From Hardship to Healing – Kate’s Path to Living Richly

From Hardship to Healing

Eric Deschamps:

From supposed life to living life on her own terms, today we’re gonna hear a courageous story of refusing to settle for anything less than your best life. that’s coming up next.

Rob Dale:

I am welcome to the living rich the podcast. It’s so great to have you joining us again this week. And each and every week, we always appreciate your support. We’ve had the opportunity over the last little while to hear a number of people’s stories. They’ve shared the journey into living richly that they’ve experienced in so excited to be able to have another story today. We’re gonna be hearing from Kate. I know you’ve already been introduced to Kate. If you’ve been a follower of the podcast, you’ve heard some of the episodes in which we’ve introduced, Kate Ann Wendy already. and even in Katz, we’ve talked a little bit of her story, but we wanna hear about the entire journey and so excited for that today. Kate, it’s so great to have you to really appreciate the fact that you’re willing to share and to be open and to be vulnerable. And so I’m just gonna hand it over to you. It’s your story. Where’d you like to begin? Yeah.

Kate Beere:

At the beginning. yeah. I’ll start by just maybe giving a bit of, like, background. So born and raised in Ottawa. Been here my whole life. grew up in Alta Vista. Pretty middle class, family, happy parents, like, nothing earth shattering. I would say until 11 when my parents split up. And then, you know, divorce is hard, but it became, my eyes opened pretty quickly to I lived in suburbia in Alta Vista. And everyone looked the same, and everyone had these nice houses, and it was suburbia. and my mom left and she moved into a small town home, in a not so great neighborhood. So I got exposed at 11 to a lot of drugs, a lot of things happening around my neighborhood, and I had to grow up pretty quickly. And that same year, actually, my best friend that I’d had my entire life moved away to Frederick. So my all of my stability at 11 kinda like, rocked pretty

Eric Deschamps:

—

Rob Dale:

Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

So that’s a lot of change. It’s a lot of change in a short period of time.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And at 11, you’re not equipped. Right. At 48. I don’t know.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. We’re almost not equipped at any stage. We do. Right. There’s so much going on in just the development of your your your your personality development of your security, your your your self figuring of who you are at that age. Yeah. And then hold that going on.

Kate Beere:

And then growing up with, you know, 2 parents trying to do the best they can and, you know, putting a roof over your head, and they’re they’re trying to do everything they can, but you grow up pretty pretty quickly.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

And then fast forward in high school ended up living with my mom full time. we moved into a old Ottawa South. So I went to you know, glee began back in sort of a a different, what felt like a lot of a more safer environment, took off did university, and then I did the backpacking around Europe thing. So — So cool. Yeah. It was really. That was fun. ended up in Exxon, which is in the south of France, and I actually studied for a year. So did, studying like French language skills at an international school.

Rob Dale:

can I can I jump in? I wanna I’m just really curious because, the backpacking across Europe is something that So many of us, we talk about doing some, oh, I’m gonna do this. Right? So few of us do it.

Kate Beere:

Yeah.

Rob Dale:

What was the what was the kind of trigger for you to say? Fuck this. I’m doing it.

Kate Beere:

So I always knew I was gonna travel after university. Like, for me, that was like a no brainer. Right? My, like, my parents weren’t gonna you know, like, they weren’t gonna finance that. So I made sure, for me, that was a goal. Like, I knew I was gonna do it, and I did it on my own. So I did, like, I did one of those, like, Kentucky backpacking tour. So you’re you meet, like, fifty people strangers on a bus from, like, South Africa, Australia, like Kiwis. It was cool. And you just travel. We did 9 countries too. So in, I don’t know, I think it was 40 days is what we did. And then the decision to do school in the south of France was not mine. It was, like, 7 days before I was leaving. My stepdad said, do you wanna go study for a semester in the south of France at the same school he studied at. I guess it was 30 or 40 years prior to that. And I said, okay. No. This is, like, there’s no internet. There’s no nothing. Here’s your fromer’s guy. Go. And so back Can’t

Eric Deschamps:

just Google that stuff.

Kate Beere:

No. There was nothing. Like, I had a hotmail account when I lived in excellent philosophy. And I have — Wow.

Eric Deschamps:

—

Kate Beere:

you go to the internet cafe and pay a lot of money for 30 minutes to send an email everyone everyone’s writing me letters. Yeah. so an amazing experience living in the south of France. I’m still friends with, A lot of the people, I met. Eric and I were just talking about it. and I also met my ex husband when I was in the south of France. So we met while I was there, and then he ended up moving back to Canada, where he hasn’t left, and he still is here. And we Did what everyone did, got married, had 3 kids. I know not everyone has 3 kids, but we had 3 kids. you know, move to suburbia,

Eric Deschamps:

2

Kate Beere:

great jobs. Living the supposed life is what I call it. You know, on paper, everything seemed really Good and shiny and bright. And if you looked in, I think people would be like, oh, you’re living the dream. And so that was sort of the beginning of my journey of figuring out I’m I’m not okay

Eric Deschamps:

— Right. —

Kate Beere:

in my own skin.

Eric Deschamps:

It’s amazing how when I remember, first hearing you use that language my supposed life. And, it was so telling that so many of us, I think so much of the population, we we we think there’s a blueprint we have to follow. and there are there’s there’s family pressure. There’s there’s societal pressure. there’s peer pressure to kind of follow a certain path. And yet for so many of us, that path turns out to be, lacking in fulfillment, lacking in purpose, lacking in joy. And I think that’s a big part of your story.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. For me, it definitely, you know, in my thirties, you know, looking around and, you know, I should be happy. Right? The the shoulds, I must, the, right, and and that’s foundational in in the get to mindset what I’ve talked to before on the show and what led me there is, like, watching everyone around me feeling like they had all their shit together. And on the outside, I was like, I nailed it. Right? Like, I over perform at work. I’ve, like, I’m super mom. I’m, you know, I lost all the baby weight. Like, it’s all it all looks great, and I am, like, dying on the inside. Like, I was literally so unhappy, but didn’t know why. Yeah. So the figuring out the why was the journey part for me, which really was therapy, like, do the work. So years of therapy and, Being okay with expressing that I’m not okay.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

That took me years. Right. So I couldn’t It was like, how can you not be grateful for what you have? And so there was this disconnect between being grateful and being happy because I was grateful, but I was miserable.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

Right. Misrible.

Eric Deschamps:

How did you know? I mean, it’s, I I I think a lot of folks watching can relate to the story of, again, having all the right stuff on the outside and yet inside feeling lost feeling like they’re drifting along feeling like, we talk about it. We use the the the comment, you know, Groundhog Day, like, just just every day on repeat, but there’s really no joy there. What was the turning point where you went from? This is not working for me anymore, and I need to get some help. and I I’m just curious. Like, what was that that that what was that event? What was that moment that that caused that shift for you?

Kate Beere:

It wasn’t an event or moment. It was years of work. Like, I’ll be honest. I think it just I it got to a point where I was just I was so unhappy all the time. I wasn’t being the best mom. I wasn’t showing up as a as, like, a good partner. I wasn’t showing up for myself. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I so for me, it wasn’t one thing. It really was. It just took time. And over time, and therapy. I’ve said therapy, like, five times.

Eric Deschamps:

What? Did did you seek therapy in your journey? Was that part of

Kate Beere:

it? I believe in therapy.

Eric Deschamps:

I mean, I know. I just like, I’m anticipating. I can read her mind.

Rob Dale:

Uh-huh. But

Kate Beere:

that’s what it was. But it, like, I think with divorce, Like, I didn’t tell anybody what I was going through in my marriage. I didn’t I didn’t feel the need to share that. It felt very private. Right? And so we were struggling and and we were trying to work it out. And I didn’t want anyone around me, partly because I didn’t wanna burden them, but partly because I was so embarrassed. I’m failing at marriage. How can you fail at marriage? My my nature is to overdo everything and you’re failing. And what an embarrassment.

Rob Dale:

And it is interesting because again, even when it comes to the divorce rates, we know what they are. They’re and 50%, whatever it is, they’re but they’re they’re or higher now. And yet, when you’re in it, you feel like you’re the only one.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. That that when it comes to all the struggles in the channel and everything you’re dealing with, you think I’m the only one that’s going through this, which is why we’re embarrassed or we’re we hide it and all of this stuff. We don’t realize we’re we’re we’re forgetting the truth, which is so many people around us are walking similar journeys to us.

Eric Deschamps:

But but the voice of shame shows up so powerfully. I mean, I remember when I was going through something similar. My my marriage had fallen apart, and and it took me, a dear friend reached out to me. Jim reached out to me. It took me 4 months even respond was email. Yeah. Because I was so ashamed that I am basically failing at what is supposed to be the dream. with the supposed life. I can’t make this work. And, there must be something wrong with me as a result. Right?

Wendy Dodds:

And I think his moms too, we have that stigma that and sometimes we put it on ourselves and create that, but for a lot of moms, it’s Again, I should be performing at this. There’s something wrong with me. I’m different than than everybody else.

Kate Beere:

It’s exhausting

Wendy Dodds:

and it’s it’s exhausting and it’s it’s very hurtful for ourselves.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. Yeah. It was 100% the narrative. and it takes a long time. Well, it took me a long time to leave. So it took years to even be able to admit that I, like, I’m lost. I don’t know what I need or where I’m going, but I I can’t stay here. I was it got to the point where there was a tipping point where I was just too miserable. I think I I talked about an episode where it’s like you just gotta take one baby step forward into, you know, where you wanna be, and it’s gonna hurt maybe as much as where you are, but you’re one step closer to where you wanna be.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

And so Those micro steps were what got me there. But that moment of, like, making the decision to leave is still it’s still one of the Well, it’s not one. It is the hardest thing I have ever done

Eric Deschamps:

— Yeah. —

Kate Beere:

was to walk away because that’s the time my kids were

Eric Deschamps:

4, 5,

Rob Dale:

and 7. I

Kate Beere:

had no idea. I had no idea what was ahead in single parenting of 4 or 5. and a seven year old. I had no idea. I was financially starting over. I was, we were just chatting about this. but, like, do I buy the mop, or do I buy the broom? Like, you’re just, like, I’m embarrassed that at this stage of my career and my life, I’m I’m having those conversations. Right? It’s just when you go from 2 incomes to

Eric Deschamps:

1,

Kate Beere:

it that’s just the reality. and so I remember, just just feeling so overwhelmed when I first left. Like, proud of my decision, but overwhelmed by the newness. and I underestimated what single parenting would look like.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I still remember when it was early for me, and I was cooking for one of the first times. That was never really my shtick in my my previous relationship, and and I was I’d worked so hard to try to do something special for the kids and I burnt dinner. And I remember feeling like such a failure. I mean, it was something as simple as just burning dinner, and I ended up ordering a pizza. but I was so hard on myself because of that. I think I you’re you’re telling your story, and I remember those moments where you are starting over. You financially, you’ve taken this huge hit. now you’re managing this all on your own, and it it truly is really overwhelming.

Rob Dale:

When I think and again, why I appreciate so much about having both of you as part of these these episodes is we come at it from the the male perspective, from the guy perspective, and we know the stats tell us this. is that when it comes to when when couples separate when marriages break down, that men typically see their income, they’re they’re the amount of, disposable income actually increase, and women usually hit, in many cases, hit the poverty level or just above it. there’s a totally different, struggle level with a

Eric Deschamps:

That wasn’t my story, bro.

Rob Dale:

No. And and and may in many ways, but it but it but I’m saying is statistically that is the norm. And so it it’s so refreshing to have the perspective from the 2 of you in your own journeys and being able to share that, from the female perspective because we simply don’t have that.

Kate Beere:

Well, I’m just going from

Eric Deschamps:

2

Kate Beere:

to one income was enough. You’re you’re you’re now maintaining a whole household with half the

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

Right? And so that that was a big like, I just it was an unknown. I had no idea what I was venturing.

Eric Deschamps:

What was your, like, when when you think back to those moments, I mean, I I know what I felt like in those moments. but but if you were to describe sort of the general state of affairs internally in terms of your heart, your mind, What’s going on as you are now forging ahead, again, the courage it takes to do that is is unbelievable. but what was that like for you? If you were to describe the overall state of mind that you were in.

Kate Beere:

Shame. Shame and guilt There is, like, this odd sense of, like

Eric Deschamps:

— —

Kate Beere:

the guilt. The guilt is huge. So for me, the guilt of breaking up the family unit

Rob Dale:

I

Kate Beere:

had to I learned that I had to mourn it like a death. So we were together for 17 years. I was with my for a long time, and we have these 3 beautiful kids. And, like, I remember all of a sudden being, like, I’m on my own and, like, one of my kids does something, and I I go to share it with him. And I’m, like, oh, I don’t have that anymore. And my kids are wanting, you know, they’re wanting to they want us all together, like, every time I would drop the kids off, one of my kids be like, oh, can you give daddy a hug? Right? So, like, every time you see an, like, just you catch a glimpse of it, you’re like, Oh, I fucked that up. I did that. I’m causing that pain. I hurt you. So for me, it was guilt and shame around, Just knowing I hurt the people I love the most was probably the worst feeling.

Rob Dale:

Right.

Kate Beere:

And that lasted, but it’s still with me. I don’t I don’t know that I ever fully I don’t know if the guilt ever fully goes for breaking up the family unit. I think it gets offset a little bit with the balance that my kids see me happy now. They see me glowing. They see me following my dreams. So there’s that trade off, right, where it’s but I still I still carry it. In the 1st

Eric Deschamps:

2

Kate Beere:

years, I the The guilt, the crying, the doubt. Right? Did I did I do the right thing? Even though I don’t wanna go back, did I do the right thing?

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

I remember sitting. I sit on the kitchen floor. That’s where I cry, and I do it all on my own. And that’s that’s my spot. Right? So I remember sitting many nights, just being like, What the fuck did you do? Right? Like, literally, like, it was a very, very difficult time. And for 2 years, I think I distracted. I was never home, except when I had my kids, fully present. When I was alone, I was out. I was never sitting in my house. I was never dealing. I was running away from all of it, except in those moments.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

But 99% of the time, I was having a blast. I was out Yeah. Just to distract, though. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

because being alone being alone in a house that’s not yours. I mean, it’s yours, but it’s not the family home is it’s very hard because I’ve been there as well, and it’s a very hard thing to put into a feeling like loneliness I can’t even describe it, but it’s such a yucky feeling, especially when you don’t have your kids for that week, and you’re just alone. And it’s so much easier to kind of band aid up that feeling and and distract ourselves by doing things because it’s it’s it’s an awful feeling.

Kate Beere:

You just I remember the very 1st night. So when I left, I had a rental for a year. And then when I was in that rental, I remember I didn’t have my kids for the first time. And I was like, it’s so quiet. And I was just like, I don’t know what to do. And so I called a friend who stayed on the phone with me, while I was making their beds and getting their their stuff ready. And and he was like, you put on music. Put on music and talk to me, and I’m just gonna chat you through it. I’m like, how do how do people do this? Like, how do you just because your life changes so quickly overnight. Yeah. Like, all of them.

Rob Dale:

It’s such a reminder too. We we often when it’s so quick for others can kinda look and go. Yeah. Oh, look at look at Kate. She’s out every week. Look at her having a great time and, oh, you know, no worries. And and, again, we forget that often the behaviors that others are doing are to compensate or to to hide us from dealing all of this stuff and that’s where compassion becomes such an important characteristic for all of us to hold to when we’re looking at others that are going through these these journeys, taking these journeys, going through these life changes that just because you see certain behavior doesn’t mean that that aligns with what the person is going through within the within their their internal

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. There’s always a bigger story unfolding than what we can see on the surface, and we tend to judge people so quickly, so readily based on what we observe not knowing that there’s often a lot of pain, a lot of fear, and shame that people are just trying to dull and and and self medicate from. Right? I think I think that’s pretty common. And what I love about your story is that we often, hear stories of courage Right? Cause it takes tremendous courage. Fear is a thing. and I think most people, live most of their lives, paralyzed in fear, we’ll stay stuck. We’ll stay in the same relationship. We’ll stay in the same job. We’ll stay, even if they’re tremendously unhappy because they’re afraid of taking it and making a change. I think courage, again, we’ve used this before in the show that my favorite definition of courage is that it’s fear walking. Right? it’s not that I make the decision and all of a sudden now I’m the superhero with the cape on, and I’m flying around, say, no. Oftentimes the decision has to be made and remade and remade sometimes even on a daily basis to keep moving.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And I think, like, I’m fortunate. Like, I have a great friend network, and I had an incredible group of people around me, after I left and some new friends too. And they became, like, my main therapist at that time, because I couldn’t afford an actual therapist back then. And so for me, they were everything, and they were they had all been through it. So I had a sounding board I had a community that I could chat to. and without them, I don’t know where I would have been. Like, they kept me afloat. They kept me going. you know, coming over and painting just like just the moral support and the the unconditional. And that made a huge difference. for me during that time.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Yeah. The community is so important. I mean and and I think that’s what makes it possible, but we don’t always know. Here’s the deal. Some I think some folks may have that community already, and so that makes it easier to take the leap. and there are other times where you don’t have that community. and you still have to make the leap or you’re invited to take the leap and your community will then show up. right? But the people that surround you make such a difference.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And it did. And I I would say it took me 2 years of not dealing. And then by the 3rd year, I started to really deal. And I what I mean by that is, like, feel and and process and not kinda shove it aside and only deal with it in acute situations. But really, Like, why did you do this? Like, going back to those questions of, like, you know, you didn’t you didn’t uproot your family like this for something small. Right? Like, you didn’t just say, oh, I’m out. Right? Like, it’s it was for purpose. And so I think for me, trying to ask those questions and figure out what that was. And and I think sort of I I always have post year divorce. It’s so weird, but in year 3 and year 4, but That’s when I knew, like, and by the, you know, by the 4th year, I was right. Okay. Like, I got this, but I took a lot of time to and got this meeting. I don’t have it all figured out. I just mean I started to do the work and I and I got to know myself. And so, and I started to pay attention to what I wanted, and that was in the form of career. And that was how I wanted to parent and who I wanted to spend time with. I got to make my own decisions. I got to you know, go to IKEA on a Friday instead of, like, crying in the IKEA because I’m watching all these couples walk around. I’m now watching couples and I’m like, I’m not in it.

Eric Deschamps:

Different perspective.

Kate Beere:

So just the perspective changed. Yeah. and then I think I was, really eager for, like, a relationship. Like, I was ready. I felt like because I’d dated, but I didn’t want my kids were my priority for me. And then I had sort of 3 big things happen. In 2019, my step dad passed away. suddenly. So my mom and him went on, a cruise to Norway. They traveled all the time. and they were in Norway. And I just get a call from my mom, and she’s like, John’s dead. And I remember being like, I thought she was like, I thought it was a joke. Like, I just couldn’t I could tell you the temperature outside. I could tell you what I was wearing. I tell you everything about that moment. I remember just being like, What? And so he was 69 and he died. We we don’t know of what exactly a heart attack or aneurysm, but he died very suddenly. My mom went in the shower came out and he was dead. Like, it happened very, and they were on a cruise. Yeah. And so it all happened so quickly. And we used to, This might sound morbid. I don’t mean it to sound morbid, but we used to joke around that when when we were all in a family, we’d be like, K. John, when mom dies, like, you can’t hook up with some young thing. Like, like, it was a joke. Like, we were always, like, he was just, like, it wasn’t on the table that he was gonna die. Right? Let alone first. So and we talk a lot about death in my family. I know it’s unusual, but we do. So it was a shock. And when I say it was a shock, it was like it was traumatic. And, for someone who suffers from anxiety, the things I can’t control really really I struggle with. and that was the first of 3 big things that I couldn’t control that came away.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. That’s heavy. That’s heavy. And I know how just from the conversations, we’ve had that, you were close to John. Yeah. and that, and that that was a very difficult time for you as you process that. And then not long after that,

Kate Beere:

Well, then the so, yeah, so what happened too, I just wanna add, is that I had to help my mom. Right? So I was I was the kid. And with one phone call, I became not the kid. And that’s, you know, my mom needed my support to help get through. And so I didn’t I didn’t grieve because I was helping her.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

Just with admin and paperwork and trying to get him home and, like, because he wasn’t home and, like, just helping with the funeral, like, just everything. And then my mom, they were, John was like a second father to me, like, just an amazing, incredible man. and my mom and him were so in love. Like, even, like, 30 years later, so in love. So she lost her her right arm, her best friend, and so having to help her navigate through that, right, and and kinda put my grief on hold. Right. And then, COVID hit, which is not my trauma alone, but when COVID hit and in Ottawa, we had so many lockdowns. Right? And so here’s my mom who’s just lost her her husband and his alone. Right? So I’m worried about her and and COVID, and my mom’s in her seventies. And then COVID hits and we’re alone. Right? And I remember the first time. I dropped my kids off. We’re week on week off. And I was in my house, and I was fucking alone for 7 days straight. Didn’t see another human being. Didn’t like, can’t see anybody. Right? And that — Like, a

Eric Deschamps:

lot of us can remember.

Kate Beere:

Oh, I, like, just being alone was like, I was like, oh, I gotta sit with myself. And there was

Eric Deschamps:

—

Kate Beere:

Right? Listen. All the things

Eric Deschamps:

in my head. — voices in my head. Usually, I can drown them out.

Kate Beere:

I’m like, no. No. I can’t

Eric Deschamps:

hear you.

Kate Beere:

I’m like, why? Right? I can’t distract. Like, you could only net. We all got sick of TV. We all, like, I picked panel back up. Like, there was only so much you could do, but it, COVID forced me to deal with a lot of stuff because I was stuck with me, and I just spent time with me. And I had to love on me because no one else was going to do it for me. So that was huge for me. and a gift, like, but was hard when I was in the middle of it for sure. And then, right after that, it always comes in

Eric Deschamps:

3.

Rob Dale:

So powerful. I wanna just jump in because I don’t wanna lose this thought because you said it and you said it almost so casually there, you use the word gift. Yeah. And and I think that that’s such a it when we get to that point, when we’re dealing with drama, when we’re dealing with challenges, when we’re dealing with all of these different obstacles that come our way, that in the moment they, as you just said, they don’t feel like that. They feel exactly what they are, trauma, obstacles, challenges. They are a gift that allows us to set a to basically hit a reset button and say, what am I going to do here? It’s a pivot moment, these things, and I love that. And, again, that’s why I appreciate so much. I know you use this with the get to mindset is this notion of being able to now shift from saying this was bad to this was a gift. Right. Powerful, powerful. So I applaud you for that. I just don’t wanna miss that.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. Thanks, Rob. Yeah. It’s, yeah, it’s just sinking into gratitude. part. Right? You, you know, COVID taught me a lot. John dying. Again, couldn’t control COVID can’t control John dying. And then my son ended up in the hospital with an eating disorder. And so, you know, we knew there was a lot of mental health issues during COVID for for youth. We know that, eating disorders went up. I think it’s 60% during COVID Wow. the system was completely overrun. we knew he was struggling. We were getting him help, but it took forever to get him in. And when he finally got in, He was medically not okay, and that’s why he was admitted. and so for a month, we were, my ex and I living in and out of the hospital, you know, he’s hooked up to a heart monitor. Like, it was just there was a lot that was very heavy. You know, you’re sleeping in one of those chairs, making sure he’s okay. The stress of that again, not something I can control, not something act on. This is this is his journey, and I can get him the help, and I can I can do my role, but I can’t fix it. I can’t change it. I can’t. And so those three big things for me finally allowed me to almost, like, step out of the over performing the I need to make it all look pretty because if it’s pretty, then it’s good because I wasn’t good. Right. And I was physically so unwell at the end. I remember by the third. The third, I call them my 3 traumas. but after 3rd in the summer, I was so sick. My body, Just was like, no. I thought he said, no. And I got I was it was one thing after the other, like, COVID for sure a couple of times. I my body broke out in welts, like actual welts. The doctor didn’t know what was going on. I had one infection after the other, and I my I realized my cup was so full with all the shit — that I had no room.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

And I actually had to say to my girlfriends, I can’t help you right now. I actually cannot help you because if one more thing happens, My nervous system was vibrating. Like, vibrating. And I knew I needed I needed to do a reset, and that part of that reset was a a lot of, get your mindset, mental reset, meditating, working out. but for me, it always will show. I know when I’m really full and I can’t is it shows up physics. I get physically ill.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right.

Kate Beere:

Always.

Eric Deschamps:

you said you started to, you know, you needed the reset. And here you are, you’ve gone through. You made this courageous decision to to forge out on your own, like, to not stay unhappy before jet on your own. And here you are trying to rebuild your life. And then the 3 traumas show up

Kate Beere:

Yep.

Eric Deschamps:

and you’re on the other side of that now. Physically, your body is not doing it. It’s not, right, not having it. and you said I had to reset. You started you mentioned a few things you started to do. Yeah. what was that journey like? What began to shift for you internally because I think a lot of folks listening to this can relate to so much of your story in terms of the fear, the the guilt, the shame, the uncertainty, the what were some of the things that began to shift for you internally that led you to where you are today?

Kate Beere:

Yeah. I think for me, like, Right before John died, I was in a really good space. Like, I decided I had bought a town home once my my ex and I figured out our house that, like, our communal family home. and then I felt like stuck in that in that townhouse. And I was like, you know what? I’m just screw it. Like, you know, I have 3 kids. One’s in the basement. They’re getting older. They’re gonna need their own space, and I searched Hainlo and fan a four bedroom single family home, and it was a stretch for me to own it on my own. And I said, I’m gonna do this for them and it needed a lot of work. like, a lot of work, and which I’ve done over time. so I had started to kind of pave out. I knew career wise where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, and then everything happened. And I feel like everything well, I believe everything happens for a reason, but all of that, I think resent me, but I didn’t go so far back because I had done a lot of work right before. So I think for me, I just knew well, life’s short. So you talk about getting, like, 3 big knocks on the head. Like, I was just like, I’m not guaranteed tomorrow. And I knew that if, you know, that I share the get to mindset in a different episode, but with Tanya passing away at 35, like, I got it, but when John died and then COVID hit and it’s kinda like this world, the world could end at any point. And then being in the hospital, I was very clear on, like, — what mattered to me. So it was I want happiness. I want joy. I get to carve this out. This is my life. This isn’t anyone else’s life. It’s up to me to make that change. Yeah. And so I was just I think I was fed up of being sad of being sick of being unhealthy of being unhappy. And so I knew in my heart that I I wanted to do more. So it’s almost like flicking a switch to, like, give yourself permission. Yeah. To live my authentic life and stop living my supposed life.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Yeah. The the fear, again, you think of, you said, you know, I got sick and tired. Like, I reached a point and and, I think it’s so true that until the fear of staying the same, and the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear Yeah. That one has about making change that most of us will remain. Stock will remain kind of in our context, but you reach that breaking point and you acted, and and everything began to shift.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And what’s interesting is the second I started to shift I the second I felt like I was on the right path when I was off path, like, my where I felt I should be where I’m off purpose, I could now feel it. It was palpable. Like, I could feel it in my body. I was like, no, that’s wrong. Yep. talk about trusting your intuition and your gut. I just knew, in career wise, I showed up for me big time where I was in a in a in a with a great organization, but I I knew in my heart I wanted to get back to the more creative community that I come from. I knew I wanted to get back to, like, I love marketing advertising. And so, I ended up switching switching careers, and moved into a different role. And then an even more incredible opportunity came up, to work for a creative agency where I am now with 2 amazing founders, and we’re a boutique company of of 5, 5 women called Bold Lip. to drop it off. but they do great creative work.

Eric Deschamps:

For all your —

Kate Beere:

For all of your creative agency needs, reach out to a cold lip. But, sponsored by. No. But so I’m now doing what I love. I’m, like, and at the same time, they are very supportive of me building get to mindset. So I’m building my my, you know, the company, my dream, that’s been in me, my supposed get you mindset’s been in me for, I don’t know, the over 30 years. I’ve tried to write the book. I don’t know how many times, and now it’s showing up like this. And so I feel so on purpose that, for me, that’s, like, I just I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Eric Deschamps:

Wow. I mean, what what a what a change.

Kate Beere:

I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and I met Eric, I should probably. guy. — show

Eric Deschamps:

notes, in a in a, like, sort of a reference down below. Yeah.

Kate Beere:

I’m kidding. But you you, like, we met because, like, I truly believe this. Like, I’ve told this story before, but it’s, like, I was doing a lot of, like, meditation work. And so when I thought about the partner that I wanted, there were a lot of things, like, kind, smart, like, a million things, but one of my visual — — picked

Rob Dale:

there anyway.

Kate Beere:

I don’t know.

Eric Deschamps:

The the options were limited, apparently.

Kate Beere:

A lot. But the one thing I always picture because they say, you know, you have to have emotion around it. And it was that I pictured driving and, like, his hand would be on on my leg. And I remember the first time we were in the car together. He did that. And I was like, oh, no. Uh-oh.

Eric Deschamps:

Uh-oh. There was something going on.

Kate Beere:

But I had done my work and you had done your work at, like and we’ve talked about this. I don’t know that we would have worked together as a couple 5 years ago.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

Let alone.

Wendy Dodds:

So funny you say that. We have that we’ve had that exact same conversation.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. I we I wasn’t in a in a good head space. Well, I was in a headspace. I just wasn’t as open or where I was. And so, I think you and I, meaning when we met a year ago, was was was also part of that — Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

—

Kate Beere:

starting to kind of, like, what do I want?

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

What do I want and unapologetically go after it?

Rob Dale:

You you, you know, it’s interesting. I as I listen to the story, I’ve start putting some of the pieces together. You talked about earlier how your family has this kind of this morbid. They joke around about death. The conversation around death. You have those. And and then you get into about embracing every moment. and it it right away in my mind, I went to, Michael Easter’s book, which is a book I’ve mentioned a number of times, comfort crisis. one of the books that really impacted me early into my journey a number of years ago, and there’s an entire chapter where he goes to the happiest place on earth, which is not Disney World. it is, and I’m I’m gonna blank on the name. We’ll put it in the show notes, the name of the village. It’s a Baton or the the button, community. It’s this tribe, and they are known as the happiest people, the most content people. And they do. They they have this act this practice where every single day they think about their death a minimum of three times. And all through their village are monuments to death. And you think what a horrible morbid place, but it’s because they’re fully aware that today might be my last day that tomorrow that they are embracing every moment that they are seizing the experience, that they are embracing all of what can be experienced in life, because they know they have no guarantee. They have no control over when the last day is. And I and I I hear those two pieces, and it’s like such a refreshing to be able to be open and to joke around and to recognize, yeah, we don’t know how many days we have. And then to tie that into embrace the moment, is such a powerful, a powerful lesson.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And the gratitude piece for me is every I start every day. not always, like, really believing it, but I have my mantra that I say every morning. I am this. I am that. I am smart. I am kind. I am and you say it over and over again. And the more you say it, the more it becomes your truth. And it’s just about being grateful for what you have around you But also giving yourself permission to go after what you want. Like, to me, there’s there’s 2 things there. and it’s it’s hard to go after what you want because we’ve been so brainwashed to think what we want doesn’t matter. Right? We’re all the ants doing our part in society. and somehow it you you’re selfish if you go after what you want. and I’ve refrained that for me. And and now I couldn’t be more excited to be doing exactly what I want. Yeah. Sitting here. This is what I want to do with us with us. Oh, right. With you all.

Wendy Dodds:

I mean, yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

I thought you added that. That was because I was going to if you didn’t if you didn’t. there are folks listening and, or watching via YouTube to this episode, and they’re probably sitting here resonating with so much of your story. They’re the the the the details may may be different, but they’re asleep with the wheel of their own life. They’re numbing. They’re distracting. They’re unhappy. They’re self medicating, and they’re hearing your story. of, refusing to settle for anything less than your best life. It took some time. It took a lot of hardship, but you did the work, and now you’re in a whole different season in your life. if you were to say 2 or 3 things to our listeners that are in that place, what advice would you give, what what wisdom would you share?

Kate Beere:

Yeah. I mean, it’s your life. No one is going to design your life for you. It’s up to you to take that step and and move forward. Think about what you want. Think about truly what you want. Think about if you’re feeling stuck dig into why you’re feeling stuck and then move forward. Because at the end of the day, nobody’s gonna say, oh, hey, Kate, you should leave, and here’s why. Like, no one’s telling you. No one’s giving you permission. You have to give yourself permission to make change. So I think that’s probably the first thing. And then It’s it’s movement. I would say motion. You have to take action to do something to change where you’re at. — period. And I talk about the micro steps and the micro actions, but do something that moves you closer to where you wanna be. It can be the smallest little thing.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

and then forgive yourself. Yeah. It’s a big one.

Eric Deschamps:

That’s a whole other episode. That’s

Kate Beere:

it’s probably like 10 episodes.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

But be be mindful how you speak to yourself in that journey because you will undoubtedly tear yourself apart and your voice to yourself is the voice that matters the most. So be kind and be gentle.

Rob Dale:

So so very good. So very good. Thank you, Kate. for your vulnerability, for your willingness to share and to just let us in and out and the listeners into, a little bit of your of your story. If, If you’ve, really been impacted by, this episode, you can certainly find out more about Kate, and you can reach out to her directly. You can go to her site, get to mindset.com.

Kate Beere:

That’s it.

Rob Dale:

And, we’ll have that in the links. And, of course, it’ll be on the screen. You can take a look at that as well and certainly reach out to her. We’d love it if you would take some time to like or comment on this episode. Maybe even some scribe if you haven’t already done so. It’s a great way to stay connected with the living richly movement, living richly nation, and be able to, stay in tune with all of the stuff that we we do each and every week.

Eric Deschamps:

Thanks again to Kate and all of you and to all our listeners, thanks again for tuning in. And until next week, get out there and live your best life.