Beyond Gratitude – Cultivating the Get2 Mindset

Beyond Gratitude – Cultivating the Get2Mindset

Rob Dale:

A lack of gratitude puts you into a victim mindset of where everything is always against you or everything is happening to you.

Wendy Dodds:

What you focus on, you find. What you focus on, you become. So you focus on adversity. You focus on all the things that are are Happening to you or in your life, all of that stuff will continue to Right. Show up.

Eric Deschamps:

Gratitude is often best expressed in tears.

Kate Beere:

Get present when you hear yourself saying I have to, I must, I could, I should, and replace just replace 1 of them in your day to I get to And watch what happens.

Rob Dale:

Hi, Hi, and welcome to the Living Richly podcast. It is so great to have you here today. I really wanna apologize for my cohost right out of the gate. But, I am also very grateful, for my cohost today. We are going to be talking about what is, sometimes An overused word, oversimplified word, but I think an absolutely transformational, idea, and that is the idea of gratitude. We really wanna dive into the power of how gratitude and being grateful, really sets the tone for living your best life, for living richly. And so that’s where we’re gonna really focus on today, and I’m really excited about it. And I’m so Excited that all of you are here joining us and, tuning in to the episode today.

Rob Dale:

So I wanna start by just opening it up with the kind a question of, what is A a life filled with gratitude mean for each of you personally? And maybe, Kate, I’ll start with you today.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. It means a lot Mhmm. To me, So much so I have a business. Let’s filter it. I’ve got it too.

Eric Deschamps:

Shameless plugs out right out of the gate. Yeah.

Kate Beere:

Forget to mindset, but it’s it is Such a pillar of my personal growth, my journey, my spiritual growth. For me, gratitude has been the foundation, for my change. Gratitude is so linked to self worth. And so that ability to have that foundation of gratitude Has really enabled me to kinda shift how I look at the day to day things. It allows me to have a lens of gratitude versus a lens of lack. And so for me, having that sort of micro reprogramming in my brain, it’s it’s just giving me a very different and it’s brought a ton of joy into my life.

Rob Dale:

I I I made note. I don’t want because I want us to go back to this in a moment, and that was that Phrase that you just said that it that gratitude is tied into self love.

Eric Deschamps:

You caught that too, didn’t you?

Rob Dale:

Like, I wanna ask her about that. That’s good. But before we do that, Wendy, Eric, what is, what is gratitude?

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. I think it’s

Rob Dale:

Oh, go ahead.

Eric Deschamps:

Just go ahead. You go first.

Wendy Dodds:

I’m so grateful

Kate Beere:

you’re my cohost.

Rob Dale:

Yeah, Wendy.

Wendy Dodds:

I think it’s something that We hear about all the time. We know, and and I love how you actually open this up, like, stick with us, because we wanna talk about it a little differently. But it’s something that we know that is super important to us. For me, it’s really recognizing everything that I am instead of everything that I am not. And reminding myself of all of the things and the qualities that I have that I am learning to celebrate more about myself versus, But I should be doing this. I wish I was doing this. Maybe if I did this differently. So that’s really what it means to me.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I love that. For me, gratitude, is probably the most life transforming shift in perspective. Mhmm. And you’ve had a big influence on me with that with the get To mindset, get to versus have to. Yeah. Another phrase that, for me, ties in right with that is this is happening for me Mhmm. Not To me.

Eric Deschamps:

Right? It’s a shift in perspective. And remember years ago, I was a big fan of the CS Lewis books. I read them all to my kids, and, there’s a story of prince Caspian, and and and they actually made a movie, a series of movies, about the books. And one of them is, the the voyage of the dawn treader. Mhmm. And in that, Caspian, who had been living in exile for years, near the end, and it’s not in the books, but he’s quoted as saying this in the movies. He said, I spent too long wanting what was taken from me, and not what I was given. And for me, that shift in perspective To focus again on abundance as opposed to scarcity, what I’ve been given versus what I lack.

Eric Deschamps:

I think that’s what gratitude really helps me kinda ground myself in that.

Rob Dale:

Oh, that’s so good. Yeah. Absolutely. I love all of this. Okay. So I wanna go right back to this because we’re all expressed in our mind. Explain yourself.

Kate Beere:

Self work. Well, I thought, oh,

Eric Deschamps:

that was not what is that? Oh my god.

Kate Beere:

No pressure.

Eric Deschamps:

There’s so much pressure.

Kate Beere:

I yeah. Yeah. But, see, I’m gonna

Eric Deschamps:

reframe that. I’m so

Kate Beere:

grateful for your Full tree of your crop. It’s tied to self worth for me. Self worth is is I I believe if you don’t Know your self worth, the journey can’t happen. And so gratitude for me was a a personal exercise of Of being grateful, you touched on this, for things about me. So women are often so highly Critical of themselves, specifically to physically. So things like, I’m grateful that my body allows me to walk up the stairs. I am grateful for, you know, my eyes that allow me to see, like, some basic physical things, just being able to say what I’m grateful for. It brings you back to that work piece.

Kate Beere:

I’m grateful that I get to spend time with my kids. Right? That gives me worth back where I’m able to I’m worthy as a mom. Wow. Like, I get they want to be here. I get to be here. So for me, it’s it’s wrapped up in this notion of the self love, the self peace for myself, and that’s what allows me to then what I Call. Like, move out of the foundation and up Yeah. Spiritually.

Rob Dale:

You know, when you yeah. And when you talked about that, because what thought came to mind for me was, because gratitude is something that, it it it’s always been a natural part of my life. And and I was raised with with a mom who, despite all of the shortcomings, despite all of the challenges and the difficulties that she went through in life, She was a person filled with gratitude and in kind of and and and that was probably her biggest lesson that she would so so we were it was just natural for us to to be in an environment, my my brother and sister and I, to be in an environment of of gratitude when it came to my mom. And I and I, you know, know, anytime I have had conversations with my sister or brother, it seems to come natural, there as well. There does seem to be this idea that a lack of gratitude puts you into a victim mindset of where everything is always against you or everything is happening to you. Right. And that’s where I was as soon as you said that about it tying into worth, it’s like, yeah. Because when you don’t have that, of course, you’re seeing everything as out, get out to get you or a it’s it’s coming on against you.

Rob Dale:

So talk about that a little bit.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Well, anyway, I mean, we talk about how, my when I when I think of how my understanding of gratitude has evolved over time, I think for me, it’s this notion of, it’s easy to be grateful when things are going well. Oh, yeah. It’s easy to be grateful when, you know, your expectations are being met. You’re Meeting your goals. People are showing up the way you want them to. But, again, real gratitude is the ability to dig into that when things aren’t going well. And and when you’re suffering or when you’re hurting or when people aren’t showing up the way that you want to.

Eric Deschamps:

Yep. And let’s face it. We we think of all the negativity in the world. And I think for me, gratitude is so much more than just, when I when I talked about a reframe earlier, it’s not just putting on this, like, these rose colored glasses and looking at the world really in a skewed way.

Rob Dale:

But

Eric Deschamps:

I think we’ve lost sight of the fact that for all the bad things that are happening in the world, there are probably a 100 good things going on. They’re just not newsworthy. That’s right. Yeah. Show up on the news feed. They don’t show up, right, on on the 6 o’clock news. No. They’re reporting all the bad stuff that’s going on.

Eric Deschamps:

But when we sink into gratitude and begin to recognize that it’s available to us even in the hard times Mhmm. That that that the or the hardship or the struggle that we’re going through is actually creating an opportunity for us to become more than we are, and to experience life in a way that perhaps we couldn’t without, that suffering.

Kate Beere:

I love that. I know for me, like, when we talk about an evolution of of gratitude, I used to really struggle with being you know, I’m grateful, but I’m unhappy. And those 2 didn’t sit well. I’m like, how can like, I used to be so hard on myself. Like, be more grateful. Be more and I was Grateful. I was just super unhappy, and I couldn’t figure out how those could live together. And and now I see it very differently.

Kate Beere:

So I’ll give an example because I think it helps, and I use this with my clients is, say, 10 years ago, let’s say it snowed, and I love Skiing. I don’t love the snow or skiing, but this is Bernicelli.

Eric Deschamps:

So this

Kate Beere:

is really hypothetical? Hypothetical. But let’s say it was snowing, and I’m a skier, and I see it snowing. I’m I’m grateful. I’m grateful it’s snowing. I can’t wait to go hit the slopes. I get outside. I go to my car. I’m like, fuck.

Kate Beere:

I gotta clean up all the snow and the ice, And I’m out there, and I’m chiseling. And now I’m getting like, fuck. It’s taking forever, and I’m tired, and I’m pissed off. I get in my car, and I’m pissed off, and that’s my tone. I’m in that sort of Yeah. That State. That’s the emotional state I’m in. That’s what I would have done, say, 10 years ago.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

But now when it snows, and I’m Still not skiing or happy with the snow. But when it snows and I get to that grateful state, I’m like, oh, great. It’s snowing. Again, outside, I see the car. I still say Fuck. Because I don’t wanna chisel it off, and I do. And I but I what I do now is I use get to mindset, and I’m like, I get to chisel the car. I get to take this.

Kate Beere:

No. I’d like to do this. Right. But over time, what happens is I get to right. Because then I get to go to the hill. Okay. And then I get to go the hill. Right.

Kate Beere:

Okay. And then I get to ski. Great. Okay. And then I get my car. And it’s it’s just a small reframe, but that small reframe resets My how I’m feeling in the moment. So Right. Gratitude doesn’t mean you can’t feel a certain way.

Kate Beere:

What gratitude does and the practice of gratitude It’s how fast you can reset.

Rob Dale:

Oh, it’s so good. Yeah.

Eric Deschamps:

If your

Wendy Dodds:

kids are little and they’re in a snowsuit, and then and then they have

Eric Deschamps:

to pee what happens with snowsuits. Right?

Wendy Dodds:

Right. And then they have to pee after you’ve scraped Everything’s off?

Kate Beere:

You’re like, we I get to take the bomb. We get to go back inside.

Wendy Dodds:

I’m sure that’s where we were all going.

Kate Beere:

Of course. 100%.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. What about for you? How’s it evolved?

Wendy Dodds:

So I know for me, I’ve reached a certain age in my life where, I focus more on that progress Versus that, perfection. I use it a lot when I’m coaching in the, you know, in a gym setting, but also with the real life around. Things don’t have to be perfect and fall into place right away. It’s all about those little baby steps around, progressing.

Kate Beere:

Yeah.

Wendy Dodds:

So that progress over Over perfection. And I love, Kate, that you mentioned the, you know, example of being grateful but also Unhappy. Mhmm. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people and I know sometimes I still struggle with this. So you’re talking about kids, for example, you know, Grateful that we have wonderful, you know, children. Yeah. But it’s okay to be happy sometimes.

Wendy Dodds:

Right? And and Surrounding yourself with with those people that absolutely get that. So just because I’m cranky or I’m unhappy, Doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful that I don’t have my kids. Right? So really learning to to differentiate

Rob Dale:

you how to respond. Isn’t isn’t that one of the most common things that people say

Kate Beere:

Yeah.

Rob Dale:

When, you know, when you’re frustrated or you’re expressing that that, you know, frustration, anger, sadness, whatever, that’s what people will say right away.

Kate Beere:

People well, you should be grateful. Right?

Rob Dale:

I am grateful for all

Eric Deschamps:

of them.

Kate Beere:

Carol. Right. Or or Karen.

Wendy Dodds:

I’m a or Karen.

Rob Dale:

Carol or Karen.

Wendy Dodds:

I’m okay to not be happy with my kids right now.

Eric Deschamps:

Right. Right. I don’t think I don’t think negative emotions and gratitude are ex mutually exclusive. No. I think, again, when we think of a genuine gratitude is the ability to recognize, that, again, opportunities. I I used to think hardship, again, with the way I used to feel about myself, which was, really not good, really not healthy. I I I could help the world, but I despised myself truly. And so I honestly believe that when hardship came my way, that it was punishment.

Eric Deschamps:

That this I deserve this. I earned this. And so I just gotta buck up and take it like a man, and and and this is just gonna be my lot. When that began to shift, now with gratitude, the ability to look at hardship, to look at trying times, to look at, difficult circumstances and be grateful that the universe is giving me an opportunity to grow. And Yeah. That doesn’t mean I’m feeling good about it.

Wendy Dodds:

Right.

Eric Deschamps:

Because the hardship is hitting you hard Yeah. But you you’ve got this other lens to say, but there’s a purpose. There’s something else trying to show up that I’m just not recognizing yet, but I’m grateful that I’m I’ve got the opportunity to walk.

Rob Dale:

And and I think that’s, for me, where the evolution has come is is to, Certainly, when I began to appreciate and understand that gratitude is not an emotion. It’s a it’s a it’s a mindset. Yes. Right? The emotion is is a as a separate entity. Yep. And that’s for many years. Certainly in my younger years, that’s what I thought was gratitude was an emotion. So, yeah, if I’m feeling unhappy, then I also can’t be feeling gratitude.

Rob Dale:

Well, I don’t feel gratitude ever. I choose gratitude.

Kate Beere:

Yeah.

Rob Dale:

And it’s an internal Yeah. Mindset that is not, affected by circumstances. It’s not affected by others. No one can change that. No one can, you know, anything. It it is something that is from within going out. Right. And now you address whatever the circumstances, feelings, emotions, whatever it is that’s going on out of a state of gratitude, or Yeah.

Rob Dale:

Or lack of gratitude, whichever it might be. But that’s what it is for me.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. And Go for it. I was gonna say gratitude is not the same as, like, being positive or having a positive outlook. They’re very different, but often they get They get, like, switched. Right?

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

You know, positive you can have, like so your sister’s coming over, you know, like your sister for summer. I don’t have again. That’s because we’re so so sad. All these other

Eric Deschamps:

people. Is

Kate Beere:

it right off? Way easier.

Eric Deschamps:

Sorry to all the sisters

Kate Beere:

out there. Yeah. But let’s say your sister’s coming over And, you know, a positive outlook would be like, oh, it’s okay. Like, I’ll I’ll survive. It’ll be fine. I’m gonna make the best of it. That’s an outlook. You’re not dealing with it.

Kate Beere:

You’re pushing it aside. Gratitude is okay. I know things are tough, but I’m I’m gonna be present because I get to see my sister today and spend time with her. I know it’s been challenging. I might not get tomorrow with her. I’m gonna be grateful for this time. And they’re 2 very different different things, but they often get

Wendy Dodds:

And I think it’s a practice art to have to identify that and be able to separate those 2, not 2 emotions, but Just those 2 separate things. Yeah. Because they are completely

Kate Beere:

I agree.

Wendy Dodds:

Separate. So the more you practice it, the easier it becomes to then be able to differentiate and separate it. I think what you I think it was you, Eric, that mentioned adversity. Mhmm. Because what you focus on, you find. What you focus on, you become. So you focus on adversity. You focus on all the things that are are happening to you or in your life.

Wendy Dodds:

All of that stuff will continue to

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

Show up.

Wendy Dodds:

Right. Whereas if you make that conscious effort to separate those emotions, happy, unhappy, grateful, not grateful, you start to piece The puzzle together a little bit better.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. And I would say to your point that, you know, I I love that, you know, gratitude is a mindset. I’d say joy is the same. Joy is a mindset. Love is a mindset and a choice, And yet they are they are also emotions. Right. You feel joyful. You feel grateful.

Eric Deschamps:

You feel love. As a matter of fact, I think it was Joe Dispenza. Big fan of Joe. Joe, if you’re listening, big fan of yours. But he he tall he calls gratitude the most elevated emotion that we experience because it’s almost spiritual in nature. And, actually, as I’ve been working my way back through the elements again and, the the the the elements of nature of of water, fire, earth, wind. And speaking of mind, heart, spirit, body, I’ve been spending more time on the wind element, and I’m I’m I’m I’m almost beginning to see things like gratitude as a choice, joy as a choice, and the resulting feelings that come, almost as a spiritual experience. You’re you’re you’re you’re tapping into something.

Eric Deschamps:

When you make that choice, you’re tapping into a strength and an energy that I think is greater, than than than than what’s available to you just in in this sack of meat. Right? Like, I think you’re tapping into.

Kate Beere:

I agree. Brene Brown did in all her years on, study research on vulnerability. Right? So she is amazing. I I love you, Brene.

Eric Deschamps:

We’re gonna we’re grateful for Joy Jo and grateful for Brene. Brene.

Kate Beere:

But in all of that research that she did, you know, it’s 12 years, 11,000 people, a lot of research for people who identified Use, like, a self identify as being joyful or having joy in their lives. They all all of them had one consistent element in common, And that’s what they practice daily gratitude. So from gratitude comes joy. And so finding joy without gratitude, Dude, her research shows it’s not impossible. It’s really hard. Yeah. Really, really hard.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I’ve been reading the book of joy. I mentioned it in Couple episodes, an interview between the Dalai Lama and the late archbishop Desmond Tutu that took place in 2016. The author, the the archbishop went to Damsala, where the Dalai Lama’s been in exile now for 62 years, 56 years at the time of the writing of the book. And they spent a week together talking about the nature of joy in the midst of suffering. And, they the Dalai Lama at one point in the book, refers to a a study that was done, again, on the nature of of joy and gratitude. And 2 of the 3 Components that could be found. 1 is the reframing of life in a more positive way in terms of looking for the opportunities instead of just the problems, And the other one was gratitude.

Eric Deschamps:

Right? It comes up all over the place. Yeah.

Rob Dale:

Let let’s talk about, our personal experiences, and how Gratitude has impacted our lives, at different times. And so maybe just, maybe, Wendy, I’ll I’ll start with you. What, can you share a personal story of of how gratitude has played a role in your life?

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. I think this this, this one comes to mind right away. When I was, hospitalized back in 2018 after, my accident that I had, which I talked about in my story, I really used the power of gratitude and transformative thinking To be able to help overcome

Eric Deschamps:

all

Wendy Dodds:

of that adversity that I was facing because I didn’t know how my life was gonna look After that, I had so many doctors and surgeons, you know, looking at me and and saying, I, you know, I wasn’t gonna be able to function properly for at least a year. That being said, though, when I left the hospital, I distinctly remember oh, I’m not gonna cry. When I left the hospital, I stepped out onto the payment. I still remember the doors opening, stepped out onto the payment, and I’m just watching life Go by. Like, everyone’s doing their shit, everyone’s kinda rushing around, and the after effects of PTSD, and how to learn how to overcome that. And I always remember, like, I’m in this little hospital room all, like, attached and connected, and everybody’s just kinda doing their life and doing their thing and all of that kind of stuff. And it It just makes you think how short life is and how when you focus on your healing, whether that’s physical, emotional, Mental, whatever the case may be, you always have that choice.

Kate Beere:

You

Wendy Dodds:

always have that choice. And you can have all the support in the world, but it’s Up to you to be able to make that conscious choice Right. Right. On how you’re going to overcome that.

Eric Deschamps:

So that would be I’m sorry.

Kate Beere:

I I I it’s just such a powerful story. It’s it’s it’s similar to mine, which I also share on my episode, in how You know, through trauma really landed into gratitude, and that’s, and I’ll keep it really short. But my girlfriend who passed away from breast cancer and I it’s where I get to run-in the rain comes from, and I went to go for a run, pouring rain. Halfway through, I’m drenched. I’m miserable. I come back around the corner. I see her house. She has since passed at this point, and I just I stopped dead in my tracks.

Kate Beere:

It’s like I hit a wall of invisible emotion, and I just stopped, and I started bawling my eyes out. And I had remembered the conversation where she wanted to go for a run with her dog, and she never got to run again. And in that moment, I got I have never felt gratitude for my own life like I did. It was like, You know, this so much emotion, probably a lot of grief in there too at the time, but it it I’ve never felt never again have I felt that level Of gratitude. And a lot of times, people will feel it coming out of something, a traumatic event. But that for me had much impact completely changed my life. You know? That that started to build that foundation for me and is the inspiration for get to mindset.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Well Yeah. So so powerful. You know, I thought long and hard about this question, but I don’t know if there’s a single moment for me or a single story. I think I spent, most of my adult life creating a ton of unnecessary suffering for myself. And, Really relating with the, the passage from Prince Caspian, I I spent my whole life, really focusing on what I had lost or what I didn’t have. And it would take, significant work to to be able to understand that that the I may not be able to control the 1st arrow that comes, but I don’t have to shoot myself the 2nd 3rd 4th time. And and your influence with that, I remember when you first told me that Story, I get to run-in the rain and, and and and then those 2 phrases just landed for me.

Eric Deschamps:

I get to versus I have to. This is not happening to me. This is Counting for me, and it was a slow evolution, but it’s now become, that is how my mind is Oh, shifted. That’s where my mind now leans. It’s more what I’ve been blessed with, what I have. And in those moments where I’m feeling down or I’m feeling There’s hardship. I just experienced, you know, it’s it’s, the holidays are coming up soon. Actually, this episode will drop right, Probably during the holidays.

Eric Deschamps:

And, what’s the old saying? If you think you’re enlightened, open for the holidays. And so experiencing some stuff on the family side, and to be able to process that very differently than I would have in the past, and just to say I’m grateful for what this is revealing about me and what I’m learning about myself and, actually, what I’m seeing in terms of growth of how I might have responded to the situation before. Mhmm. So so, yeah, not not a specific story, more of a, it’s been an evolution for me for over your journey.

Rob Dale:

I, it I thought of this when you were sharing about walking through those doors and kinda realizing the world is going around. I remember I remember as clear as day, the the, the the morning, after Katie had died, after my daughter had died and driving on the Queensway and, you know, somebody honks her horn or whatever, and and I was distracted. I remember being so angry in the car, you know, wanting to scream, like, Don’t you fucking know what I’m going through and don’t right. Like, I was just so and and there are a lot of people who go through those season that kind of, level of grief or or that kind of tragedy, and the the anger consumes them.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Rob Dale:

The the pain consumes them, and and they they their lives are never the same. They’re never able to move, you know. And I and I look at that because people, oh, okay. Does gratitude fall into losing your daughter. Now I’ve said this many times. People talk about the notion of of what I’ve gone through with that. Listen. I would do anything to have my daughter.

Rob Dale:

I’m you know, you wanna choose between, you know, different paths of life. I also though Recognize that when I look at the journey of who I am today, I don’t believe I would be the person I am today without having gone through that experience.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Rob Dale:

And and I look at even being in a place of where I am to meet the love of my life, to be able to go through this experience of of All of what I’m in life with today to be on a show like like the Living Richly podcast without experiencing that. And so the gratefulness of not of the moment or the situation, not grateful for that at all. Right. Grateful for the ability to learn and grow and become who I am today as a result of The trials and the situations we go through, very powerful for me.

Eric Deschamps:

Wow. Think of the power and the comfort, that that knowledge brings, that suffering is not meaningless. Right. That it’s not pointless. That it’s not Suffering for suffering’s sake that when hardship does show up on our front door and you’ve you’ve shared your story. We’ve heard other stories on the show of great loss, and it’s the beauty that emerges on the other side. And when you fundamentally come to believe I think gratitude is true gratitude is born out of the fundamental belief that no matter how hard this moment is, something beautiful is going to emerge from it even in unexpected ways that I may not be able to put my finger on right now. And it may take me a while to figure it out depending on the nature of the hardship, but that something beautiful is going to emerge.

Wendy Dodds:

Well, and no matter what we go through and everybody goes through, you know, significant adversity and trauma and it’s all various levels, The wound is often almost never our fault. Like, yes, we have faults. That’s not what I’m trying to say. But if we’re dealing with something significant, The wound is sometimes not our fault, but how we choose to heal from it so that the wound isn’t open forever, but that it’s Slowly starts to scar over is a huge part of healing, and gratitude can be part of that.

Kate Beere:

The word choose in that sentence is so Important because we choose it. Yeah. And it’s hard, but it is ultimately a choice.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. Yep. But choosing Suffering is hard. Choosing

Kate Beere:

misery is hard.

Rob Dale:

Choosing,

Eric Deschamps:

to beat myself up

Rob Dale:

is

Eric Deschamps:

hard. Right? Yeah. So it’s Choose your heart. Choose your heart. Choose your heart, which one offers hope, one offers a future, one offers meaning, purpose, beauty. The other just offers There’s more misery and suffering.

Rob Dale:

We know that there is all kinds of research there. The science backs up the power of gratitude. We will make sure to include in the show notes all kinds of links to different, studies that we are aware of. Certainly encourage you, if you’re aware of some studies, feel free to add those in the comments. Yeah. But there’s all kinds of research. But maybe summarize quickly, What does the research say about about gratitude?

Eric Deschamps:

In the last 10 years alone, one particular study, 64 clinical trials were conducted, And they found that not only does gratitude improve your mood, but it’s a great, treatment for depression and anxiety. As a matter of fact, Gratitude is being used as a therapeutic, tool to help people with depression and anxiety. Another study conducted by Berkeley found that you don’t even have to Share your gratitude with other people. Just writing about it Yeah. Is, a a significant mood booster, and can, again, be so great for stress. The same study showed that it even causes your prefrontal cortex to light up, especially, the parts of your brain that are linked to decision making and motivation. It it makes you a bigger a a better decision maker. It keeps you motivated.

Eric Deschamps:

And and and then the last 1 we’ll quote, and we’ll put all this in there. But it leads to, 3 the 3 major this was a 2017 study. Decreased heart rate. The more grateful you are, the less stressed you are, the more relaxed you feel. Better emotional regulation. How many here haven’t struggled with Your emotions getting out of hand. The more grateful you are right? It shows that it actually gives you that it it accesses the power of your brain that can help you, soothe that. And, again, the last 1, again, is another one that speaks to greater motivation.

Eric Deschamps:

You’re more motivated. You have more energy.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. It it Absolutely. It’s a science.

Eric Deschamps:

It’s scientifically proven that gratitude

Rob Dale:

is. And and, yeah, you can it is impossible to, to if you do the research, it will show that it’s it is absolutely, a benefit to all of us to choose gratitude, and and as a way of life. But is there a downside? Is there a dark side to gratitude?

Kate Beere:

I I don’t think I wouldn’t call it a dark side.

Eric Deschamps:

I wanna call it a dark side. He’s just calling it a

Kate Beere:

dark side. Call it a

Wendy Dodds:

dark side.

Rob Dale:

The dark side

Kate Beere:

now is

Rob Dale:

The dark side, the 20s, and no gratitude.

Kate Beere:

That’s very good.

Eric Deschamps:

Well, Darth Vader wasn’t a very grateful guy. Think about it.

Kate Beere:

I thought thought we might get 1 like, through 1 episode without a Star Wars. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. That out of here.

Eric Deschamps:

You should be grateful.

Kate Beere:

Yeah. But I do think

Eric Deschamps:

get to

Kate Beere:

talk about

Rob Dale:

about Star Wars.

Kate Beere:

Right. Right.

Wendy Dodds:

Yeah. Your faith is very disturbing. Wow.

Kate Beere:

Oh, you’re in your locker face. Find your locker Favor just oh, yeah. Okay. So I know. I do think there’s, like, A hard side to it. So what I see, with people that I speak with is that there’s a lot of Fear around gratitude. So what I see is when like, if I ask someone, what are you grateful for? And if they they say my kids. Okay.

Kate Beere:

So give me examples of what you’re truly grateful for about your kids. What do what do one of your kids do? They crawl into bed with me. I got a 30 minute cuddle. I haven’t had that in a long time. Great. Okay. What else? I don’t know. I got to go, like, with my son, and we grabbed a coffee.

Kate Beere:

We had this great conversation. Great. And keep prompting them. And the more you prompt them, the more they get Into the grateful setting. Right? Like, into that mindset of, like, I’m grateful. And then the emotion follows. And then that emotion talking about my kids, you know, the love follows, and it becomes a very strong emotion. And when I challenge people to dig into that emotion, they get really fearful.

Kate Beere:

Because if they get Truly connected to it, truly, truly feel the true love that goes, the first thing that they think about is It’s gonna get taken away from me. So if I get super close and grateful for what I have, someone’s gonna take it away. So I’m not going to get grateful. I’m gonna live in the fear. And so trying to help people move out of that fear, it’s like, well, what if you just got really present To today because you might not have tomorrow. Something might happen. What if you kinda shelved fear for a while? What what’s the worst thing that could happen?

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

Oh, I get these these moments with my kids. And so I think what happens is people don’t lean into it because they’re so scared that it’s gonna Poof. Right? Disappear.

Rob Dale:

Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wendy, what about for you?

Wendy Dodds:

I think for me, a lot of people worry that they’re Doing it wrong. That they need to

Rob Dale:

do this doing gratitude right.

Eric Deschamps:

That’s it. Six ways of doing gratitude right, because there’s probably a YouTube video on

Kate Beere:

But a lot

Wendy Dodds:

of my clients will say, I I’ve heard about, you know, keeping a gratitude journal or doing stuff like that, but I don’t I don’t know where to begin or what to do, or they overthink it, and then they get ready to get ready. And, I mean, I was like that as well. I Still have my journal from when I first started years ago, and it looks like a toddler wrote it just because it it was so basic and so simple. Yep. So I find a lot of people

Eric Deschamps:

Mine still look that way.

Wendy Dodds:

That’s okay. I find a lot of people overthink that I agree. When it’s okay to just Start. And the other thing is they don’t always give themselves permission that it’s okay to have a frustrating day. Just and I just spoke about that. Just because you have a frustrating day Doesn’t mean that you’re not grateful, and that’s okay to still have those days.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. See, I would say that, for me, it’s, less of a dark side and more of a myth perhaps that needs to be debunked. And I go I go back to this notion of, this this that gratitude is synonymous With this false positivity, this false optimism that denies reality. When I was thinking about preparing for this conversation, the phrase, you know, gratitude is often best expressed in tears. Mhmm. It’s the ability to get in touch with reality. Like, again, how can you truly be grateful unless you feel all the feels, unless you get Fully present to what’s happening and getting fully present. Again, I I I wanna go back to the men that are watching the show.

Eric Deschamps:

Elizabeth Lesser in, in in Cassandra Beaks advocates we talked about this recently. She advocates, you know, we’ve been told our whole lives that being man is about being strong and silent, the strong and silent type, and that’s synonymous with strong or strong equal silent is how most men have interpreted it. And she advocates for a different type of masculinity, Brave and open. Mhmm. And brave and open means being able to actually get in touch with what’s happening. Like, most guys live from the neck up. Right? This this thing is they don’t have access To it. But I can tell you this, when you’re able to feel, when you’re able to access your emotions, when you’re able to get present To what you’re you’re feeling, especially those negative emotions.

Eric Deschamps:

How can you truly feel gratitude? How can you truly feel joy? How can you truly feel love Unless you know and get present to your pain.

Rob Dale:

Yeah. I love that. That’s so good. I for me, I know that it’s absolutely that it ties into what we were talking about earlier about the emotion is, people, again, they think that they can’t be sad and still be grateful. And so when they use the word grateful, it almost causes passive behavior where, Well, I can’t do anything about it or else I’m not being grateful. Yeah. And so they all of a sudden, it it, immobilizes people, and I think that’s where the dark side where you begin to stop taking action to grow and improve. Why are you trying to improve your life? Aren’t you grateful for your life? I’m Absolutely grateful for my life, and I wanna grow and improve my life.

Rob Dale:

And so I think sometimes when we mess that up and we we we see those as being separate, ways of thinking for sure. Totally. Totally. I know I know we’re almost out of time. I wanna just kinda touch a couple more things before we do wrap up, And maybe let’s just start with, you know, what’s one thing? What’s something if somebody was saying, okay. I wanna start to, kinda bring gratitude more into my daily, life? What would be something that you would encourage our listeners to do, in order to begin to be more, great

Kate Beere:

I think there’s I think there’s a lot out there. First off, journaling, there’s all kinds of things. I know, Wendy said it well. Just start just start somewhere. I’m gonna do a shameless plug, but they really help people. So my I get 2 affirmations that I built are 8 minute morning affirmations. They’re on YouTube. It just sets the tone for the day where it’s like, You know, I get to start my day with positivity.

Kate Beere:

And it just you just sort of run through 8 minutes of you can do 4 or 2. Pick your time limit. But it just what it does, it sets Your mindset from right from the get go with gratitude.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

A lot of people will get out of bed right away and say I am statements. I am happy for this day. I am but what I found is a lot of people, and partly why I created them, struggle with I am. They’re not they’re not there yet. And so Why I talk about gratitude as that foundation is that, you know, if, I am 10 pounds heavier, let’s just say, that’s hard for some people. Right? Whereas if I can get up in the morning and say, oh, I get to go for a walk today or I get to eat healthy today.

Eric Deschamps:

Right.

Kate Beere:

It leans them into that I am. A lot of people when they start with I ams, it feels horrible. Right? Like, you’re just like, I’m not I’m not there. I love that I get to. It’s just kinda that Little almost like that that stepping stone to get into the I am mindset.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I love that. And, of course, I’m a big fan of yours. You know that for all kinds

Wendy Dodds:

of reasons.

Eric Deschamps:

But, yeah, you’ve, you’ve also created a journal.

Kate Beere:

Yes. I do. I have a free gratitude journal. You can just it’s free too. You hop online. There’s a ton out there. Find one that works works for you.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

That one is really to help you move your I have to’s to I get to’s. So, I have to go I’m I’m On the losing weight in gym thing, I have to go to the gym. No. You you get to go work out today.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah.

Kate Beere:

I have to drive my kids somewhere. No. You get to. And what you’ll notice is when you Start doing that. You’ll fundamentally shift how you feel about something because it’s not something you have to do. It’s not lack. It’s something you get to do. It’s gratitude.

Eric Deschamps:

Yeah. I love that. I love that. For me, it’s a regular practice of mindfulness. I would just get present. Just get present, and pay attention to the goodness that’s all around you, and stop focusing on what, you don’t have. Start being grateful for what you have.

Kate Beere:

Yeah.

Rob Dale:

Right? Yeah. Yeah. No. I think that’s great. You wanna add 1? Yep.

Wendy Dodds:

So I use the Calm app. Really simple. Mhmm. I also It is. So whatever I’m struggling with, whether it’s anxiety or just, whatever it is, I find something that just allows me to decompress and brings me into the present. And I also use a lot of simple journaling prompts. So I think Pinterest is a great Yeah. Tool for that.

Wendy Dodds:

I’ve referred a lot of my clients to just Type anything into Pinterest.

Eric Deschamps:

They have a great Star Wars section. What?

Wendy Dodds:

Journal affirmations. I’ve never never searched for that. It’s not enough. Journal prompts. Just something that’s really simple that you can build into your day

Kate Beere:

to day.

Rob Dale:

Lovely. Alright. Lightening round.

Eric Deschamps:

Mhmm.

Rob Dale:

As we wrap up, I want you to look into the camera and I want you to, maybe challenge our listeners with with with one thing that they can be doing, maybe a 30 day, whatever it is. Challenge them with something that they can do right now to begin to become more grateful?

Eric Deschamps:

I’d say at the risk of sound like a broken record, stop focusing on what you don’t have and start being grateful what you do. Look at your life all around you. There are gifts that the universe has given you. There are positive things happening. Don’t let the negative things in your life steal the show.

Kate Beere:

Love that. To build off that, a great way to do that is what I just talked about, I have to statements, I shoulds, I must, I could. Get present to when you hear yourself saying I have to, I must, I could, I should, And replace just replace 1 of them in your day to I get to, and watch what happens to you physically and watch what happens To you mentally. Just get present to it and try it for a week. Replace 1 I have to with an I get to.

Eric Deschamps:

Love that.

Wendy Dodds:

For me, I would do I suggest a really simple activity. Take 30 small slips of paper every day. Write down something that, resonates with you around what you’re grateful for, put them all in a jar at the end of 30 days. Either go through them all yourself or gather your kids or your family or somebody that, in your circle, that can share that with you and then choose your favorites. A big thing for me is visualization. So visual is memorable. So putting those Things, those pieces of paper on sticky notes, on your mirror, in your car, places that, are going to bring that to your, Your forefronts so

Eric Deschamps:

every time.

Rob Dale:

These are so good. I get to thank all of you. See what I did there?

Eric Deschamps:

That’s good. That’s good. That’s great.

Rob Dale:

Very subtle. I get to thank all of you for and and we really are grateful for all of you that tune in each and every week that listen. We appreciate when you share out these Episodes when you comment and you provide your own, things that you’re doing in order to have that, gratitude mindset. I encourage you to do that. So wanna thank you again, all of the resources, the the everything that we’ve talked about today, including links to all of the, The research to, Kate’s website, to all of the different things that we’ve, discussed today, all of those will be in the show notes that you can find at me. So encourage you to check out the website. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today, and I encourage you to continue to live your best life.

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