Real Women, Real Talk: Navigating Women’s Mental Health

Real Women, Real Talk: Women’s Mental Health

Wendy Dodds:
We need to do ourselves that favor Yeah. And be able to recognize it while the wound, whatever it is in your life Yeah. May not be your fault, likely isn’t your fault, whatever the case may be, We always have a choice in how we heal.

Kate Beere:
You don’t have to carry the burden of all your anxiety, depression, whatever mental health challenge you have, find someone to talk to, seek out a therapist, find community. We talk so much about the importance of that on the show, but it’s it’s not it doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Welcome to the Living Rich Lee podcast. Today, we’re talking about women’s mental health, and this is an exciting episode for us because it’s part of our series, Real Women, Real Real Talk. And Wendy and I are delving into some pretty important conversations, conversations that we feel we’re not having enough of. And so these are open and raw, and we’re excited that you’re joining us today.

Wendy Dodds:
I love it. This is gonna be a great episode. And some of the comments that we receive on the the series that we’ve been doing, the Real Women, Real Talk, have kinda morphed into, conversations around mental health, so we thought this would be a perfect topic to dive into.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And I think you and I, so far, we’ve been pretty open and raw about our own personal journey. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. It’s easy when we’re sitting So on this topic, I’m wondering why don’t we start with that a moment where you realize sort of, like, mental health isn’t this sort of concept, right, that’s out there? It’s it’s something personal for you.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I think, right away, when I think about just exactly what you asked, I think about my time, when I was working in the HR space. So a lot of my work prior to what I’m doing right now, was dealing with, employees, working with the business, but working with employees, on the labor relations side, but a big component of it in workplace accommodations, just being able to support employees where they were at. And working in the HR space, dealing with employees, and literally having people sit across from me and share all of the struggles that they were going through Yeah. To then be able to try to do their job, but also dealing with my own mental health journey, you know, which I talked about in my episode, a while back Yeah. And really recognizing that there wasn’t enough resources. And I distinctly remember one employee sitting across from me, talking about very deep suicidal thought. And my first thought was, I can’t even help myself.

Wendy Dodds:
How on earth am I gonna be able to help this person? I’m not equipped to be able to deal with this.

Kate Beere:
Right.

Wendy Dodds:
We don’t have enough resources. And and really sitting behind my desk and just feeling so helpless and not knowing, gosh, how am I gonna be able to care for myself? And this is where I so it was part of how I recognized that I just needed to prioritize my self care so much, really be able to and part of it was like, is this it for me? Like, you know, where do I go from here? But to really take it into my own hands, to be a role model for my kids, and be able to go public and share my journey.

Kate Beere:
That’s yeah. That’s amazing. For me, I think it was I remember the moment I, like, officially got diagnosed with anxiety, and it was like this almost like a moment of relief where it was like, oh, well, that explains my entire life up until this moment, and that was, like, in my thirties. Right? And so I was always called, like, a shy kid. I was called, anxious Yeah. At times, but never formally diagnosed. Right? Like, we just it didn’t exist back then.

Wendy Dodds:
Didn’t exist.

Kate Beere:
It was like, fuck up. Do what you can. Yep. And there’s such a difference between being called anxious and having anxiety. Mhmm. And I think, oftentimes, those terms get, like, interchanged so often, and they’re different because feeling anxious is a temporary state. Right? It’s like it’s actually there to protect you. Right?

Wendy Dodds:
So that that’s Which isn’t always a bad thing either.

Kate Beere:
No. Not at all. But having anxiety is all of the time. It is like this chronic state. And if I can give an example, the best example that I have is is for me. Let’s say I’m late for a meeting with my boss. K? If you’re feeling anxious, you’re anxious about being late, and you’re like, oh, this isn’t great. You don’t feel good.

Kate Beere:
It’s temporary.

Wendy Dodds:
Right.

Kate Beere:
Right? Person with anxiety, it’s like the second that meeting is booked, you’re already thinking about, well, what’s this meeting about, and why am I having this meeting, and what’s gonna happen in this meeting? Yep. The night before the meeting, you’re making sure lunches are packed and kids are ready to go. You’ve picked out your outfit. You’re already, like, what if my boss says this? Are they gonna fight? Like, your head is already, like, spinning out of control. Right? And then in the morning, you’re, like, running late, and you’re, like, why did I curl my hair? I don’t have time for this. Or, like, one of the kids can’t find their shoes,

Wendy Dodds:
and you’re, like, why didn’t I plan better?

Kate Beere:
And the self, like, negative talk takes over, and then it’s, like, you drop your kid off, and then you’re you’re rushing them, and you’re like, what if that’s the last time I see my kid and the school blows up? And then that’s, I’m a horrible mom, and then you’re driving to work, and you’re like, I go route a, route b, and you pick route b, and route b’s stop and go traffic, and you’re like, oh, you’re an idiot. Why’d you pick that path? Like, anxiety is a

Wendy Dodds:
whole process of emotion that

Kate Beere:
yeah. It never stops, and it never quiets, right, when it’s really firing. And I think it’s an important distinction to make between anxiety and feeling anxious. So for me, when that I was diagnosed, I was like, oh, that’s what all this, like, jibber jabber has been in my head Yeah. For years.

Wendy Dodds:
Yep. And I love that there’s more, you know, because when we were growing up to your point, it wasn’t it was just you you deal with it, or you were labeled as the kid with problems and put in the problem kid classroom. Right?

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
You know? Oh, you’re on Ritalin or you’re on, you know, whatever other type of drug. Yeah. That means that you’re you’re a special case, and and they were very much classified. I still I think there’s still some classification that goes on, but I think that there’s more becoming, there’s more awareness happening around anxiety as a disorder. Yes. Compared to somebody being anxious. So I love that you made that distinction around that.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And I think, for women, it shows up in different ways. Right? Like, we have specific pressures that show up in society. So I know for me, feeling the pressure of always having to be, like, the comparison game, like, feeling, you know, you look at Sarah’s Facebook pay I don’t know Sarah. Sarah’s not real. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Sarah. I look at Sarah’s social media, and I’m like, oh, she got it all together, and her kids are perfect, and she’s lost all the body weight, and she like, her baby weight, and, you know, she’s cutting her kids’ sandwiches into, like, funky shapes, and they’re all healthy.

Kate Beere:
Hearts. I’m like, oh, and everyone’s so happy in their family photos, and it’s like Take a tampon commercial. Everybody’s happy. It’s like because that’s how it really is. And so I know, like, that pressure for a lot of women, that comparison game that social media often plays causes a lot of anxiety and depression for women. So to have it all together, like, all of the time.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. And I think it I don’t think it matters at what age you are, and I I just hearing you talk about that, reminds me of a quote that I sometimes see, and it’s it’s a quote that almost gives people permission that it’s okay to go back to school when you’re 40. It’s okay to get married when you’re in your forties. Yeah. It’s okay to not have your life figured out when you’re 20 because I think that social pressure of, oh my gosh. I need to graduate school, and I’ve Yeah. Gotta get a good job, and, you know, this person has a a a great job, and I’m not done yet. And and and then this person who’s getting married, I still haven’t found my life partner.

Wendy Dodds:
And so I think that the, the social pressures around that is is a very real thing, and social media certainly doesn’t help with that. I think for me I think for me, and I’m I’m not chuckling because it’s funny. I’m Yeah. You know, we we’ve done, a whole episode on this around body image

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And body dysmorphia. And I think women face intense pressure to be able to conform to those narrow standards of beauty that we see, which absolutely can lead to body dissatisfaction, eating disorders, low self esteem, all of that stuff, which can then trigger anxiety and and just all of those really poor self worth feelings that go on in your mind, and we’re bombarded all the time. Like, we live in an instant gratification society. I mean, you order something on Amazon, it comes the next day. It’s, you know, it’s very hard for our brains to be able to turn off, so that constant bombardment of unrealistic, you know, beauty, a body image just splashed everywhere can really, really wreak havoc on feelings of inadequacy and self worth and also the standards on how we should age, you know, like, what what that looks like. So, you know, I think I think that’s a big pressure for women.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. I agree. And I you know, we did a a a really powerful episode on on body image, and I think it’s it’s outside of just the physical too. It’s the the mental load that women hold. To keep it all together, to hold you know, you’re supposed to be supposed to. It’s a strong word, but it the pressure is there to feel like you have to show up as a perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect boss, if that’s what you are, the employee, the perfect friend. Like, everything is just supposed to be perfect. And the mental load I was home for dinner with my girlfriends last night.

Kate Beere:
We were talking about it. Like, the mental load that women carry in marriages, relationships with kids, is intense. We feel things different than men do, and that’s okay. Right? We have an intensity about, like, when my kid is 5 minutes late, I am like, I am picturing you dead on the side of the highway. Like, I am not. I am literally in panic mode about where my kid is. Totally. And I can watch, you know, I can watch Eric, right? And he’s just not worried the same, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t worry about his kids.

Kate Beere:
It’s just we have, like it’s I can’t explain it. It’s like this guttural. So you have all of that anxiety, right, going on, all of that, like, fear a little bit. Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
Right? Yep.

Kate Beere:
So what are some, like, coping mechanisms? Like, what has worked for you in in sort of squashing that a little bit? Or how can we maybe give some of our listeners some some ways that have worked?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. So in terms of being able to learn how to keep it all together, navigate our expectations, we can often refer this to, like, emotional labor Yeah. In terms of everything that we carry. And, you know, to your point, our expectation of being, caregivers, nurturers in in every aspect, learning to recognize that that’s draining and overwhelming, and also recognizing that that leads to burnout.

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And for most women being overachievers or high performers, except us.

Kate Beere:
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t

Wendy Dodds:
know what you’re talking about. We have an innate need to feel the ability to prioritize everyone else’s needs, before us, so which then in turn means that we’re neglecting ourselves. So it’s very easy for us to talk about, set boundaries, ask for help, learn to be okay with, good enough versus the best. But in all reality, that’s a fact, and it’s a practiced habit to be able to learn how to ask for help, to be okay with it not showing a sign of weakness, and it’s a practice habit to set boundaries. Yeah. And for anyone that really struggles with boundaries, which is a lot of women Agreed. I’d really encourage people to go back and listen to the episode that we, did on setting boundaries. It was probably one of our top episodes because there was a lot of great tips in there around that.

Wendy Dodds:
But there’s no easy way around, you know, or some magical solution on do this and do this. It really is a practiced art of these are the things, these are the steps that you need to do. And maybe that means sitting down every Sunday night, going through what your schedule is, figuring out what is urgent, what’s a priority, what would be nice to have done, but doesn’t have to be done? Who can you ask for help? And learning to kinda let go of the the need to be able to do everything on your own. Yes. Again, it’s, you know, there’s probably people listening that are like, yeah, that’s so easy to say. It’s not easy, but we’ve walked that journey in terms of being able to kinda really recognize I’m okay with good enough Yeah. For whatever situation it is that doesn’t have to be the best. And for me being

Kate Beere:
a Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Over performer and a high achiever

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
That’s a big step Yeah. It’s where I feel like I’m making progress in learning how to, deal with that emotional labor and start to let that go.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And I think saying no, like, it’s you know, we talk about boundaries, but saying no, like, we often commit to doing things as women, as people pleasers. Right? We wanna help everyone else, and we wanna go to, like, Sarah Lou I don’t know, I’m picking on Sarah today, but Sarah Lou’s birthday party. We wanna be there. Right? But we’ve got all this other stuff going on, and so we’ll prioritize other people often over ourselves and taking care of our own sort of mental health and taking care of ourselves, right? Like just generally making time for ourselves. Like last night, we went out for dinner and then a few of the girls are like, let’s go grab a drink after. And I’m like, no. I am.

Kate Beere:
I’m recording tomorrow. I have the podcast. I’m like, I got I have a lot. And they’re like they’re like, you’re not coming. I’m like, no. Everyone’s face was like, what? Because I always go. And I’m like, no. Like, the last thing I wanna do is be tired today.

Kate Beere:
I don’t I wanna have a meet and that’s me taking my mental, like, care back. Right? Because that’s I need 8 hours of sleep. I know that. Or I’m not gonna be good today. Yeah. And so that’s me trying to take that time. And but saying no when you’ve got, like, amazing people who I actually really wanna spend time with, but I also know that if I don’t go home and get ready and go to bed on time, I’m not gonna be ready for today. And that’s just me knowing now how much I value my sleep, and that’s part of my mental health, self care side.

Wendy Dodds:
And I will say Yeah. Just a sidebar on that, having the right group of people around you Yeah. That aren’t gonna make you feel guilty for saying

Kate Beere:
no. Not at all. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Because there are definitely people that are in circles of relationships or friendships where they feel Yeah. So innately guilty for saying no because of that feeling of guilt that is put on them. So having the right like, if you’re around people that are making you feel like shit because you need to get more sleep or you have what then then that might not be the right circle

Kate Beere:
to

Wendy Dodds:
be able to help support you in total that emotional journey. Totally. Yeah.

Kate Beere:
For women, is there I’m curious to know if there’s an area you feel for women’s mental health that we don’t maybe talk enough about or doesn’t maybe get as much attention or maybe things that women talk about or don’t for that matter?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I think so off the top of my head, and and we haven’t touched on this topic. We’ve talked about kind of sidebars of the comment, but I think, reproductive health trauma. And what I mean by that is, women who have experienced trauma, due to reproductive health issues, miscarriages, infertility, pregnancy loss, all of those things that can be just such a huge emotional journey for women and where they can feel very isolated and very alone, and they have such a profound impact on mental health. Yeah. But I don’t think, in my personal opinion, that they’re given adequate attention or support. Now, of course, there’s support groups of that kind of stuff, but I feel like from a mental health perspective, are we really doing a good job at talking about the stigma of mental health around that particular topic?

Kate Beere:
Yeah. I I think all around that topic from deciding that you wanna, like, have a child, trying to conceive, the the pressure is on women. Yeah. We carry children, babies. Like, that’s our role. And when you can’t get pregnant, right, or you can’t fulfill or hold a a pregnancy, that the the the mental load of that alone not we’re not even pregnant yet. We’re not even there’s there’s no trauma around pregnancy yet, but just even just trying to even get pregnant.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. You

Kate Beere:
know, I know so many women that have gone through infertility and tried everything, and that load that women carry is it’s their fault, right? So something happens, and I’m very open to talk about this. I miscarried my first pregnancy. So did I. And, yeah, that mental load is is, oh, I shouldn’t have lifted the groceries. Yes. Oh, I shouldn’t have oh, I was working out. I shouldn’t have been working out. That that self, that voice in your head is you you messed up.

Kate Beere:
You did something wrong.

Wendy Dodds:
This is your fault.

Kate Beere:
This is your fault. And that is a miscarriage is so devastating, and women don’t talk about it. And I know so many women that have miscarriages. When I miscarried, they’re like, oh, yeah. I miscarried. I’m like

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. It’s almost as casual as, like, just Yeah. Asking how the weather is.

Kate Beere:
Like, it’s it’s it blew my mind. Yeah. I remember just being like, oh, like, really? You’ve never like, I get it. It’s not a topic you bring up. You know? You’re having a drink. It doesn’t just come up. But to know so many women go through it, and we we don’t we don’t talk about that loss. Yep.

Kate Beere:
It’s it’s almost like it almost just becomes, like, a fact of life. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
If you get pregnant, well, you might carry the baby to term. You might not. And that’s it. Right. And there’s no, like, oh, okay. So I guess I’ll just wait and see, but then you’re kinda sitting on the edge of especially if you’ve had a miscarriage and then when you get pregnant again, with my first daughter so I had a miscarriage. My first daughter, when I was pregnant with her, I had I had a terrible pregnancy scare, and I I won’t get into all the details around it, but I ended up having to have an amniocentesis, when I was 20 weeks. Scary.

Wendy Dodds:
And very high chance and probability that she was gonna have trimester 21 or downs. K. So through the the whole pregnancy, I was just a complete mess.

Kate Beere:
And, you

Wendy Dodds:
know, by the grace of god, she she was born healthy. We’d already decided regardless, you know, we were we were keeping the baby. But just that feeling of just continuous stress and anxiety on making sure, like, oh, I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna do that. And and then becoming pregnant with my second daughter, same thing. And and I talked about this in another episode of having prepartum depression. Yes. And I think part of that was linked to all of the trauma from what I had experienced.

Kate Beere:
Well, how could it how could it not? I remember when I got pregnant, the second time, so after miscarrying, I was I got pregnant very quickly, which often happens too, just because your hormones are are raging at that point. So within 3 months after miscarrying, I was pregnant again, and I was absolutely terrified. Imagine. I was like, the same thing’s gonna happen. I was What if? What if? Right? And so I would cons like, if the baby didn’t move after you get to a certain point and the baby’s not moving, I’m like, why is the baby not moving? I had recently just had a girlfriend who had a stillborn baby, like, full term, and so I was nervous. I was so anxious during the pregnancy, and I’m I’m not condoning drinking during your pregnancy. I didn’t drink, but my doctor actually said, you’re better off having, like, half a glass of wine on a Friday than you are being this anxious. She’s like, because I couldn’t take anything, obviously, for the anxiety.

Kate Beere:
And I’m not condoning drinking while you’re pregnant. Just wanna make that clear. However, what But that’s the point was

Wendy Dodds:
It’s yeah.

Kate Beere:
The point was the stress was so high, and we we don’t we don’t talk about it. And you can talk about it with your partner. I would tell my ex husband, he has no idea. Like, he can’t possibly understand what it’s like to feel that I’m carrying this child. If something happens to it, it’s my fault. Yep. Like, that is a burden that I I don’t feel we talk a lot about in pregnancy. We we we talk about all the positives, and, oh, you’re carrying a baby, and it’s so wonderful, and it’s like and it’s all of those things, but there’s a lot of stress that women carry.

Kate Beere:
Not always, but a lot of women do carry.

Wendy Dodds:
I had one woman tell me she felt like it was the most shameful, dirtiest secret when she miscarried because there was she felt nobody understood because she didn’t know anybody else, like, in her circle who had and just that the words that she used around just feeling so ostracized and isolated. So which plays, you know, a huge toll on your mental health.

Kate Beere:
It does. It does. I know. We didn’t tell anyone when we were pregnant the second time. Yeah. I waited as long as I possibly could.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. It’s, it’s something I think that, you know, when we kinda take a look at the, you know, our personal journey, our professional journey

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
You know, learning to be able to, navigate all of that, but in a way that feels like you’ve got the right support, you’ve got the right people in your circle, you’re asking for help, you’re finding resources or asking people for resources because it it really is quite a journey.

Kate Beere:
It is. Okay. So speaking of professional, I I mean, I think we can’t do this show without talking about how it shows up at work, right, when you’re dealing with mental health issues. What’s your journey, or how has mental health played a role for you in that more professional setting?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I mean, I spoke about kind of the HR piece. I think in a personal moment, I remember being at the stage in my life where I was, wanting to separate from my husband. Right. And the type of work that I do right now, working in the fitness and the coaching space, I’m on Yeah. All the time. So whatever is kinda going on in here or here needs to be put off to the side Yeah. To be able to teach, coach, mentor, guide, all of that kind of stuff.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. And that mental health journey became very profound when I moved through the, months leading up to having the courage to ask for a separation, have that conversation, of course, sit down with my daughters, you know, you know, take full responsibility that it was my decision, and still be able to get through work. Like, there are some days and I I remember having this conversation with somebody not too long ago who was in a similar situation of not happy, no, I need to do something. Even just even just talking about it, I feel my stomach getting anxious, right? Because you think back to, and there are days where I don’t even know how I was able to function. Wow. Getting to work and literally being able to lead a class, I just, I have And so it’s amazing what the body can do, but at this And what we can kind of learn to facade, when, you know, you’ve got outward smiles, but inward screams where you feel like you’re dying inside. So that mental health piece became very predominant, and me trying to balance self care, take care of myself, crying more than I’ve ever cried in my life because, you know, we’ve talked about our journeys as we go through divorce, breaking up the family unit, feeling like the worst piece of shit in the world because of all of that, you know, that that whole journey. But then being able to put one foot in front of the other, still gotta work, still gotta make still gotta pay my bills, still gotta do all of the things.

Wendy Dodds:
And I don’t think I have any magical practices or boundaries that it was just literally having the courage to be able to do that and recognizing that I was doing this for my own

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Journey Yeah. Being able to embrace the mental health component around it, have the right people in my corner and in my circle Yeah. But be able to not see what next week look like or the week after, but and not even the full day. Yeah. Hour by hour by hour is is such a hard time.

Kate Beere:
I mean, we talked about our divorce journeys, and I know that place. I remember going into work, and as a the pressure is feeling as a single mom all of a sudden. It’s like I’m the sole income earner. Right? So there’s pressure there. Huge pressure. I know for me, like, I’m always the whatever. We’ve talked about overperforming, overachieving. Like, I don’t miss a day at work.

Kate Beere:
If I’m sick, it’s because I am, like, literally cannot get out of bed. Yeah. Like, I’m not the person that takes time off. I just I’m not wired for that. I’m realizing that’s not overly healthy either. So, for me, I think the first time I finally showed up authentically at work, because there’s this facade of, like, we used to call her professional Kate. She has a name. So there is professional Kate.

Kate Beere:
Oh, yeah. And professional Kate is like we we still she comes up every now and again, but professional Kate was, like, was a persona. Right? And then there was my go out, have fun weekend Kate, and they were very different.

Wendy Dodds:
Party Kate.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And yeah. Right? They’re both peas. Look at that. But professional Kate never was showed, any weakness at work, right? So for me, that was like I had to be on the ball. And then when John, my stepdad, died for the first time ever, I remember, obviously, I didn’t go into work the next day, and I took my 3 days is what you get to mourn the death. You get 3 days off. Awful.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. So that have a moment to be like

Kate Beere:
What the hell? No one no one no nobody on the planet can take 3 days off work. Right? So it’s just not feasible. So I took 5 days, and I’m like, okay. I can I can work? I’ll be fine. I went back to work. Maybe I need the distraction. And I went back to work, and I remember sitting there going someone’s like, are you okay? I’m like, no. I remember being like, I gotta go.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And so I just told my boss. I’m like, Am I out? And she’s like, Okay. Do you know when you’re coming back? I’m like, No, I don’t. And for the first time ever in my career, I’m like, I need to take care of myself, my mental health. I need to know I can’t plow through this. I’m actually gonna have to grieve. So I went on short term disability, and I had, I’m gonna use that language, I had such a stigma around short term disability where I had seen people abuse the system for so long, but it’s there for a reason.

Kate Beere:
And I was fortunate enough to work for a company where I was able to take the time I needed to get in a better mental health space so that I could come back to work. But I came back to work different. I came back to work just much more authentically, less professional Kate. Party Kate didn’t come to work. Party Kate stayed for a week after Friday night. So for me, that was really, I think, the first moment where I was like, oh, I can show up human.

Wendy Dodds:
Well and it’s like giving yourself I I love Yeah. I love that story, and I love that you most likely set the example for other people in your workspace. Yep. That it was okay to give yourself that time and ask and that that the whole place wasn’t gonna fall and crumble apart just because you weren’t there, but that you gave yourself permission to be able to take what you needed and not put a timeline on. When do you think you’re gonna be back? I don’t know. Maybe next week? Maybe next month? Yeah. Maybe like, I’m saying never is but Yeah. You don’t know that.

Wendy Dodds:
And so I love that you didn’t put those timelines around that, and you were so open around that.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. And I it’s interesting because I always encourage my team to do that, but until you lead by example like, it’s like telling your kids to do something and you do something. They do what you do, not what you say. And it’s the same when you’re leading a team. So Totally. If I’m saying to my team, like, take all the time like, if you’re burned out and stressed out, take the time you need, but I’m showing up to work burned out and stressed out and not taking the time I need Yep. They’re just gonna do likely what you do. Totally.

Kate Beere:
And so I agree that, like, by doing that, it gives permission for others to take the time they need. Yep. Yep. So twisting that a little bit because we I touched on this, how some people abuse the system. Do you feel like we have over rotated in some way? And I know this is a bit of a loaded question, but let’s talk about it. Like, is there an overrotation to, you know, mental health? There’s this amazing, we’re all talking about it, it has a lot more awareness, but is there a dark side to that, like a flip side where, you know, everybody’s anxious, everybody’s got some sort of mental health Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Concern. Right? And you’re right. It it it’s a loaded question, but I think it’s a lot more subjective in terms of, depending on what perspective you’re looking at it. Yeah. Coming from the HR space, I have kind of maybe a different I don’t wanna say a different view, but I have more of a professional view, kind of having worked in that space. I will say, I feel like it’s become a lot easier for people, employees to play the victim card. And I don’t say that with any disrespect or any preconceived notions, but especially after COVID, especially after COVID, I feel it’s a lot easier for people to say, oh, I have anxiety. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.

Wendy Dodds:
Right. Waking up with a heading and not feeling well. Right. Oh, I’m I’m sick. I can’t come in. Well, sometimes we have to do hard things when we’re not feeling a 100%. Yeah. I will also say that from a business perspective, like, depending on what organization you’re working for, it is absolutely up to the business to make sure that they’re providing appropriate accommodations, and I would see it all the time.

Wendy Dodds:
Business is just like, mother fine. Maybe they’re not fine. Maybe they’re not. And so what are you gonna be doing to be able to support their return to work? What accommodations that they need? Are you having the conversations? If you know that somebody is Yeah. Feeling off, what are you what are you doing to talk about that? Or even more importantly, have you built that trust where they feel comfortable telling you, maybe not in all of the details, but where they feel comfortable with, here’s what I need. Yeah. Are you open to that? Are you providing that support? On a personal level, I think it can it can it it comes down to so we’ve talked about having the right circle. We’ve talked about being able to set boundaries, all that kind of stuff, but it also involves a lot of self reflection,

Kate Beere:
self

Wendy Dodds:
ownership, and self responsibility. Yeah. I was just having this conversation with somebody earlier this week. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
So if you’re doing the same thing and getting the same results or you’re feeling the same way every day Yeah. Look at your habits, look at your routines, and as hard as it is sometimes Yeah. We need to do ourselves that favor Yeah. And be able to recognize it while the wound, whatever it is in your life Yeah. May not be your fault, likely isn’t your fault. Whatever the case may be, we always have a choice in how we heal. Yeah. Not making it easy Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
But and sometimes that requires medication. Sometimes that requires, you know, all different things because mental health can be so complex. Yeah. But I think it’s very subjective. I I think you can Yeah. It’s on both sides.

Kate Beere:
It’s tricky. I like that you’re coming at it from that HR lens because I agree. Like, creating that space for people is so important, and I so appreciate that we’re talking about it more. I do see sometimes with my kids this ability to self diagnose online through TikTok and Google is an issue where they’re like, oh, I’ve I, you know, I have, OCS. Right? Like, I’m I’m compulsive. I’m like, but you’re but you’re not. I’m OCD. Sorry.

Kate Beere:
I thought OCS. And I’m like, okay. Just you like a tidy room doesn’t make you OCD. Right? Like, that’s a very specific condition. Or there’ll be like, oh, I have anxiety. I’m like, well, you you you don’t have anxiety. I’m like, you might feel anxious. We we talk about that a lot in my house, but they’re so quick to self diagnose now.

Kate Beere:
And because they talk so openly about it, it’s like every one of their friend it’s like they compete sometimes on the, like, who’s got the bigger disorder?

Wendy Dodds:
Got that.

Kate Beere:
Right. And so it’s I I worry sometimes for my kids in that generation of, yes, open conversation is is so critical, but do we over rotate sometimes on on I’m just feeling an emotion versus it’s a mental health concern?

Wendy Dodds:
I love that you you brought that up because especially after COVID, I think that’s happening more and more where, we’ve gravitated so much to, I’m I’m not gonna figure out the answers. I’ll just check TikTok. Yeah. And it’s not funny. I mean, I’m

Kate Beere:
like, I’m not being

Wendy Dodds:
facetious, but but it’s such a valid point. Yeah. Such a valid point. I I worry about that for my daughters as well.

Kate Beere:
Well, I worry that it becomes a crutch because the the concern with it is is if if if someone had diabetes or they have diabetes and they have a condition, they’re treating their condition, does it mean sometimes they’re not going to show for it? Absolutely. But if that becomes the crutch where you can no longer work or is that becomes the reason you don’t do everything, It’s harder for you. And that’s the reality. And we all have things that we’re working through. And so it’s when it becomes a crutch for you to not show up and follow through with your commitments that I I worry. Yep. You know, the reasons people don’t show up to work now, to me, is, like, unheard of. Like, we would show I would show up and, like, I’ve had an hour and a I think there was just a meme on Facebook about this, but, like, you’d show up to work, like, smelling like cigarettes smoke from the bar with a stamp on your hand, and you slept for an hour.

Kate Beere:
Right? And you still show up to work to bag groceries. Yep. And I think now it’s like kids are like, I didn’t sleep well. I’m not going to work. Like, I worry about that. Like, I how far we potentially Yeah. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And I think those are valid points. I just was telling one of my daughters the other day. Life is hard. You know? She was, you know, sharing a situation that she was struggling with and just, oh, like, I don’t know. And I was like but life is hard. Like, you can’t pause Yeah. Everything in your life to kind of fix one thing. You need to learn to kinda be able to balance all of the things in a healthy manner.

Wendy Dodds:
But life is hard, and you’re gonna have to do hard things in order you know? And and so I said to her, like, if it was easy, everybody would do it. You know? You walk around. You see a lot of people are miserable at work or miserable in their life. And, well, it’s hard having the conversations to say I’m not happy in my marriage. It’s hard to have the conversations to to, you know, to say, this isn’t the job for me. Yeah. So I guess I’m gonna go find something else, and maybe it’ll pay me less. And but the long term gain, those are hard things to do.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. And and I agree, like, in terms of that over rotating a lot of yeah. That that generation, how do we find that balance as moms to be able to push them and give them that support? Yeah. Also have them recognize that, no. You’re gonna have to do hard things. Yeah. Yeah. That’s just part of life.

Kate Beere:
I love when my kids are worried. I don’t wanna go to school. I don’t wanna go to work either, but guess what? We’re both going. Here we go. So okay. We’re busy people. You touched on this too, and you had these conversations with your kid. Busy at all.

Kate Beere:
We are busy. Yeah. How do you then we even prioritize, you know, mental health, what I call mental health self care? Like, how do you take care of that space, and how do you weave it into your day?

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I think so, and I’ve worked on this over the last couple of years. It’s redefining productivity. Really paying attention to the notion for me that productivity is, synonymous with constant busyness. Yeah. So oftentimes, I will ask myself Yeah. Is this a busy task or a productive task? Like, what what am I doing? Am I doing this to satisfy my my perfectionism, or am I doing this because, no, this needs to be done? And really learning to include activities that promote my overall well-being. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
You mentioned it, you know, saying to your girlfriends, like, no. I need to go home because I need to sleep. Yeah. So recognizing that rest, relaxation, and self care, learning how to say no. That’s been really hard for me. I’ve worked really hard on that over the last couple years, and I try to remind myself that our bodies and our minds are just like the batteries on our phone. Right? Whenever we panic, oh my god. I only have 20% left on on my phone.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Not that I would ever let my battery go to 20%. I feel like it’s kinda like the gas tank thing. Like, there’s these people that will oh my god.

Kate Beere:
It’s a Run on

Wendy Dodds:
e? No. That would be Rob. He’s sometimes will coast in on fumes. That would be Eric. Okay. Why? Whereas if there’s a quarter of gas, I’m like, gosh. I have to

Kate Beere:
fill it. Oh my god.

Wendy Dodds:
Little sidebar there. But when was the last time we plugged ourselves in? Yeah. And finding finding time for activities that bring me joy and fulfillment, really and truly joy and fulfillment. I feel like, yes, we’re all busy. We all have 24 hours in a day, though. And so nobody’s gonna find that joy and fulfillment except for you. Nobody’s gonna carve that time out unless you do. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
So I’ve had to be really intentional around around that.

Kate Beere:
It’s interesting. So I’m gonna flip it because I I am intentional, but not rigid. So I am not a routine like, I like my routine. Everyone likes the routine. I I’m not good at no. Sorry. It’s the wrong language. I can hear Sherry in my head.

Kate Beere:
I don’t it doesn’t work for me if I try and get super rigid about scheduling my stuff. So what I’ve learned to embrace is that it’s a priority for me, my mental health. So meditation, let’s say. Yes. I commit to meditating. If I don’t get to it, I don’t get to it. I don’t create this, like, feeling of, and I’ve said this before in the show, one more thing I’m failing at. I commit to working out a certain number of times a week, and I commit to meditating a certain number of times a week, where I find pockets to do that now for me is ebb and flow.

Kate Beere:
My schedule’s insane between Eric’s house, my house, my kids. There’s I’m no longer penciling it in my calendar. I’m no longer blocking it. I love that. So for some people, if that works for you, great. I’ve kinda removed this, like, need to have it so scheduled, and that’s what works for me. I have a girlfriend when she works out physically. She needs an angle.

Kate Beere:
She needs to be doing a 10 ks. She’s like, come do this try try with me, and I’m like, I that doesn’t that doesn’t motivate me. That actually demotivates me. Like, it terrifies me to think I have to compete in something. Mhmm. Whereas for her, that drives her. Right? So it’ll for me, it’s I need to weave it into part of what I do every single day, and it doesn’t feel like a thing I gotta take off. It’s like eating.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that you mentioned that because there’s so many people that feel like if it’s not written down, it didn’t happen. Right. I have to check it off, but I love oh my gosh. It just makes me so happy to hear you

Kate Beere:
say that

Wendy Dodds:
though, because just giving people permission that the ebb and the flow. Yeah. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And we deal a lot as women with those high expectations of, oh, I didn’t work out, so I suck. And so now I’m gonna eat everything in sight, and I guess I’ll start again next. No.

Wendy Dodds:
It’s okay if you miss a day.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. So that’s wonderful.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that share.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. That’s self care too. I know we’re nearing the end of the show. There’s so much to talk about. Maybe let’s just talk with giving like, give you one piece of encouragement as we’re really, you know I’m just thinking of our listeners who are listening and watching today. Yeah. Like, what’s one key nugget that you would wanna leave them with?

Wendy Dodds:
Well, I love quotes. Yeah. I’ve used them as anchors kinda, you know, over the years and even kinda, you know, when I’m, you know, doing the the real life with Wendy, I use a lot of quotes to be able to, anchor people to whatever it is that they’re feeling. Brene Brown has a wonderful one. Yeah. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never ever weaknesses.

Kate Beere:
No. I love that.

Wendy Dodds:
Isn’t that beautiful? And, you know, so I think finding quotes, and when I coach people, I’m a big believer in writing things down because visual is memorable. I use a quote when I coach often even in the fitness space. See the target, hit the target. And it doesn’t have to be, like, target as in, like Yeah. Big goal. Yeah. Even if it’s a quote that resonates with you where you’re using it as your screensaver or something that reminds you. And then looking at your circle, changing your environment to be able to help you with your thoughts, finding those people that cheer for you and lift you up.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. I love that. I agree. Like, you don’t have to do it alone. I think we I think women often feel like it’s the weight of the shoulder. Yeah. The weight of the world is on their shoulders and only their shoulders, and it it’s not every woman, I think, feels the same way. And so you don’t have to carry the burden of all your anxiety, depression.

Kate Beere:
Whatever mental health challenge you have, find someone to talk to, seek out a therapist, find community. We talk so much about the importance of that on the show, but it doesn’t have to be a solo activity. No. It doesn’t have to be.

Wendy Dodds:
No. And I’ll even say even just doing this episode

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Just it it just it makes my heart feel so warm just sharing our journeys together and knowing that people are gonna listen to this feeling like, okay. I’m not alone. Yeah. I can relate.

Kate Beere:
That’s the biggest thing. Okay. So lastly, this is a Living Rich Lee podcast. So in the context of that, you know, how are you maintaining and cherishing your mental health?

Wendy Dodds:
I’m always considering myself a work in progress. I use that line often when I’m journaling. I have a right to prioritize me. I have a right to choose where my energy goes. I have a right to choose, you know, what I do with my time, what I want in my space, and recognizing that being a high achiever, and that’s, you know, means I almost have to work even harder at setting boundaries, disconnecting, and remembering that anything Yeah. And anyone can be replaced, even in our jobs. You’re right. Like, if I left my job, I’d be replaced next week.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. You know? And and so keeping that in mind that the only one in control of what we want is us.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. Your someone once said your inbox will always be full even when you’re dead. I’m like, right. Thank you for that because Yeah. You are at the end of the day. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I love that.

Kate Beere:
I think my focus in the last 2 years has really shifted to, we hear that health is the new wealth. We’re hearing that a lot more. For me, it’s I wanna live a long time, and part of that is, you know, the physical side has always been there for me, but truly caring for self is really so important, and part of that is caring for my mental health. So prioritizing that. Yeah. Allowing space for the quiet times when I need them and the meditation when I need it, but, like, the that mental self care is so critical to longevity I love that. For me. So that’s a big one.

Wendy Dodds:
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Awesome. What a phenomenal episode. We encourage you to, if if this resonated in any way with you, like, share, and subscribe. Help us get the word out. Sharing is caring.

Wendy Dodds:
Visit our website at livingrichly.me to find out how to join our private Facebook group. Gosh. I love that Facebook group. I know we say it all the time, but it has just been absolutely amazing seeing people come out of their shell, share their journey, share their stories, and the the the people that have been able to connect and meet each other on similar journeys have been absolutely wonderful. Don’t forget that, we’ve got the 15 day life vision challenge.

Kate Beere:
Sorry. It’s the same. But

Wendy Dodds:
so many day life vision challenge. This is live on the website right now. Did we mention it’s free? It is free. It is a wonderful tool that helps you get incredibly clear incredibly clear on what truly matters to you and helps you paint the vision for your life. Did we mention it’s free? It is free. It is wonderful. It is. The feedback in the comments have been absolutely phenomenal with people breaking through, being able to link arms with like minded people, on the same journey.

Wendy Dodds:
So, don’t forget to give us a like, share, add in your comments, help get the word out and until next time, continue living your best life.

.