Real Women, Real Talk – Body Dysmorphia and Self-Love

Real Women, Real Talk: Body Dysmorphia and Self-Love

Wendy Dodds:
We somehow lose sight along the way of celebrating what our body can do versus, being consumed with how our body looks.

Kate Beere:
So I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. And I I hate even that I say that.

Wendy Dodds:
I don’t think the wounds ever fully heal. They will scar over

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And but they will always be there, and they will always be

Kate Beere:
a part of us. Thank your body for being able to walk out the front door, to be able to hop

Wendy Dodds:
in the shower, to be able to pick up your kid, to be able

Kate Beere:
to drive a car, whatever that looks like, but be grateful.

Wendy Dodds:
Welcome to the Living Richly podcast. We are super excited to be launching the first topic in a series that Kate and I are doing Yes. On shattering the status quo, real women, real talk. And our first topic today is one that hits home with many women. We receive a lot of messages on this, and that is body dysmorphia and self love. And Mhmm. This is really all about a raw and real candid conversation, about body limit, body image, but more importantly, the pursuit of self love, especially as we get older. So we wanted to dive into our thoughts, the stigmas, the barriers that keep a lot of women hidden, keep a lot of women in fear, hold a lot of women back, out of fear of, judgment, shame, what other people are thinking, and and we really wanna help break down those barriers and, kinda just chat through that together and and and embrace that vulnerability as our strength.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. Excited for this one. I think too we were just chatting. It’s it’s it’s a heavy one. I I

Wendy Dodds:
It’s a heavy one.

Kate Beere:
It’s a heavy one for women, this subject. So I’m I’m I’m happy to be here with you and that we’re having this conversation. I think it’s important.

Wendy Dodds:
And I’m glad you brought that up because a lot of people see us as Yeah. The figures of people that have it all figured out. And, you know, we have this wonderful podcast, and and we talk like we know things. But to Kate’s point, in all honesty, like, right before we started filming, we were like, holy shit. This is this is hard. This is an emotional topic for us. Yeah. So let’s just dive right into it.

Wendy Dodds:
Wanting to feel comfortable in our own skin doesn’t necessarily and shouldn’t feel, or mean, like, we wanna be skinny or muscular or have a certain image in terms of what we wanna be. One size doesn’t fit all. Absolutely. But if we take it back to our childhood Already. I know. Self love. Self love. When did you realize that you didn’t feel comfortable in your own skin, and how did that show up for you?

Kate Beere:
So I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. And I I hate even that I say that and I hear myself. I don’t remember a time I ever felt comfortable in my own skin. I would say maybe until the last, like, 2 or 3 years. And those are those are pockets of time too. It’s not all the time. I don’t live in that space. I remember young.

Kate Beere:
I was a an outcast. I didn’t fit in in school. I was bullied, a lot. I had bucktiece, short hair. My mom would make me wear my brother’s hand me downs. Like, I just felt so out of place, and I was reminded constantly that I was out of place. And, for me, it got, you know, in high school, not much different. I mean, I found my friends and we figured stuff out, but, like, never really found my place.

Kate Beere:
You know, Had a lot of, yucky moments with teenage boys calling me all kinds of horrible things, and it it just I never felt comfortable in my skin. I never felt like my let alone, like, don’t even we won’t even talk about the mental space. But, physically, I never felt that who I was or my body type was okay. I mean, high school was like Kate Moss days, where everyone was way thin, and I have hips. And I just, I never fit that model. I never fit that sort of, what does that perfection look like. And I think it was maybe, in university, I started to get a little more comfortable in my skin, maybe. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
But it has it’s it’s a journey.

Kate Beere:
It’s a journey, and I’m still on that journey. And I for you.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I I love that transparency just around that word journey because I think a lot of women feel like they need to fix themselves and it needs to be fixed, but the fixing never stops because it is a journey, and we continue to evolve in that. I was very awkward as a teenager as well, all the way from trying to fit in, as I think, you know Most kids. Most kids. Yeah. To my haircuts. I remember, I had really short hair. I wanted to get my hair spiked.

Wendy Dodds:
And, you know, the teasing and the bullying. I wore glasses from the time I was 4 years old.

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
So back then, you know, all the comments around it. And to compensate for that, because even as adults, we tend to compensate for things that we don’t feel great about to move into things that we think will make us feel great. Yeah. So I started smoking to hang out with the cool kids. I lost my virginity at a really young age. Yeah. I said yes to things that would make people like me. To your point, as I started moving into college, I started to kind of find my way a little bit, but I always found like I would take a couple steps forward and then kinda Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Fall back down or somebody would bring me down. And I never really truly learned, and I’m still on that journey. Yeah. Yay, therapy. Woo hoo. On on how to navigate that.

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And so kinda so so we’ve talked about teenagers and now kind of where we are in our adult life, both of us in our forties. Let’s talk a little bit about how our relationship with our bodies have shifted from twenties into our thirties into our forties, coulds, shoulds, all of that kind of stuff.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. I think what I learned young is what I learned in right or wrong is that my body had an effect on other people. And I I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I mean, it how I look seemed to bother other people, or it affected other people. So what I learned was, oh, I better make this all perfect to not bother these other people or to not get a negative some sort of comment. And so that shell was firm by the time I was in my twenties. My twenties was thin. I need to be thin because thin and beautiful equals this this should.

Kate Beere:
I’ve got all my shit together. It was the Kate Moss skinny. It was me unhealthy relationship with food. I don’t know many women that haven’t gone through some bout of that, but, you know, watching every calorie I ate, ensuring I exercise 5 days a week, I knew in

Wendy Dodds:
Measuring everything.

Kate Beere:
I knew it all, right? And so that, my goal in my twenties was to look on the outside. I would say, you know, into my forties, I’ve evolved to how do I feel. Do I feel good? Does am I feeling healthy and strong? Thirties was kids. So thirties was the pressure of having 3 kids, and, you know, you get applauded for losing the baby weight. Right? Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
And there

Kate Beere:
were so many times people come over, oh, you look great. And I’d be like, oh, yeah. Thanks. I got all my shit together. I don’t know how a fuck altogether.

Wendy Dodds:
Yep.

Kate Beere:
I’m, like, frowning. I’m feeling the pressure of everyone’s like, oh, she’s hanging on to that weight a bit too long or getting applauded if I lose it fast. Right? We don’t talk about what happens to women’s bodies after they have children.

Wendy Dodds:
On that fucking scale. All my doctors.

Kate Beere:
Let’s weigh you. No. Let’s not. And Let’s not. How about every woman’s body as they’re pregnant

Wendy Dodds:
Yep.

Kate Beere:
Changes differently and how we like, I I sometimes forget. I produced 3 3 children out of this body, like, love on this body. But in my thirties, it was like, no. I gotta prove all of it. Right? And then forties for me have been an interesting journey. Like, when I divorced at 40, I was the strongest, fittest I have ever been, mostly because I was avoiding home and spending a lot of time at the gym, like, late into the evening. And that felt really awesome. Like, to feel strong and fit, that’s really what I go to now.

Kate Beere:
But there’s also don’t get me wrong. I still I wanna look good in a bikini. I wanna feel good in in the pants I’m wearing. And then we can talk about this, but COVID for me was like a big, like, wake up call of, like, sort of I gained, I don’t know, £15. I don’t know. I don’t get on the scale anymore, but I gained a certain amount of weight. A lot of people did. We’re sitting around.

Kate Beere:
We’re not moving. Yep. But that forced me that time, not only to get present mentally, but it forced me to spend time with my own body, right, in a way I had never done before. And I had no outside pressure to look a certain way to do my hair that, outside pressure to look a certain way to do my hair, that I wasn’t comparing myself to others. I wasn’t like, there was none of that because we were home. And it’s amazing what happens when you let go and you give yourself freedom. And so now on the other side of that, in a different place, it’s it’s for me, it’s it’s health. I wanna live till I’m 90.

Kate Beere:
Like, that’s my goal right now. So that’s my kinda 20, 30, 40. Thing. I love that.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that you mentioned the the pregnancy thing because Yeah. There’s such a and, of course, we didn’t have social media when we were growing up. No. Not that we’re that What do you mean? What do you mean? I am a

Kate Beere:
I am still 30.

Wendy Dodds:
But imagining not imagining. Living the pressures of we both have teenagers. Yeah. We’re both divorced. We both have children who have gone through similar struggles. And to think about navigating everything we have and and tying it back to find the teenage you know, the very awkward teenage years for a lot of people, but then, you know, the the pregnancy piece. And I think that we somehow lose sight along the way of celebrating what our body can do versus being consumed with how our body looks. Even even to the point of the celebration of, yay, I had a natural birth versus, well, I had to have an epidural or I had to have a c section or whatever.

Wendy Dodds:
Right? Instead of celebrating this is this is how my body is reacting and going through this. Yeah. But this is the outcome. You know? Healthy children, whatever the case may be. But I find we put so much pressure on, oh, you know? And women have a way of cutting each other up, not necessarily with words all the time, but also with just looks and just the overall vibe. And so as we evolve I know I’m kinda going off topic here, but Yeah. As we’ve kind of evolved into our forties, learning to embrace who our tribe is and who makes us feel good on the inside, but also on the outside as well, and really being selective about who’s in our circle.

Kate Beere:
Yeah, and I think the outside often follows the inside work, right? So, you know, having done a lot of work the last, you know, 8 years, I see that evolution of self love and self worth. And when you stop feeling like you need to be someone you’re not, it it takes off a lot of

Wendy Dodds:
pressure. Right? It’s so freeing. Like, it’s such a work. Like, it’s it’s so I don’t wanna say it’s hard work. It’s not hard. It’s tedious. And it’s And it’s cons it has to be consistent work.

Kate Beere:
And and it does. And I think too what’s important, and I know we’re gonna talk about this, and and we were joking about this earlier, but, like, we’ve we’ve changed sets. And so we’re we’re trying stuff out, and there’s new angles and, like, the, you know, real talk, real women, this is what this is. It’s like you and I are still cons like, I’m not not concerned with how I look. Like, that I don’t feel like that’s ever gonna be a thing. Right? Yes. I wanna feel confident. Yes.

Kate Beere:
I wanna feel, do I want an angle that makes me maybe look 6 times what? I don’t, and that’s that’s honest. However, it doesn’t define me the same way it used to. Like, that might have paralyzed me 15 years ago, where I’d be like, no. I can’t I can’t do that shit.

Wendy Dodds:
Yep. Right?

Kate Beere:
So that’s the evolution. I think, like, I I just don’t want people to think, like, oh my god. I’m now 48. I’ve evolved. I’m I don’t I don’t have shit figured out. But I’m I’m more over here on that journey. Like, I feel in a better spot about it. There’s there’s many times I wake up and, like, I don’t like what I see.

Kate Beere:
Like, that’s I think that’s human.

Wendy Dodds:
Yep. That’s human. But I love that you’ve spent and you’ve talked about it on so many of the episodes that we’ve done, around going through that journey and evolving. And you talk about it a lot in your get to mindset around things that you get to versus have to. And that ties a lot into, you know, who we are as women. Yep. I know for me being a work in progress, learning to love and appreciate my body, yes, through the pregnancy, through my first child, and then to hating my mind and body with my second child. Mhmm.

Wendy Dodds:
It was completely, completely different. And for, any woman out there who has birthed more than one child, sometimes those pregnancies are completely different physically, mentally, emotionally. Instead of, postpartum depression, I had prepartum depression. It was fucking awful, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And back then, I mean, it wasn’t that long ago, it was only almost 17 years ago, but that it still wasn’t talked about enough No. As it is today.

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And then along the way, of course, sorry, backtracking to, just before the pregnancy, coming out of my teenage years, developing extremely poor eating habits, becoming obese. I’ve talked about this in my story as well, to then taking and learning how to take control over my mind, my body in 2014. Now I’m in my forties, and so still kind of evolving. And, you know, yes, we laughed about it before we started recording. Like, what’s the angle? And, you know Yeah. Yeah. So, again, catching ourselves sometimes with the, verbiage that we talk to ourselves about because our mind listens to everything we tell it. Totally.

Wendy Dodds:
And learning how to age grace fully now is kinda where I’m at right now and embrace healthy aging. I love that. Even with fucked up knees.

Kate Beere:
Yeah. Right. Oh, oh my god. I I back.

Kate Beere:
I bend down

Wendy Dodds:
to pick something up. To sore. Get out and you’re like, oh, what is this? Cracks when I get out of bed.

Kate Beere:
Everything hurts a bit more.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Yeah. For sure. But then as we kinda talk about and move into the whole body dysmorphia thing, I hear that so much. And me being in the wellness space and and in the gym space, I hear it a lot. We’re moms with teens, who have had eating disorders Yep. And going down the path on how it’s impacted us, our thoughts, decisions, questioning our own motives, on certain things. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And it doesn’t so and for anybody listening that maybe isn’t going through an eating disorder, it could be anything related to anything you’re struggling with. Yeah. As a parent or as a mom Yeah. It just so happens that both of our children have gone through that. Yep. Let’s talk a little bit about that. So how has the journey of watching your your own child

Kate Beere:
Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Suffer, how has that affected you?

Kate Beere:
Oh my god. It’s like the hardest thing I have ever been through, and it’s it’s forced me to look at my relationship with food. And, you know, I always praise myself, honestly. Like, I worked so hard to make sure in our household that we talked about health. We didn’t talk about food, like bad food, good food. We didn’t talk about, you’re gonna gain weight, you need to be skinny. It was always, like, healthy, you wanted fuel. Like, it was always about being strong.

Kate Beere:
And I remember talking to my ex husband. I’m like, it’s really important with our daughter that you instill this in her, specifically. Have 2 boys, as you know. But for our listeners, I have 2 boys and a girl. And so I was so worried about her. Right? Like, my whole as a parent, I’m like, you hear about eating disorders with girls. And so I thought I nailed that. Like, I was so sure I nailed it, like, probably overly confident in that space.

Kate Beere:
And then, sure enough, not my daughter, but one of my sons, was diagnosed with an eating disorder, a severe eating disorder, and it all happened very quickly in COVID. We know the number of eating disorders were through the roof in adolescents. Right? There wasn’t enough care. I saw it happening. It happens fast. It’s a boy, so there’s not a lot of resources. They actually don’t know enough. There’s not enough research on eating disorders for boys.

Kate Beere:
It shows up differently. There’s I learned a ton. There’s, like, muscle dysmorphia. There’s all kinds of different eating disorders for boys. Long story short, we were propelled into learning a lot. And he was admitted into CHEO. We were unexpectedly, we took him in for an intake. They warn you, if your child is medically not well, we will admit them, and that you lose your rights at that point.

Kate Beere:
Right? So they have to legally admit. And I remember being like, oh, he’s fine. We all thought he was, like we knew he was sick, and he needed help. And we were trying to just get him to cheer to get him a psychologist because I couldn’t even get that for him. That’s how bad it was in the city. And so and I had spreadsheets. I was calling everywhere. Yep.

Kate Beere:
So we were just excited that he was gonna get a therapist. And I’ll never forget. They they run tests all day long, and then only one parent can go because it was COVID. So I went, and then they brought me into this room. And there’s there’s 3 specialists. So they have, like, this whole series of specialists. Right? So there’s 3 doctors and Zach and me, and we’re sitting there. And they just say and it’s horrible.

Kate Beere:
There’s a two way mirror. Like, I’m in a fucking prison because they weren’t allowed more people in the room because it’s COVID. And so I don’t know who’s behind, and they sit there and they’re like, we need to admit Zach. And I’m like, I’m like, what? And, like, I was just I was so taken back that I was like, what do you like, no. Like, no. Ugh. I gotta get it.

Wendy Dodds:
To hear that, like, to hear those words, to hear those words as a parent, and have your child taken from you already in a state where, COVID was not easy for anybody, but then to not know where they’re going. We talked about this before. But

Kate Beere:
Oh, sorry.

Wendy Dodds:
So so no apologies ever, but this kinda ties back to why we’re doing this. This is real talk, real women. And I feel like there’s so many people who are struggling with the things that Yeah. We struggle with that need that space to feel open. So I’m gonna thank you for sharing everything that you shared because it’s fucking hard. It’s really fucking hard.

Kate Beere:
It’s really fucking hard, and we don’t talk about it. And I I think it’s important that we talk about it, especially for our boys, because I think that we just don’t talk about it enough. I can tell you in that moment, I just they like, I felt I failed my son. I felt like I let him down. They told me his kidney and liver functions weren’t normal. His heart rate was so low, they were worried he’s gonna have a heart attack. Like, my kid was sick. So he was in the right spot.

Kate Beere:
He was where he needed to be. But when they say that, I’m like, meanwhile, I’ve actually done everything I possibly could in my power to get him to where he is. But all I hear is them saying and they use specific words. Your kid is malnourished. As a as a parent, to hear that your kid is malnourished

Wendy Dodds:
Your first thought is, what did I do wrong?

Kate Beere:
What did I do wrong? I thought I did everything right. He’s he’s a minor. It’s my job to protect him. Right? And so, you know, he was admitted for a month. He was so sick. He was in a wheelchair. He wasn’t allowed. The only walking he was allowed to do was to go to the bathroom because he wasn’t allowed to burn calories.

Kate Beere:
So we would go outside, and we’d have to have him in a wheelchair. My ex and I would take nights at the you’re sleeping in one of those chairs, and we would sleep, and we’d take 1 night on, 1 night off. And he was on a heart rate monitor every single night because his heart rate would dip, and it would dip so low that the nurses would come in because they were nervous, because they thought his heart was gonna stop. So it was it was when I it was traumatic for me. So what it forced me to do, though, was to look at, okay, what role do I is did I play a role, first off? Right? Like, those are the questions as a mom. Like, right away, I go to blame, but it’s like, what role did I play? Did I play a role? And I really had to sit with you know, what I got present to is the stupid saying, but kids do as you do, not as you say. And so while I thought I said all the right things, I had to get really present to my actions, which were not unhealthy, but not eating dinner with them, eating different food. Right? I’m not having your mac and cheese.

Kate Beere:
I’m going to have my chicken and rice and broccoli, whatever. So I’m showing them, oh. Right? You know, going to the gym. You know, I’m sure I’ve made a million comments about, oh, I just feel fat or whatever. So I got really present to they’re going to do what you do and not as you say. And I owe my part in that. What I also learned to let go of, though, was it was not my journey, and it was his. And I don’t know that I could have done anything.

Kate Beere:
And that in the end, like, he’s on a really great path right now, and he’s doing really well, and so proud of him. But it’s the there’s still I still have guilt there, even though, rationally, I don’t know that I could have stopped it. Right? And my therapist will tell me, You couldn’t have.

Wendy Dodds:
Right.

Kate Beere:
I’m I’m not at that part, but I yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
And I see that as those are wounds. And when you go through something like that, I I don’t think the wounds ever fully heal. They will scar over. Yeah. And but they will always be there, and they will always be Yeah. A part of us. And I think the wounds aren’t necessarily our responsibility or our fault. No.

Wendy Dodds:
But how we choose to heal from them is 100% our responsibility, as hard as that is. Yeah. And so you saying learning how to get present and focusing on all of the things that you could do now in terms of being able to tie that presence into moving forward still doesn’t change anything around what you went through. And I think No. No. Not I think I know because I’m going through the same thing. You know? It will always be there. The

Kate Beere:
well and it’s yeah. And just I’m just gonna a huge shout out to Chiyo and the team there. They were overrun. The eating disorder floor was full. We were on a regular floor with other kids. There was probably 7 other kids on just a regular floor sharing rooms with with kids who are actually medically ill. In an eating disorder program, you’ve got parents on calls. Like, it was it I just a huge share moment

Wendy Dodds:
in time.

Kate Beere:
Just, you know, they did everything they could, and they’re trying to help as many kids as they possibly can and and the pressure that they were under, and they’re going off on stress leave. And so it was this vicious cycle, but I honestly, Chiyo was just so phenomenal during that time. And still his post care for 2 years after was was equally. What about for you? What has come to life for you? Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
So, you know, in terms of kinda watching my child suffer, going through this with my oldest child, and and she is still in the middle of this now. She’s over the age where Chiyo won’t take her. And so because she is technically classified as an adult, it’s helping her learn how to navigate that, but recognizing that my hands are tied with things that I cannot be involved in because she is of age. COVID was absolute hell on her, and I have a really hard time, looking at pictures on my phone from 4 years ago because, she’s such a different person. And I’m not just talking about the physical part of it, You know, the smile in her eyes and all of those things have just changed so much. Yeah. And as a mom, there’s nothing

Kate Beere:
I get it.

Wendy Dodds:
That hurts more than seeing your child is not the same as they used to be. Yeah. And so as she continued to continues to navigate this journey Mhmm. And it’s interesting because when she when she turned 18, I’ll never forget her saying to me, it was almost like a shock, and and not just about the eating disorder, but about just life in general. And she looked at me and she’s like, I’m graduating high school and I’m have to go out in this big scary world all alone and be an adult. And I can’t remember what her exact words were, but it was around the it was almost like a revelation of I don’t have the comfort and security of being in high school or or Yeah. You know, now I’m now I have to be grown up, and I have to kinda navigate this. And I remember saying to her, you know, your dad and I will always be there for you.

Wendy Dodds:
And and, you know, even though my ex husband and I are divorced Yeah. He always did such a great job at being there for her and supporting her just as I did. You know? And so I was always just very open with her around your dad, and I will always be here to help navigate, you know, and and help you. Mhmm. At the end of the day, you’re the one that has to make the decisions. But where I’m going right now is finding myself working really hard, with my therapist on taking the blame off of myself. Yeah. For what she’s struggling with and how I think I should fix her.

Wendy Dodds:
Because as parents

Kate Beere:
Such a big one. It’s a huge one

Wendy Dodds:
to think. What what could I have done differently? What should I have done? Because, like I said, as a mom, you want your child to feel so loved Yeah. So protected Wonderful. Happy and successful, and it hurts unlike any hurt when they are struggling and when they are at a place of rock bottom and they just can’t seem to get out of it.

Kate Beere:
You you said something that really stuck with me, and I know other parents who have kids with eating disorders. It’s it’s, there’s there’s a blankness, and it’s really hard to explain, but it’s like so my son was, like, goofy, fun, loud, full of energy, like, making everyone else laugh. And then he just and it was in COVID, and he just retreated. And he was going through his journey, whatever he was going through, but he he changed his personality changed so much. And I think that’s something we don’t talk a lot about is the loss that parents feel Absolutely. When their kid shifts like that and when their kid is, like, going through something very, very traumatic for them. But we’re also grieving the loss of our our our our kid the way we know them. Right.

Kate Beere:
And that’s and you’re trying to reconcile with this new version of your child and wanting all like, and it’s it’s okay to think that all you want is your old child back. It’s okay to think that. You’re it’s okay to miss that and grieve that. For me, that was really hard because I not only were we in the state of trauma around, like, making sure he’s physically well, I also felt like I was grieving the loss of Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
The A 100%. My old son. Yeah. It’s very, and and that’s it’s interesting you say that because I remember saying to my therapist well, actually, she was the one that said it. Like, you are absolutely grieving what used to be Yep. And what was. Yeah. And I remember I kept saying, but it’s not that I’m not embracing who she is now.

Wendy Dodds:
Hold. And what is that?

Kate Beere:
I Yeah. I Wow.

Wendy Dodds:
You know, and and her kinda going through this journey, and I have to give her a shout out because this has been really, really hard for her trying to navigate the social pressures being of the adult age where you don’t have the cocoon of having support as a child, like you would maybe with Chiyo and Yeah. Gosh, I wished I I tried everything to try to skip, but there was nothing they could do. But thinking about the thoughts that consume my mind, and I I I know you’re gonna agree, but that emotional turmoil that constantly goes through your mind. And trying really hard with different activities and exercises to be able to focus on creating that positivity in my mind on what will be in the future and who she is now, but celebrating every single little step, which I do. Yeah. But I think I spent and I still catch myself spending a lot of time focusing on, I wish I could just fix everything. I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could do everything.

Wendy Dodds:
I wish I could help her find her way. And I have a tendency to gravitate to the what ifs. Right. I think she doesn’t get better. What if this? What if that? What if this? Which we all know solves nothing other than just fucking you up in the head where where you just then you can’t sleep, then you can’t eat. You can’t do anything because you’re constantly consumed with it.

Kate Beere:
But it’s for like, an eating disorder’s for life. And so we met some some great people along the way. And understanding I understand the world of EDs more. I understand what happens. I understand more like, like, I understand where his stems from now. I understand that the eating disorder is is a result of something else, and it often is. Yes. You know, I’ve learned so much about the need to control an environment and what that’s about and why there’s a lot of eating disorders in COVID is that need to control.

Kate Beere:
Knowing like, having some tools now around what it is. So when I see, you know, my son sort of sort of digressing, if I see, like, if I get triggered by something, I’m I’m very aware that it’s Yeah. He’s gonna be okay or he’s not. And I’m there to be by his side on that journey, and I can’t control where he goes from here. I can help guide him. I can give him all the tools. Right. And and but letting go of wanting the fix, it’s hard.

Wendy Dodds:
It’s hard, and it’s something that you have to continuously practice. And Absolutely. The one thing my therapist said to me Yeah. Last year, and she still continues to tell me this almost every time we meet, is she will eventually find her way. And she said as a mom, this is gonna hurt to hear it, but I promise you when she does, it will have nothing to do with you. And I was just like, but I know she’s right. Because it doesn’t have anything to do with us. Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Especially when they are at the age where they are not super little kids anymore, where we have that control. No. But, yeah, everything from that emotional turmoil, strained relationships. I mean, I mean, there’s certain things that I feel I can’t do and I don’t wanna do with certain people because I just feel like I’m in my own bubble of wanting to be able to help and just be there for her. An unprecedented

Kate Beere:
unprecedented Yeah. That’s a hard that’s

Wendy Dodds:
a hard that’s a hard word. Sense of responsibility Yeah. And ownership, is something I and then, of course, we talked about the constant worry. But Yeah. It’s, Yeah.

Kate Beere:
I now see I’m gonna take a positive out of it for me, and the gift that I got from it was that I now have it’s not that I would want my son to ever go through that so I can get something out of it. I’m not suggesting that. But if they’re positive one positive thing that came out of that was my relationship now where with food, which is like it’s and I didn’t have an overly unhealthy relationship with food. It was just not like I think it’s most women’s relationship with just thinking about what you’re eating while you’re eating it. Like, I’m now at this point where I’m like, I’m gonna have pizza and wine because I want doing the sacrificing. I’m not getting on the scale. I’m not doing that anymore. It doesn’t mean I don’t have days where I wake up and I’m like or I’m I’m getting ready to go on my trip and I’m texting my girlfriend.

Kate Beere:
I’m like, oh, I tried on my shorts, and then my shorts fit. It doesn’t mean I’m not having those moments. It’s just the bigger picture, and I’m super grateful for that.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. Yeah. And I I love your authenticity and your, your transparency around that because I think more women need to speak about that. More women and I’ll speak about it from a I work in a gym. Yeah. And people think often that I have it all figured out. Yeah. But there’s absolutely days where I feel like, I just don’t feel good in my skin Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
Or I just don’t feel like or my favorite thing it’s not my favorite. I’m being sarcastic. Yeah. But playing the comparison game, 10 years ago, I used to be able to this, this, and this. Yeah. And now I can’t do this, this, and this, or you know, so I put that expectation and that, pressure on myself. And so I’m learning to and I have, and I I celebrate myself for learning over the past 3 years to really past 3 years is probably the biggest part of my journey to celebrate what I can do and not what I think I should be doing.

Kate Beere:
Yay. Yeah. I celebrate that.

Wendy Dodds:
Yay. Call it Wendy.

Kate Beere:
I do.

Wendy Dodds:
That’s huge. I’m huge.

Kate Beere:
It is huge.

Wendy Dodds:
Okay. Do we wanna let’s

Kate Beere:
switch gears a bit, and so maybe we can, like Wanna talk about tips? Yeah. That’s what I’m thinking. We love tips. We do like tips. Really? But, like, what are some tips we can give people to kinda start maybe on that journey of having, you know, body positivity, whatever, self love?

Wendy Dodds:
Yep.

Kate Beere:
Some simple things people can maybe start weaving into their day.

Wendy Dodds:
Yep. First thing that comes to my mind, create a media detox. Totally. And I hesitate the to use the word detox because that can be tied with negativity, but I say detox in a way where you are choosing to allow certain energies into, into your space Mhmm. And let go of other things that don’t serve you. So watching what you consume, who you follow, what you read, limiting your exposure, creating boundaries. We did a great, episode a while back on boundaries, and I know that resonated with a lot of people. Yep.

Wendy Dodds:
But seeking out media, but also communities, and and it’s interesting that we’ve talked about COVID, and now as we come out post COVID, seeking those communities that celebrate diversity, celebrate wellness positivity, not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, because they are absolutely out there.

Kate Beere:
100%. Yeah. I think to, to add, I’m gonna talk about gratitude because I always talk about gratitude, but practice gratitude and self love. So love your body. Thank your body for being able to walk out the front door, to be able to hop

Wendy Dodds:
in the shower, to be able to pick up your kid, to be able

Kate Beere:
to drive a car, whatever that looks like, but be grateful. Have those moments of, like, you know, it’s really easy for me sometimes where I’m like I get out of bed, and I have a sore back and my hips hurt, and I’m like, oh. And then it’s like, well, you get to get out of bed. So Yep. Go. Right? So and self love too, I think, for women is like, you know, no one likes to do this, but stand in front of the mirror and actually love that naked body in front of you. Women have a very, person. It’s almost hardwired for us to look and pick a part before we would even maybe get to, oh, but my hair looks good.

Kate Beere:
Right? There’ll be 20 negative things we’ll say before we get there. Yep. So start adding more of those positive. Like, walk by the mirror and be like, oh, my hair looks great. Or walk by the mirror and be like, oh, you know what? I just I’m I’m feel like I’m radiating today. Whatever that looks like. And I know it’s cheesy, but it’s not it’s just you program your The

Wendy Dodds:
whole standing in front of the mirror naked is hard. It’s hard. But being able to pick three things that you love about yourself Yeah. And I’ll just throw this out there. The amount of messages that I receive from women Yeah. In their forties and older, not saying people in their twenties and thirties don’t struggle. I’m just talking about kinda where we are right now Yeah. Who have a hard time being intimate with their partner Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
Because they don’t like being naked.

Kate Beere:
Wow. During

Wendy Dodds:
sex. And either the lights have to be off or Yeah. Whatever because they’re having a hard time celebrating where they are right now, the stomach. You know, just things are just different. Right?

Kate Beere:
Like, I

Wendy Dodds:
I have women all the time. They’re like like, my boobs are saying. I’m like, well, gravity not on our side when we get older.

Kate Beere:
It’s not. It’s not. Right?

Wendy Dodds:
But learning so doing an activity like that is uncomfortable as it is, and I think we need to remember that it’s the uncomfortable activities and exercises that grow your mind, mentally and emotionally. It’s those really uncomfortable things, like standing in front of the mirror that help you be able to embrace who you are right now. I think being able to we talk a little bit about instilling mindful daily gratitude. You know? And and and I love that you you bring up gratitude because we hear it all the time, but I don’t think people always understand the impact that it has when you are truly committed to making that a part of your daily. That helps create cultivate that helps cultivate awareness on what is important to you, doing it consistently every day. But mindful daily practices, like, we brush our teeth every day.

Kate Beere:
We take

Wendy Dodds:
our vitamin well, no. I shouldn’t say I shouldn’t say I take my I try to take my vitamins every day. Rob will laugh at me because he’ll all be, did

Kate Beere:
you take your vitamins?

Wendy Dodds:
Yes. Yes. Creating habits like reciting positive quotes to yourself. I’m a big believer in sticky note affirmations. You know? At our computer, in our car, again, it sounds cheesy, but often those are the things it’s the simple things. They don’t have to be hard identifying what our bodies can do versus what I can’t do or how it’s look.

Kate Beere:
And those I am statements are very powerful written down. Say them out loud. Just incorporate more body language, positive body language into your day to day. Yes. Doesn’t feel big.

Wendy Dodds:
And I think that can then transform into what our kids see as well. It’s huge. Because the to what you said earlier Yeah. They don’t all they they watch what we do. They don’t listen to what we say. They watch what we do. They So when I work with my daughter now in terms of using her journal Yeah. Being able to celebrate the the positive things that she’s doing now instead of the long road that she still has ahead of her Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:
That’s huge. Right? And helping her understand that it’s so small, daily, simple things every day that cultivate over time. Over time. Yeah.

Kate Beere:
I’m looking at time. So I’m in closing, I’d love to know if you could talk to your younger self. Oh. I know. What’s what’s the one thing you would wanna share with yourself, if you could, around self love, body positivity?

Wendy Dodds:
First thing that came to my mind, actually, that has nothing to do with self love or body positivity is to not be so mean to my mom. Mom, I love you. All the times that I was so bitchy and so snippy, and my when my girls are like that now, I’m like, oh, fuck. I know what she went through. Love you, mom. Aw. Because I know she watches. Okay.

Wendy Dodds:
But going back to, self love Yeah. Really so so I think huge and it’s I I say this all the time, but it’s setting boundaries. I can’t stress this enough. You can’t buy someone’s love, affection, friendship by doing the things that you think are gonna make them happy. Learn to be okay with being alone. And that sounds very morbid, but you need to celebrate who you are first as a person and love yourself first before you can then allow that to then develop it. And Rob and I talked about this a lot when I came out of my divorce. He had gone through his stuff, and this was about, I need to work on me.

Wendy Dodds:
Yeah. I need to work on building myself up. I need to learn to love myself again. I need to be okay with it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be not included in everything. It’s okay to not be invited to everything. Yeah. Learn to be okay with that, and stay true to yourself.

Wendy Dodds:
And most importantly, look at who is in your circle. Your circle should wanna see you win. Your circle should wanna see you clap. Your circle should clap for you when, you know, when Yes. When you are celebrating things. And if they’re not, then it’s time to get a new circle and really create that ability to force self care on yourself versus, burnout.

Kate Beere:
I love that. I think, for me, it would be I thought about this one. But I think it’s just really that your worth is not tied to your physical appearance, that your worth is is deep, and your self worth is so much more than this. And it goes back to the supposed life, all the shoulds, I coulds, the musts. I think of how much effort I put in trying to fit in, and it’s part of being young and a teenager and finding your groove. But it has to has to is a strong word. I would have encouraged my younger self I can hear Sherry in my head. I would encourage my younger self to be kind, kinder, self love, and know that who I am as a kid was enough, period.

Kate Beere:
And I think if we can help our kids in any way, shape, or form is to for them to know that who they are as a person is enough. Yeah. Period.

Wendy Dodds:
I love that. What What a great way to end.

Kate Beere:
Awesome. Okay. Well, on that, thank you so much for joining us today. I loved our first episode in our new series, Real Women, Real Talk. We’ll have lots more coming your way, so don’t miss those. You can access all of today’s show notes by visiting our website as always at living richly dot me. You can also sign up for our new Facebook group where you can get access to all kinds of exclusive content. And thank you to all of you who have already joined.

Kate Beere:
We’re loving the conversations, amazing, the post. So if you

Kate Beere:
haven’t joined, you’re missing out, so make sure

Kate Beere:
you do. So thanks again and until next time, get out there and continue living your best life.

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