m I’m all this big stuff and but not enough to get looked after, which, you know, after many years of therapy Yeah. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I’ve gotten to the other side of that, but that that has been one of the things throughout my life that I’ve struggled with.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. I can well, I can still relate to that because, in a different way, but, I had parents that probably would qualify as workaholics. They provided well, and they I know that they love me, but they weren’t terribly present, and nurturing. And I remember a few occasions going to my dad as a teenager just working through normal teenage stuff. And, a couple of moments that took a lot of courage for me to go to him to ask for help, and he he just there was just nothing to be had. And I was left feeling very much with a script that I’m just not worthy of that attention, that love, that nurture. I gotta figure it out on my own. Those scripts really get

Matthew Rippeyoung:
formed so deeply, so

Rob Dale:
so early, and they run your life.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, it’s, you know, it’s like I mean, with a lot of psychological theory, you know, we talked about the earlier the event. No. It’s, like, kind of so bends the tree. Right? It changes how you’re gonna grow. Oh, I love that.

Rob Dale:
It alters your trajectory.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yes. Your trajectory changes. So while this was you know, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. The thing that really came out of this was I figured out, okay, well, I still have needs, like, and so this is, like, from the time I was 11 or 12, like, developing community, friendships, things outside the house, that, like, that has been a through line for me, throughout my life that those relationships then become some of the ones that are, you know, life changing for me and for me.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So so talk more about those relationships. I love I love that

Rob Dale:
you Yeah. Because they’re important. Relationships are really important to you.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I have made Yeah. All my life decisions based on relationships.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So talk a little bit about how those relationships have shaped and guided you in both the professional and and personal.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, personally, it it was quite so I grew up in Prince Edward Island in the eighties nineties before the bridge was built. Like, it was pretty isolated. Right. But it was also kind of idyllic. Like, I remember this time in, like, I think it was near the end of grade 12. And we’re, like, walking back at midnight from the beach and the bonfire, and the moon

Matthew Rippeyoung:
was so Like, does everybody, like, in every house go, good good night, John Boy. Right? Like, is there is there, like, you yell down

Matthew Rippeyoung:
this street?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, The Waltons? Is it The Waltons or, I guess that was it. I probably Most people don’t remember The Waltons. I barely remember

Matthew Rippeyoung:
The Waltons. My time. As I said.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Oh, yeah. Sure

Rob Dale:
it is, Matthew.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, we might not have had all the cable channels.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Right. There you go.

Rob Dale:
There you go.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But, no. Well, it was a small, close knit community, but also I think because I leaned in to relationships and friendships. Then also, my relationships got pretty deep pretty fast. And, like, I remember there was a time in high school I was and again, it was, like, near the end of high school, and I wasn’t doing great. And I was kind of retreating, and I was nervous about what was coming next. And, you know, it wasn’t normal for me on a Saturday night to be at home, but a carload of friends had come over. Some guys, some girls, and they’re, like, we’re going to the beach, like, get in the car. And so as we’re driving, my best friend at the time, Todd, who, like, you know, he lives in Vancouver.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
We haven’t seen each other probably in 20 years, but we had a FaceTime last week.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Nice.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
He looks at me and he’s like, what’s going on? Like, I don’t get it. You’re going away. Oh, yeah. That’s powerful. Well, it was really powerful because the thing was is that he’s like, I’m watching you retreat, and he’s saying it in front of other people. Mhmm. He’s like the best parts of you, you’re hiding. Mhmm.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And to be given permission, like, to not have to perform or to do for others. Yeah. To, like and I was, like, oh, I can be myself. Like, people notice. People aren’t buying into whatever this is that I’m doing. And to have that right before I move away from home and go you know, I moved to Montreal and getting out into the universe, It was really powerful to have guy friends who I could be vulnerable with.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So I Wow. Now so how old was Todd at the when we

Matthew Rippeyoung:
spoke about 17. Right. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Kids. So it’s a it it absolute the first time you shared that story with me, Mike, I was like, did I get that right? Did he say there were, like, again, kids at Oh, yeah. Because the idea like, I I think of me at 17 Who says that at 17? Who who the fuck?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, has that kinda love We were close friends. Yeah. Like, there I mean and it wasn’t it wasn’t a unique connection for me. I had a lot like, a lot of us would say, you know, I love you. Like, we were just but it’s also, like, the land that time forgot.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Right? Yeah. Yeah. But but I love that because we you know, we were just talking about, the tree bending, events that we experience that change our trajectory, we often forget the positive things that have happened to us. Right? That, how did that bend the tree for you? Yeah. That’s a great question.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, this is the thing. It was a very effective filter, especially when I went away to university. Mostly through university, I didn’t have any male friends, because a lot of them are douches, like, to be honest.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. And, like, I’m like, oh, but

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I know what the connection can be. Mhmm. And so I’m just, you know, putting my connector feelers out there, and, yeah, you might be surprised to know that young men are not that articulate about their feelings. Newsflash.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
What we’ve what we’ve discovered is a grown ass

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Heartache fatarte. Yeah. Indicating their feelings.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Well and so which has been nice in my adult life than the friendships I have with people and with men. They they tend to be more connected, and it’s you know, because I’m always willing to go first. Right. Right. And if someone takes me up on it, well, then Yeah. Off to the race as we go.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. What a gift to give people. Right? That, we we talk so much on the show about authenticity, vulnerability, especially vulnerability being a superpower that, all of us are playing games most. Right? And we’re projecting this false front to the world that we think people want us to be. And and when we’re willing to actually be honest with ourselves and and and share the journey, we’re so afraid of doing it. And yet, overwhelmingly, the response is, oh my god. You too? Yeah. And and so when you go first, you give, others permission to do the same.

Rob Dale:
And yet

Matthew Rippeyoung:
it’s so hard to your point, to go first. Yeah. And so to be able to do that and to lead, in that way, it’s interesting. I wanna go back to around these some of these scripts because it’s you know, even though the the trajectory took you in a different role, one of the things that we have in common and we have in common, all 3 of us, is from those early, childhood days feeling like we were the caregiver. We were the one who, know, you put aside your own needs. You put you you you lose your own voice for the sake of unity, of caring for others, caring for your brother, caring for

Rob Dale:
I have no idea what you’re

Matthew Rippeyoung:
talking about. No. I know that. It’s, you know, and it for in both our cases, it led us in many ways into the the preacher world where it was like, okay. My job is to, you know, lose myself in the service of God. Yep. Right? For you, it was into moving into therapy and doing the work that you’re doing. Talk a little bit about, you know, how did you begin to find that voice? Was it that moment in the car with with your friend, or was it other places where you began to finally say, yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I I I can still care for people, but I can also have a voice. I can be me in that moment. I think it’s something we’ve learned way later in life, but Yeah. What was that journey like?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, I mean, I I learned it in some ways early, but in some ways much later. Yeah. Yeah. It’s a journey. Right? Yeah. Well, it is. Well, because the thing is so the way I was trained in school as well is to be a blank slate. Now not every school of therapy is like that.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
In fact, a lot of the psychotherapists at my office, they have learned a lot about self disclosure and how to use the self in a different way in therapy, which could be very powerful. But, like, for me, that’s, like, like, no, you don’t do that. You’re a so, like, people will come in to my office and sometimes and, like, they’ll say, like, oh, well, you wouldn’t understand you don’t have kids. And I don’t interrupt them to say, well, actually, my kids are adults. Right? Because the projection is important. And so for me, a big one of my superpowers in being a therapist is that it’s not hard for me to get out of the fucking way. Right. Like, you know, my ego isn’t.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And people who know me personally know I talk a lot. Right. And they’re like, how do you manage to be so

Matthew Rippeyoung:
quiet in therapy? Like, why do

Matthew Rippeyoung:
you think I’m talking now?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Right. It’s like, I’m getting all my words out now. I don’t get to do it at work.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But the being able to to kind of erase like like, I talk about therapy in terms of, it’s like being by yourself only just a little bit better because, you know, I’ll reflect back to things. And so so but there were a lot of things through my twenties, a lot of places in my twenties where the idea was, okay, well, it’s, like, back up, like Yeah. You can lose yourself in the service, you know. I got married. I changed my name when I got married because I’m a feminist. I was like, oh, I want us all to have the same name. So, you know, I lost that little part. We had kids.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Like, we were, like, teen parents practically for 2 professionals. Like, my first was born when I was I just turned 25.

Rob Dale:
Oh, wow. Same. Same. My eldest I I was 25 when she was born. Yeah. Right. Young family.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. And so and by 25, I’m already out of school. I’m already working as a therapist. So don’t take up too much space at work. Follow your wife around for all of her work stuff. You got little kids. You gotta, like, look after them. And so, like, it was a well honed skill that, like, you know, kinda turned out to bite me in the ass later.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Yeah. And so it wasn’t until really my 3rd like, when I got separated, Like, get the fucking memo. Right. Right. Right. And, again, I like, get the fucking memo.

Rob Dale:
Right. Right. Right. And, again, I can appreciate, when something is so important to us, like, it’s a core value on Yes. For you, relationships obviously has been a huge component of your life. Even in your marriage, I would assume I I know for me, I was staying, in the ministry out of a sense of duty, rather than a sense of purpose, And my marriage was pretty much over, but you had a sense of you have to stay for the kids, you have to stay for right. What was that like for you, and and other places where perhaps you made choices that were out of alignment with who you were, to stay in relationship?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I think I didn’t realize maybe how much out of alignment my decisions were. Like, I was really I felt like I was really living in alignment. And the other thing is is that when you’re a dude and you’re married to a woman and you follow her around for her career, like, I don’t know if this was your experience when your kids were little, but, like, you know, I was we were living in Toronto. We had moved back to Canada from the States. I’m a clinical supervisor at a large children’s mental health center. Most of my staff you know, I’m not even 30. I’ve got a staff of about 15 people, most of them young women, who are all having, like, their own kids. And, you know, I have to leave meeting I have to leave the office at 3:30 because I have to go pick up my kids from childcare.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
When you are a man and you say that, you suddenly grow this cape and these boots, and everyone’s like, look at him. He’s amazing. When women do it, they’re like, well, she could be more commanded.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Isn’t that awful? Right? Like, what a what an eye opener when you start to realize that you’ve been wearing this lens of, again, of the white male dude in the room, and we have no idea, often what it’s like to be on the other side of that equation and be judged for something that is beautiful, and that, yeah, we we do it. We get praised. Like, how fucked up is that?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Right? You’ve talked exactly They have. That very story and then there’s yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, this is one of the prizes of not being the center of the universe.

Rob Dale:
Mhmm.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right? Is that it like, I mean, I saw that kind of shit when I was 15. Like Right. So but so, you know, I thought I was living in alignment all these ways. And that, yes, it was hard, and, yes, you know, there was conflict and whatever, but I was sure I was living my value because it wasn’t my career. Like, I knew I mean, we met in university. It wasn’t gonna be my career that was gonna catapult us places. You know? And so so it felt like all these right decisions the worst right right decision, I think, actually, was moving to Ottawa. We had an amaze I had everything I ever wanted in life in the last place I lived, in Nova Scotia, and, the only thing I didn’t have was a happy marriage.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, there was just just the one thing.

Rob Dale:
It turns out that’s pretty damn important.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Turns out. And so I I so, you know, my ex wife does like to move around and whatnot and for various reasons, and I thought we were settled. And I thought and I’d never wanted to go back to the Maritimes. Like, I left at 18 and was ready to never come back. And I watch all my friends, like, kind of trying to kill themselves get back to the island or to get back to the Maritimes and the. Yeah. And, I was Wait.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
What was that? It was the. Oh, that

Matthew Rippeyoung:
was really good. Yeah. Yeah. No. I had to I had to learn to retalk. I went to Montreal because everyone was like, oh, what? Wow.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Where are you from?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, I’m sitting, like, amidst all these private school kids from Toronto and Montreal and, you know, and also, it was, like, when grade 13 was still a thing and, of course, Seja. So I’m a year younger than everybody, and I’m just little, like, hayseed from Charlatan.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Hayseed. Your, your your I know that your your dad was still living in, Halifax Yeah. In that area. You and I had already connected when he got sick, and went through the passing his passing, dealt with some loneliness, some some dealings there. Here’s a person who’s so into relationship and yet is starting to now go into this place of the loneliness. Maybe talk a little bit about that those experiences and what led you there. And then just I know you and I had many conversations around your dad and and, you know, what was going on there, but maybe just share a little bit of that for our listeners.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Well, so I mean, the loneliness really started early.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like and me and that’s what I think probably propelled my great desire to connect with people so much. Yeah. And it was with me forever. Like, I just this profound sense of loneliness. And I have lots of friends, and lots

Matthew Rippeyoung:
of people care about me and are nice to me.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And I’m you know, in my personal life, I’ve got lots of things that are good, but there was still was this profound loneliness until, my dad died quite like, both my parents died kind of by accident or unexpectedly. And the way that people showed up for me in those, like, it’s very moving. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it also I realized part of what I had been doing a lot of my life was still I still wanted the things from my parents that I didn’t get. And, you know, I kind of thought I’d accepted it. I mean, my dad, you know, my mom died right before I moved back to Nova Scotia.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And and so, you know, I was helping, like, look after my dad through his grief, and then it wasn’t long into his grief when he got sick with his own cognitive impairments, which, you know, I lost him a piece at a time. Right. Right. And so call it the long goodbye. Right? Ugh. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
That’s

Matthew Rippeyoung:
the word. I remember sitting I’m sitting at the ambulatory clinic, for memory in Halifax, and it’s, like, during March break. So I’ve got my 2 little kids with me and my dad who’s kinda looped, and I’m looking out at the artwork in this, hospital. And it’s like there’s beautiful artwork. And one of the things, it’s all these panels of, of open books. And on one of the pages or one of the you know, like, on one side versus the other, there there’s a word a phrase that says close your eyes, which is part of the mini mental status exam, which I administer to people all the time, for work. And then on the other page, there’s some of the letters missing. And so the c of the close is gone, the, r of the your is gone, and the first e in eyes is gone.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And so it says, lose you, yes.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And I’m just

Matthew Rippeyoung:
right? And I’m sitting I’m like, this is what’s this is where I’m going.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And, you know, the kids are playing and Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Dad’s like, why are we here anyway? And I just Yeah. So but then after he died, I stopped needing. Like, I stopped I did I didn’t have to go chase these things that I couldn’t get. And so that I mean, that was, you know, that was kind of a nice gift. Yeah. Yeah. Like, when I got back from the East Coast after that first week, one of my friends had a birthday party, and then, you know, we were out. And it was the first time a lot of people had seen me, since I’d come back, and so people, you know, are, oh, I’m sorry about your dad.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I’m, like,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
you know, tonight’s not about me, like, it’s fine.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But I was talking with someone who’s very curious, and, and I said, yeah. The the loneliness is gone.

Rob Dale:
Wow.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And she said,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
oh, it’ll come back in

Matthew Rippeyoung:
a few months.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Don’t worry. Get it?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
No. I said, but everybody was like, how could you say that? I was

Matthew Rippeyoung:
like, no. No. No. I know what she means. Like, it’s fine.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It’s fine. And maybe I’ll come back in a few months and maybe it won’t. But right now, it’s not here, and I’m gonna stay in that moment.

Rob Dale:
Right. Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, that’s the easiest time to be mindful. Right. Exactly. Right. It’s good. Yeah. The, we just did

Rob Dale:
an episode, our second, on mindful masculinity, and we were talking about the lone wolf city. Right? And how there’s some, actually, some really powerful, strengths that come from that, what is an archetype that has really shaped the way men think. But lone wolf often translates into or turns into lonely Yeah. Wolf, men in isolation, and the, the statistics are frightening. We shared them on that show. I think in the US right now, 4 out of every 5 suicides is a male is a man, 3 out of 4 in Canada. And I guess the argument could be made we’re just better at it.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Careful.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You

Matthew Rippeyoung:
know, it’s well informed.

Rob Dale:
Right. There’s all kinds of information out there. Right? But it’s on the rise, especially with males, mid fifties and higher. And usually, it’s because their central relationship has fallen apart

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Rob Dale:
And they don’t have a strong, like, friend circle, a strong community, and they find themselves very, very isolated. Are are you seeing that in your work? And with men that feel that, what advice would you have for them if they’re feeling very isolated, very lonely?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, I think it goes back to, like, something we talked about a little earlier. Like, this is why my willingness to go first is always there because I need the connection.

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, it’s not even just about being nice. Like, I mean, the argument can be made that it’s about kindness, but even if you’re a selfish jackass, like, there are benefits to connecting to other people. And so

Matthew Rippeyoung:
so you don’t have to you don’t have to stop being

Rob Dale:
yourself. You don’t

Matthew Rippeyoung:
have to stop being yourself a jack dude.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I’ve got your book

Matthew Rippeyoung:
there you go.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You’re good. I’m good to go. Yeah. But so, like, I mean, I think about, I think about when we lived in the small town in Nova Scotia. You know, there were a bunch of the the dads that hung out, and part of why we got together is one of the dads was losing his wife. She had gotten cancer and while she was pregnant and delayed her treatment, which ultimately did not go in her favor. And so but I remember we were at, like, the we’re at the wake, I think, and there was somebody who I knew loosely, but I’d only really ever talked to once. I think he did some kind of research with my wife at the time, and he said, oh, hey, I hear that you are a runner, and I wanna get into running.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Would you go running with me? Mhmm. I was like, sure. Yeah. I made a new friend. I was all excited. And so, you know, we would go on our runs along the dykes in Wolfville and, but, like, the conversation was always, like, it like, out of the gate started about, like, our families and growing up. And, I mean, as a therapist also, I I have a lot of questions that I’m used to asking. Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. And people feel safe. So Right. But it’s like, you know, that friend, like, I’m the I’m the godfather to his youngest kid now, and, like, he asked me at a time when my own kids through the divorce were separate from me. I mean, we’ve been very important in each other’s lives. And so but, like, it started with, hey. You wanna go running? Like, it wasn’t like Right. Oh, hey.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Let’s look at our vaginas. Like

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It was, you know, let’s go do something sporty. Yeah. Yeah. So take a

Rob Dale:
step is what you’re saying.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Take Reach. Reach out. How did Todd,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
what was it like to go from now you’ve moved to Ottawa. Again, as you said, you’ve been following the career of of of your ex. Now you’re here. You’re outside of that social circle that you had down east and in other places. Right? You’re trying to figure that out. And lots of life changes happen. Right? You you you do end up the the marriage ends. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
What was what walk us through that journey a little bit. What was some of the thinking points? What were some of the moments?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, I mean, it was terrible. I mean, I never wanted to be a divorced person. Like, I remember saying before we got married, I’m, like, look. I don’t wanna be mid thirties, 2 kids in and divorced. Like, if you’re not serious, like, let’s not fucking do this. Right. And 38, 2 kids separated. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like Yeah. It was so it felt it felt, 1, like a personal failure. 2, being someone who’s made their whole life about relationships and who helps other people with their relationships.

Rob Dale:
Oh, yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Sometimes it’s like we can’t relate to that at all. We don’t know what

Rob Dale:
that’s like

Matthew Rippeyoung:
like at all. Right? Like and so, like, like, eve just, like, the professional shame. Yeah. Jesus. Like, it there was a lot. I remember it was it was not long after my mother died. It was a few months. We were in Nova Scotia freshly, and, like, I thought we were finally like, we had finally gotten where maybe my ex would be really happy.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And, you know, I was working a job that I wasn’t particularly well suited for, but I needed a job. Yeah. And it was, like, after dinner, I’d put the kids to bed. I’m cleaning up the kitchen, and I just kind of like, I had a big sigh. And my wife said, listen. When are you gonna get over all this stuff? Because we both know that this relationship works when you do the heavy lifting. And I like, that was the I was like, oh, this is not gonna be my last relationship, I don’t think. And so, I mean, it took me 5 years to leave.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we moved twice.

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But it was just that that recognition that, like, oh, I backed the wrong horse. Like, I thought deep, deep down, like, we were really there for each other, and I missed it. So so, you know, I stayed longer because I thought, oh, well, it’ll be better for the kids and, you know, it’ll be kind of a disaster, but there just there was, like, spectacular dumpster fire that I was just like, oh, here we are. And so, you know, my sister-in-law at the time was like, if you’re staying because you love my sister, that’s great. But if you’re staying for other reasons, like, I got that. Like, you can go.

Rob Dale:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Which was very helpful.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Tell tell us how the journey, and we stated at the top of the show. I mean, being your authentic self is like a central message to, the Living Richley nation from the beginning because I think a lot of folks live a supposed life. Yeah. Right? They’re living according to other people’s expectations, values, all of it, and, it’s a miserable way to live. Your story is about authenticity and learning what’s that what that’s like. Part of it was the marriage coming to an end, which is painful. We can certainly relate to, But we’re supposed to have it all together. We’re the guys at the, at the front of the room telling people how to live their lives, and we can’t even keep our families together.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Talk to us about when you came out. Where did that how did that show up, and how did that fit into that whole journey?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Well so a lot of people assume that because I came out in my late thirties that I wasn’t being my true self before. But that’s not true. Like, I was in love. Like, I got married for love. Yeah. Like, we we were kind of a powerful force. I finally found someone who talked as much as I did and who had big ideas, and we did a lot of adventures together.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You know, we lived in 2 countries. Like, I just didn’t understand the things I didn’t understand. Right. And so, you know, I think it’s easier before Yeah. Yeah. And so after we separated, you know, I mean, I’m all about relationships, and so I’m like, oh, well, I wonder like, I still have a long time to be happy. Right. You know, because I was only 38.

Rob Dale:
What a great perspective. Because I think most people, and myself included, is it’s over now. Right? It’s a downward spiral from here. I have failed professionally. I failed personally. And here

Matthew Rippeyoung:
you are going, I’m 38.

Rob Dale:
I got lots of time to be happy. What fucking great perspective.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It’s awesome.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, it kind of helps, having been a therapist for a long time. Mhmm. Right? Like, I mean, I was when I left school and had my letters, I was 24. Mhmm. So which I also think about, like, oh, interesting.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And your mom

Matthew Rippeyoung:
came to see me.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was I was

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was 23

Rob Dale:
when I started the church that I found.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Okay. I was

Rob Dale:
just a kid. I didn’t even have a full fully formed frontal lobe.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right? Yeah. We’re doing marriage counseling, family counseling. People come to us with issues, and we weren’t trained like you were. And I remember, you know, you have to pretend like you’ve heard everything before. And what you wanna do is, like, crawl into your church and go, oh my god. I’ve never heard

Rob Dale:
shit like this in my life.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
What do I do except tell them to go pray Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Well, just pray

Matthew Rippeyoung:
for that.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You know?

Rob Dale:
Here you are at 24, armed with some pretty powerful tools.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It it has been very helpful, I have to say, throughout my life. Like and also, I’m well, it’s funny. You know, I’ve cried probably 2 or 3 times already while we tape. I cry all the time outside the office. Yeah. Like, I mean, we were watching Survivor last night. Every episode of Survivor gets me at some point. But at work Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
At work,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
you’re like, boy.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Like, there is not and people tell me the hardest things. Like, I hear it at least once a week. Oh, I didn’t think I was gonna say that out loud to anybody ever.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right. Right. Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But, you know, you make the space for them, and they’re able to share. And so, yeah, as my life is falling apart, I’m like, I’m not even 40 yet. Yeah. I can still do lots of things. And so, you know, I was thinking about, well, maybe I will like, I mean, I always knew that I was bisexual, but also because my trauma history was complicated. Right. Like, being with men was complicated. And so I was like, well, I mean, like, just why don’t you try something new? Because it’s not like it’s not like I’d never had any interest, but I was monogamous.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was married. Yeah. And then after I started being with men, I was like, oh, this is different. Like, the energy is different. The and so, you know, I met someone probably 6 months after I mean, well, I know a lot of people, but

Matthew Rippeyoung:
that’s that’s for a whole other side. Yeah. But I the show that’s behind the paywall. The adventures of mister Bowtie. Oh my god. I think that’s a book.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I maybe there’s some fan fiction out there. But, but I started dating somebody at the end of the year, and, and it’s funny because, I mean, I like that, so we separated in June, and it was coming up on Christmas, and I had gotten back into therapy, and I just like, everybody that knew me personally, like, could see I was just dragging my carcass across the line every day. And then I met this guy right before Christmas, and it was like it was Christmas day and I had a, like, a video call with friends in Nova Scotia and they were, like, you met somebody, Like, you’re you’re happy. What happened? And so, also, when you come out later in life, like, it’s a whole different set of things. Right? Like, I’ve already had my career. I already had my kids. Like, you know, there aren’t like, the questions you ask yourself at 38 are different than what you ask yourself at I mean, I feel for the 15 year olds who are like I’m gonna figure it out. I have to tell you who I think I might wanna have sex with, but I haven’t necessarily had sex yet.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Whereas at 38, I’m like, oh, I met this guy, and he’s really nice to me, and and so people were happy. Yeah. Yeah. Like, pretty much universally.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Amazing.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
A couple a couple exceptions, people who were happy.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. So incredible. So many of these transformations, and I and I wanna tie in a little bit on on the business side of it because, you know, you 6 years ago,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I

Matthew Rippeyoung:
wanna say, thereabouts, 5 years ago. Oh, 8. Maybe even 8 years ago. It’s been

Matthew Rippeyoung:
a bit of a while. 2016, 2017.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. It was COVID, of course, messed up everybody’s calendars as

Matthew Rippeyoung:
to Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
How many years ago. It was probably post COVID. It was pre that’s how we say it. It was pre COVID

Matthew Rippeyoung:
For sure.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
When we first met. And I remember at the time, you know, you saw you were you were a therapist working in a clinic, doing stuff on your own, you know, all of this. I remember us even sitting now trying to do some marketing stuff, and, oh, no. We can’t do that. We can’t do that. I remember you even sharing about, I don’t talk about me ever. Nothing can be about I mean, look at you here. Now you’re on a podcast talking all about you.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
To where you are today, where you are now the owner of a firm, you you are you do see yourself as a business person. You’re the boss man. Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, I never thought in my twenties when I’m, like, rallying against the patriarchy of, like, middle aged white guys, It did not occur to me until 3 years ago that, oh, you’re a fucking middle aged white guy. Like, who did I think

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was gonna grow up to be? Like Yeah. Oh, shit. Right? Oh, shit. But here I am. Yeah. And corporate. At corporate town. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I know. Well, it’s funny because people I mean, so I’ve lived in Ottawa since 2012.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And so most of the people that I interact with on a regular basis now, like, they see this. They don’t have any idea about the little boy from PEI. Yeah. Like and so so and it’s funny because I spent a lot of my twenties trying to catch up with all the people I was running with, you know, all the private school kids in try you know, my ex wife, both of her like, she has her doctorate degree. Both of her parents were deans. Like, I had to learn all this new cultural language that, you know, my stay at home mom and my federal public servant dad didn’t have. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And I want it to

Matthew Rippeyoung:
be seen as belonging, and it’s funny because now as I get closer and closer to 50, I’m like, oh, my I’m just a girl from the holler. I want want people to see that part too.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
How was that shift, though, for you to be able to embrace being a business owner from, again, from those early conversations to where you now when we talk, you’ll talk about how, yeah, I need to work with my team and teach them how to do marketing and teach them how to be business owners themselves. Like, it’s been a radical shift in business thinking for you. Well, I

Matthew Rippeyoung:
mean, I think a big help has been knowing you. Like, to be quite honest, that has changed my life a great deal. Also, part of the transition is, like well, my kids are adults Like, they kinda you know, I mean, I still it’s funny. I worry about them actually, at least one of them, a lot more now than I ever did when they were teenagers

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
But going through some tough stuff. But they moved off the ledger, and, like, I I spent you know, I was married at 23, first kid at 25, you know, moving around a lot, always caring for people, and always having the sense of, like, oh, I’ve gotta be on for the kids. And then I became a free bird. Yeah. Like, in high school. Yeah. Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. You’re like a free man

Matthew Rippeyoung:
now. Well, pretty much. Like, it’s I remember we have good family friends who live out east and, like, her their kids are right close to my kids. They’re same grades. You know, even the 2 youngest boys, their birthdays are a day apart. I was like, Lisa, we’re empty nesters. How did that happen? She’s like, not empty nesters, free bird.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I like that.

Rob Dale:
Free bird is much better.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And so as a free bird, suddenly, I have the mental space to be like, okay. Well, so, like, yeah, I’ve given up a lot of things, like, including, you know, retirement savings. And, you know, during the divorce, my ex filed bankruptcy, and so I inherited all of her debt. And so, you know, trying to dig myself out, I’m like, oh, but I like, I don’t have to go home and cook dinner, like, you know, many nights a week. Like, I can I can focus on me now? And so that’s been so, I mean, I’ve always had a lot of energy. That’s for sure. Yeah. And now I have places that I can put it that are, like, in the business.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I’m in thinking about the you know, I’ve remember the look on your face when I was, like, oh, yeah. This is just the first location.

Rob Dale:
You’re like, yes. Yes.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Let’s do this. Let’s do this. I have converted them. Yeah.

Rob Dale:
So fan I mean, so great to be able to reinvent yourself.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah.

Rob Dale:
Right? I think a lot of folks, as they head into their forties and fifties, I’m I just turned 53 not long ago. Happy birthday. Thank you. But we think, like, our best days are behind us, and the reality is they’re not. Like, we there’s so much opportunity for us to to follow our heart. But I wanna come back to something because relationships are so important to you. In my understanding, I I’ve had the benefit of working with a great mentor. Our coach is a therapist as well.

Rob Dale:
She works with the Philadelphia Eagles, as their mindset coach, and she’s been a big part of the journey. And my understanding of, maturity is someone who is able to carve out their own identity, while remaining connected in relationship. And I think some folks struggle with carving out their own identity. Others struggle, staying in community. I have very strong sense of self, but I have a strong what’s that journey been like for you as someone who places such a high value on relationships, the journey of just continuing to discover who you are and lean into it fully? Like, how what’s that been like for you?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So, again, it’s a benefit of having learned therapy

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Quite young

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Right.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Is that like, so also at my program, like, one of the things that we really were big on is, like, the life course and human development. And, like, a lot of people think human development ends at 25 or 26.

Rob Dale:
Oh, it keeps going.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, exactly. And so I remember being, like, 22 and sitting in doctor Adams’ developmental psychology class, and she says, there’s this point between 40 50 where you start to have the shift between years lived to years left. And I remember being 22 and thinking Shit. I really don’t relate to this. Right. But I think you should hold on to this piece of information because she’s probably not wrong.

Rob Dale:
Years lived versus years left.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So I have I have crossed over that rainbow bridge. Yeah. I did a few years ago. Yeah. Right? But, but the thing is is also because it’s all like, because a lot of my work is about blank slate, there’s also a lot of work on the ethics of why you have to have a very full life outside of work because otherwise, you start to see your patients as your friends or, you know, they’re gonna meet some of your emotional needs. So for me, it’s like leaning into being a dad, like, leaning into my friendships. Like and I just I just kind of always have shown up. Like, I mean, that’s when after I’d moved to Ottawa, I was there was a while I was, like, one psychologist, 2 cities.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was going back and forth to Halifax to work, and then I’d be here for 10 days and I’d be there for 4 or 5 or whatever, however it worked. And but there was a lawyer that we knew back east, and his kids were a little bit younger than ours. And he said, like, I really I hear you’re back. I’d really like to have lunch with you. And, you know, we had lunch and we were talking. He’s like, yeah. My wife asked who I was going for lunch with, and I was, oh, it’s Matthew Rippeyoung. That’s the guy that just doesn’t give a fuck about anything.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Uh-huh. Because, you know, I’d be sitting next to the soccer pitch knitting a blanket, you know, watching my kids play soccer. And he was like, wow. Like, how do you don’t you find that hard? Aren’t you worried about what people are gonna say? And I’m like, this is who I am. Like, there isn’t like, you know, I had tried hiding it. Yeah. And people were, like, oh, you’re giving up the best parts.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
We are, we’re starting to land the plane today. We’re gonna Still,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
we could talk all day. Yeah. Well, and I I can.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Absolutely. You have been such a again, as we say, you’re our, you know, number one fan, which always when I think of that, I think of that

Rob Dale:
so much, like, your feedback. I look forward to those moments where you’ve heard something and and you want us to think about it differently. You you sent such great feedback, over time, and we just appreciate that, especially coming from someone who’s got the tools that you have. We feel like we’re hacks at this stuff, and it means a lot.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Yeah. And you’ve and that feedback has been has been so incredible, and and it fired us up. Yeah. I remember I mean, one we did it. We did an episode that was a direct response to, an email you sent that got us so fired up, and it was the notion of the cause. Right? The the movement. We gotta create a movement, and it was all around, this notion of mindful, masculinity, of of changing the game when it comes to how we teach our kids, especially our boys, how we speak about, masculinity. Maybe just real quickly, some thoughts around that, and then we’re gonna just kind of a couple questions just to wrap things up today.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, so when I found out

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I was having sons, I thought, what in the fuck am I gonna do with boys? Like, I was ready to raise these feminist badass bitches. And then I realized I can still raise feminist badass bitches. And so, you know, like messaging for the kids, and now I don’t have 2 sons. I have a daughter and a son. Yeah. My eldest came out as trans last year. And I think about how much like, our family values were all about embracing yourself and being who you are and being authentic, and my kid was scared to come out. Yeah.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
There’s so many forces out there. Like, this is why when I was listening Like, boy you know, it’s like when you talk about I mean, I’ve stolen some of this for therapy Good. Where men get one feeling. Like, I don’t think maybe we get 2. You can be angry or you can be chill.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Like, fuck. Oh my god. That’s perfect. I knew we were missing

Matthew Rippeyoung:
chill. Yeah. Chill. Right? And and so as little boys, we’re taught to disavow ourself from our feelings because that’s too feminine and, like, you know, you don’t wanna be seen as being like a girl. And when you grow up not being the center of the universe as a boy, you learn to lean into some of that stuff. Yeah. And that’s, you know I mean, I’ve also I’ve had some good leaders in my life who were women who taught me a lot. And so we all have all the parts on the inside, and so being able to use all the crayons in the coloring books makes the art better.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And that’s, like, around like, we just we need to be in touch with who we are. If we know who we are, if we know what we actually want and what we actually need, being needy isn’t a problem. It’s the human fucking condition. Yeah. Oh, and I’m slammed.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I love that. Good. Go. Passion. He got Preach it. He got us, brother.

Rob Dale:
I didn’t even see this part

Matthew Rippeyoung:
of him.

Rob Dale:
I got that through the email. See? And it got us fired up.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
I get an amen.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Preach it, brother. As

Rob Dale:
we get ready to close, what message do you wanna leave our listeners with, Especially those that are currently navigating their own path of self discovery, perhaps overcoming some trauma, moving into transformation. What message would you want them to hear?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
There is a place for all of us here.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Mhmm.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
You will find your home, but you won’t find it if you’re looking in the wrong neighborhood. Like, the more that we know about ourselves and the more that we can tune into even the parts that we’re like, oh, fuck. I wish that wasn’t true. Just, like, if we are ourselves, it acts as this perfect repellent for some people and, like, flies to honey for other people, and we don’t do anything important alone. Yeah. It’s all through our relationships. I have not gotten anywhere by being a lone wolf or by, you know, being the Ubermensch, the superhero. It’s all because I’ve had lots of support.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Love that.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Really glad,

Rob Dale:
I’m really glad he came.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Oh. I was gonna say. This has absolutely been powerful enriching. Just we really we will need to have you come back and

Rob Dale:
100%.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
And, and and really just yeah. You’re close by. Yeah. You’re close by. Exactly. And to to just explore some of these.

Rob Dale:
How do how do people get in touch with this? Yeah. Yeah. What so so we talk about, again, the importance of I mean, therapy has been a huge part of my journey, your journey. Kate and Wendy, the same. Like, it’s just it’s it’s such an important tool, I think, in navigating through life. You have a team that you lead that do this for a living. You help people. It’s clear that you’re, I can again, I I had a sense of this already, but just hearing your heart today has been amazing.

Rob Dale:
But if people were to reach out to you, and we’ll leave all the information where they can do that, what could they expect to experience from you and your team?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Well, so it’s been important to me that as I build this team, the the number one thing that I focus on is compassion and kindness. So the therapists who come to work with me, like, that’s important for them too. We’re a really diverse group. Like, we even have one straight white middle aged guy on

Matthew Rippeyoung:
the team.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So Hey. You’re gonna have he’s the teeth that Tolkien might be in.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
No. But so

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It’s okay. People range in age Yeah. And range in life experience, and range in therapeutic experience. But a lot of it is about getting to know somebody, really caring for them. Mhmm. I was at a workshop here in Ottawa maybe 10 years ago and, like, one of the, like, gurus of self compassion was leading it. And, you know, I’d asked some questions and we were talking and he said, you know, if we weren’t at a workshop, if we were just talking at a table about this kind of work, what we would be talking about, Matthew, is love. Like, that’s what that’s what people get when they come to see people like you and me.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Mhmm. And so, yeah, like, I think, you know, Antoine Saint Exupery, the author of the Petit Pranks, says love is the love is the general experience of me leading you back to yourself, and that’s what we do at my place.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Love that.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
One last question. We ask it to every guest, on the show. We think it’s a powerful question. What does living richly mean to you?

Matthew Rippeyoung:
It’s about being in my relationships and being able to show up and being able to be myself. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

Rob Dale:
Love that. Wow.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
Matthew, thank you Thank

Rob Dale:
you so much.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
So much. Yeah. This is this has been absolutely wonderful, and, and I knew it would be. It was it’s just so great to have you here on the show with us. And and for all of you that have been listening, powerful. We’re gonna have in the show notes all the links to how you can connect directly to, to Matthew, to his website. You can get in contact with him if you want to. We are so flipping excited.

Matthew Rippeyoung:
2 weeks ago from the day this episode has come out, if you’re listening to them in order, 2 weeks ago, we launched our 15 day life vision challenge. It’s an absolutely free course that you can sign up and take, to really help you get clear on your own authenticity.

Rob Dale:
Yeah. Who you are,

Matthew Rippeyoung:
what you stand for, what matters to you. All of that, you can find it at our website, livingrichly.me. There’s gonna be a link right there to the 15 day challenge. I wanna encourage you to take part in that. We have had incredible feedback from so many who have already taken it, who absolutely, have just been it’s been profound work for them. Yeah. We wanna thank you again for being a part of this episode, being a part of the conversation, and the Living Rich Lee nation. Until next week, get out there and live your best life.

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